dreaming

The Death of Someday

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 37 Conversations


Day 28 – Vocabulary

If you could eliminate one word from your brain forever—what would it be?

If you’ve read anything I’ve written the past year or even just my online bio, you’ll know that the word I’d eliminate is someday.

some·day

– at some unspecified time in the (distant) future

How I detest that word.

It lets you off the hook, not responsible for your life and makes me cringe with distaste. It calls to mind a funeral I attended a few years ago.

I saw people cry, full of regrets for what might have been with the deceased. I heard people make promises of how it would be different, maybe not right then and there, but someday.

Those promises? Soon forgotten.

St. Boniface cemetery, Winnipeg, Manitoba

I’m not immune to someday.

Everyone falls prey to it sometimes and I’ve had my periods of inaction and stuckness. I’ve also kicked my someday thinking to the curb on many occasions:

  • Someday I’ll be more athletic. ==> I ran a half marathon at 34, one year after knee surgery.
  • Someday I’ll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. ==>I found my calling as a coach at 37, and a new calling as a writer at 47.
  • Someday I’ll write a book, even though I’m still not sure of the topic. ==> 2012 is the year this will happen.

Someday is a dream killer.

It will kill your dreams in a heartbeat if you let it. These 3 tips can help you avoid that regretful outcome!

 

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Quoting Yoda, Trashing Goals & Declaring Intentions

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 22 Conversations

 

The prompt for today was actually the word try, but like Yoda I believe,

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

So I’ve replaced it with the word intend.

intend: to have in mind as something to be done or brought about

Compare it with another word you’re probably more familiar with.

goal: the result or achievement toward which effort is directed

I know which appeals to me more, especially after reading 100 Days with No Goals by Joshua Fields Millburn.

Like many, I used to be very goals oriented. I created all kinds of goal tracking worksheets and action plans and produced some great results. I was perhaps a bit driven.

I’m done with that, have been for a long time and wince when I find myself seduced by the lure of goals.

And then I remind myself of the power of intention. . .

“to have in mind as something to be done or brought about.”

My insides relax, my heartbeat slows down and I feel a spaciousness that chasing goals never once produced.

In my reading about goals and intentions I came across the Hawaiian concept of Ho’ohana and I felt a strong connection.

Ho’ohana is about making your living in a world that provides direction and intention while leaving you much more fulfilled than the familiar, goal-obsessed path.

Intentions or Goals?

I know which I’m choosing.

So, back to the prompt and the creation of 2012.

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Harnessing the Butterflies

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

 

Once long ago, I had a dream to do something creative with my life. As a child, I coloured, drew pictures, wrote stories and just knew that somehow that would continue to be part of my life.

At 18 I applied to art school. I wanted nothing more than to paint, even though I knew it wouldn’t be easy.

That was my first real memory of the butterflies; seized by anxiety and fear, I chose to trust and follow those elusive fluttery creatures.

But I didn’t fit the stereotype of a brooding, starving artist. I was smart, happy, in a relationship and looking forward to my future, which in the end did not go the way I’d planned.

The relationship ended and the art dream died, along with my positive outlook on life.

Bitter, cynical and more than a little jaded, I gave up my youthful dreams and joined the rat race. The stories I’d been telling myself were more real than any reality and I was stuck.

Fast forward six years; I’m sitting in a course trying to create a new future. The trying only created a headache, not a vision that inspired me in any way. The more I tried to come up with the right words, the right future, the less inspired I felt.

I sat in my chair resigned that I would ever have what I wanted in life. So I closed my eyes and I took a deep breath. Then another. I felt the pressure ease, my mind relax. I heard the voices of my group around me, but I just kept breathing.

In and out. . .and suddenly, I heard myself say, “I want to travel, meet people and take photographs.”

I looked up and people around me were smiling. At that moment I wasn’t quite sure why. It seemed insane, a pipe dream with no way of becoming reality.

But my group encouraged me to keep those words alive, even if I had no idea how to make it happen.

So I let myself dream.

