Where Are You From, Really?

 

Brian Tracy said, “It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.”

Yes, and when you acknowledge where you’re from with love and respect, the impact on where you’re going is profound.

 

Where am I from?

I am from a home where love and laughter reigned, a place of simple joys and comfort. giant heart stone found at Davis Bay, near Sechelt, BC

A home that prepared me for a life of connection, contribution and love; living each day fully, someday nowhere to be found.

I am from a woman, compassionate and loving, who chose a man strong and proud.

From my grandmother’s knee, oven-baked bread and rosy cheeks in the crisp wintry air.

A land, where immigrants gathered to start anew, courage and spirit to brave the elements.

A land that prepared me for western shores; where mountains and ocean collide.

 

Where am I from?

From the school of possibility; the spirit’s edge, my church the mountains and the waves below.

A place of coeur-age where risk and exploration connect.

childhood books on the shelf, photo by Sandi Amorim

Birthed in the stories of Jo March, Elizabeth Bennett, and a red-haired girl named Anne.

Where girls have heart, and spirit in abundance.

 

It’s easy to tell the stories that keep you small.

But right here as you read this, what’s the story that warms your heart?

That’s the one you should be telling.

 

From Someday to One Day (how shifting your focus brings a dream alive)

 

Someday you will die.

And that’s really the only someday thought you can count on.

The rest of your someday thoughts are like the numbered balls in an old school bingo basket. . .bouncing around, one idea on top of the other. Your dreams tumbling about willy nilly.

Bingo Balls: photo credit - bridges&balloons

And therein lies the problem.

You don’t think of your dreams as possible, and you don’t give them the attention they deserve.

You mostly think of them wistfully, with a tender ‘someday, maybe’ longing.

Someday I’ll travel the world.

Someday I’ll sing on stage.

Someday I’ll be my own boss.

Each one tossed about, spinning endlessly in the basket of your mind.

Whatever your someday desire is, it’s time to get real about the fact that right now – today – it’s neglected, cushioned by the unknown and surrounded by the thousands of negative thoughts you think every single day.

From the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff:

“Our minds—made up of our thoughts, beliefs, and self-talk—are always ‘on.’ According to scientists, we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. . . And what’s even more startling is that of those 60,000 thoughts, 95 percent are the same thoughts you had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Your mind is like a record player playing the same record over and over again.

Still, that wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the next statistic: for the average person, 80 percent of those habitual thoughts are negative. That means that every day most people have more than 45,000 negative thoughts. Dr. Daniel Amen, a world-renowned psychiatrist and brain imaging specialist, calls them automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs.”

Basically, your someday thoughts (aka the dreams and desires you’re neglecting) are being trashed by an army of ANTs.

So, how do you stop your dream from being sidetracked by this army of negative Nellies?

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How to Break Free of a Burnout

 

Too many people are headed for burnout. Maybe you’re one of them.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker.” – Sam Keen

Because here’s the thing – no one is immune.

I’m pretty sure even the Dalai Lama has to manage this to some degree. It’s part of the human condition, and we all go through it from time to time.

Sometimes it’s because you don’t know how to say no.

Other times it’s due to overwhelm of the awesome kind. There are simply too many great things to do, attend or take part in.

Either way, burnout is imminent.

“Just like there’s always time for pain,
there’s always time for healing.” – Jennifer Brown

If you’re too far gone down the path, you may not be able to avoid it.

The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck there.

So grab a notebook and a pen. We’re doing this the old school way.

Ready?

 

MAKE TWO LISTS: 

List #1

Start with Danielle LaPorte’s infamous ‘stop doing’ list. 

Sit yourself down and get real.

I start with everything that’s currently on my plate – commitments, promises, projects, whatever.

Then I go through the list letting myself feel whatever energy comes up.

If my gut winces or my brow furrows, I get rid of it.

Do this with integrity.

If other people are involved, let them know where you’re at. Clean it up, repromise, change your mind – it’s all good when done in service of you being of greater service, to yourself and others.

If your gut flutters and you smile as you look at the item on the list, it’s a keeper.

It’s not rocket science. Trust your body. It never lies.

 

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Rise Up and Choose

 

You have two options: 

1. The discomfort of taking action now

OR

2. The pain of your ‘someday’ thinking

 

Choose.

