Special

Ramblings of an Overactive Mind

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 14 Conversations

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

At the start of the month I was introduced to Reverb, a month-long writing challenge. Like other online challenges I’ve done it’s introduced me to a new community, and as in any group, individuals stand out.

Jason Benoit stood out like a sore thumb.

His blog, Love Letters & Suicide Notes, is a foreign land, a land in which you might lose yourself in words or perhaps fall into a darkness which could scare you off, never to return. It’s this tension that makes his writing powerful.

I read a lot, and skim even more, so to catch my attention and leave me on the edge of my seat not wanting a story to end is quite a feat. There are probably hundreds of Reverb posts being published each day; his is one of the few I look for.

It’s that compelling. And, it’s not for the faint of heart. It challenged me to stay with it, to keep reading, and I’ve gotta tell you it is not easy reading.

It is however, extraordinary reading because he masterfully shines the light on our darker emotions, the ones we most try to hide.

Jason writes about the humanity of living; the good, the bad and the often ugly, and I appreciate that. It’s easy to put on a happy face, smile big,  and make it look like you’ve got life handled. What’s not easy is baring your soul, and yet he does.

So beautifully.

His writing reaches out and invites you in, even when he’s writing about a traumatic event from his past.

And when he writes about beauty, connection, intimacy – the emotions we all want more of – it is heart-breakingly beautiful.

Continue reading →

What It Takes to Commit to Optimal Health

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a guest post from my friend Farnoosh Brock, one of the most inspiring people I know when it comes to well-being and living well. 

 

What does it take to commit to the kind of exercise routine you have? What stops people from keeping their word once they begin?

My friend Sandi throws these questions at me casually, as though she is asking if I’d like some wine and soft music. So what does it really take to wake up at 4:30am after only 5 hours of sleep – I tend to work till at least 11:00pm and even then I am tearing myself away and forcing my mind to shut down for a while – and to drive in the dark (and soon, cold) to go to a hard-core 5:45am class 5 days a week? What does it take to do it twice some days, with an evening cycling routine thrown in?What does it take for you to stick to it?

I am tempted to repeat my husband and say insanity. I am tempted to echo my most recent promise to myself, which is that I have got to have Demi Moore’s body at 48: Drop Dead Gorgeous, and believe me when I say that there are just a handful of celebrities I worship. I am even tempted to credit my fantastic self-discipline.

Ah, rubbish! None of that works at 4:30am!

To be honest, it all started with a deep-rooted fear and one I am not ashamed to admit: that of growing weak, of losing muscle mass, of losing my stamina and flexibility and agility, of losing my intense and boundless energy someday, of not begin able to catch my breath after a flight of stairs, and of getting fat – yes, I said fat, not obese, not overweight, but just FAT – and of feeling old. Quite simple: paranoia!

Then a funny thing happened: the intense exercise, deep yoga practice, and meditation came to rescue me from my paranoia state.

Farnoosh Brock in backbend

Not only have they restored me physically with a fit, strong, healthy body; they have also assuaged the fear and taught me to accept that aging is a fact of life and to learn to do it gracefully and slowly.

And that is fantastic! That alone makes me want to tell you to go out there and commit fully to a regimen and never think about giving up.

 

But another thing started to happen: I started to see far more productivity, more creativity, and more energy, more drive toward my goals and dreams everyday.

I started to think about more ideas, and I became tougher in the face of failure and disappointment and soon, the irrational fear that brought me here started to disappear. I admit, there was even a period of a couple of months where I experimented with my productivity by slowing down my intense exercise greatly so I could “work harder” and I am convinced that was a poor decision in hindsight. Now, after re-committing to my old routine of intense exercise, my body has never felt stronger and happier.

The main problem is this: you underestimate what a healthy and strong body can really do for you.

You don’t attain optimal health so that you just grow to a very old age or avoid doctors and hospitals. No! It is much more than that.

Continue reading →

The Ultimate Approach to Self-Care

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a much needed perspective on care of the mind, from my favourite inner explorer, Sandra Pawula of Always Well Within. 

 

The ultimate way to care for your self is to make friends with your own mind.

Why? Because the mind is the creator of happiness and the creator of suffering; the creator of goodness and the creator of harm. How you experience your world – your internal world and the external one – all depends on how you perceive.

[pullquote]”There’s nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare, Hamlet[/pullquote]

Who’s the Boss?

Simply said, there are three avenues through which we create happiness or suffering for ourselves and others: the body, the speech, and the mind. But which one is the boss?

I’ll let you in on the secret right away. It’s the mind that’s running the show.

You might say, “Hey, wait a minute. I suffer because my body hurts. Isn’t it the body that’s the culprit?”

But it’s not the pain sensation itself that determines how we perceive it. A prime example in mainstream medicine is the way that pioneers like Jon Kabat-Zinn are teaching mindfulness meditation as a highly effective pain reduction technique. You don’t have to be a meditation master to see the beneficial effects. Mindfulness meditation is a safe form of medicine that works extraordinarily well when it comes to pain reduction and improving other types of illness for ordinary people like you and me.

