Yesterday You Said Tomorrow

Posted on September 20, 2011April 16, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 41 Conversations

Tomorrow you’re going to take that trip; you know, the one you’ve always dreamed of.

Tomorrow you’re going to write that book; you know, the one that’s been burning inside you forever.

Tomorrow is going to be the day you have fun; no really, the whole day just to play like a child.

But the days turn into weeks, and then into months.

The tomorrows add up and turn into years.

And you look back and wonder. . .

What the hell happened?

They say time flies when you’re having fun.

Ha! It also flies when you’re saving up your tomorrows.

But. . .

What if today you did something different?

What if today you took one new action?

Because here’s the thing. . .

You’ve said tomorrow far too often and far too long.

You know it’s true.

It’s time to start saying (and doing) something new.

NOW.

Like shifting from someday thinking to ==> “Hell yeah, what one action can I take today?”

Like hearing your lizard brain and saying ==> “Screw you Lizzy! I’m gonna make that call!”

Like listening to your heart’s desire and saying ==> “YES, I hear you now.”

Others have done it.

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Being With What Is

Posted on September 6, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

Guest post by Rita Chand – Sharing the being part of human being.

I’d just hung up the phone with Sandi after calling her to help me deal with something. She had asked if I was up to writing something about this experience I was having, that it was something her readers could probably relate to. I love Sandi so saying no to her isn’t an option. Little did I know I’d be inspired to write something as soon as I hung up the phone. But she’s good like that.

[pullquote]“There is the risk you cannot afford to take and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take”. ~ Peter Drucker[/pullquote]

On Monday, I found out I didn’t get a job that I really really REALLY wanted. The process lasted a month, the job was exciting and amazing and it was everything I wanted. Everything I’d been talking about for quite some time. Happiness couldn’t be found sitting at my desk day after day anymore – I needed more, desired so much more. And this job offered it.

But, I didn’t get it. After all that, someone else did.

And it’s okay. . .ultimately it is.

It wasn’t meant to be.

There are bigger, BETTER things out there for me.

It’s her loss.

And all the other platitudes that people say to make us feel better. They want to help so they say what they know to say. I appreciate that. But we all know it doesn’t help. None of those things help. And I think we know that too. God bless people for being so awesome.

My friends are sad for me. . .well actually, most of them are just sad that I am sad. They didn’t want me to move away, so some have shared they are relieved.

So yes, it is okay. Ultimately.

Does it feel okay? No. Did I cry for 2 days after? Yes.

Even at the gym. I just cried. I’m disappointed. Heartachingly, gut wrenchingly disappointed.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do disappointment very well.

In fact (don’t tell anyone I said this) I think disappointment is one of the worst emotions to deal with. I’d rather be pissed off. Or better still, indifferent. I can do those really well.

But to sit in my own disappointment. . .forget it.

Disappointment is like the cooties of feelings. There’s nothing redeeming about disappointment. It just downright sucks.

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How to Be Rich and Happy: Spotlight & Review

Posted on September 2, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

Follow Friday Series

An Admission, A Review & A Spotlight

Follow Friday Series

The Admission

I started talking to Tim Brownson about having him in the spotlight months ago. I wanted to combine the Friday spotlight with a review of Tim’s book (co-authored with John P. Strelecky) and that’s when my procrastination kicked in.

In my 15+ years as a student of personal development and 10 years of coaching I’ve read a helluva lot of books, and the title How to Be Rich and Happy made me groan aloud.

Really Tim?

How to Be Rich and Happy???

Sounds so. . .I don’t know. . .too good to be true maybe?

It’s fair to say I had a reaction to the title, which began the cycle of procrastination, putting it off time and again.

If I’d told him, he’d probably have laughed and had me read An Easy Way to Beat Procrastination where he says,

“As a human being your brain is pre-programmed to avoid pain whenever it can.”

At first I thought, “What pain? I love doing these spotlights!” but the pain quickly became clear.

The pain was related to my reaction which lead me to believe I wouldn’t like the book itself which lead to “I shouldn’t review this book”which lead to why the hell read it then!? I’d completely forgotten it had started with a desire to have Tim in the spotlight.

The worst thing about the procrastination was the blow to my integrity, one of my core values. Honouring my word is essential to my well-being. I’m not kidding, it really is that important to me and here I was putting off something I said I’d do months ago.

