emotions

Generate Excitement (because you can)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

 

BURNING QUESTION:

What is your relationship to excitement?


Confession time. . .I’m easily excited.laughing Buddha sculpture

You weren’t really surprised, were you?

Truth is, some days it hardly takes anything at all and I’m lit up like a roman candle! 

I think of it as a way of being AND my relationship to the world.

Maybe that sounds Pollyanna-esque.

Maybe you think I’m wearing rose-coloured glasses, totally out of touch with reality.

But (and this is a very important but). . .

if it feels good and empowers you why would that be a problem?

I’ll tell you why; because our conditioning begins in childhood with phrases like:

  • Rein it in.
  • Settle down.
  • Don’t show off.

And you learn how to turn your excitement right down to a manageable level or even worse, suppress it completely.

That my friends, is a sad state of affairs.

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Misadventures on the Road to Hana

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations
palm trees, Kihei, Maui

Even in paradise it’s possible to have a bad day because wherever you go there you are.

 

It’s easy to think if you’re on vacation in a beautiful setting you should be blissfully happy the entire time you’re there! Except. . .that would be a recipe for disappointment, as this recent adventure reminded me.

The day started off well. A picnic lunch was packed, the gas tank was full, and good spirits were in abundance as my husband, my mother-in-law and I began the infamous drive known as the Road to Hana; stunning in the way that only Maui can be. Everywhere I looked a photo-op awaited.

Sunshine, great company, and a gorgeous setting – a perfect day in paradise.

And then the first incident occurred to disrupt this ‘perfect’ day.

At one of the stops along the way we got out to take photos and stretch our legs. I spotted a cat stretched out in the sun and then another up further ahead, taking me by surprise as we had seen no cats anywhere in Maui. Distracted by these wild felines and the lush rainforest around me, I paid no attention to where I was stepping and in a split second I tumbled down a slippery wet slope of grass.

Not what I would have hoped for my first experience of a mud bath! I was however, quite proud of how I fell, ensuring that the hand holding my iPhone stayed well above the mud now covering every inch of my backside.

There was no point in pretending it hadn’t happened; did I mention this was a tourist destination? So off I waddled in my mud soaked shorts hoping I could wash most of it off in the restroom.

Insight #1: I realized had this happened a few years ago I would have felt humiliated and quite possibly it could have ruined my day. Instead I was able to joke and laugh with the women who’d seen me fall. There I was in a roadside restroom with no paper towels covered in mud with no spare clothes laughing at myself in that sheepish way we can all relate to at one time or another. Women brought me paper towels, asked if I needed anything, made jokes, called me a flasher (I’d taken off my shorts to rinse them out in the sink) and most of all offered support.

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The Darkness of Fear

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 15 Conversations

Fear.

It bubbles up uninvited in the middle of the night like slow-moving lava, so hot it burns through everything in its path.

Burning, it makes room for a host of dark allies: doubt, cynicism, resignation.

flowing lava, Kilauea

You can’t breathe, your heart beats faster and your mind? It’s way ahead, having conjured up some grisly outcome worthy of Masterpiece Theatre.

Oh wait. . .

That was me in the middle of the night imagining various worst case scenarios of a health challenge that arose this year!

And I am (like you) so very good at worst case scenarios, thanks to my old friend the lizard brain.

Back to fear. . .

Fear has a tendency to stop you.

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10 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

 

In the mind-body-spirit system, all three parts need attention to make up your emotional well-being.

And before you go thinking this is a life balance kind of post, let me assure you it’s not. I don’t believe in balance. I know, shocking right? What kind of life coach am I anyway?

One that doesn’t buy into a lot of the BS out there in the personal development world. The much hyped, elusive life balance, in my perhaps-not-so-humble opinion, is like the carrot dangling forever just out of reach. No thanks. It doesn’t work for me, and I haven’t seen it work for many others either. Time to let it go and move on.

[pullquote] “Our essence is change. We are movement. Being out of balance is life.” – Chris Boucher[/pullquote]

No, I’m talking about all parts of the system, working together, ebbing and flowing like the tides.

When I first wrote about the mind-body-spirit system, I asked you to rate yourself in each part on a scale of 1 – 10.

Here’s a reminder of what that looked like for me:

Mind – 9/10

Body – 3/10

Spirit – 7/10

Not bad, still relatively stable; picture a 3 legged stool.

Now imagine two of the three ratings at 3 or lower and only one above 7. I’m pretty sure you’d be sliding onto the floor looking like a rag doll.

