Let Them Eat Cake

Posted on November 4, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 15 Conversations

If every behaviour has a positive intention, instead of flogging yourself and donning a hairshirt, why not look back and see a lifetime of you taking care of you?

Shaking your head in disbelief and doubt? I know, I hear it from clients all the time. I’m not going to lie, I even have to remind myself now and then.

But think about it like this for a moment. . .

You wouldn’t keep doing the things you do unless there was value for you in there somewhere. You just wouldn’t.

The stuff you do that feels good ==> positive intent.

ie: You buy organic because it’s healthier for you and better for the environment, which leads back to you feeling good.

The stuff you do that you suffer about ==> positive intent.

ie: You ate the stale cupcake because in that moment you felt sad about a friend that passed away recently, which lead to a need for comfort and the cupcake reminded you of your mom and how she used to bake treats for you as a kid (comfort), which leads back to you feeling good.

See? Positive.

Whether it looks healthy and organic or iced and stale. . .all positive.

Are you getting this?

That’s why everything you do is self-care in some way.

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Lighten Up While You Still Can

Posted on October 31, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 7 Conversations

What if the 66 day challenge could be like this poem by Hafiz?

I used to live in a cramped house with confusion and pain.
But then I met the Friend and started getting drunk and singing all night.
Confusion and pain started acting nasty, making threats with talk like this;
If you don’t stop that – all that fun – we’re leaving.

I’m not suggesting we all get drunk, but the idea behind it, the positive intent Hafiz suggests – that fun could make the difference to a challenge – IS appealing.

What if these next 66 days could be fun, at least some of the time?

And what if you could lighten up just a little. . .or even a lot?

There’s no right way to do this thing.

The 66 day workbook is an awesome resource but it will make no difference if you feel dominated by it. I’m suggesting you use it in a way that works for you, because being rigid is never a good idea. Ever.

So, if the exercise portion seems too intense => chunk it down to what you CAN do, and do that a little each day.

And if you’re intimidated by the idea of meditating => start with 5 minutes daily for the first week.

This is YOUR self-care process and you get to say how it’s going to go, and what it’s going to include.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, no matter how good the solution.

The more willing you are to use the workbook and adapt it to your needs, the more likely you’ll see results.

Me? I’m going to crank some music and dance for 5 minutes!

Take it easy, take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

– The Eagles

The End Is Always the Beginning

Posted on October 30, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 9 Conversations

The idea for this homage to self-care came out of a conversation with Cadi Jordan and Tara Cieko over lunch some time in early September. There we were enjoying lunch, conversation and a little pampering, when we found ourselves wondering how we could take better care of ourselves in general.

The three of us are extremely capable business women, but we noticed we didn’t always look after our own well-being the way we look after others. Business, clients, family. . .all frequently took precedence. Sad, but true and not unique to us as this comes up often for many of my clients.

Of course that got my little grey cells working!

What would it take to commit to self-care for one month?

That’s the question that got me thinking. As a solution-focused coach I’m all about finding ways to move forward rather than focusing on the ‘right’ or perfect solution, and in my experience that often takes getting creative and getting support.

Years ago I did a year-long personal development program with a core belief that anything you want is available through community. And so I began by reaching out to my network of coaches and consultants with a passion for human potential.

And what an extraordinary group of people I’m blessed to know. I was reminded of the saying, “if you can make a dream happen on your own, your dream’s not big enough.”

Improving or honouring your self-care may not seem like a big dream to some, but when you’re struggling in this area of life, feeling more energized and taken care of is HUGE.

But where to start?

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An Affair of Self-Care

Posted on October 26, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 13 Conversations

The Homage to Self-Care welcomes Jackie Walker’s perspective on self-care, relationships and self-love.

When Sandi asked me if I’d like to do a guest post on self-care, I jumped at the chance as this is exactly what I’ve been putting in place for 8 years now. In the process of learning, I’ve had hurdles, I’ve had setbacks, I’ve had jubilant moments of gloriousness.

It’s been a roller coaster of self-care. And that’s ok because if you even know that you’re on the roller coaster, you’re mastering the art of self-care!

Building a relationship with yourself is one of the hardest things to do. It seems counter intuitive at times, until you learn that it’s the whole point of your life. Everyone else and everything else is simply there to give you a chance to notice where you aren’t caring for and loving yourself.

There are so many tough lessons for us all to learn, until we realise how to make it easy on ourselves. A lot of that is down to resistance and perspective. Without resistance things flow. To stop resistance, change your perspective.

