The Myth of the Overnight Success

Transformations and overnight successes are common, especially in the online world. We see them all the time: blueprints, roadmaps, and quick-fixes to success.

We forget that there’s no one-size-fits-all path.

We live in a world of over-promising that has a negative impact on our confidence and ability to pursue what’s important to us in life.

The problem with stories of overnight success is that is we don’t often hear about what had to happen to get there, and we almost never hear about the effort involved to reach the successes.

We only see the result, which if you’ve tried and failed in previous attempts to change, only serves to trigger self-recrimination and judgment.

So how do we get there from here?

When you make a promise to yourself, it always comes from a desire to change.

The truth is that change is what most of us want, but we deny that we want it.

Maybe you think you should be more accepting of what is instead of focused on what is not, i.e. your desired outcome.

But change is natural and to resist it is…well, kind of crazy.

“Every single thing changes and is changing always in this world.” – Saigyo

Always in flux, nature is the greatest example of change.

A few years ago we had a violent storm in Vancouver that included howling winds, power outages, and massive damage to our beloved park in the heart of the city. About a week after the storm, we drove through the park and I cried at the loss of so many trees. Yet, driving through the park now, I can hardly tell that anything had happened, and what was once chaos is again beautiful.

Change. From something that was, to something that different, and new.

At the time however, the media focused on the destruction and judgment of what had happened. That judgment was human and had nothing to do with what had actually occurred in nature.

The same thing happens in our minds when we desire to change, and make a promise to ourselves to do so.

The problem isn’t that we want change; the problem is that we judge ourselves harshly when we fail to change the way we want.

This judgment creates a vicious cycle; an endless loop of disappointment and self-recrimination that colours any future attempt to change, sabotaging our promises in an instant.

When we really want to make a change, but feel defeated before we begin, is it possible to fulfill a promise we make to ourselves?

[Tweet “Is it possible to change when we don’t understand how change really works?”]

How Does Change Work?

Change is too often thought of as a dramatic shift, i.e. from unhealthy to healthy, from debt to riches.

We’re led to believe that if we’re given the right kind of training, information or education, change will be quick and inevitable.

Except if this belief were true, many industries (weight loss for example) would cease to exist, and sadly that’s not the case.

In Changing for Good, Dr. James Prochaska found (after working with thousands of patients) that there are natural steps we all go through when making changes in our lives.

Since a promise is creating a change in the future, this is a good place to begin. 

cycle_of_change_prochascka, Changing for Good

It doesn’t matter what area of life you choose, we go through these stages every time we declare a desire to change, every time you make a promise to yourself.

Unless you understand how it goes, the cycle will keep undermining your ability to keep your promise.

This points to the fundamental truth that the process of change is seldom a straight path.

That’s why the 100 Day Promise is effective.

You’ll walk that path armed with tools and strategies, in a loving and supportive community.

Join us.

 

The Making of a Promise

I love words. They inspire me to go past the surface to explore origin and meaning.

For the meaning we give things changes everything.

Meaning also changes due to external forces like society, culture, and evolution.

Meaning makes all the difference to what and how we create in life.

Promise vs. Challenge

When I first created The 100 Day Promise, I had a clear intention, and I knew what I wanted to deliver.

I was initially inspired by the idea of a 100 day challenge, but something about it didn’t feel quite right.

So I turned to my dictionary, where I found that the origin of the word challenge was not as inspiring as I thought.

chal·lenge

: a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength; from Latin, to accuse falsely, rebuke

As an Aries, I love a good challenge, but I also resist feeling dominated. The older meaning of the word challenge was what I’d understood energetically, and why I resisted the word.

Then I read the origin of the word promise.

prom·ise

: from Medieval Latin, literally, to send forth into the future; a declaration made about some act to be done or not done

“to send forth into the future” – this phrase sent a shiver of positive energy up my spine, and I wondered what it would be like to give myself 100 days to send a promise into the future.

Not as a commitment to act every single day, but as an intention to create the future.

That intrigued me, and formed the basis of The 100 Day Promise. 

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Why 100 Days

Mother Teresa said, “Life is a promise. Fulfill it.”

Break that down into manageable bits, and you have a life made up of many promises.