So don’t go there. Instead, start taking steps to improve your emotional well-being. It’s not rocket science, and yes I know, some days it’s not that easy.

But since you’re here paying homage to your self-care this month, what have you got to lose?

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Being With What Is

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

Guest post by Rita Chand – Sharing the being part of human being.

 

I’d just hung up the phone with Sandi after calling her to help me deal with something. She had asked if I was up to writing something about this experience I was having, that it was something her readers could probably relate to. I love Sandi so saying no to her isn’t an option. Little did I know I’d be inspired to write something as soon as I hung up the phone. But she’s good like that.

[pullquote]“There is the risk you cannot afford to take and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take”. ~ Peter Drucker[/pullquote]

On Monday, I found out I didn’t get a job that I really really REALLY wanted. The process lasted a month, the job was exciting and amazing and it was everything I wanted. Everything I’d been talking about for quite some time. Happiness couldn’t be found sitting at my desk day after day anymore – I needed more, desired so much more. And this job offered it.

But, I didn’t get it. After all that, someone else did.

And it’s okay. . .ultimately it is.

It wasn’t meant to be.

There are bigger, BETTER things out there for me.

It’s her loss.

And all the other platitudes that people say to make us feel better. They want to help so they say what they know to say. I appreciate that. But we all know it doesn’t help. None of those things help. And I think we know that too. God bless people for being so awesome.

My friends are sad for me. . .well actually, most of them are just sad that I am sad. They didn’t want me to move away, so some have shared they are relieved.

So yes, it is okay. Ultimately.

Does it feel okay? No. Did I cry for 2 days after? Yes.

Even at the gym. I just cried. I’m disappointed. Heartachingly, gut wrenchingly disappointed.

sculpture in dejected pose

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do disappointment very well.

In fact (don’t tell anyone I said this) I think disappointment is one of the worst emotions to deal with. I’d rather be pissed off. Or better still, indifferent. I can do those really well.

But to sit in my own disappointment. . .forget it.

Disappointment is like the cooties of feelings. There’s nothing redeeming about disappointment. It just downright sucks.

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The Letter Love Wrote

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

Dear Beloved,

Dear Beloved,

Lately? I haven’t been very good at expressing my love for you. There’s been a lot of make wrong, and judging and assessing going on and it hasn’t been pretty.

I’ve been focused on work and getting things done, mostly noticing what you haven’t accomplished. I’ve thought and said things to you that I would never, ever say to another. I am so…sorry.

When I think of what you’ve been through the past year and a half, I almost swoon with pride. Really I do. I just don’t tell you enough.

I save that for others.

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Burning Down the House

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

Late last night the fire alarm went off in our building, startling me out of my not-quite-asleep state. We’ve had numerous false alarms in the three years we’ve lived here, which usually end up being a quick hello with the neighbours.

Last night was different.

It was like an episode of Rescue Me, only I didn’t see Dennis Leary anywhere.

Mark and I got up, moving rather slowly, thinking it was probably just another false alarm. Then we saw the flames on the rooftop on the other side of the building and the adrenalin kicked in.

In my pajamas, I grabbed my wallet and iPhone as someone pounded on our door to leave. My heart started racing.

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If I Could Say Anything

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 85 Conversations

 

We need to talk.

If we were dating, it’d be time to fess up (I’m on a roll, this is my second confession this week) and that scares me.

Since we started seeing each other four months ago (has it really only been 4 months?) I’ve been wanting to make a good impression, wanting to show you my best.

Except…

What I thought was my best was not.

Likable, nice, funny, smart – check.

My best? Not so much.

I’m saying this because I’ve had moments of:

  • biting my tongue
  • suppressing myself
  • ignoring my instincts
  • sweeping a thought under the rug

I have stopped myself in so many ways from saying what I wanted to say. But enough is enough; this can’t go on.

If I could say anything, I’d say what I wanted to say, straight up.

I’ve been afraid.

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This Is Your Wake Up Call

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

 

Life flows, day after day and mostly we go along with it, don’t we?

I know I do. I go with the flow, become complacent, and forget that I always have choices. I listen to my lizard brain whispering seductively, “Don’t rock the boat, Sandi. Just relax.”

But what if I did rock the boat? What if YOU did?

What if one day, we stood up and intentionally put our weight into rocking the hell out of the boat?

What might happen and what’s going to be the wake up call to do just that?

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