mind body spirit

An Affair of Self-Care

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 13 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care welcomes Jackie Walker’s perspective on self-care, relationships and self-love. 

 

When Sandi asked me if I’d like to do a guest post on self-care, I jumped at the chance as this is exactly what I’ve been putting in place for 8 years now. In the process of learning, I’ve had hurdles, I’ve had setbacks, I’ve had jubilant moments of gloriousness.

It’s been a roller coaster of self-care. And that’s ok because if you even know that you’re on the roller coaster, you’re mastering the art of self-care!

Building a relationship with yourself is one of the hardest things to do. It seems counter intuitive at times, until you learn that it’s the whole point of your life. Everyone else and everything else is simply there to give you a chance to notice where you aren’t caring for and loving yourself.

There are so many tough lessons for us all to learn, until we realise how to make it easy on ourselves. A lot of that is down to resistance and perspective. Without resistance things flow. To stop resistance, change your perspective.

If only it were that simple!

I got into the world of personal development after my marriage broke down. Or, I’d be more correct in saying after I broke down in my marriage.

faceless woman and mask against wall The people who show up in a relationship are often not themselves.

I wasn’t, and I’m sure you’ll have been in a relationship – business or personal – when you haven’t been yourself.

So if the person who isn’t showing up, then chooses to show up, it’s almost like an affair, there’s a third-party. Given that all day, everyday, you are relating to others, it would be extreme self-care to relate as you, the real you, the one you sometimes don’t like and would rather you’d left at home!

One of the things that used to stump me was knowing who I really was in order to be that person. When I started paying attention to my thoughts, my feelings and my body, I soon found what felt good and what didn’t.

I spent ages just getting to know when I was feeling naturally good, and when I was feeling unnaturally charged or drained. Unnaturally charged or drained seemed to come about through the wrong food, the wrong situations, the wrong company, the wrong words, the wrong answers etc. Following the advice in the rest of this glorious series, will give you starting points to help you find the natural you.

If you knew how to turn up as yourself in your relationship, what would that mean you had to start doing, or stop being?

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What It Takes to Commit to Optimal Health

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a guest post from my friend Farnoosh Brock, one of the most inspiring people I know when it comes to well-being and living well. 

 

What does it take to commit to the kind of exercise routine you have? What stops people from keeping their word once they begin?

My friend Sandi throws these questions at me casually, as though she is asking if I’d like some wine and soft music. So what does it really take to wake up at 4:30am after only 5 hours of sleep – I tend to work till at least 11:00pm and even then I am tearing myself away and forcing my mind to shut down for a while – and to drive in the dark (and soon, cold) to go to a hard-core 5:45am class 5 days a week? What does it take to do it twice some days, with an evening cycling routine thrown in?What does it take for you to stick to it?

I am tempted to repeat my husband and say insanity. I am tempted to echo my most recent promise to myself, which is that I have got to have Demi Moore’s body at 48: Drop Dead Gorgeous, and believe me when I say that there are just a handful of celebrities I worship. I am even tempted to credit my fantastic self-discipline.

Ah, rubbish! None of that works at 4:30am!

To be honest, it all started with a deep-rooted fear and one I am not ashamed to admit: that of growing weak, of losing muscle mass, of losing my stamina and flexibility and agility, of losing my intense and boundless energy someday, of not begin able to catch my breath after a flight of stairs, and of getting fat – yes, I said fat, not obese, not overweight, but just FAT – and of feeling old. Quite simple: paranoia!

Then a funny thing happened: the intense exercise, deep yoga practice, and meditation came to rescue me from my paranoia state.

Farnoosh Brock in backbend

Not only have they restored me physically with a fit, strong, healthy body; they have also assuaged the fear and taught me to accept that aging is a fact of life and to learn to do it gracefully and slowly.

And that is fantastic! That alone makes me want to tell you to go out there and commit fully to a regimen and never think about giving up.

 

But another thing started to happen: I started to see far more productivity, more creativity, and more energy, more drive toward my goals and dreams everyday.

I started to think about more ideas, and I became tougher in the face of failure and disappointment and soon, the irrational fear that brought me here started to disappear. I admit, there was even a period of a couple of months where I experimented with my productivity by slowing down my intense exercise greatly so I could “work harder” and I am convinced that was a poor decision in hindsight. Now, after re-committing to my old routine of intense exercise, my body has never felt stronger and happier.