Anything else is avoidance.

Day 11 of Project 137

“Love what you want.” – Danielle LaPorte

 

You have everything you need to rise to the occasion.

For it is an occasion.

Dress up.

Open up.

Rise up,

and choose what you most want. 

Rise up and choose.

Come to the Dark Side: permission to own where you suck

 

The past month has challenged me in all areas, mind, body and spirit.

I could blame it on Mercury retrograde, or my post conference funk, but whatever the reason, July took me out. You could say I’d been hit by a cosmic 2’x4′.

shadow image in black and white

Me and my shadow; welcome to the dark side.

Blocked and doubtful, Lizzie on full-blown loudspeaker about my work and what’s next, and then because that wasn’t enough, blindsided by an inflamed disc in my low back.

Really God? You thought that was a good idea?

And just like that, I fell down the slippery slope to the dark side.

The dark side ain’t pretty.

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Peace Comes From Within (and other thoughts on living)

 

Peace comes from within mural, Vancouver, BC

I believe peace comes from within. Looking outside yourself is the booby prize; there’s no fulfillment there.

I believe it’s ok to slow down. Sometimes it’s the only thing that makes a difference.

I believe in connecting with like-minded souls. They nourish me in ways unexpected.

I believe inspiration can only take you so far. You’ve gotta dig deep to take the right actions that will make a difference.

I believe laughter is the best balm to our wounds. Lighten up, the world is funny and so are you.

I believe we’re all doing the best we can. And. . .we can be and do better than that when we stop, breathe and respond. Reaction is exhausting.

I believe we each have our own unique genius. Your only job in life is to deliver that; the rest is distraction.

I believe fear is a great motivator. If you’re not afraid, it’s probably not your thing so let it go.

I believe it’s good to share and express our humanity. We’ll never get it all handled, stop pretending and embrace real.

I believe in declaration. Say what you want, say what you’ll do and say it loud so others hear and hold you to it. This should scare the pants off you.

I believe in love. . .even when it’s hard, you’re afraid, and you want nothing more than to run away. What would love do now is the answer.

I believe in living life on my terms. It’s ok that you don’t agree, you’ve got your own terms to live, so live them.

I believe in doing what it takes. Your dreams are worth the effort, so just do the work please.

I believe you get to say. . .how you want your life to go and how you want to feel about that. Don’t squander it or give it away.

I believe it’s good to rest in the unknown. You may not like it, but it’s where ‘what’s next’ is born.

I’m there now, a midwife waiting for the birth.

 

Kiss Your Tolerations Goodbye

 

You will make changes when the shit you’re currently tolerating becomes intolerable.

woman holding up left hand in STOP gesture

It’s that simple.

That’s what it takes to shift from tolerating and complaining about life to taking new actions. The pain of what you’re tolerating has to increase to such a degree you can’t take it anymore.

And that is a very good thing, or nothing would ever change.

But mostly we hate that it’s that simple. And we hate that it’s up to us to be responsible for our lives.

Instead, we come up with complicated reasons for dragging these tolerations around like an invisible ball and chain.

“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” – Robert A. Heinlein

So I want you to make a list of all the shit you’re tolerating in your life.

Every single thing that’s not how you want it.

Here’s how this works:

visual of toleration exercise

As you can see, it’s not rocket science. But you do have to get straight about the real reasons you’re tolerating shit in your life.

The first reason is a get-out-of-jail-free card, and usually a socially acceptable reason. But it’s also bullshit because all it’s doing is letting you off the hook for being responsible for your own damn life!

The second reason is the truth.

Best case scenario, you’ll be free of the ball and chain, able to take a new action.

Bonus? You’ll restore your integrity instantly.

The alternative?

“Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” – Richard Bach

 

Over to you:

  • Create your list and tell the truth about why you don’t have what you want.
  • For each toleration on your list declare a new action.

 

 

Regrets of the Dying (and other possibilities for life)

 

“One regret, dear world, 

That I am determined not to have 

When I am lying on my deathbed 

Is that I did not kiss you enough.” – Hafiz

regretful pose of sculpture against blue sky

If you could know the precise time and place of your death, would you want to know?

How would your life change?

