coaching

As It Is Spoken, So Shall It Be

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 30 Conversations

 

How many times have you heard the childlike incantation abracadabra?

A phrase used by magicians, it’s actually from Aramaic. “Avra K’davra” meaning “As it is spoken, so shall it be!”

Puts a new spin on it, for in those words is a very important message. . .

Your speaking creates your reality. 

store window, Portland, Oregon

I don’t mean that in some new agey way, or wistful longing for a someday dream.

I mean, your speaking creates your reality – how you feel, how people respond, your energy, etc.

Every time you open your mouth you’re creating.

“We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.” – J. K. Rowling

Speaking is generative, and every word that comes out of your mouth creates.

I’m tired. I’m busy. I can’t. 

What world did you just create?

I’ll do it. Let’s meet. I’ll figure it out!

How about now?

What if you really got the power of “As it is spoken, so shall it be?”

Now what would you say?

 

Over to You:

What do you have the courage to create in your speaking today?

 

 

Give Your Someday a Date

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 12 Conversations

When was the last time you said yes to something on your life list?

Distinction: A bucket list is considered to be a list made up of things to do before you die, i.e: ‘kick the bucket.’ A life list is made up of things to do while you’re ALIVE. And things that make my heart beat faster should be kept somewhere special. . .not a bucket.

Back to the question…when?

It’s been awhile for me too.

“This is me. And I’m imperfect and I’m vulnerable and I’m afraid sometimes…” – Brené Brown

And then yesterday, I said yes.

YES.

To something that simultaneously terrifies and excites me.

I’m going to learn how to scuba dive.

On October 17 I’ll be joining my friend and colleague Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures and two others in the water.

Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures teaching scuba diving.

That’s Jason on the right teaching and sharing his passion!

Here’s why it’s a big deal…

When I was 8 years old I almost drowned, and while I don’t remember many of the details, I do remember the panic and fear of not being able to breathe.

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How To Stay On Task

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

Imagine this scene: You want to get fit and you have joined your local gym with a view to setting up a fitness regime toot suite.

You have all the best intentions and just know that this time you really will follow through with the promises you have made to yourself!

Just to make especially sure though, you have even entered all your intended gym visits for the following month into your planner so as to remove your usual excuse of not having time.

And there’s no messing around because the first time you have scheduled is tomorrow immediately after work.

The only problem is you have no way of knowing how you will feel tomorrow after a long days work. You may feel great and pumped at the thought of pumping iron. Or indeed you may not. Fatica quasi Gioia: photo credit - Marco Crupi

Then tomorrow comes and it’s an insanely hectic day with work. You have no time to even take lunch and your expected leaving time of 4:00pm becomes 5:30pm.

Not that that is a problem or reason to not go because you know your partner will happily start dinner in your absence. You have nothing to rush home for that can’t wait until you have had some much deserved ‘you time’.

What do you do?

If you’re like most people, here is the answer to that question.

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The Art (and Science) of Solution Focused Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

Problems. We’ve all got them.

In all areas of life – business, relationships, finances, health, and so on.

No one is immune.

It’s common to focus on problems, which can lead you down a negative spiral faster than an army of ants at a picnic; the kind of ANTs that suddenly seem to hi-jack your brain.

But is it really useful to focus on the problems? We’re human beings not machines, which leaves me questioning this obsession with problems and fixing ourselves.

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” – Louise L. Hay

Question: What Is Problem-Solving?

Answer: Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

Yes, problem solving is a mental process. . .that keeps you in your head analyzing!

Over and over, same problem, multiple angles, round and round until it feels like you’re deeper than ever, mired in the problem.

Yes, the intention is to get to the solution, but think about it. . .

How often has it really worked vs. how often has it kept you stuck?

“Anxiety and fear produce energy. Where we focus that energy noticeably affects the quality of our lives: focus on the solution, not the problem.” – Walter Anderson

It’s much more uncommon (and useful) to view life through a solution focused lens.

Sometimes I startle clients when I tell them I don’t care about the problem. And it’s true, I don’t. . .I care about what they want, and as soon as I can get them back to thinking about that, the sooner they feel resourceful.

You might think it’s semantics, but it’s not. It’s an energetic shift. It just feels better to focus on what you want from a solution focused view of life.