The main problem is this: you underestimate what a healthy and strong body can really do for you.

You don’t attain optimal health so that you just grow to a very old age or avoid doctors and hospitals. No! It is much more than that.

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The Ultimate Approach to Self-Care

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a much needed perspective on care of the mind, from my favourite inner explorer, Sandra Pawula of Always Well Within. 

 

The ultimate way to care for your self is to make friends with your own mind.

Why? Because the mind is the creator of happiness and the creator of suffering; the creator of goodness and the creator of harm. How you experience your world – your internal world and the external one – all depends on how you perceive.

[pullquote]”There’s nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare, Hamlet[/pullquote]

Who’s the Boss?

Simply said, there are three avenues through which we create happiness or suffering for ourselves and others: the body, the speech, and the mind. But which one is the boss?

I’ll let you in on the secret right away. It’s the mind that’s running the show.

You might say, “Hey, wait a minute. I suffer because my body hurts. Isn’t it the body that’s the culprit?”

But it’s not the pain sensation itself that determines how we perceive it. A prime example in mainstream medicine is the way that pioneers like Jon Kabat-Zinn are teaching mindfulness meditation as a highly effective pain reduction technique. You don’t have to be a meditation master to see the beneficial effects. Mindfulness meditation is a safe form of medicine that works extraordinarily well when it comes to pain reduction and improving other types of illness for ordinary people like you and me.

Biofeedback is another mechanism through which we can manipulate physiological functions and control processes like brain waves, muscle tone, skin conductance, heart rate, and pain perception with the mind.

So it’s not the body that’s in control. The mind is powerful and can indeed transform our perception of physical experience. But it does take training.

When it comes to speech, what you say is entirely up to you and is determined only by your mind – unless you happen to be controlled by demons! Your words are the result of your thoughts and emotions.

Of course, there are times when you “speak without thinking.” But even so the words didn’t appear out of thin air. They’re the result of your own habitual patterns of thinking, emoting and responding which have created specific neuronal circuits in your brain. Exciting breakthroughs in modern science show us that these confused neuronal pathways can be redesigned as we consistently change our patterns of thought and action.

So back to mind.

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Reclaiming SELF-ish!

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

 

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a guest post from my Self-ish friend and awesome coach Rita Kampen.

 

Given the choice of becoming more selfish or more selfless I suspect I know which one you’d assume you’re supposed to pick. I mean, come on – this stuff has been drilled in since before we could talk.

Suzy, don’t be so selfish, share with your sister!

And  it worked and we’ve learned to share, and when we don’t, we feel guilty. But why do so many of us feel unsatisfied, unhappy and just plain confused about how to navigate our own lives and our relationships?

I am proposing that we take the distorted definitions of selfishness and selflessness and bend them back so we can see more clearly.

Are you ready for the twist? This will only hurt your brain for a second.

I say it’s time to be more Self – ish!

Yup, you heard me right!

graffiti word selfish

Definition: in the spirit of ‘ish’ (the housework is done-ish, come by at ten-ish) so that SELF-ish is actually closer to the vicinity of Self, being in tune with what the Self needs and desires; getting into the ballpark of our unique gifts and offerings so we can get in the game we were intended to play.

And to complete the twist, I declare that it’s high time we stop being Self-less.

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The Homage Continues

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

 

We’ve covered a lot of ground since the homage to self-care began. 

outdoor lifesize chess game Vancouver

Let’s recap, shall we? 

1. In The System of You: Mind, Body & Spirit I asked you to check in and rate yourself.

These were my numbers Oct. 3, 2011:

  • Mind – 9/10
  • Body – 3/10
  • Spirit – 7/10

And today:

  • Mind – 9/10
  • Body – 6/10
  • Spirit – 7/10

My primary focus was to feel better in my body, so I took actions mostly in that realm. I’ve walked more, taken more breaks, had a couple of treatments, started stretching and doing the 10 min Daily Invigorator – and it’s starting to show. I’m sleeping better and feeling more energy throughout the day.

You may think going up 3 points is not that big a deal, and it may not be for you in that area, but you’ve got your area. This, I am sure of!

I’m also sure you can relate to some aspect of this. . .clients fixate on having a big breakthrough and become impatient. I know because I’m the same. We want results yesterday!

