coaching

Experiment in Trust

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations

 

Trust has been on my mind a lot lately.

You might think after so many years of personal development and almost a decade of coaching I’d be a very trusting person.

Not so much.

My lil’ lizard brain is suspicious and cynical, and you’d be amazed at the skepticism that rears its head almost every time I read or try something new. Why do you think it took me so long to start a blog and get on Twitter?

I’ve been lied to and cheated on in the game of love.

I’ve been burned by business agreements gone wrong, promises broken.

I’ve been hard done by, strung along and…

I know. This is starting to sound like a dramatic, movie-of-the-week. The result is this,

Not. So. Trusting.

You’ve got your own story of disillusionment and disappointment, so, we’re in this together.

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What Will You Do With Your One Precious Life?

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver

“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver

You’ve probably read that quote before; maybe it even inspired you…for a moment. Did it actually change anything in your life though? Did it spur you to action or have you commit fully to a dream?

I didn’t think so. Me neither.

And yet? I love that quote, which is actually the last line of this poem.

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Maybe I’m quirky, but it’s the second last line that inspires me, “Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?”

The idea that my life is precious appeals to me, but it’s the reminder that everything dies “and too soon” that inspires me to action.

Consider that you don’t often do what it takes to honour that one wild and precious life. You don’t, and it’s time to tell the truth about that.

You talk about it. A lot.

You make promises and New Year’s resolutions, you join programs and support groups, spend money and waste time.

Now, until I’m on the other side and can share my perspective from the afterlife, I’m pretty sure this life? Is all you’ve got. Right here. Right now. This is it.

It’s not a practice life either.

This. Is. It.

But when you think of your life, doesn’t it seem infinite, like you have all the time in the world?

Except, you don’t.

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We Are All Meant to Shine

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 29 Conversations

 

Ever notice how quickly you can shift from feeling inspired to feeling attached?

A sudden, intense drive to make things happen a particular way takes over and inspiration is nowhere to be found; gone like the breath you took 10 seconds ago.

You fixate on a goal and suffer when it’s taking longer than you wanted or expected.

Pretty funny if you can get back to the realization that you made it all up to begin with!

Maybe you. . .

  • Obsess about your progress until you give yourself a headache
  • Try forcing the outcome thereby pissing off everyone involved
  • Refuse to quit, even though everything in you is saying “let it go”
  • Exhibit a dog-with-a-bone-like determination. Grrrrr, get out of my way!

So what’s a results oriented, bottom-line human doing supposed to do when it’s not about the doing? Continue reading →

10 Tips for Getting the Most Out of Coaching (and Life)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 33 Conversations

 

When I began coaching almost 10 years ago, it was common for people to ask, “What sport?”

These days more people know about coaching but here’s what I’ve been hearing in conversations – they don’t necessarily know how to use it or apply it to what they’re up to in life.

It’s like when you buy a gadget (I’m sure I’m not the only one with a drawer full of kitchen gagdets, right?)

You think it’s awesome and you impulsively buy it. You get the awesome thing home and then…you forget about it. By the time you do pick it up again, you have completely forgotten what it’s for or how to use it.

Coaching is a bit like that. I’ve had clients hire me all excited to begin pursuing a dream, only to change their mind, succumb to their doubts and fears (hello lizard brain) and forget all about it.

Just like that gagdet in the drawer.

You didn’t really want to write that book, run that marathon, build that business did you?

YES, you did. And I think you still do so let’s pull your dream out of that drawer, shall we?

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If I Could Say Anything

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 85 Conversations

 

We need to talk.

If we were dating, it’d be time to fess up (I’m on a roll, this is my second confession this week) and that scares me.

Since we started seeing each other four months ago (has it really only been 4 months?) I’ve been wanting to make a good impression, wanting to show you my best.

Except…

What I thought was my best was not.

Likable, nice, funny, smart – check.

My best? Not so much.

I’m saying this because I’ve had moments of:

  • biting my tongue
  • suppressing myself
  • ignoring my instincts
  • sweeping a thought under the rug

I have stopped myself in so many ways from saying what I wanted to say. But enough is enough; this can’t go on.

If I could say anything, I’d say what I wanted to say, straight up.

I’ve been afraid.

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The ABC’s of Back-to-School

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 13 Conversations

 

I have always loved back-to-school energy. I was a keener when I was young and loved everything about this time of year: new clothes, new teachers and yes, new school supplies!

The energy of starting fresh was a high, and I couldn’t wait to get back and get going.

I’m an adult now, and guess what? Not much has changed!

What if we had access to that kind of energy more consistently in life?

What if that energy could fuel our dreams?

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5 Steps to Managing Your Lizard Brain

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 33 Conversations

No matter how much personal development work you’ve done, no matter how many self-help books you’ve read, there’s one thing you need to know…

Salamander: photo credit - Mark Faviell

This little fella ain’t never going away!

 

Your lizard brain is never going away and it’s never going to shut up.

It’s there for your survival and we’re still here as a species so it must be doing something right. Thing is, survival isn’t what it used to be.

Our Neanderthal ancestors? They had to deal with survival; saber tooth tigers and warring tribes were a real threat! That you’re afraid to try something new and step out of your comfort zone – not so much.

So if it’s never going away and never shutting up, just how do you manage this ancient, survival driven part of your brain?

1. Talk to it

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” – Anthony de Mello

Start questioning it! One of the best ways I’ve found to talk to the lizard brain is through The Work, a process created by Byron Katie. It’s a process of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the fear that trigger your lizard brain.

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How the 80/20 Rule Can Inspire You

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

I’ve spent the past couple of months in the Life Lab (doesn’t life occur as an experiment a lot of the time?).  I’ve been re-examining all aspects of my life and business, noticing my reactions, managing my emotions and asking myself a lot of questions.

It’s all about the questions (more on that later).

Do you know the 80/20 rule?

In the 19th century, an Italian economist and sociologist, Vilfredo Pareto, noticed that 80% of the wealth in Italy was held by 20% of the population.  He then went on to demonstrate this to be true in other countries as well.  Since Pareto’s time, this rule has been found to be true in virtually any area:

  • 20% of the streets handle 80% of the traffic
  • 20% of the features in a product are used 80% of the time
  • 20% of sales people bring in 80% of the sales
  • 80% of our time is spent on 20% of the problems

The only way to really see the 80/20 rule is to step back and look at the bigger picture, the larger perspective.  When you first do this it’s mind blowing; there’s nothing quite like seeing things clearly.  Seeing the forest rather than the trees!

If you don’t know what the big picture is, how can you make decisions that will lead you to your desired outcome?

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This Is Your Wake Up Call

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 28 Conversations

 

Life flows, day after day and mostly we go along with it, don’t we?

I know I do. I go with the flow, become complacent, and forget that I always have choices. I listen to my lizard brain whispering seductively, “Don’t rock the boat, Sandi. Just relax.”

But what if I did rock the boat? What if YOU did?

What if one day, we stood up and intentionally put our weight into rocking the hell out of the boat?

What might happen and what’s going to be the wake up call to do just that?

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