Biofeedback is another mechanism through which we can manipulate physiological functions and control processes like brain waves, muscle tone, skin conductance, heart rate, and pain perception with the mind.

So it’s not the body that’s in control. The mind is powerful and can indeed transform our perception of physical experience. But it does take training.

When it comes to speech, what you say is entirely up to you and is determined only by your mind – unless you happen to be controlled by demons! Your words are the result of your thoughts and emotions.

Of course, there are times when you “speak without thinking.” But even so the words didn’t appear out of thin air. They’re the result of your own habitual patterns of thinking, emoting and responding which have created specific neuronal circuits in your brain. Exciting breakthroughs in modern science show us that these confused neuronal pathways can be redesigned as we consistently change our patterns of thought and action.

So back to mind.

Continue reading →

Reclaiming SELF-ish!

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a guest post from my Self-ish friend and awesome coach Rita Kampen.

 

Given the choice of becoming more selfish or more selfless I suspect I know which one you’d assume you’re supposed to pick. I mean, come on – this stuff has been drilled in since before we could talk.

Suzy, don’t be so selfish, share with your sister!

And  it worked and we’ve learned to share, and when we don’t, we feel guilty. But why do so many of us feel unsatisfied, unhappy and just plain confused about how to navigate our own lives and our relationships?

I am proposing that we take the distorted definitions of selfishness and selflessness and bend them back so we can see more clearly.

Are you ready for the twist? This will only hurt your brain for a second.

I say it’s time to be more Self – ish!

Yup, you heard me right!

graffiti word selfish

Definition: in the spirit of ‘ish’ (the housework is done-ish, come by at ten-ish) so that SELF-ish is actually closer to the vicinity of Self, being in tune with what the Self needs and desires; getting into the ballpark of our unique gifts and offerings so we can get in the game we were intended to play.

And to complete the twist, I declare that it’s high time we stop being Self-less.

Continue reading →

Hit That Reset Switch!

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 8 Conversations

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

A few weeks ago a tweet caught my eye as Nichole Kellerman announced a contest to win a spot in a wellness program she was offering. Because I’ve been lucky and have won a few things in the past few months I threw my hat in the metaphorical ring hoping to win.

I’ve gotta say, I didn’t read all the details of the contest as I was kind of swept away by my enthusiasm to win again.

Fast forward a week and I get the notice that I’m in! Yay!

A spot in Nichole’s program is mine and I proceed to go back and read the details.

Oh oh. . .

My first thought was “Oh no, it’s a diet! Damn! I refuse to get back on the diet bandwagon, now what do I do?”

So I contacted her and came clean. I hadn’t read all the details, I was sorry I’d wasted her time but I simply was not interested in dieting.

Her response impressed me. She encouraged me to modify it as needed to feel good doing it. She really heard my concerns and empowered me to choose and said she’d understand either way.

Hmm. . .her integrity was apparent and I agreed to participate with the modifications we discussed.

Fast forward two more weeks. . .

Continue reading →

Being With What Is

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

Guest post by Rita Chand – Sharing the being part of human being.

 

I’d just hung up the phone with Sandi after calling her to help me deal with something. She had asked if I was up to writing something about this experience I was having, that it was something her readers could probably relate to. I love Sandi so saying no to her isn’t an option. Little did I know I’d be inspired to write something as soon as I hung up the phone. But she’s good like that.

[pullquote]“There is the risk you cannot afford to take and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take”. ~ Peter Drucker[/pullquote]

On Monday, I found out I didn’t get a job that I really really REALLY wanted. The process lasted a month, the job was exciting and amazing and it was everything I wanted. Everything I’d been talking about for quite some time. Happiness couldn’t be found sitting at my desk day after day anymore – I needed more, desired so much more. And this job offered it.

But, I didn’t get it. After all that, someone else did.

And it’s okay. . .ultimately it is.

It wasn’t meant to be.

There are bigger, BETTER things out there for me.

It’s her loss.

And all the other platitudes that people say to make us feel better. They want to help so they say what they know to say. I appreciate that. But we all know it doesn’t help. None of those things help. And I think we know that too. God bless people for being so awesome.

My friends are sad for me. . .well actually, most of them are just sad that I am sad. They didn’t want me to move away, so some have shared they are relieved.

So yes, it is okay. Ultimately.

Does it feel okay? No. Did I cry for 2 days after? Yes.

Even at the gym. I just cried. I’m disappointed. Heartachingly, gut wrenchingly disappointed.

sculpture in dejected pose

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do disappointment very well.

In fact (don’t tell anyone I said this) I think disappointment is one of the worst emotions to deal with. I’d rather be pissed off. Or better still, indifferent. I can do those really well.

But to sit in my own disappointment. . .forget it.

Disappointment is like the cooties of feelings. There’s nothing redeeming about disappointment. It just downright sucks.

