personal growth

Regrets of the Dying (and other possibilities for life)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 63 Conversations

 

“One regret, dear world, 

That I am determined not to have 

When I am lying on my deathbed 

Is that I did not kiss you enough.” – Hafiz

regretful pose of sculpture against blue sky

If you could know the precise time and place of your death, would you want to know?

How would your life change?

Maybe you’ll think I’ve become obsessed with death, but if you did you’d be wrong. This is about becoming obsessed with the opposite – living life fully.

You see, yesterday I got word that an acquaintance passed away. He was not yet 50.

It was the kind of wake-up call that rattles complacency, and it rattled me more than I expected. I heard the news as a call to go deeper with my commitment to challenge ‘someday thinking’.

I didn’t ask for this path and it’s sure as hell not comfortable; the voice in my head shouting, “Who the hell do you think you are to shake things up?”

Somewhere along the way, without realizing at first, I became a waker.

That’s who I am. And I don’t always like it.

But resistance is futile as you probably know.

A waker, a cage-rattler, a warrior for you to step up and shine. Not much comfort on this path.

I call bullshit on your reasons and excuses. I challenge your status quo. And I rock the boat. . .often.

I will not settle for anything less.

Except when I do.

And it takes a serious reminder like illness and death to remind me of what I’m committed to, and what lights me up each day.

After I heard yesterday’s news, one question kept coming to mind…

If you died today what regrets would you have? 

That question went round and round in my mind until I got that’s where the work is – to move away from regrets and towards a life of satisfaction.

Making a difference for ourselves while we can.

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From Head to Heart (unleashing the courage within)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”  – Debbie Ford

Courage is Contagious

You know that thing you do when you make a snide remark and then laugh it off with, “Just kidding”? What would happen if you actually were responsible for the fact that you’re not?

Because in that moment, as you say those words, you’re really not kidding, are you? You just don’t have the guts to say what you want to say, so you back pedal.

You don’t have the confidence to be who you are and say what you want to say. Not much a surprise as you probably weren’t brought up to express yourself in this way.

No. Instead you were told to be nice, get along, and for God’s sake, do not rock the boat.

It takes a helluva lot of courage to grow beyond this conditioning; to live without apology and without  excuses. But the alternative – wearing a mask – is unbearable.

Before you react, I’m not advocating turning into an asshole. I’m acknowledging that it’s not an either/or spectrum with nice on one end and jerk on the other.

We all have a dark side and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. However, you also don’t have to let it dominate your life, ie: becoming the jerk or suppressing it, ie: showing only the nice, often superficial mask.

This is an invitation to live without the pretense.

To take off the mask and be true to yourself.

To unleash your courage like a contagion gone viral! 

Since reviewing Debbie Ford’s book Courage, this has been on my mind, a lot.

Debbie writes to ignite your confidence and reclaim your courage, you’ve got to step into your highest vision of who you are. But mostly, you’re so used to living in the past and the stories of who you are, you can’t see the vision. It’s hidden from your view.

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Courage and Overcoming Fear with Debbie Ford

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 32 Conversations

 

Years ago I read Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford, and I remember my surprise at realizing that someone was actually shining light on the parts of ourselves we try so hard to hide.

In her latest book Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self Confidence, she goes deeper right from the start as she asks,  Courage, book cover

“How many times have you felt yourself shrink?”

“How many times have you kept your mouth shut when you wanted to scream loudly, or handed over your power to someone who didn’t have your best interests at heart?”  

“How many times have you told yourself, ‘I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I”m not courageous or confident enough to be all that I desire to be?”

Because truth is, every day you’re confronted with situations that trigger thoughts like these, and the accompanying self-doubt.

Confronted too by opportunities and choices, hundreds of them, that can make you feel confident and strong or weak as a shrinking violet. Every one, a choice.

Are you owning that responsibility or living as a victim to it?

She writes that, “when we lack confidence, we feel unworthy of having what we want, of speaking the truth, of making decisions that improve our lives. When we feel weak, helpless, or powerless, we lack the strength to ward off the thoughts of defeat, negativity and fear that fill our minds and prevent us from moving forward and living in harmony with our deepest desires. ”

Courage provides steps to increasing confidence, and the possibility of living to our fullest potential.

“True courage comes not just from feeling confident and strong, but from being the honest, authentic expression of yourself.”

Debbie shares her personal journey with cancer, the wake-up call she needed to help her see where she herself had become stuck in life. Her raw honesty and vulnerability as she shares her story are rare traits, and make for a compelling read. Using the metaphor of a warrior, she digs deep to share the wisdom gained from confronting her own dark side while igniting the warrior long suppressed inside.

