In the mind-body-spirit system, all three parts need attention to make up your emotional well-being.
And before you go thinking this is a life balance kind of post, let me assure you it’s not. I don’t believe in balance. I know, shocking right? What kind of life coach am I anyway?
One that doesn’t buy into a lot of the BS out there in the personal development world. The much hyped, elusive life balance, in my perhaps-not-so-humble opinion, is like the carrot dangling forever just out of reach. No thanks. It doesn’t work for me, and I haven’t seen it work for many others either. Time to let it go and move on.
[pullquote] “Our essence is change. We are movement. Being out of balance is life.” – Chris Boucher[/pullquote]
No, I’m talking about all parts of the system, working together, ebbing and flowing like the tides.
When I first wrote about the mind-body-spirit system, I asked you to rate yourself in each part on a scale of 1 – 10.
Here’s a reminder of what that looked like for me:
Mind – 9/10
Body – 3/10
Spirit – 7/10
Not bad, still relatively stable; picture a 3 legged stool.
Now imagine two of the three ratings at 3 or lower and only one above 7. I’m pretty sure you’d be sliding onto the floor looking like a rag doll.
So don’t go there. Instead, start taking steps to improve your emotional well-being. It’s not rocket science, and yes I know, some days it’s not that easy.
But since you’re here paying homage to your self-care this month, what have you got to lose?
10 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being
10. Check in with your body.
It doesn’t lie.
Stop checking in with your head. There are no answers there, only lizard brain chatter that will keep you trapped in a maze of self-defeatist thinking.
My first coach used to say, “Stay out of your head, it’s a dark and scary neighbourhood!”
Guess what? He was right.
Close your eyes, breathe, and then scan. From the tips of your toes all the way up to your head. Feel what’s going on in there. Your body is always communicating. Are you listening?
“The physical language of the body is so much more powerful than words.” – Bill Irwin
9. Be willing to grow.
Everything in life is given the opportunity to grow and become more of itself. Same goes for you.
Opportunities for growth surround you. Some you will naturally step into, others you’ll have to look for. Either way is fine; just get the learning and move forward.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings
8. Be with your emotions.
Newsflash (but not really): suppressing emotion is NOT healthy. Instead, let your emotions flow through you so you can move on with freedom.
I used to try very hard not to cry at movies. Inevitably, I’d leave the theatre with a pounding headache. Your emotions will flow through you like weather if you let them. You don’t argue with Mother Nature do you?
There’s no bad emotion. It’s the meaning you give it and how you respond that’s unhealthy. Like #2, the emotion has a message. Pay attention.
“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” – Charles Dickens
7. Get grounded.
Plant your feet, stand solidly in your body and feel your connection to the ground. Imagine roots growing out the soles of your feet reaching deep into the earth.
When you’re grounded like that you can weather the emotional storms with greater resourcefulness.
“We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.” – J.K. Rowling
6. Feel your heart and breathe.
Your heart is beating. This means you are alive.
Right now. . .notice and breathe. Is your breath shallow? Breathe just a little more deeply. Is your heart beating fast? Use your breath to s l o w i t d o w n.
“Listen–are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” – Mary Oliver
5. Take one action.
In a system, changing one part automatically impacts the others. Don’t worry so much about what the right action is. What if there is no right action, but only the next action?
Think of one small action that inspires you. Then go do it!
Tomorrow? Do it again. Imagine a week of taking one action every day. The cumulative effect is mindblowing.
For example, I started setting a timer in my office to go off every 90 minutes. It’s one new thing I’m doing to remind me to get up from my desk and stretch, move about or refill my water glass.
“Most people think it takes a long time to change. It doesn’t. Change is immediate. Instantaneous! It may take a long time to decide to change. . .but change happens in a heartbeat.” – Andy Andrews
4. Listen.
Two ears, one mouth. What does that tell you?
No one is born with the ability to listen effectively, but like all communication skills, good listening can be learned. It takes breaking old habits and creating new ones.
In conversation, do you catch yourself thinking more about what you’re going to say next than on what the other person is saying?
Begin by noticing how often you want to jump in, correct someone and give your opinion. Then don’t. Stop yourself, take a deep breath and listen to what’s being said.
“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” – Jimi Hendrix
3. Express yourself.
Say what you have to say.
Tell the barista your coffee’s not quite right. Tell your server how great your meal was and ask him/her to tell the Chef. Tell your spouse you need more communication. Tell that someone you love them.
Tell them.
Then tell them again.
“Find yourself and express yourself in your own particular way. Express your love openly.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
2. Get what you need.
How are you at asking for what you need? Perhaps an even more important question is do you know what you need? This is an opportunity to check in:
Is it rest, quiet time, exercise, nourishing food, meditation, an hour with a good book?
Get in touch with your needs in the moment. What you needed yesterday may not work today.
Or, notice what works reliably, and do that more often. Make time for it in your schedule. I do this with silent retreats, and having just booked my next 4 day retreat everything in me is already anticipating this soul nourishing activity.
“I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” – Oriah Mountain Dreamer
I’ve saved the best for last. . .
1. Lighten up.
Some days, my sense of humour is the only thing between me and primal scream therapy. Make fun of yourself. Play a little. Laughter gets you back into your body and gets you out of your head.
Look around. Life is funny. How often do you look back and laugh at something you’ve done? Why wait. Laugh about it now!
“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” – Robert Frost
Over to you:
- Pick one or two tips, and take them on as a practice this week.
Small things done consistently over time eventually add up to big wins. Notice your progress. Notice the increase as you rate yourself again next week.
Notice your increased well being and celebrate.
p.s. Celebrating Thanksgiving in Canada and this quote came to mind, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart
So Lola is in my body not in my head ha?!