Each promise is a seed planted in your consciousness, that with the right amount of time and nourishment, comes to fruition. 

Each promise deepens your relationship to your word and your capacity to create change.

“Reality making is reciprocal. You make it, while it makes you.” – Deepak Chopra

In the world of personal development, we’re too often inundated by challenges and blueprints; 21 day programs that promise to [fill in the blank__________]. 

Sometimes they fail because these programs don’t live up to the hype.

Sometimes though, they fail because we move on, failing to implement what we’ve learned. 

Is that a failure of commitment or a failure of inspiration? 

I looked for an answer, and a possible solution. I wanted a new way of being that could empower our intentions in the world.  Continue reading

Practice is an invitation to the future

The Creative Habit by Martha Graham, a book I devoured like a delicious meal.

“I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one’s being, a satisfaction of spirit.” – Martha Graham

It reminded me that life is simple, and we complicate it. A lot.

Because whether it’s becoming more creative, or doing the work to change something that’s not working in your life, the essential ingredient, practice, is simple.

And most of the time, it’s not that easy.

This is an invitation to practice. 

Not for perfection, or external validation, but for deep, inner transformation.

“Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.” – Martha Graham

Practice because that’s what it takes.

To keep your word, and honour your promises to yourself, others, and life – an invitation to the future.

[Tweet “Practice because it transforms the present, and creates a new future.”]

What helps is to shift your perspective.

From boring and routine, to devotion and ritual, an acknowledgement of your soul’s desire.

Because that’s what it is when you make a promise to yourself.

Your soul is asking you to act on something bigger and more meaningful than what you’re currently experiencing.

The 100 Day Promise was how I responded to my soul, and in doing so I created a new future for myself.

That’s what I want for you.

Say yes now, and join me in the upcoming 100 day journey.

The theme for January 2016 is Living Abundance.

What could you create given 100 days and the right kind of support?

SAM.1705 module cover - square no white box

 

 

A Year in Review (gems from 2013)

 

green path at Ruby Lake Resort, British Columbia

Each line taken from a blog post written in 2013.

 

You are beyond compare.

Make a list of everything you appreciate…keep going, continue, don’t stop!

Feel all your feelings, but only magnify the good ones.

Today is the day to make up something good.

Now is the perfect time to dream…

 

Play more. Sing more. Dance more. Love more.

Discover what works best for you, then work it.

Allow what is and accept what is not.

Is your soul calling out for a change?

Your mindset matters more than your circumstances.

If happiness is a choice, why don’t you choose it?

 

The light you long for is within.

Ordinary people do extraordinary things all the time.

Your values are there to guide you, your feelings fuel the journey.

Imagine a love affair with yourself.

What you can be, you must be.

 

Life is a creative adventure; do your part and create.

Say something new.

Commit with your whole heart, then do what it takes to follow through.

Start living your life the way you want.

What would you do with only one day?

 

Let your secrets come out to play!

When you notice what’s working, your experience of it expands.

It’s the little things and small moments that turn your dreams into reality.

Just because there is no map doesn’t mean we shouldn’t explore new territory.

Question the beliefs that keep you in the dark.

Lead your own rebellion.

 

What is your heart longing for?

You’ll figure it out. Trust yourself.

Your words matter.

Choose to open.

 

Give up apologizing. Own your bigness instead.

It’s time to celebrate the awesomeness of you.

A new beginning and all possibilities exist.

Anything that taps into a better feeling state is worth exploring.

 

Own your desires, and ask for what you want.

Speak up. Pay attention. Celebrate your you-ness.

Let go of what no longer holds value.

All is well. There is no other shoe to drop.

 

Rebel. Buck the trend. Try something different.

Choose love over fear every time.

Embrace change, but don’t rush it.

Own who you are without apology.

Who you are is an extraordinary being.

 

Get out of your head, and into your body.

You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

Your purpose is what you say it is.

Feed your soul in any way that feels good to you.

 

Set yourself in motion. Exchange your inertia for freedom.

Be in service to your desires.

Freedom has many flavours. What’s yours?

You are rooted, wild, and free; lean back and feel your strength.

You’re already connected to everyone and everything.

Tell the truth to get unstuck.

 

Life isn’t an all or nothing game.

What keeps you from feeling free? Look there.

Let go of what you know and make room for the now.