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Love & Heartbreak (and sometimes choices are hard)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations

 

A wedding, a 50th anniversary,

family, friends and love.

bridge and groom cake topper

So much love.

Heart and belly,

full.

 

This place, these people,

treasures held close.

pink rose corsages

A choice to live

far away.

Not always easy.

 

Before,

counting sleeps and,

delicious anticipation.

white balloons

After,

goodbyes and hugs,

and tears.

 

 “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” – Khalil Gibran

 

Hearts break a little,

each time.

 

A love note to my sister recently married and my parents celebrating 50 years together. 

 

For the Love of Silence

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 14 Conversations

 

close up of wooden Buddha

“Silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation.” – Rumi

These days, when I think of silence my whole system – mind, body and spirit – responds quickly. Silence has worked its way into my life, becoming such a strong trigger that I only have to think of it to feel a longing.

I wasn’t always this way about silence.

Years ago, as I prepared to go to my first 4 day silent retreat I wondered at what had compelled me to sign up. I’d gone to visit the retreat centre with a friend; just to keep her company really, yet I was the one to say yes.

In the beginning, the silence was threatening. The first 24 hours of that long ago retreat were so challenging. Without my voice, the internal chatter got really loud; so loud I thought I’d made a mistake, that I was losing my mind.

But by the middle of the second day, an interesting thing happened. Space began to appear in my mind – calm, clear space, like nothing I’d ever experienced before – and I returned home rested, feeling more creative than ever, ideas and possibilities in abundance.

And I was hooked, just like that.

“Silence is sometimes the best answer.” – Dalai Lama

Fast forward fifteen years. . .

I now crave silence, finding it to be the best self-care practice – and believe me, I’ve tried many.

My preference is to attend one or two retreats a year, but when that’s not possible I fit it into my schedule however I can.

Sometimes it’s to unplug phones and technology once I’m done with clients for the day. Other times, I choose a 2 day block of time and sort out my schedule accordingly; no clients, no conversations, nothing. It’s not as effective as my retreats away but it does the job in a pinch.

So what’s my relationship to silence?

That of a lover always longing for more.

 

Inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s Burning Question: What’s your relationship to silence?

 

How to Embrace Your Quirky Bits

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 49 Conversations

 

quirk-y

– an individual peculiarity of character; mannerism or foible

also: far-out, kinky, offbeat, way-out

Your quirks are the qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.

Are you looking at me?

 

Does the thought of standing out from the crowd make you sweat a little? Have you spent most of your life just trying to fit in?

Then this is your wake-up call.

When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself. And if you can’t be with it, how the hell can anyone else be with it?

Truth: What you can’t be with owns you.

The flip side, when you embrace those parts of yourself, not only do you stand out, but you make room for others.

All those people you compare yourself to? They’ve got their quirks too.

And all those qualities you wish were different about you? Someone out there is looking for just those qualities and you might fit the bill brilliantly!

 

So just how do you embrace your quirky bits?

 

What have people said about you your whole life?

What’s the common denominator (either +/-)?

For as long as I can remember I was told (first by family and then later by friends, and even men I dated!) that I was too intense. When I do something I go for it fully, and over the years I learned it wasn’t ok with a lot of people. They said things like, “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?”

So I suppressed it so that others would feel comfortable, and that suppression had a cost greater than I imagined. Suppression always has a cost, usually an impact on health and well-being.

Now imagine taking that quirk and unleashing it. . .

You can you know. . .let that quirk show up as the fullest expression of you. Think of the time and energy you’ll be freeing up as you fly your quirk flag!

When I did, I’m sure it felt like a tsunami of intensity to some people. And maybe they unfriended me, or perhaps unsubscribed (and yes, I’ve been told my writing is often too intense) because they couldn’t handle it. Guess what? That’s their issue. It’s not my job to make them feel comfortable!

But something else happened too. . .

Other people were blown away, attracted to my intensity and kept coming back for more.

Clients come to me because they want someone who’s not afraid to get in their face and tell the truth. They want someone who’s not willing to tolerate their someday thinking.

Friends, colleagues and opportunities come to me because I own this quirk completely. I’m reliable for it and it makes a difference for them.

I’d even say that my husband was attracted to me because of my intensity. Sure, it can be challenging to be with me, but the challenge causes us both to grow every time.

You don’t have to be all things to all people. You only have to be yourself and attract your perfect people.

When you embrace your quirks those people will show up, and everyone else will move on. There’s a flow and rightness to this that we just don’t talk about enough.