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From Someday to One Day (how shifting your focus brings a dream alive)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

Someday you will die.

And that’s really the only someday thought you can count on.

The rest of your someday thoughts are like the numbered balls in an old school bingo basket. . .bouncing around, one idea on top of the other. Your dreams tumbling about willy nilly.

Bingo Balls: photo credit - bridges&balloons

And therein lies the problem.

You don’t think of your dreams as possible, and you don’t give them the attention they deserve.

You mostly think of them wistfully, with a tender ‘someday, maybe’ longing.

Someday I’ll travel the world.

Someday I’ll sing on stage.

Someday I’ll be my own boss.

Each one tossed about, spinning endlessly in the basket of your mind.

Whatever your someday desire is, it’s time to get real about the fact that right now – today – it’s neglected, cushioned by the unknown and surrounded by the thousands of negative thoughts you think every single day.

From the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff:

“Our minds—made up of our thoughts, beliefs, and self-talk—are always ‘on.’ According to scientists, we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. . . And what’s even more startling is that of those 60,000 thoughts, 95 percent are the same thoughts you had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Your mind is like a record player playing the same record over and over again.

Still, that wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the next statistic: for the average person, 80 percent of those habitual thoughts are negative. That means that every day most people have more than 45,000 negative thoughts. Dr. Daniel Amen, a world-renowned psychiatrist and brain imaging specialist, calls them automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs.”

Basically, your someday thoughts (aka the dreams and desires you’re neglecting) are being trashed by an army of ANTs.

So, how do you stop your dream from being sidetracked by this army of negative Nellies?

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How to Break Free of a Burnout

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

Too many people are headed for burnout. Maybe you’re one of them.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker.” – Sam Keen

Because here’s the thing – no one is immune.

I’m pretty sure even the Dalai Lama has to manage this to some degree. It’s part of the human condition, and we all go through it from time to time.

Sometimes it’s because you don’t know how to say no.

Other times it’s due to overwhelm of the awesome kind. There are simply too many great things to do, attend or take part in.

Either way, burnout is imminent.

“Just like there’s always time for pain,
there’s always time for healing.” – Jennifer Brown

If you’re too far gone down the path, you may not be able to avoid it.

The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck there.

So grab a notebook and a pen. We’re doing this the old school way.

Ready?

 

MAKE TWO LISTS: 

List #1

Start with Danielle LaPorte’s infamous ‘stop doing’ list. 

Sit yourself down and get real.

I start with everything that’s currently on my plate – commitments, promises, projects, whatever.

Then I go through the list letting myself feel whatever energy comes up.

If my gut winces or my brow furrows, I get rid of it.

Do this with integrity.

If other people are involved, let them know where you’re at. Clean it up, repromise, change your mind – it’s all good when done in service of you being of greater service, to yourself and others.

If your gut flutters and you smile as you look at the item on the list, it’s a keeper.

It’s not rocket science. Trust your body. It never lies.

 

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The Cure for What Ails You

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

 

Ever notice how a good laugh shifts almost any mood?

Some days it is the ONLY thing that works.

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” – Robert Frost

Think about those moments when you really do feel crazy. Laughter releases the pressure and returns you to a more resourceful state.

A-mazing Laughter, sculpture by Yue Minjun in Vancouver's English Bay

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.” – Charles Dickens

Similar to yawning, it’s really hard to watch someone laughing and not feel the urge to join in.

It feels so damn good. Stop resisting!

Let yourself laugh, out loud and more often!

 

“Laughter is the language of the soul.” – Pablo Neruda

The first time I attended a silent retreat I caught myself laughing as I walked through the woods on my own. It bubbled up from within and echoed through the trees.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

 

“Life is really a great cosmic laughter.” – Osho

Listen, the joke is often on you, so why not laugh about it? It will more than likely be funny in a few years.

Why wait?

Laugh more now.

A-mazing Laughter, sculpture by Yue Minjun in Vancouver's English Bay

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

Life. IS. Funny.

Stop wasting your precious time worrying and stressing. Open yourself up to a big ol’ belly laugh.

Look for opportunities to laugh.

They’re everywhere when you pay attention.

