How to Use Your Values to Thrive in Life & Business

Posted on February 12, 2013May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 17 Conversations

Values are underrated.

Underrated and underused, even in the world of personal development.

You might find people talking about them, but do they give you practical ways to use them in your day-to-day life?

The key is to work with your values often, not just as a once-through exercise, but as an ongoing practice to impact the quality of your life.

Not satisfied? ==> Check in with your values.

Work not fulfilling? ==> Check in with your values.

Relationship in a rut? ==> Check in with your values.

But it’s not enough to know what they are; like any knowledge or tool, you have to use your values to get the full benefit.

Like an internal compass, your values keep you aligned with what you say is important in your life, and can boost any goal or intention you have, making it much more effective and way more enjoyable.

“One must give value to their existence by behaving as if ones very existence were a work of art.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Values help you stand out from the crowd, and make your life and business hum with an inner confidence that is compelling.

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Myth Busting and the Key to Happiness

Posted on February 7, 2013May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 22 Conversations

“The key to happiness and health (and to all their auspicious by-products) is not how intensely happy we feel, but how often we feel positive or happy.” – Sonja Lyubomirsky

The Myths of Happiness, book cover

You know those times in life that rock your foundation?

In her book The Myths of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky calls them crisis points.

They’re the kind of events that leave you feeling like things will never be the same. And love them or hate them, they happen to everyone.

These crisis points can be times of renewal and growth, but let’s keep it real – we rarely seem to view them as such when we’re going through them.

Therein lies the key – how do you deal with them.

Myths is about identifying the steps that will work for you, and as in any area of life, there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

I recently asked,

If happiness is a choice, why don’t we always choose it?

I wasn’t surprised to find that most people believe it is a choice, but the question remains,

Why don’t we always choose it?

That’s the question I had in mind as I began reading the book.

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How to Befriend Your Inner Critic

Posted on December 10, 2012August 30, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 20 Conversations

The inner critic, gremlin, nasty voice in your head – whatever you call it, you’ve got one.

Here’s mine.

She’s harmless enough until something I’ve done (or not done) gets her attention and suddenly…

She unleashes a torrent of judgment and furious opinion that leaves me reeling, some days weeping.

She’s me, not me. A tangle of stories and limiting beliefs accumulated over a lifetime.

She lurks, waiting for just the right moment to pull the rug out from under me triggering feelings of lack, disappointment, and doubt.

Her name is Medusa, and like her namesake who struck fear into the hearts of men, one stinging comment or look from her and I am immobilized.

And yet, I do my best to befriend her, to quiet her strident, demanding voice.

Some days this feels like an exercise in futility; other days I get through to her and the result is always worth the effort.

For Medusa (naming your inner critic is powerful) is not the enemy despite the frenzy she stirs up.

She exists for your survival (one more aspect of your lizard brain), ensuring you stay out of trouble, and she has one overriding goal – to keep you safe.

Everything else, including how you feel, is secondary to that goal.

She shows up, uninvited like an over-zealous friend trying to get her point across without regard for your feelings. You know someone like this; their intentions are good, if somewhat clouded by their questionable tactics.

[Tweet “Your access to freedom is developing a relationship with your inner critic.”]

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Telling the Truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth!)

Posted on December 4, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

At this time of year there is a magnetic pull to look ahead and begin planning the new year. While this is powerful, we miss out on priceless information by jumping ahead too soon.

So before you jump on this bandwagon, how about trying something new?

Look back.

Look back and tell the truth about the year that’s been.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinhem

Yeah, it might piss you off, but you can’t let that stop you. Looking back and really seeing both positive and negative aspects of the year is the best way forward. Trust me on this one.

It takes courage and truth-telling; I know you’ve got both.

When you do this work before brainstorming what you want for 2013, you actually create on a blank canvas and not on top of the crap you’d rather hide and forget about.

Telling the truth strips away all pretense.

Let’s begin.

1. What worked this year?

Rewind and go back to the start of 2012. Review the past 12 months and make a list of anything that left you feeling satisfied.

2. What were some of your accomplishments?

It’s sad, but this is often the most challenging question to answer. It’s also an opportunity to be generous with yourself.

3. What didn’t work?

Think of the many areas of your life: business, relationships, health. Be honest about any experiences where you would have loved a do-over.