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Mastering the Art of Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

 

On the left side WORK. . .

“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” – Buddha

Which part of that statement is true for you?

Half? Neither?

Be honest with yourself.

 

 

On the right side REALITY. . .

“The person who is a master in the art of living makes little distinction between their work and their play, their labour and their leisure, their mind and their body, their education and their recreation, their love and their religion. 

They hardly know which is which. They simply pursue their vision of excellence and grace in whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing. To them, they are always doing both.” – Zen Buddhism text

Now imagine this. . .

Work you enjoy.

Work that fulfills you.

Work that you’re here for.

On this Labour Day. . .

let yourself begin creating a new reality.

 

 

Evolution of A Story

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 18 Conversations

 

Guest post from Rachael Acklin sharing the evolution of her story.

 

I’ve been making up stories about myself since I was a child.

I used to pretend that I lived in Middle Earth, and that the woods behind my house were full of elves.

sunlight in forestI used to climb trees and pretend that I lived out there and could fall asleep on a branch and not fall down.

As I grew older, and had a boyfriend, I told myself that I was boring and not very pretty, because a sixteen-year-old boy found me rather bland.

When I was in my twenties, I told myself that romance wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and that a husband who came home every night was better than excitement.

Later when he left me, I told myself that I was used and damaged and nobody would ever want me.

But I also told myself that I was capable of taking care of my two little kids on my own, and that I didn’t need anyone else.

Then a year or so later I decided I did need someone else, and I pretended I was happy that way.

It’s taken me years of pain and heartache, along with beautifully sunny days full of smiles and laughter and the love of my children, to see that so many of the stories I’ve told myself are pure and utter bullshit.

And that I can leave them behind, not just to write a new story, but to see myself for who I really am.

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Stretching Beyond

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

 

As I watched, it stretched its neck, ever so gracefully upwards. . .

Reaching for the tender leaves hanging down.

The word vulnerable came to mind and I wondered. . .

Where are you not stretching? Not reaching for the tenderest, juiciest leaves (your dreams)?

swan stretching its neck

Where are you waiting…

– for someday

– for the right moment

– for the leaves to drop

Why not reach up?

Way up.

Stick your neck out.

S T R E T C H .

And go for what you want.

You’ve nothing to lose.

You don’t have what you want now.

“It’s silly to be afraid that you’re not going to get what you want if you ask. Because you are already not getting what you want.” – Marcia Martin

Silly you.

 

Tell me:

What is just out of reach?

What’s the cost of not stretching?

Here’s Where the Story Ends

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 41 Conversations

 

Ahh, the stories you tell yourself. If I had a nickel for all the stories my clients have shared over the last 10 years I’d be rich.

Very. Very. Rich.

stack of old books and spectaclesStories you were told growing up.

Stories you made up about yourself.

Stories that held you back.

It’s enough to have Freud turn over in his grave.

Err, actually, he’d probably like all your stories because that would mean lots of time on the couch.

I was reminded of the power of stories by two things  recently:  a chat with the fabulous El Edwards of TruthPassionJoy and a song called The Story Ends by The Sundays.

The thing that most people forget about stories is this. . .

They’re all made up in the first place. 

You create you. Then you forget.

A relative comments on your height/weight/hair colour ==> You make this mean you’ll have to compensate and work harder than everyone else to get ahead.

An ex-boyfriend says you’re too intense ==> You decide you’re too much for people to handle and start suppressing yourself.

A kid on the playground calls you a nerd ==> You give up on all things athletic because clearly, you are NOT a jock.

Your 4th grade teacher says “stop trying so hard, you’ll never be an artist” ==> You stop doing what you love to do (except in your most secret dreams) and do what’s expected.

See how this works?

They said X ==> You made up Y

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How to Defeat Your Paper Tigers

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 2 Conversations

 

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” – Amelia Earhart

Tiger behind bars

The decision to act IS usually the most difficult part of the coaching process. Paper tigers stop us regularly, even when it’s clear they’re made of paper.

