When you begin to walk the path from fear to freedom, you’ll notice a shift in energy.
It’s empowering to explore, like an archaeologist digging for answers from the past.
Because really..
What are we all so afraid of?
Krishnamurti said, “Fear of any kind breeds illusion.”
This illusion stops us in life, for where we are afraid we are not free.
This illusion keeps us from being with our fears in a way that contributes to our growth and development.
Instead, we try desperately to crush fear, escape it, and worst of all, suppress it – but none of these lead to freedom.
What can you do instead?
Witness your fear as an observer.
Be with it.
Learn from it.
Fear has much to teach you if you show up open to learning.
And that’s how I found myself unable to sleep one night, kept awake by a fear I was trying to avoid.
There in the dark, I decided to face it head on and discovered some truths that grounded me and helped me fall back asleep. There in the dark, I hung out with my fear.
Pulling Back the Curtain on Fear
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” – Jim Morrison
It’s true that what you are most afraid to face is also your doorway to freedom. Like the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand, we let ourselves become paralyzed by fear, giving away our power.
- Face it. Call it out into the light where you’ll see it’s rarely as bad as you imagine.
“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” – Marilyn Ferguson
At first I wasn’t sure this was true, but often the knowing is unconscious. Sadly, this makes very little difference to how we face our fear.
- Trust yourself to get through any fear that comes your way. You have everything you need, and way more than you imagine.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” – Paulo Coelho
What you imagine is always a thousand times worse than the reality when you actually face the fear.
- Stop engaging with the fear. Talk to your heart instead.
“Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.” – Veronica Roth
Becoming fearless isn’t the point, but neither is controlling it. Then why does so much popular wisdom encourage the futility of becoming fearless? It’s time to give this bogus call to action a rest.
- Feel the fear, locate it in your body, and breathe into it. Going back to its source and feeling it deeply leads to sweet relief.
“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.” – Paulo Coelho
So much truth in these words. Fear and love are two sides of the same coin, so when you give in to your fears, there’s no way you can feel love at the same time.
- Again (because it bears repeating), find the fear and feel it. Then ask yourself, “What would love do now?”
“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” – C. JoyBell C.
When you develop the practice of feeling your fear, you’ll discover the depth of this wisdom.
- Get clear on what’s beyond the fear, what’s worth your time and energy. This makes it so much easier to move forward.
“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live.” – Rumi
Fear triggers our primordial need for safety, but remember, it’s an illusion 99% of the time. Rumi was talking about the lizard brain, but even he understood its illusion.
- Be with the thing you’re afraid of, and hang out there a while. You’ll find it doesn’t have the same grip as you see past the smoke and mirrors.
“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational – or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don’t.” – Lemony Snicket
It’s the irrational fears that shut down your capacity to live life fully. It’s time to get real about what’s so.
- Say them out loud. Notice how little sense they make, then forgive yourself, and move on.
“Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.” – Natalie Goldberg
Whether writing or living, the wisdom of these words whispered to me in the middle of the night. That which you can’t be with owns you, so it’s essential to start speaking up.
- Tell the truth about your fears and watch them dissolve.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell
Truth is, what keeps you up at night will rarely happen. What have you got to lose by entering this metaphorical cave?
- Imagine the worst AND the best case scenarios. Understanding that you’ll usually fall somewhere in the middle will give you the courage to step into the ‘cave.’
“The greatest danger facing us is ourselves, and irrational fear of the unknown. But there’s no such thing as ‘the unknown,’ only things temporarily hidden, temporarily not understood.” – Captain Kirk, Star Trek
And here we come to one of our deepest fears – fear of the unknown. Let’s stop succumbing to it, and instead seek to understand. Facing the unknown will expose the faulty rationale that keeps us stuck.
- Get curious. Look for that which might be hidden from your view, and from this new perspective embrace the unknown.
For surely, if Captain Kirk says it’s so, it must be true!
Over to you:
Tell the truth – what are you so afraid of?
Failing my kids- no greater fear than that, everything else is secondary.
There’s no such thing as the unknown — only temporarily hidden or not understood. Who knew Captain Kirk was so wise? Captain Jean Luc Picard of course. But Kirk? Wow! 😉
What am I so afraid of? Dying with regrets because I didn’t live a fulfilled life. The ironic thing is that fear is probably the single biggest barrier to living a fulfilled life. And allowing myself to not act because of fear is the recipe for regrets. Hmm.
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes I can only imagine that fear, but on the flip side I’ve often felt the fear of failing my parents, or even worse, disappointing them. What do you do to get past it?
Joshua Wilner/A Writer Writes I can only imagine that fear, but on the flip side I’ve often felt the fear of failing my parents, or even worse, disappointing them. What do you do to get past it?
