Coaching

A Mala of Mindfulness (108 insights from 2012)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 41 Conversations

 

A mala is used in many religious traditions to count the repetitions of prayers or devotions, and often consists of 108 beads. Choosing one is a very personal experience, and not always easy – at least it wasn’t for me, as I didn’t find the mala that ‘fit’ me until the third try.

It’s worth the search though because when you do find the right one, it becomes a physical reminder of the power of awareness.

stone and mala beads from www.malaimports.com

Every year at this time I review my journals, I complete the year and make space for what’s next. This year, 2012, has been a year of challenge, opportunity and deepening; more than I thought possible.

As I reviewed, it occurred to me as a mala, 108 insights or  moments of mindfulness that have had a profound impact on my life.

I share it with the hope that some of these thoughts also make a difference for you.

1.   Silence is the best antidote to the busyness of life. New thoughts emerge effortlessly in this sacred space.

2.   Imagine living as if wherever you are is holy ground.

3.   When the muse wakes you up at 3am, pay attention.

4.   Feeling hunger is a good thing. It reminds us that we’re alive.

5.   Freedom from responsibility is not the solution. Choosing your responsibilities mindfully is.

6.   It’s ok to want what you want. Stop making your wants wrong.

7.   Get clear on your non-negotiables. It’s highly likely they’re related to your values.

8.   Question everything. Believe only that which feels good.

9.   You have a gift that is uniquely yours. How are you offering it?

10.  That slow burn in your belly will not fade away. Nurture it.

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How to Befriend Your Inner Critic

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 20 Conversations

The inner critic, gremlin, nasty voice in your head – whatever you call it, you’ve got one.

Here’s mine.

She’s harmless enough until something I’ve done (or not done) gets her attention and suddenly…

She unleashes a torrent of judgment and furious opinion that leaves me reeling, some days weeping.

She’s me, not me. A tangle of stories and limiting beliefs accumulated over a lifetime.

She lurks, waiting for just the right moment to pull the rug out from under me triggering feelings of lack, disappointment, and doubt.

Her name is Medusa, and like her namesake who struck fear into the hearts of men, one stinging comment or look from her and I am immobilized.

And yet, I do my best to befriend her, to quiet her strident, demanding voice.

Some days this feels like an exercise in futility; other days I get through to her and the result is always worth the effort.

For Medusa (naming your inner critic is powerful) is not the enemy despite the frenzy she stirs up.

She exists for your survival (one more aspect of your lizard brain), ensuring you stay out of trouble, and she has one overriding goal – to keep you safe.

Everything else, including how you feel, is secondary to that goal.

She shows up, uninvited like an over-zealous friend trying to get her point across without regard for your feelings. You know someone like this; their intentions are good, if somewhat clouded by their questionable tactics.

[Tweet “Your access to freedom is developing a relationship with your inner critic.”]

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Telling the Truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth!)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

At this time of year there is a magnetic pull to look ahead and begin planning the new year. While this is powerful, we miss out on priceless information by jumping ahead too soon.

So before you jump on this bandwagon, how about trying something new?

Look back.

Look back and tell the truth about the year that’s been.

Nude sculpture by Leo Mol, Winnipeg, MB

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinhem

Yeah, it might piss you off, but you can’t let that stop you. Looking back and really seeing both positive and negative aspects of the year is the best way forward. Trust me on this one.

It takes courage and truth-telling; I know you’ve got both.

When you do this work before brainstorming what you want for 2013, you actually create on a blank canvas and not on top of the crap you’d rather hide and forget about.

Telling the truth strips away all pretense.

Let’s begin.

1.  What worked this year?

Rewind and go back to the start of 2012. Review the past 12 months and make a list of anything that left you feeling satisfied.

2.  What were some of your accomplishments?

It’s sad, but this is often the most challenging question to answer. It’s also an opportunity to be generous with yourself.

3.  What didn’t work?

Think of the many areas of your life: business, relationships, health. Be honest about any experiences where you would have loved a do-over.