4. What was missing that things didn’t turn out the way you wanted or planned?

Big learning here if you look. What was missing? Structure, planning, resources; get specific. The more detailed the better; huge learning that will propel you forward when you get this.

5. What are the three greatest lessons of the year?

Do you need to strengthen boundaries or practice better self-care? Maybe it’s time to let go of your attachment to a certain outcome or belief. Whatever is, get it, own it, and move on.

6. What opportunities do you now see?

And finally, it’s time to start creating what you want for next year. Take all the wisdom you’ve just claimed and go for what you want! As if you had a blank canvas, and a better set of brushes, this is your opportunity to create.

But only after you’ve told the truth.

“There is no truth except the truth that exists within you.” ― Neale Donald Walsch

Tell it now.

Keep Calm, and Go Within

Posted on December 3, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

Everything you go through in life, whether from mind, body or spirit has information for you. Information along with an invitation to go deeper, to go within.

What do you do with the information?

Do you receive it or resist?

Do you make changes based on the information or pretend you never got the message?

Both are very human responses.

But whether you resist or refuse to get the message, the information persists lingering in your body.

The bad news is, that information has to come out sometime, somewhere. Wouldn’t it be better to have a say in that?

When you feel stressed, upset or fearful your sympathetic nervous system kicks in, sending adrenaline racing through your body, while your heart begins to race and your breathing becomes shallow.

The best thing to do in that moment is to focus on your breath, slowing everything down to a deep and rhythmic pace.

The second best thing to do is get curious about the information you’re receiving.

During a recent coaching conversation a client shared that she was feeling lost in her life, unsure about where she was heading. We started to explore it together.

I asked her:

What has you feel lost?
How do you know you’re lost?
What do you feel in your body when you experience feeling lost?

Exploring the feeling released the pressure she felt. She was suddenly able to breathe, the tightness in her chest dissipated, leaving in its place a sense of calm.

“Intelligence is not the ability to store information, but to know where to find it.” – Albert Einstein

You have to go within.

Use these simple steps, and be patient with yourself as you begin. Remember, this IS a practice.

With pen and journal in hand, take a deep breath and begin. . .

1. Say what’s there.

Just as my client did, get out of your head and into your body. Acknowledge the feeling that’s there.

2. Get curious.

Ask the questions above and write down your thoughts.

3. Go within.

Feel your way through the experience. Feel what’s going on in your body. Ask yourself, “What’s the message here?”

Then listen.

And remember,

“Calm is a superpower.” – Brene Brown

Swing Out

Posted on November 20, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

Dreams. Desires. Longings.

They’ve been on my mind lately.

How we suppress them, stuff them down.

So far down they disappear from consciousness.

So far down, they suffocate from lack of oxygen and light.

It’s time to bring them out in the open.

Breathe life into them.

Let them take flight.

Right now, imagine the feeling of sitting on a swing, pumping your legs, breathing deep, going higher and higher – a child-like grin on your face.

Feel the air whooshing past as you swing up towards the sky, legs outstretched on the upswing.

Feel the joy in your body, hear your whoop of delight as you go even higher.

From this energized, smiling-so-big-your-cheeks-hurt place think of one dream you’ve put on hold.

One dream, one desire that’s longing to be expressed.

And imagine right now. . .taking action on this dream.

Taking one action to unleash what you most desire into the world.

That one action is all you have to do today.

“It doesn’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing” – Duke Ellington

The Truth About One-Size-Fits-All

Posted on October 30, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 100 Conversations

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Many of today’s experts and gurus forget this.

It doesn’t matter how much they know. . .if you feel uncomfortable after watching their video.

It doesn’t matter what credentials follow their names. . .if they leave you feeling less than or lacking in any way.

And it absolutely doesn’t matter how many testimonials, followers, and subscribers they have if their offer just doesn’t feel good.

The promises and guarantees make no difference unless YOU know – and feel in your gut – that making a difference for YOU was their primary goal.

“There is no point in going into a business unless you can make a radical difference in other people’s lives.” – Richard Branson

It’s easy to look to the Internet gurus and marketers, but while they are definitely guilty of this practice they’re most assuredly not the only ones doing it.

I’m talking about those long-winded emails that start by scaring the crap out of you. Then, they wrap up with a save-the-day, “let me tell you how it’s done” solution and pressure to buy their new shiny product.

I hate this as much as one-size-fits-all pantyhose!

Because the truth is. . .

One size? NEVER, EVER fits all.

EVER.