If only it were that simple!

I got into the world of personal development after my marriage broke down. Or, I’d be more correct in saying after I broke down in my marriage.

The people who show up in a relationship are often not themselves.

I wasn’t, and I’m sure you’ll have been in a relationship – business or personal – when you haven’t been yourself.

So if the person who isn’t showing up, then chooses to show up, it’s almost like an affair, there’s a third-party. Given that all day, everyday, you are relating to others, it would be extreme self-care to relate as you, the real you, the one you sometimes don’t like and would rather you’d left at home!

One of the things that used to stump me was knowing who I really was in order to be that person. When I started paying attention to my thoughts, my feelings and my body, I soon found what felt good and what didn’t.

I spent ages just getting to know when I was feeling naturally good, and when I was feeling unnaturally charged or drained. Unnaturally charged or drained seemed to come about through the wrong food, the wrong situations, the wrong company, the wrong words, the wrong answers etc. Following the advice in the rest of this glorious series, will give you starting points to help you find the natural you.

If you knew how to turn up as yourself in your relationship, what would that mean you had to start doing, or stop being?

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Intending for Good

Posted on October 24, 2011October 23, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 15 Conversations

Consider that every behaviour has a positive intention.

Once you’ve let that sink in, you’ll then start to see that everything you do is self-care in some way.

For in that moment of choosing, you are caring for some part of yourself, perhaps meeting an unspoken need.

No matter how strange or inappropriate your behaviour may seem in hindsight or to others, it makes perfect sense in the moment you choose it.

This is not the truth, but when you act as if it is, it becomes an empowering statement of belief.

The key is to appreciate the positive intention of the behaviour.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with it or even like it. It’s just that there’s an opportunity when you look past the behaviour and focus on the intention. I promise, you’ll find one every time.

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by my self.” – Brian Andreas

As you look back over the past three weeks and our focus on self-care, what can you now acknowledge?

My guess is you may have been judging and assessing your actions and/or follow-through. Not necessarily new or empowering thinking, is it?

Why not act as if everything you’ve done (or not done) has had a positive intention?

Instead of judging where you are, shift to the positive. There’s always a gift if you rein in your impatience.

And since it’s all made up anyway. . .make up something good here, OK?

Reclaiming SELF-ish!

Posted on October 22, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

The Homage to Self-Care continues with a guest post from my Self-ish friend and awesome coach Rita Kampen.

Given the choice of becoming more selfish or more selfless I suspect I know which one you’d assume you’re supposed to pick. I mean, come on – this stuff has been drilled in since before we could talk.

Suzy, don’t be so selfish, share with your sister!

And it worked and we’ve learned to share, and when we don’t, we feel guilty. But why do so many of us feel unsatisfied, unhappy and just plain confused about how to navigate our own lives and our relationships?

I am proposing that we take the distorted definitions of selfishness and selflessness and bend them back so we can see more clearly.

Are you ready for the twist? This will only hurt your brain for a second.

I say it’s time to be more Self – ish!

Yup, you heard me right!

Definition: in the spirit of ‘ish’ (the housework is done-ish, come by at ten-ish) so that SELF-ish is actually closer to the vicinity of Self, being in tune with what the Self needs and desires; getting into the ballpark of our unique gifts and offerings so we can get in the game we were intended to play.

And to complete the twist, I declare that it’s high time we stop being Self-less.

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The Homage Continues

Posted on October 19, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

We’ve covered a lot of ground since the homage to self-care began.

Let’s recap, shall we?

1. In The System of You: Mind, Body & Spirit I asked you to check in and rate yourself.

These were my numbers Oct. 3, 2011:

Mind – 9/10
Body – 3/10
Spirit – 7/10

And today:

Mind – 9/10
Body – 6/10
Spirit – 7/10

My primary focus was to feel better in my body, so I took actions mostly in that realm. I’ve walked more, taken more breaks, had a couple of treatments, started stretching and doing the 10 min Daily Invigorator – and it’s starting to show. I’m sleeping better and feeling more energy throughout the day.

You may think going up 3 points is not that big a deal, and it may not be for you in that area, but you’ve got your area. This, I am sure of!

I’m also sure you can relate to some aspect of this. . .clients fixate on having a big breakthrough and become impatient. I know because I’m the same. We want results yesterday!

They (and you, if you’re honest) are so in their heads judging and assessing their progress, they’re not consistent in their actions and then don’t see the results they want. We have got to get this through our thick skulls – it’s the small, consistent actions over time that make the greatest difference.