4.  What was missing that things didn’t turn out the way you wanted or planned?

Big learning here if you look. What was missing? Structure, planning, resources; get specific. The more detailed the better; huge learning that will propel you forward when you get this.

5.  What are the three greatest lessons of the year?

Do you need to strengthen boundaries or practice better self-care? Maybe it’s time to let go of your attachment to a certain outcome or belief. Whatever is, get it, own it, and move on.

6.  What opportunities do you now see?

And finally, it’s time to start creating what you want for next year. Take all the wisdom you’ve just claimed and go for what you want! As if you had a blank canvas, and a better set of brushes, this is your opportunity to create.

But only after you’ve told the truth.

“There is no truth except the truth that exists within you.” ― Neale Donald Walsch

Tell it now.

 

Keep Calm, and Go Within

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

 

Everything you go through in life, whether from mind, body or spirit has information for you. Information along with an invitation to go deeper, to go within.

Image of Buddha in Maui: photo credit - Sandi Amorim

What do you do with the information?

Do you receive it or resist?

Do you make changes based on the information or pretend you never got the message?

Both are very human responses.

But whether you resist or refuse to get the message, the information persists lingering in your body.

The bad news is, that information has to come out sometime, somewhere. Wouldn’t it be better to have a say in that?

When you feel stressed, upset or fearful your sympathetic nervous system kicks in, sending adrenaline racing through your body, while your heart begins to race and your breathing becomes shallow.

The best thing to do in that moment is to focus on your breath, slowing everything down to a deep and rhythmic pace.

The second best thing to do is get curious about the information you’re receiving.

During a recent coaching conversation a client shared that she was feeling lost in her life, unsure about where she was heading. We started to explore it together.

I asked her:

  • What has you feel lost?
  • How do you know you’re lost?
  • What do you feel in your body when you experience feeling lost?

Exploring the feeling released the pressure she felt. She was suddenly able to breathe, the tightness in her chest dissipated, leaving in its place a sense of calm.

“Intelligence is not the ability to store information, but to know where to find it.” – Albert Einstein

You have to go within.

Use these simple steps, and be patient with yourself as you begin. Remember, this IS a practice.

With pen and journal in hand, take a deep breath and begin. . .

1.  Say what’s there.

Just as my client did, get out of your head and into your body. Acknowledge the feeling that’s there.

2.  Get curious.

Ask the questions above and write down your thoughts.

3.  Go within.

Feel your way through the experience. Feel what’s going on in your body. Ask yourself, “What’s the message here?”

Then listen.

And remember,

“Calm is a superpower.” – Brene Brown

 

 

Swing Out

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

 

swing hanging from tree at the Brew Creek Center in Whistler, BC

Dreams. Desires. Longings. 

They’ve been on my mind lately.

How we suppress them, stuff them down.

So far down they disappear from consciousness.

So far down, they suffocate from lack of oxygen and light.

It’s time to bring them out in the open.

Breathe life into them.

Let them take flight.

Right now, imagine the feeling of sitting on a swing, pumping your legs, breathing deep, going higher and higher – a child-like grin on your face.

Feel the air whooshing past as you swing up towards the sky, legs outstretched on the upswing.

Feel the joy in your body, hear your whoop of delight as you go even higher.

From this energized, smiling-so-big-your-cheeks-hurt place think of one dream you’ve put on hold.

One dream, one desire that’s longing to be expressed.

And imagine right now. . .taking action on this dream.

Taking one action to unleash what you most desire into the world.

That one action is all you have to do today.

“It doesn’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing” – Duke Ellington

From Nothing to Something

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations

 

I got nothing.

These words take me by surprise. They lurk – in my awareness and energy.

I don’t like them and I don’t want them here.

Surprising because I’ve just come from a silent retreat that nourished my soul, and provided time to rest and room to breathe.

But no words show up to fill the space.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin

Blank Screen Blues - sitting in front of a blank monitor trying to think of something to write!