You could say it’s a bonus side effect of embracing your quirks – more energy and a lightness of being.

And who wouldn’t want that?

 

p.s.

“You have been created as one of a kind. On the planet, there has never been one like you. . .and there never will be again. Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else. The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.” ~ Andy Andrews (From The Butterfly Effect)

 

Over to you:

1.  Make a list of your quirks.

2.  Pick the one that you’ve tried for so long to suppress.

3.  Go be that intentionally and blow people away.

Open the floodgates, unleash your quirkiness and watch your perfect people line up!

Bonus action: Share some of your silly quirks below, ie: I always eat the bottom of the muffin first and I’m addicted to murder mysteries!

 

Word Carnivals monthly blogging event

 

This post is part of the May 2012 Word Carnival — a monthly group blogging event specifically for small business owners. (It’s the most fun you’ll have all month!) Check out the rest of the fabulous carney work here:  Word Carnivals  

 

You Have Stepped Into the Pages of a Story

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 15 Conversations

 

 

There’s the story that’s wanting to be told, yearning to be expressed through you. Let’s call that your soul song.

There’s also the story that you made up as a child; a story that limits you and what’s possible for your life. It’s what you call the truth about you.

Which story will you speak into existence?

Because that’s what you do every time you open your mouth. You create something that is not currently in existence.

Think of your primary story; the one that’s been with you as long as you can remember.

I’m unlovable.

I’m not worthy.

I’m not enough.

I’m too much.

I’m not good enough.

Not. Good. Enough.

Imagine never speaking it again.

Really, imagine it for a moment.

When I go there, it’s beautiful and silent and anything is possible.

I’m asking you to go there too.

Stop speaking and sharing your old, well-worn story. It’s nothing more than a disempowering fairytale.

Say something new and create a future that was never going to happen.

Until now.

 

A Prayer for Moving Forward

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 44 Conversations

Where have you tried unsuccessfully to do things on your own?

Where have you resisted support?

Amida Buddha, Lahaina, Maui

How has it stopped you from shining? 

 Right here, right now, it’s time to let go and move forward.

And this is the prayer to do so.

 

Are you there God? It’s me {insert your name}.

I’ve had it, I’m done, I surrender.

I hereby give up my need to do it my way, and I’m asking for help.

Help me be clear, and of service.

Help me show up and share my gifts.

And please…

Help me get out of my own way.

I want to shine so bright that even you God, have got to wear shades.

I know what I’m here to do.

Help me do it.

 

You Gotta Have Faith

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

 

Any endeavour, business or otherwise, calls for faith.

touchstone inscribed with the word faith next to healing hand coin

And it’s an odd thing for me to be talking about because faith and I, well, we’ve not had the best relationship.

faith

1. strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence
2. a specific system of religious beliefs
3. complete confidence or trust in a person, remedy, etc.
4. any set of firmly held principles or beliefs

Let’s start with the word unshakeable. I’m not sure I have unshakeable faith in anything. I blame the part of me that’s a longtime skeptic. It’s in my nature to question everything.

Then there’s definition #2. The impact of a confusing relationship with religion growing up lead me to decline anything remotely related to it ever since, including its jargon.

Moving on to #3. . .complete confidence or trust; whoa, kind of like unshakeable, this one awakens the skeptic!

Last but not least #4, with its firmly held set of principles or beliefs. Hmm, perhaps this one I can relate to.

So what’s got me riffing on faith anyway?

Today was the first day of Summer Camp, where we gathered ’round the virtual campfire and got right to the challenge of launching and growing a business. And not just any business. I’m talking world-changing business.

World. Changing. Business.

I don’t say those words lightly, especially in the online world of over promising and under delivering.

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Choice + Commitment = Freedom

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 18 Conversations

 

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose – and commit myself to – what is best for me.” – Paulo Coelho

Clients often tell me they desire freedom. Great I say, it’s one of my core values, I totally get it. Let’s get this freedom train rolling!

But here’s the thing that messes them up…

They mistake freedom for a life without commitments.

Makes sense, right? No commitments = freedom to do whatever you want.

Then why are they still not happy?

Because commitments and freedom don’t work like that.

A lack of commitments doesn’t give you freedom. It gives you a boring, unfulfilled, and dissatisfied life.

No thanks.

So choose.

Choose wisely, consciously and with your whole heart.

100% pure, untarnished commitment.

Which doesn’t necessarily mean you always want to (nice fantasy!) It simply means you take action on what you say you’re committed to. Because you said so.

And honouring your word is the key.

That is true freedom.