 

 

Kiss Your Tolerations Goodbye

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 53 Conversations

 

You will make changes when the shit you’re currently tolerating becomes intolerable.

woman holding up left hand in STOP gesture

It’s that simple.

That’s what it takes to shift from tolerating and complaining about life to taking new actions. The pain of what you’re tolerating has to increase to such a degree you can’t take it anymore.

And that is a very good thing, or nothing would ever change.

But mostly we hate that it’s that simple. And we hate that it’s up to us to be responsible for our lives.

Instead, we come up with complicated reasons for dragging these tolerations around like an invisible ball and chain.

“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” – Robert A. Heinlein

So I want you to make a list of all the shit you’re tolerating in your life.

Every single thing that’s not how you want it.

Here’s how this works:

visual of toleration exercise

As you can see, it’s not rocket science. But you do have to get straight about the real reasons you’re tolerating shit in your life.

The first reason is a get-out-of-jail-free card, and usually a socially acceptable reason. But it’s also bullshit because all it’s doing is letting you off the hook for being responsible for your own damn life!

The second reason is the truth.

Best case scenario, you’ll be free of the ball and chain, able to take a new action.

Bonus? You’ll restore your integrity instantly.

The alternative?

“Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” – Richard Bach

 

Over to you:

  • Create your list and tell the truth about why you don’t have what you want.
  • For each toleration on your list declare a new action.

 

 

Regrets of the Dying (and other possibilities for life)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 63 Conversations

 

“One regret, dear world, 

That I am determined not to have 

When I am lying on my deathbed 

Is that I did not kiss you enough.” – Hafiz

regretful pose of sculpture against blue sky

If you could know the precise time and place of your death, would you want to know?

How would your life change?

Maybe you’ll think I’ve become obsessed with death, but if you did you’d be wrong. This is about becoming obsessed with the opposite – living life fully.

You see, yesterday I got word that an acquaintance passed away. He was not yet 50.

It was the kind of wake-up call that rattles complacency, and it rattled me more than I expected. I heard the news as a call to go deeper with my commitment to challenge ‘someday thinking’.

I didn’t ask for this path and it’s sure as hell not comfortable; the voice in my head shouting, “Who the hell do you think you are to shake things up?”

Somewhere along the way, without realizing at first, I became a waker.

That’s who I am. And I don’t always like it.

But resistance is futile as you probably know.

A waker, a cage-rattler, a warrior for you to step up and shine. Not much comfort on this path.

I call bullshit on your reasons and excuses. I challenge your status quo. And I rock the boat. . .often.

I will not settle for anything less.

Except when I do.

And it takes a serious reminder like illness and death to remind me of what I’m committed to, and what lights me up each day.

After I heard yesterday’s news, one question kept coming to mind…

If you died today what regrets would you have? 

That question went round and round in my mind until I got that’s where the work is – to move away from regrets and towards a life of satisfaction.

Making a difference for ourselves while we can.

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From Head to Heart (unleashing the courage within)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”  – Debbie Ford

Courage is Contagious

You know that thing you do when you make a snide remark and then laugh it off with, “Just kidding”? What would happen if you actually were responsible for the fact that you’re not?

Because in that moment, as you say those words, you’re really not kidding, are you? You just don’t have the guts to say what you want to say, so you back pedal.

You don’t have the confidence to be who you are and say what you want to say. Not much a surprise as you probably weren’t brought up to express yourself in this way.

No. Instead you were told to be nice, get along, and for God’s sake, do not rock the boat.

It takes a helluva lot of courage to grow beyond this conditioning; to live without apology and without  excuses. But the alternative – wearing a mask – is unbearable.

Before you react, I’m not advocating turning into an asshole. I’m acknowledging that it’s not an either/or spectrum with nice on one end and jerk on the other.

We all have a dark side and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. However, you also don’t have to let it dominate your life, ie: becoming the jerk or suppressing it, ie: showing only the nice, often superficial mask.

This is an invitation to live without the pretense.

To take off the mask and be true to yourself.

To unleash your courage like a contagion gone viral! 

Since reviewing Debbie Ford’s book Courage, this has been on my mind, a lot.

Debbie writes to ignite your confidence and reclaim your courage, you’ve got to step into your highest vision of who you are. But mostly, you’re so used to living in the past and the stories of who you are, you can’t see the vision. It’s hidden from your view.

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