Continue reading →

How to Be Rich and Happy: Spotlight & Review

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

Follow Friday Series

An Admission, A Review & A Spotlight

Follow Friday Series

The Admission

I started talking to Tim Brownson about having him in the spotlight months ago. I wanted to combine the Friday spotlight with a review of Tim’s book (co-authored with John P. Strelecky) and that’s when my procrastination kicked in.

In my 15+ years as a student of personal development and 10 years of coaching I’ve read a helluva lot of books, and the title How to Be Rich and Happy made me groan aloud.

book cover for How to Be Rich and HappyReally Tim?

How to Be Rich and Happy???

Sounds so. . .I don’t know. . .too good to be true maybe?

It’s fair to say I had a reaction to the title, which began the cycle of procrastination, putting it off time and again.

If I’d told him, he’d probably have laughed and had me read An Easy Way to Beat Procrastination where he says,

“As a human being your brain is pre-programmed to avoid pain whenever it can.” 

At first I thought, “What pain? I love doing these spotlights!” but the pain quickly became clear.

The pain was related to my reaction which lead me to believe I wouldn’t like the book itself which lead to “I shouldn’t review this book”which lead to why the hell read it then!? I’d completely forgotten it had started with a desire to have Tim in the spotlight.

The worst thing about the procrastination was the blow to my integrity, one of my core values. Honouring my word is essential to my well-being. I’m not kidding, it really is that important to me and here I was putting off something I said I’d do months ago.

When you’re committed to walking your talk, the only thing to do when your integrity goes out is clean it up. That I hadn’t kept my word became a fierce thing in my mind, staring me in the face like one of Tim’s Dobermans!

So I read the book.

Continue reading →

Make Way

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

Listen.

“Make a way for yourself inside yourself. Stop looking in the other way of looking.”

stone sculpture Deep Cove, British Columbia


The words are Rumi’s.

They stopped me in my tracks. . .

“Make a way for yourself inside yourself.”

 

They speak to me of space, of slowing down, of creation.

Make. A. Way.

My way is different from yours.

Make your way.

And stop looking elsewhere.

 

The words are Rumi’s. The meaning is yours.

Tell me.

 

Living a Life Less Ordinary

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

A life less ordinary takes integrity.

It takes being a stand for something greater than yourself and today’s spotlight Stacey Herbert lives this way.

You might be wondering why I’m posting a Friday spotlight on Saturday and my answer is integrity, or rather a breakdown in integrity. I’m going to be writing more about this in future but for now let me just say this –

the level of integrity that’s gotten you to wherever you are becomes insufficient to take you to the next level of whatever you’re up to in life.

Simply said, what got you here won’t get you there.

And I’m talking about my own integrity for a moment. I could give you the reasons and excuses for why the spotlight didn’t run yesterday, but what’s important is that it didn’t, not the why. Part of the power that lies in integrity is the ability to acknowledge and clean up the breakdowns quickly, without the drama.

How could I not own this breakdown and then have Stacey here as a guest? She writes brilliantly about what she calls the integrity gap:

What started out as an integrity breakdown has quickly become an opportunity to realize there’s a gap, and what better time to own that than here in Stacey’s light?

So without further ado here is Stacey Herbert, a fellow philosopher (we both love the work of Brian Johnson and his Philosophers Notes). I encourage you to read her blog and follow her adventures. I trust you will fall in love with her as I have.

 

headshot Stacey Herbert1.  Why are you here?

If you’d asked me this question a little while back I may not have been able to give you an answer. I was stumbling through life, having wonderful ups and life altering downs.

I had no focus and struggled to put a label on me or identify my purpose in life.

Then something incredible changed in me. It’s been a long time coming and at times very painful, but it’s opened me up to who I am and why I’m here.

Although it scares me to articulate it publicly, the reason I am here on this earth is to love, encourage, enable and support people to live their best, most highest, audacious life. It doesn’t sound like much of a job description, but I’m slowly coming to terms with that. My first task is to lead by example.

Continue reading →

Evolution of A Story

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 18 Conversations

 

Guest post from Rachael Acklin sharing the evolution of her story.

 

I’ve been making up stories about myself since I was a child.

I used to pretend that I lived in Middle Earth, and that the woods behind my house were full of elves.

sunlight in forestI used to climb trees and pretend that I lived out there and could fall asleep on a branch and not fall down.

As I grew older, and had a boyfriend, I told myself that I was boring and not very pretty, because a sixteen-year-old boy found me rather bland.

When I was in my twenties, I told myself that romance wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and that a husband who came home every night was better than excitement.

Later when he left me, I told myself that I was used and damaged and nobody would ever want me.

But I also told myself that I was capable of taking care of my two little kids on my own, and that I didn’t need anyone else.

Then a year or so later I decided I did need someone else, and I pretended I was happy that way.

It’s taken me years of pain and heartache, along with beautifully sunny days full of smiles and laughter and the love of my children, to see that so many of the stories I’ve told myself are pure and utter bullshit.

And that I can leave them behind, not just to write a new story, but to see myself for who I really am.

Continue reading →