Where you are afraid, you are not free.

Coherence happens when you connect your heart and mind.

 

Celebrate what you love.

Honour what’s true for you, and to hell with the rest.

Wake up and notice the different.

Love creates the foundation of reality.

 

Writing this post was a reminder…

Even the most challenging times have gems, but you have to come through the darkness to see them. 

 

Hello Desire Map, I Love You

 

At this time of year I start to look forward , and while I’m no fan of resolutions, I do love creating the future. This year, I’m feeling anticipation more than usual.

This feeling has a lot to do with the my journey the past couple of years, which has been an opportunity to embrace more of what I love and want in life.

And what’s leading me there with a new-found intensity is my deep dive into Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map.

Reading the Desire Map is a soulful endeavour that wreaks havoc (in a good way) on my psyche, and makes room for new thoughts and feelings to emerge.

red rose of desire, the Desire Map process

desire

: early 13th century Latin, desiderare – “long for, wish for,” original sense – “await what the stars will bring”

Await what the stars will bring…

So I willingly immersed myself in the desire mapping process which led to feeling good in all areas of my life.

Now I’m not new to the Desire Map having gone through the process last year, but this time I gave myself fully to the experience.

My motivation came from a longing to create this year in a new way, but also to deepen my own relationship to desire.

I’ve had plenty of experience wanting something and not getting it, and wondered how desire could transform that sense of striving. I also committed to leading two Desire Map groups, and public declaration is a powerful motivator.

I settled in to explore my desires, and what showed up were these core desired feelings:

Cherished
Free
Delight
Spacious
Wonder

While doing the work my guy came home, and after a short while, he asked what I was doing. I casually responded, “Getting clear how I want to feel this year.”

Silence, and then…“Can I do it too?”

We sat side by side, me asking the questions out loud, both of us writing in notebooks. No idle chat, just silence and the sound of pen on paper, accompanied by the warm light of the fire.

What happened next surprised me, and was a direct hit of delight.

When I asked him to share one of his feelings ‘joyfully connected’ came out of his mouth, along with a simple statement that it’s how he wants to feel in relationships, and specifically with me in our marriage.

Hello Desire Map, I love you.

This process works.

It guides you past the same old stuff that comes up every January and takes you deep into what’s important.

For me it was,

Feeling joyfully connected vs. “let’s set up another date night”

Feeling cherished and delighted vs. driven by my goals

When you allow your feelings to guide you,

“…you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be.”  – Danielle LaPorte

 

 

Let’s Talk About Love

 

Blinded, statue at Fraserview Cemetery, Vancouver, BC

It’s easy to love the sun.

It rises each day and generously shares its light and warmth. It literally brightens our days, wanting nothing in return.

So easy to love.

It’s less easy to love another.

For they are not nearly as reliable or generous as the sun. They come with feelings and expectations and needs. Often demanding, it’s a wonder we love them, but we do.

We do so love to love.

It’s not that easy to love yourself. 

This is the greatest of loves, for it informs the rest, and yet…it’s often the love we’re most challenged by.

Imagine this love.

This great love that has been with you since the beginning. Maybe it was suppressed long ago, tucked way back in the recesses of your heart.

“To say “I love you” one must know first how to say the “I”.” – Ayn Rand

But this love is still there, longing to be expressed.

I know this is true.

You are here longing to hear the whispers of your heart, yearning to feel the “I”.

So, let’s talk about love, and create the foundation of a new reality.

 

Day by Day Everything Changes

 

“Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.” – Bill Watterson

Turning 50 is often seen as something to survive, a milestone to be ignored rather than acknowledged.

I didn’t feel that way at all.

For me it’s been a process of opening up and reclaiming what’s most important. This includes aspects of myself along with dreams that were set aside in the busyness of life.

And we do that don’t we?

We set things aside, compromise our values, accommodate the desires of others’, and slowly over time we forget about the dreams that set our souls on fire.

Until life rocks the boat with death, illness, blows to career and ego; so many crisis points doing a number on our spirit.

 

This year of living 50 began with a tangle of emotion:

love, anticipation, sadness, appreciation, excitement…swirling together to create a new state, one I didn’t quite have a name for.

It included the surprise and delight of celebrating with friends and family.