So, take a moment and rate your three areas a second time and notice any changes. Notice where you took action and where you didn’t. No judgment please; just a clear observation of your journey these past two weeks.

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10 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being

Posted on October 10, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

In the mind-body-spirit system, all three parts need attention to make up your emotional well-being.

And before you go thinking this is a life balance kind of post, let me assure you it’s not. I don’t believe in balance. I know, shocking right? What kind of life coach am I anyway?

One that doesn’t buy into a lot of the BS out there in the personal development world. The much hyped, elusive life balance, in my perhaps-not-so-humble opinion, is like the carrot dangling forever just out of reach. No thanks. It doesn’t work for me, and I haven’t seen it work for many others either. Time to let it go and move on.

[pullquote] “Our essence is change. We are movement. Being out of balance is life.” – Chris Boucher[/pullquote]

No, I’m talking about all parts of the system, working together, ebbing and flowing like the tides.

When I first wrote about the mind-body-spirit system, I asked you to rate yourself in each part on a scale of 1 – 10.

Here’s a reminder of what that looked like for me:

Mind – 9/10

Body – 3/10

Spirit – 7/10

Not bad, still relatively stable; picture a 3 legged stool.

Now imagine two of the three ratings at 3 or lower and only one above 7. I’m pretty sure you’d be sliding onto the floor looking like a rag doll.

So don’t go there. Instead, start taking steps to improve your emotional well-being. It’s not rocket science, and yes I know, some days it’s not that easy.

But since you’re here paying homage to your self-care this month, what have you got to lose?

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The System of You: Mind, Body & Spirit

Posted on October 3, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

You are a system that consists of mind, body and soul.

You are a system that consists of mind, body and spirit.

In this trinity, you probably have a preference, an area that comes effortlessly and alongside that, an area of challenge.

For me, the focus on the mind is taken care of with almost no thought as I read constantly, love learning and sharing what I’ve learned with others.

My spirit is cared for, although a bit less reliably, but I do make time to meditate, unplug and attend silent retreats as often as I can.

The system is challenged most in the physical, my body, and over time, this has taken a toll.

As I shared in the introduction to this month-long Homage, what works for me is to take things on in community with an aspect of accountability.

Well then, what better place to be held accountable than right here on my blog?!

Because here’s the thing…

Your body doesn’t lie.

This comes up a lot in my coaching work with clients.

Mostly because we don’t generally pay enough attention to what’s going on in our bodies and there’s a cost to that. A cost to our well-being and energy, but also to our emotional resourcefulness.

But instead of listening to our bodies, we ignore, rationalize and suppress most of the messages our bodies are giving us every day.

What do you think might show up if you really started paying attention, listening to those messages?

What positive impact would it have to check in with yourself throughout the day asking,

“What message is my body giving me right now?”

For example:

Your back twinges.
- Do you move away from your desk, stretch and/or make yourself a cup of tea?
- Or do you push through the twinge and keep working for another hour?
Your neck feels tense.
- Do you drop your chin, close your eyes and roll your neck from left to right feeling the tension release?
- Or do you give your shoulders a quick shrug and quickly get back to work?
Your belly growls.
- Do you jump up to grab a snack?
- Or do you check in, listening for what it needs. Food? Water? Distraction?

“No more words. Hear only the voice within.” – Rumi

Your body is constantly talking to you; are you listening?

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Paying Homage to Self-Care

Posted on October 1, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 53 Conversations

Homage: respect or reverence paid

Self-care: care for oneself

For a few months I’ve been shifting my focus to self-care due to some physical challenges. Nothing life threatening, but challenging none the less.

In my enthusiasm and passion for the work I love (coaching & writing), I’d been spending increasingly more time at my desk, focusing on my mind and forgetting the body and spirit part of the system.

Here’s what my body reminded me of. . .

It’s not about what you know, it’s about how you live and the choices you make each day.

Ouch. They say we teach what we most need to learn, and I’m getting the message loud and clear!

Brene Brown says that calm is the ability to manage your emotional reactivity.

Calm is a superpower.

Truth is, it’s pretty tough to manage your reactivity when you don’t feel resourceful or when you’re body’s in crisis.

The shift to focusing on myself, specifically my body has not been easy and it doesn’t come naturally to me.

My tendency is usually to focus on and be there for others, and I know I’m not alone in this.

Friends, family, clients – I hear it often – everyone is challenged by the daunting task of taking care of ourselves.

Why is that?

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