Look at the photo. Due to the depth of field, or where the photographer focused, the bars don’t look solid or real. Our beliefs can be like that in reverse. It’s all in our focus or perspective.

The thing that totally jazzes me as a coach is that we really can do most anything we decide to do. The limits are more often in our minds than in reality.

A few examples:

  • After years of struggling, a client became crystal clear on what she wanted. Within a year, she bought a condo, changed careers, adopted a baby and began a new relationship.
  • A few months into coaching, another client announced she wanted to move to Europe for a year. That was three years ago! She successfully moved, working virtually for her organization in North America. She too, bought a home and had a baby in that time.
  • One year after knee surgery, I ran a half marathon, something I’d never imagined possible. Growing up I was the smart one, not the athletic one. The power of my decision to run the race was so empowering, it blew my paper tiger away in a puff of air!

In each example, two things played a major role:

1.  Clarity

  • What do you really want and why?
  • How do you want to feel throughout the process?

2.  Commitment

  • What do you need to put into place to get started?
  • What structures can help you stay focused?

Like the quote says, “the process is its own reward.”

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The Art of 3D Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 8 Conversations

 

3D usually refers to something having three dimensions, ie: width, length and depth.

I’m using 3D to refer to three aspects of life that aren’t usually thrown together. I found myself falling down the rabbit hole exploring them and how you can use them to have a more vibrant 3D experience of life.

3D Living = Death + Dreams + Delight

3D glasses

Death comes knocking when you least expect it, the mother of all wake up calls.

Dreams have a life of their own, sometimes existing in the least hospitable environments.

Delight can happen in any moment of any day, catching your breath, catching you off guard.

Do you live as though you have choice with these three seemingly unrelated bedfellows or do you more often than not find yourself living as a victim of life’s circumstances?

 

1D – Death

You act like you’ll live forever, avoiding the topic of death at all costs.

This looks like head in the sand, someday thinking which usually at some point turns into a litany of why you can’t have what you want.

  • Someday. . . I’m going to have my own business, and then I’ll have the money and freedom to live the way I really want BUT right now, I’m stuck at a job I hate with a boss I hate even more and I can’t quit because I’ve got a mortgage, kids, debt, etc.

OR

  • Someday…(this used to be one of my faves) when I meet the right person I’m going to have the most amazing relationship and I’ve done all this personal development work and I’ll be ready BUT not right now because I should probably lose some weight and buy a new wardrobe first.

You get the gist right? Someday… maybe…when the time is right, but not now.

It’s about all the amazing things you’ll do when. . . . . . . . . . {fill in the blank}.

The part you need to shake up is that part of you that’s not willing to be responsible for taking the actions required. Picture a child, fingers in their ears, singing “lalalalalalalalalalala” loudly to drown out reality.

Heads-up: Living in lala-land leads to a life of regrets.

Put on your 3D glasses and look at death from a different perspective.

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Because Deathbed Regrets Suck

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

Dear One,

I couldn’t sleep last night.

Someone I know died last week, a friend of the family. I didn’t know her all that well, but every time I saw her, every interaction I had with her left me feeling appreciated and acknowledged.

She was so very present, her face lighting up when she saw you. She smiled big, from deep within and seemed to squeeze the joy out of life.

I don’t even know what she accomplished in life. It’s how she lived and how she left people feeling that was extraordinary.

I thought of her last night, her death yet another wake up call.

It got me thinking about life, and how you stop yourself from really living.

I know you know what I’m talking about.

Surviving is not the same as living.

It’s actually quite easy to survive, to live with all the things you’re tolerating and all the ways you’ve suppressed yourself.

But your dreams and desires for this life?

Where do they exist amidst the toleration and survival?

Maybe you talk about them a lot, but because you rarely take action you sound like the boy who cried wolf.

Maybe you write about them…at night, in your journal, when no one’s looking.

You keep them safe and locked away.

And love. Sweet, sweet soul-nourishing love.

What about it? Do you share your love, expressing it freely?

Or do you save it for the ‘appropriate’ time.

What are you waiting for?

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