And beauty, always beauty.

I’m keenly aware and appreciative of the people, thoughts, and words that have shaped my life. What I’m not always aware of is how my life and words impact the lives of others, because like you, I have my blindspots.

The truth is, we all touch each others’ lives in some way.

Which is why the quote I started with makes so much sense to me.

Day by day, things are shifting and changing, and one day you wake up and everything’s different.

It can happen unconsciously or by choice.

You decide.

 

Embracing the Woo

 

In speaking with a client recently, I was reminded yet again how little we accept ourselves.

We reject and judge those parts of ourselves that fall short – of perfection, and comparison.

We blame and beat ourselves up – for being vulnerable and human.

And what does it get us?

Exhaustion, dissatisfaction, and a general malaise in life.

Your one precious life.

The more we tolerate the self-recrimination, the more we struggle. The more we struggle, the less we accept ourselves, and the vicious circle continues.

But what if…

  • you accepted (and even loved) the parts of yourself you judge
  • you viewed these parts of yourself from a place of compassion
  • and what if you held these parts close, allowing them to become integrated in a way that feels sacred?

This IS possible.

You have to be willing to break the cycle, and interrupt long-held patterns. You also have to decide that yes, change is possible.

It’s not only possible…it’s likely.

 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET FEAR STOP YOU?

Just like you, I have felt confronted in life.

I’ve faced some hard truths in my life and work the past year. I found myself spinning round and round, paralyzed by the fear of sharing the most important change I’ve experienced in my career.

Even though I knew firsthand how powerful this change was – I let fear stop me.

  • Fear of what you would think.
  • Fear of being perceived as a flake.
  • Fear of judgment, instilled in me by others, not even my own fear to begin with.

I felt vulnerable and afraid, and the fear slid in making itself at home.

But what happens when you suppress something that is truly important to you? What happens when you hold yourself back at the cost of making the difference you’re here to make?

Sooner or later, the pressure cooker will blow.

Sooner or later, you’ve got to say FUCK IT and honour what’s true for you.

Sooner or later you’ve got to embrace what you’re most afraid of.

And so I did.

What was my greatest fear?

What was that big scary thing that had been slowing me down?

This: That you’ll think I’ve lost my mind and embraced the woo.

Woo woo…you know what I mean, right?

 

EMBRACING THE WOO

woo-woo

adj: concerned with emotions, mysticism, or spiritulism; other than rational or scientific; mysterious; new agey.

Deepak Chopra says that woo woo is “…a derogatory reference to almost any form of unconventional thinking, aimed by professional skeptics who are self-appointed vigilantes dedicated to the suppression of curiosity.”

Suppression of curiousity?

That is like suppressing the essence of who I am, and suppression never feels good – ever.

While I was debating the dilemma of woo, I also realized the following:

  • Science has always played catch-up to the woo which typically begins with creativity, curiousity, and imagination
  • Embracing the woo doesn’t exclude the many years of experience and training I’ve accumulated
  • Trusting what works feels better than trusting the status quo

These past months I have trusted what works, and the process has been healing in a way I’d never imagined.

“Healing is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature.” – W.H. Auden

Imagine wooing yourself to a place of self-acceptance.

Dare I say, even self-love?

divider

 

The process I went through also created space.

  • Space for healing in all areas of mind, body, and spirit.
  • Space for producing unprecedented results in life and business.
  • Space to discover what’s most important, and of highest value and meaning to me – and ultimately, to my clients.
  • Space to develop mastery with the Freedom Sessions.

This work is currently confronting many old paradigms in the personal development world because it’s producing results in fewer sessions, and with more long-term effectiveness.

Why do we think change has to take a long time?

If your body can store memories, emotions, and negative feelings in an instant, it can also release them in the same way. But somehow we’ve come to the collective conclusion that this can’t happen. That we have to spend hours and years, talking about our traumas in order to heal the wounds.

What if this doesn’t have to be true?

Let that sink in.

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

 

And consider this…

Suggesting such a fundamental shift in the coaching relationship at first glance means fewer sessions, less long-term commitment and consequently, less income.

If people reach permanent and positive change in fewer sessions, they will need far less of my time.

So why would I do this? Sounds a bit crazy, yeah?