And one solution never applies to life and business (doesn’t matter if we’re talking stockings, marketing or business building!)

There’s never just one solution, and the experts who try to convince you that there is have themselves and their self interests front and centre. Not yours.

RUN away from them as fast as you can, but only after you’ve gone back to their site to unsubscribe!

Truth is they don’t have the solution, nor do they have your interests in mind.

How do I know? They wouldn’t still be using these fear based, angst ridden tactics.

They are out to sell, which in and of itself is not the problem.

It’s that they don’t mind stretching the truth to do so.

Coaches do this too. I cringe every time I see it and it makes me wonder. . .

Does anyone tell the truth anymore?

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How Losing Your Mind Can Help You Find Yourself

Posted on October 28, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

My description of a silent retreat is this…

And I’m only partly kidding.

Does the concept scare you?

When I talk about my love of silent retreats I often hear comments like,

“I could never do that!”

“That kind of silence scares me!”

“Why on earth would you do such a thing?”

But what I’ve learned from many retreats into silence is this. . .

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An Exercise in Resourcefulness

Posted on October 24, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

“You want what you want, whether or not you think you can get it.” – Robert Fritz

How do you need to be thinking to go after your dreams and produce results?

All human behaviour is the result of state, so the first requirement is to be in a resourceful state, ie: a positive mood.

And when you’re not, you need to consciously choose it.

Because the truth is most of the time you have a choice.

Staying in a negative spin and doing nothing is a choice. You know it doesn’t feel good, but in the moment of choosing you’re doing the best you can.

How do I know? When you have better options you make better choices. I’m saying that not to let you off the hook for being responsible in your life, but rather to encourage you to have compassion for yourself when hindsight reminds you of a less than stellar choice you’ve made.

And it’s not about never having negative feelings. That’s ridiculous; everybody goes there sometimes. The key is not to stay there.

So the power then lies in choosing a resourceful state.

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How to Become a State Shifter

Posted on October 16, 2012May 25, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

If you had a simple tool to change your state with ease would you use it?

Imagine a spectrum with your negative feelings about life or a current circumstance on one end, and way over on the opposite end, how you most want to feel.

Neither good nor bad. Just neutral.

Where do you typically find yourself on this spectrum?

If you’re human, you’ll have days when it’s a fast and slippery slope to the negative, a.k.a. the dark side.

The problem isn’t that you go there, it’s that you stay.

Sometimes for a brief visit, and sometimes for an extended period that sucks the life right out of you.

And maybe you think there’s not much you can do about it. You react, get caught up in the emotions and in the blink of an eye a week’s gone by and you’ve barely left the house or your jammies.

It doesn’t have to go this way.

Becoming aware of where you are on the spectrum restores your power and ability to choose.

Imagine standing right in the middle, in neutral.

Look to the left – all the dark, negative feelings await like a creature from the black lagoon. Familiar, dark, heavy.

Look to the right – where your most inspired and positive emotions live. Engaged, exciting, light.

And breathe.

Be here in the middle and notice both ends.

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more.” – Alexandre Dumas

It’s easy to sabotage yourself when you want to change the state you’re in. You try to jump from feeling like crap all the way over to joyful and inspired, but it’s too great a gap and instead, you feel stuck, frustrated and resigned.

However, if you start to view your state from the perspective of a spectrum – a stateline – there’s suddenly room to move in either direction.

You really don’t have to stay stuck.

“Getting stuck is reactive, getting unstuck is proactive.” – Sherene McHenry

And if you do? There’s something powerful in realizing you have a choice.

That you’re not a victim of the circumstances. And you’re not at the mercy of your emotions.

Even if you only move to neutral, there’s a world of difference from where you began in your negative state. Taking that one step towards how you want to feel moves you in the direction of feeling better.

You now have a tool to explore the full range of whatever emotional spectrum you feel stuck in.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” – Anais Nin

The Process:

Step 1: Notice what negative state you’re in. What’s the emotion you’re feeling? Name it.

Step 2: What’s the opposite, positive and desired feeling? Name it.

Step 3: Notice where you are on the spectrum. Are you really at the furthest point on the negative side? Or are you closer to the middle, neutral ground?

Step 4: What one action would move you towards your positive, desired feeling?

Step 5: Go take that action.

When you learn how to pay attention to your states you empower yourself to choose, and feeling stuck can become a fleeting state of mind rather than a pity party over on the dark side.