As you know I am big into self care (sometimes not out of choice, but maybe that is not a bad thing). Interestingly, I have stopped trusting what my body tells me – I think because my body has let me down so much over the last seven years and also because I have done a lot of treatments that have focused on not dwelling on what is going on in the body, as this can take you into an obsessive and negative place.
But I do think I need to learn to trust my body again and believe what it is telling me; I think this is another piece of my final recovery jigsaw. I am off to think about this one Miss Diva Deva…xxx
Good question Karen, it makes me want to research this further. I think sometimes it seems like the body lies, but what if it’s really that the mind shuts down the messages from the body? Then the problem reappears at a later time, only more intensely to ensure that the message is heard. When you end up in that negative place you mention, it’s because the mind has taken you there – not the body. When I think of it like that it helps me trust in my body again.
When I say check in with the body and ask what it needs, I mean really ask it. Close your eyes and let your attention go to wherever you feel pain or other emotion. And then as if you could ask it directly ask, “What do you want for me that’s positive?” It amazes me that people always receive an answer. Then complete the process by asking, “What do you need right now?”
Would love to hear how it goes and continue the exploration. xoS
I love, love, love this homerun of a post. There’s so much good stuff in here, I’m gonna have to print it out and refer to it. Often. Rock on Sandi!
I love the reminder of printing it out and referring to it. May do that myself as even though I wrote it I still need to practice these steps myself. When I do, my well being soars.
It’s Thanksgiving Day here in Canada and your comment fills me with gratitude.
Hi Sandi – what a great post this is.
It only took me a few moments of reading to to see what a depth of information there is here. I’m going to print it off and read through it each day this week to make sure I get the most benefit from it. And I love the quotes at the end of each section!
For me, number 2 rings the loudest.
The thing I tend to need most of all is quiet time. It soon tells on me when I miss out on my meditation …
I’ll be in touch with you each day (in my mind) as I check in through the post’s print-off….
Thanks so much Dave for your kind words and willingness to do the work. Like you, #2 was a challenge for me, but the more I focused on it and gave myself what I needed, the more I felt my resourcefulness and peace of mind increase. Also like you, quiet time makes the greatest difference for me. When I can I do silent retreats. If you’ve not tried it yet, I highly recommend it. I often create a silent day at home too. I unplug everything, turn off the phone and enjoy my quiet time…even if just a day.
I love the line about your sense of humour being between you and primal scream therapy! Laughter all the way baby – truly the best medicine. Thanks – great post.
Hehehe, I was hoping someone would mention that line and of course, it was YOU! Laughter all the way. Sounds like a mantra 🙂
Great post Sandi, I’m like a broken record with clients, “let the emotion go through you, nobody has ever died of an emotion, just from ignoring them”
It’s a broken record worth playing on endless loop because it’s a lesson we all need to learn! I wrote this post as much to remind myself as share with others 🙂
Sandi! Yummier than a turkey dinner – this post! 🙂
The part that really struck me was your disclaimer about balance! I thought immediately about the seasons – imagine if snow was insulted not to get equal play time in the summertime.
I had dinner with a family who had a 13month grandkid running the show yesterday (fave moment: the entire gravy bowl ended up on his high chair). I sat and smiled and was grateful to have had the experience of raising young babes and equally glad to not be in that season right now.
I’m beginning to see my life in terms of building. Putting the next block on will always have me in a creative, possibly precarious position but that’s how you build a life! Too many blocks on one side will topple the thing and then you get to start again while there’s still breath and heartbeat in ya. Yeah!
Love the metaphor of seasons! I often think when in doubt, look to Nature. Maybe it’s my personality, although I really don’t think I’m alone in thinking this, but I find balance boring. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that when my life is a bit too balanced, I look to stir up some energy!
I was thinking a moment ago about how I’m feeling emotionally and physically drained, and I need to listen more to what my body is telling me it needs. And then I see this. Such perfect timing. A definite kick in the pants to listen more to myself and also to express my love, express myself, and be with my emotions. I’ve been trying to do that more lately- be with my emotions. It’s quite nice.
You are absolutely amazing.
Yay for good timing! But really…we both know there are no coincidences, right?
haha totally! we are all where we are supposed to be at each moment. 😀
Good reminder that the body never lies, thanks Sandi 🙂 xx
Hi Sandi,
I like this:’I’m talking about all parts of the system, working together, ebbing and flowing like the tides.”
#10 reminds me of something I learned recently – about listening to your cells! I just take a deep breath and think, “I’m listening” and usually have a message from them. This is how I connect to my body! I also listen to its physical messages.
I like #6 – breathing (SO important 😉 and #1.
A nice way to start my Tuesday! Thanks!
Lori
Love it Lori! How different would our days be if we all stopped and said “I’m listening” throughout the day!
Sandi, you are my kind of gal. LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said about the outdated and totally flawed concept of work life balance. Exactly my view too and have blogged about that very subject a few times as I feel so strongly about it.
Self care is such a vital part of every area of life yet is often overlooked or not prioritised over the noise of life. So it is important to raise awareness of the subject and your points here hit all sorts of nails on the head. Great stuff.
It’s ironic that it’s not prioritized when so many people bring this to the coaching conversation. From what I’m hearing it seems almost epidemic, and I think it’s directly related to how inundated we are by technology and how plugged in we are all the time. It’s just not healthy.
Epidemic is a great way to describe it. I agree that the being constantly plugged in is a big contributing factor. I also think the acceptance of life as always being at a fast pace is a big contributor too. We need to slow down to the REAL pace of life. Something many people find a big challenge.