Maybe you’ll think I’ve become obsessed with death, but if you did you’d be wrong. This is about becoming obsessed with the opposite – living life fully.

You see, yesterday I got word that an acquaintance passed away. He was not yet 50.

It was the kind of wake-up call that rattles complacency, and it rattled me more than I expected. I heard the news as a call to go deeper with my commitment to challenge ‘someday thinking’.

I didn’t ask for this path and it’s sure as hell not comfortable; the voice in my head shouting, “Who the hell do you think you are to shake things up?”

Somewhere along the way, without realizing at first, I became a waker.

That’s who I am. And I don’t always like it.

But resistance is futile as you probably know.

A waker, a cage-rattler, a warrior for you to step up and shine. Not much comfort on this path.

I call bullshit on your reasons and excuses. I challenge your status quo. And I rock the boat. . .often.

I will not settle for anything less.

Except when I do.

And it takes a serious reminder like illness and death to remind me of what I’m committed to, and what lights me up each day.

After I heard yesterday’s news, one question kept coming to mind…

If you died today what regrets would you have? 

That question went round and round in my mind until I got that’s where the work is – to move away from regrets and towards a life of satisfaction.

Making a difference for ourselves while we can.

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From Head to Heart (unleashing the courage within)

 

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”  – Debbie Ford

Courage is Contagious

You know that thing you do when you make a snide remark and then laugh it off with, “Just kidding”? What would happen if you actually were responsible for the fact that you’re not?

Because in that moment, as you say those words, you’re really not kidding, are you? You just don’t have the guts to say what you want to say, so you back pedal.

You don’t have the confidence to be who you are and say what you want to say. Not much a surprise as you probably weren’t brought up to express yourself in this way.

No. Instead you were told to be nice, get along, and for God’s sake, do not rock the boat.

It takes a helluva lot of courage to grow beyond this conditioning; to live without apology and without  excuses. But the alternative – wearing a mask – is unbearable.

Before you react, I’m not advocating turning into an asshole. I’m acknowledging that it’s not an either/or spectrum with nice on one end and jerk on the other.

We all have a dark side and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. However, you also don’t have to let it dominate your life, ie: becoming the jerk or suppressing it, ie: showing only the nice, often superficial mask.

This is an invitation to live without the pretense.

To take off the mask and be true to yourself.

To unleash your courage like a contagion gone viral! 

Since reviewing Debbie Ford’s book Courage, this has been on my mind, a lot.

Debbie writes to ignite your confidence and reclaim your courage, you’ve got to step into your highest vision of who you are. But mostly, you’re so used to living in the past and the stories of who you are, you can’t see the vision. It’s hidden from your view.

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Courage and Overcoming Fear with Debbie Ford

 

Years ago I read Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford, and I remember my surprise at realizing that someone was actually shining light on the parts of ourselves we try so hard to hide.

In her latest book Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self Confidence, she goes deeper right from the start as she asks,  Courage, book cover

“How many times have you felt yourself shrink?”

“How many times have you kept your mouth shut when you wanted to scream loudly, or handed over your power to someone who didn’t have your best interests at heart?”  

“How many times have you told yourself, ‘I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I”m not courageous or confident enough to be all that I desire to be?”

Because truth is, every day you’re confronted with situations that trigger thoughts like these, and the accompanying self-doubt.

Confronted too by opportunities and choices, hundreds of them, that can make you feel confident and strong or weak as a shrinking violet. Every one, a choice.

Are you owning that responsibility or living as a victim to it?

She writes that, “when we lack confidence, we feel unworthy of having what we want, of speaking the truth, of making decisions that improve our lives. When we feel weak, helpless, or powerless, we lack the strength to ward off the thoughts of defeat, negativity and fear that fill our minds and prevent us from moving forward and living in harmony with our deepest desires. ”

Courage provides steps to increasing confidence, and the possibility of living to our fullest potential.

“True courage comes not just from feeling confident and strong, but from being the honest, authentic expression of yourself.”

Debbie shares her personal journey with cancer, the wake-up call she needed to help her see where she herself had become stuck in life. Her raw honesty and vulnerability as she shares her story are rare traits, and make for a compelling read. Using the metaphor of a warrior, she digs deep to share the wisdom gained from confronting her own dark side while igniting the warrior long suppressed inside.

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