But it also means more satisfied clients living more fulfilled lives, which leads to many more referrals – and an even more fulfilled coach.

And people are experiencing some pretty jaw-dropping results:

“I’ve always been an anxious person but since my son was born 2 years ago it has intensified, and I’ve become obsessed with getting sick. This anxiety has become a nauseous feeling that stays with me most of the day, from the first thought I have when I wake up to the constant body scans throughout the day. I started to worry that I would need to be put on anti-anxiety medication and I really didn’t want that! Sandi led me through the Freedom Sessions, and here’s the AMAZING part – the obsessive anxiety has dissipated, and I am not consumed by worry. This has had a huge impact on how I am living life, and I now have the freedom to enjoy my son and my family without the shadow of anxiety.” – M.T.

I want this kind of result for more people, and I’m not afraid to say:

These sessions work better than anything else I’ve used with clients in 13 years of professional coaching.

 

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FROM YOU?

You have to want a breakthrough. Badly.

It’s not enough to want to feel better or experience some relief (although you will.)

This work is most effective with people who are frustrated and fed up with where they’ve been stuck. People who REALLY want to make a change.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou

 

You have to be willing to go deep.

Think of the difference between treading water on the surface of the ocean and diving deep.

Deep is where you’ll find the pearls. Deep is where you’ll experience sweet release from painful issues that have been part of your life for way too long.

But it can be difficult, and you have to be willing to go that far.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

 

You have to trust the process.

You don’t have to understand how it works. You do have to show up, trust me to guide you through the process, and be willing to let go.

I had to do this too. I had to embrace the woo, and trust the results. Science can catch up with me later.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” – Eckhart Tolle

When you trust, things like this happen:

“I am a skeptic who tries to suspend disbelief, but my experiences with Sandi have made me a believer even though I do not understand why it works. Quite frankly, I don’t care why or how it works because I feel exponentially better, and that’s all that matters.” – E.B.

 

You know how I used to go on and on about ‘someday’ thinking?

That hasn’t changed.

If you are ready for a change – I mean really, really ready – let’s talk.

 

99 Things I Love (because I love a good challenge)

 

I’m always up for a challenge, especially when I know it’s going to leave me feeling a rampage of appreciation.

Judy Dunn wrote in the post that inspired me, 99 Things I Love, that in doing this exercise,

“You get a sense of what’s important in life, where your priorities lie and what brings you joy.”

That is always a good thing.

So I set my timer for ten minutes as per Judy’s exercise, and began my own list.

99

1.  My first cup of coffee in the morning
2.  The books that surround me in my office
3.  My girl Tarty
4.  Connecting with friends
5.  Making my mom laugh
6.  Deep soul-shaking belly laughs
7.  Fresh homemade bread
8.  Watching whales in Maui
9.  Catching sight of an eagle high above me
10. Losing myself in music
11. Foreign films
12. Standing in front of paintings I studied at art school
13. The art I’ve collected over the years
14. Coffee dates
15. Salted dark chocolate
16. Homemade pizza (and leftovers in the morning)
17. Walking our dog Tarty at Kits Beach
18. Holding hands with Mark
19. Long, squishy bear hugs
20. Christmas gatherings with family Continue reading

A Simple Relaxation Technique to Connect Your Heart & Mind

 

Family visits are usually a roller coast ride of emotions, and my recent three-week visit home definitely qualifies.

There was the sweet nostalgia of spending time with my ninety-one year old grandfather, the indescribable feeling of being there for my parents, and then the sadness of saying goodbye.

This visit was a great reminder of how important it is to slow down, take more deep breaths, and be present.

Because life keeps doing its thing, throwing out unexpected curveballs, and life is just so damn busy.

Your brain has to deal with millions of bits of information each day. It’s exhausting.

We get worn down by it, becoming more and more unresourceful as time passes.

While home, I researched relaxation techniques to help my Dad with his hypertension, which led to discovering the Institute of HeartMath, which then led to a couple of hours absorbing the art and science of connecting hearts and minds.

Connect

And even though I’ve been involved with personal development for many years, the impact of practices like meditation and breath-work on physical conditions still surprised me.

I fell in love with the following exercise because of its simplicity; it’s short, easy to follow, and you’ll feel the difference immediately.

Continue reading