Carol Hess I know, I had the same reaction when I saw Kirk’s name 😉
And yeah, dying with regrets is one I’ve worked on myself. I don’t think of it much anymore, but every once in a while (like 3 am) it sneaks in and tries to grab hold. I’m happy to report I gave as good as I got in this recent tussle 😉
Sandi Amorim I keep moving. Sink or swim.
Awesome… My biggest concern – that I didn’t do something that was important to me, that I put off doing something and now there’s no more time so I’ll never know if I could have or how it felt. I don’t think I fear it, but it’s enough to motivate me to go for it when I remind myself. This is it!
I’ve had plenty of my biggest fears materialize (or come extremely, on the brink, close). Maybe a part of me knew they were coming. Maybe I brought it on by fearing them. Nonetheless, I am still here and I no longer spend much time with them. Kind of destroys the moment. Funny too what happens when you humanize the fear and look right at it saying,”Hello, friend.” Always teaches you something.
I used to be afraid of fear. I did everything I could to avoid it. That only created anxiety, and that’s worse than fear. Now? I’m mostly afraid of fearing fear a la Roosevelt. It’s always so much better to take a deep breath, square me shoulders, and push through instead of avoiding whatever it is and torturing myself overlong.
Vicky White Negative motivation for the win 😉
Julie Barrett Totally agree, and even though it’s not my favourite kind of learning, I’m glad it shows up reliably!
Ellen Berg Yes x 1000!
Sandi,
Excellent post! So much truth in what you say and all the wonderful quotes you found. Fear is such a dream crusher. Fifteen years ago I walked away from a lucrative career to change my life and go back to school. I had no income just a desire that wouldn’t go away. Doing this changed me dramatically by pushing me through my fears of poverty and leaping with out a net….but I survived and thrived. It was the best lesson in life I ever learned. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Sandi,
You are so right — fear of the unknown. I heard it said today that the known is only the result of prior conditioning. It is only when we let go of the known, and step into the unknown, that we can let the universe work for us to bring us the successes we desire. Thanks for this great message. 🙂
AngelaArtemis We need to listen to those ‘desires that won’t go away’ more in life, don’t you think? That’s why your work with intuition is so invaluable!
speakervictor Sometimes I find it funny that we’re so afraid of the unknown, like it’s kind of a cosmic joke! And I agree, we need to let go and allow life to deliver our desires – working hard is overrated 😉
Great quotes on fear Sandi – I especially like the Paul Coelho, being unable to talk to your heart. This is so true, if we allow fear to get a grip on us it’s hard to shake it off. And it’s so pointless given that it’s simply a thought that creates the feeling and only has the power we give it.
Well said Sandi. That fear-faith dance is so interesting, a fascinating tango when you learn to observe more and obey less. Thanks for sharing!
Ryan
Well said Sandi. That fear-faith dance is so interesting, a fascinating tango when you learn to observe more and obey less. Thanks for sharing!
Ryan
Yes! It bugs me when I read or hear people talk about “getting rid” of feelings, when fear is a natural response to real or perceived threat. What really matters is acknowledging that fear; when we can feel it and sit with it, we can learn more about ourselves from it. I love the Captain Kirk quote too! That’s given me something interesting to chew on… 🙂
Yes! It bugs me when I read or hear people talk about “getting rid” of feelings, when fear is a natural response to real or perceived threat. What really matters is acknowledging that fear; when we can feel it and sit with it, we can learn more about ourselves from it. I love the Captain Kirk quote too! That’s given me something interesting to chew on… 🙂
Sandi,
My happiest days are always when I do this: Face what troubles me first thing. It could be as simple as a kinda, sorta painful phone call, but once that’s done, the rest of the day is easy breezy, man 🙂
ElleSommer I wrote this post before discovering the HeartMath Institute, and now that Coelho quote makes more sense than ever!
RyanKBiddulph Observing, breathing, and feeling what’s there to feel rather than avoiding, resisting, and even pushing through. And now you’ve got me thinking more about the fear/faith dance, so thank you Ryan!
Hannah BWYA Haha, I knew that Captain Kirk quote would surprise folks 😉
And yes, I am so so tired of hearing people talk about emotions like things they can dispose of. My perspective is to be with your emotions like you be with the weather – let them blow through you without resistance. Trying to resist a hurricane (or fear or anger) is a pointless endeavour!
Craig McBreen Reminds me of that Eat the Frog book by Brian Tracy! I love that you do it to start the day with it, because it becomes so much easier to procrastinate and/or avoid if we leave it for later. Like you, I much prefer easy breezy 🙂