They (and you, if you’re honest) are so in their heads judging and assessing their progress, they’re not consistent in their actions and then don’t see the results they want. We have got to get this through our thick skulls – it’s the small, consistent actions over time that make the greatest difference.

So, take a moment and rate your three areas a second time and notice any changes. Notice where you took action and where you didn’t. No judgment please; just a clear observation of your journey these past two weeks.

 

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Just for Today

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

Just for today. . .

Just for today. . .

do. . .nothing

SEE your beauty

delight your senses

listen to your body

affirm your greatness

own your lusciousness

express your  l o n g  i n g s

choose SELF-ish over selfless

appreciate your surroundings

shine so bright people stop in awe

release old hurts, grudges and resentments

rest when you need. . .to-do list be damned

laugh – out loud and often – feel your belly shake

Brene Brown bookmark

 

be in JOY

live out LOUD

expose your Self

stake your claim

forgive. . .for you

honour your needs

give up your reasons

 

speak softly, breathe deeply

nourish mind-body-spirit

LEAN into vulnerability

favour your strengths

express devotion

SING your tune

be who you BE

just for today. . .

just for today. . .

love with your WHOLE heart

10 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

 

In the mind-body-spirit system, all three parts need attention to make up your emotional well-being.

And before you go thinking this is a life balance kind of post, let me assure you it’s not. I don’t believe in balance. I know, shocking right? What kind of life coach am I anyway?

One that doesn’t buy into a lot of the BS out there in the personal development world. The much hyped, elusive life balance, in my perhaps-not-so-humble opinion, is like the carrot dangling forever just out of reach. No thanks. It doesn’t work for me, and I haven’t seen it work for many others either. Time to let it go and move on.

[pullquote] “Our essence is change. We are movement. Being out of balance is life.” – Chris Boucher[/pullquote]

No, I’m talking about all parts of the system, working together, ebbing and flowing like the tides.

When I first wrote about the mind-body-spirit system, I asked you to rate yourself in each part on a scale of 1 – 10.

Here’s a reminder of what that looked like for me:

Mind – 9/10

Body – 3/10

Spirit – 7/10

Not bad, still relatively stable; picture a 3 legged stool.

Now imagine two of the three ratings at 3 or lower and only one above 7. I’m pretty sure you’d be sliding onto the floor looking like a rag doll.

So don’t go there. Instead, start taking steps to improve your emotional well-being. It’s not rocket science, and yes I know, some days it’s not that easy.

But since you’re here paying homage to your self-care this month, what have you got to lose?

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The System of You: Mind, Body & Spirit

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

You are a system that consists of mind, body and soul.

You are a system that consists of mind, body and spirit.

three figures in reflection In this trinity, you probably have a preference, an area that comes effortlessly and alongside that, an area of challenge.

For me, the focus on the mind is taken care of with almost no thought as I read constantly, love learning and sharing what I’ve learned with others.

My spirit is cared for, although a bit less reliably, but I do make time to meditate, unplug and attend silent retreats as often as I can.

The system is challenged most in the physical, my body, and over time, this has taken a toll.

As I shared in the introduction to this month-long Homage, what works for me is to take things on in community with an aspect of accountability.

Well then, what better place to be held accountable than right here on my blog?!

Because here’s the thing…

Your body doesn’t lie.

This comes up a lot in my coaching work with clients.

Mostly because we don’t generally pay enough attention to what’s going on in our bodies and there’s a cost to that. A cost to our well-being and energy, but also to our emotional resourcefulness.

But instead of listening to our bodies, we ignore, rationalize and suppress most of the messages our bodies are giving us every day.

What do you think might show up if you really started paying attention, listening to those messages?

What positive impact would it have to check in with yourself throughout the day asking,

“What message is my body giving me right now?”

For example:

  • Your back twinges.
    • Do you move away from your desk, stretch and/or make yourself a cup of tea?
    • Or do you push through the twinge and keep working for another hour?
  • Your neck feels tense.
    • Do you drop your chin, close your eyes and roll your neck from left to right feeling the tension release?
    • Or do you give your shoulders a quick shrug and quickly get back to work?
  • Your belly growls.
    • Do you jump up to grab a snack?
    • Or do you check in, listening for what it needs. Food? Water? Distraction?
“No more words. Hear only the voice within.” – Rumi

Your body is constantly talking to you; are you listening?

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