Until now.

It takes admitting what’s so. Saying the words you don’t want to say.

I got nothing.

You’ve got them too, don’t you? Those times that feel blank, lost, frustrating.

Who wants to admit being there?

Not me.

And yet, I shine the light on this dark, shadowy place; a place we do our best to avoid.

Because here’s the thing about ‘walking the talk’…

You can’t just do it when it looks good.

You can’t just do it when it looks like you’ve got it all handled.

Walking the talk is an ongoing proposition. It takes going deep into the ‘beingness’ of human being.

It’s in those moments when things don’t look or feel good; those moments that call you down to the depths, where all there is to do is. . .

Do. The. Work. 

Until you realize you do have something to share, something to offer and hopefully, make a difference for someone else.

That moment when you get from nothing to something. . .

and remember once again where real transformation lives.

 

 

The Truth About One-Size-Fits-All

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 100 Conversations

 

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Many of today’s experts and gurus forget this.

It doesn’t matter how much they know. . .if you feel uncomfortable after watching their video.

It doesn’t matter what credentials follow their names. . .if they leave you feeling less than or lacking in any way.

And it absolutely doesn’t matter how many testimonials, followers, and subscribers they have if their offer just doesn’t feel good.

The promises and guarantees make no difference unless YOU know – and feel in your gut – that making a difference for YOU was their primary goal.

“There is no point in going into a business unless you can make a radical difference in other people’s lives.” – Richard Branson

It’s easy to look to the Internet gurus and marketers, but while they are definitely guilty of this practice they’re most assuredly not the only ones doing it.

I’m talking about those long-winded emails that start by scaring the crap out of you. Then, they wrap up with a save-the-day, “let me tell you how it’s done” solution and pressure to buy their new shiny product.

I hate this as much as one-size-fits-all pantyhose! 

Because the truth is. . .

One size? NEVER, EVER fits all.

EVER.

And one solution never applies to life and business (doesn’t matter if we’re talking stockings, marketing or business building!)

There’s never just one solution, and the experts who try to convince you that there is have themselves and their self interests front and centre. Not yours.

RUN away from them as fast as you can, but only after you’ve gone back to their site to unsubscribe!

Truth is they don’t have the solution, nor do they have your interests in mind.

How do I know? They wouldn’t still be using these fear based, angst ridden tactics.

They are out to sell, which in and of itself is not the problem.

It’s that they don’t mind stretching the truth to do so.

Tell Truth: image credit - Ari Moore

 

Coaches do this too. I cringe every time I see it and it makes me wonder. . .

Does anyone tell the truth anymore?

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How Losing Your Mind Can Help You Find Yourself

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

 

My description of a silent retreat is this…

thoughtful words of challenge painted on the front wall of the old skate arena at Red Hill, Brisbane.

And I’m only partly kidding.

Does the concept scare you?

When I talk about my love of silent retreats I often hear comments like,

“I could never do that!”

“That kind of silence scares me!”

“Why on earth would you do such a thing?”

But what I’ve learned from many retreats into silence is this. . .

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An Exercise in Resourcefulness

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

 

“You want what you want, whether or not you think you can get it.” – Robert Fritz

How do you need to be thinking to go after your dreams and produce results?

All human behaviour is the result of state, so the first requirement is to be in a resourceful state, ie: a positive mood.

And when you’re not, you need to consciously choose it.

Because the truth is most of the time you have a choice.

Staying in a negative spin and doing nothing is a choice. You know it doesn’t feel good, but in the moment of choosing you’re doing the best you can.

How do I know? When you have better options you make better choices. I’m saying that not to let you off the hook for being responsible in your life, but rather to encourage you to have compassion for yourself when hindsight reminds you of a less than stellar choice you’ve made.

And it’s not about never having negative feelings. That’s ridiculous; everybody goes there sometimes. The key is not to stay there.

So the power then lies in choosing a resourceful state.

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