When you’re committed to walking your talk, the only thing to do when your integrity goes out is clean it up. That I hadn’t kept my word became a fierce thing in my mind, staring me in the face like one of Tim’s Dobermans!

So I read the book.

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Quieting the Voices

Posted on August 25, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

The Vagabondage Series: Wherein Elana Baxter slams the door on her own personal kryptonite!

Over the last week, I’ve been engaged in a form of mental hand to hand combat.

With whom you might be asking. . .

Some of the sneakiest, most crippling villains shadowing the psyches of folks everywhere as we do our best to show up, don our superhero capes and fly out into the open air to rally for a sweet, satisfaction-filled life.

You and I know them well. They are the kryptonite of action, the Achilles heel of focused intention, and the chocolate espresso cheesecake slyly beckoning from a pastry case after a long, tough day.

Allow me to introduce my UnFab Five, a.k.a. the saboteurs of

overwhelm
judgement
perfectionism
impatience
lack of integrity

I’ve met each of these bad boys and we know each other intimately. Recently, I had the chance to chat with all of them and here for your viewing pleasure are the outtakes:

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The Myth of the Reveal

Posted on August 18, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

The Vagabondage Series: Elana Baxter steps out from behind the curtain.

I have jumped out of a plane, landing safely in a world of wonder. My head is on straight, and my eyes are open. The limbic lizard previously in charge of the first half of my life has been usurped by a common sense check-in system (Value-O-Meter) that informs me when I’m on or off course.

When the lizard begins to interfere, I check in with reality: we look deeply into each other’s eyes over espresso and all is well with the world. Every day is an opportunity to practice what I’ve learned about myself and what works for me. In other words, I am doing the work that matters and the work that delivers results.

So now what?

The Reveal and the Real

I spend a bit of leisure time indulging in something I cringe to confess, but since I’m out here with my soul flayed like a boneless chicken breast here goes: I watch reality television, in particular the makeover and weight loss themes (hides head under tablecloth).

biggest loser tv show finale I haven’t logged huge quantities of time watching the stuff, but I do enjoy it in controlled doses. Now, the thing about the cruelly ironic reality that is so expertly created on programs like the Extreme Makeover franchise or Biggest Loser, and what makes it so addictive and illusory, is that it always delivers.

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What the Heck Is the Point?

Posted on August 16, 2011October 22, 2012 by Sandi Amorim 43 Conversations

Why do you do what you do?

Love.

Money.

Purpose?

What compels you to take action when you’re paralyzed with fear?

When the lizard rears up in its loud, persistent glory?

It’s said that if you have a big enough why, anything is possible.

People like Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, and Gandhi (the usual suspects) all started with “why.”

It was their why that enabled them to do what they did, inspiring others and achieving remarkable things.

It might sound blasphemous, but I don’t think of them as extraordinary human beings.

They were just like you and me. Ordinary people with one major difference.

They had a very BIG why.

What’s yours?

And is it big enough?

[pullquote]“That which is within you and expressed will set you free, but that which is within you and not expressed will eat you from inside.” – Book of Thomas[/pullquote]

Your why is yearning to be expressed.

Why do you do what you do?

Without a clear answer to this question. . .

What the heck is the point?

Here’s Where the Story Ends

Posted on July 31, 2011March 19, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 41 Conversations

Ahh, the stories you tell yourself. If I had a nickel for all the stories my clients have shared over the last 10 years I’d be rich.

Very. Very. Rich.

Stories you were told growing up.

Stories you made up about yourself.

Stories that held you back.

It’s enough to have Freud turn over in his grave.

Err, actually, he’d probably like all your stories because that would mean lots of time on the couch.

I was reminded of the power of stories by two things recently: a chat with the fabulous El Edwards of TruthPassionJoy and a song called The Story Ends by The Sundays.

The thing that most people forget about stories is this. . .

They’re all made up in the first place.

You create you. Then you forget.

A relative comments on your height/weight/hair colour ==> You make this mean you’ll have to compensate and work harder than everyone else to get ahead.

An ex-boyfriend says you’re too intense ==> You decide you’re too much for people to handle and start suppressing yourself.

A kid on the playground calls you a nerd ==> You give up on all things athletic because clearly, you are NOT a jock.

Your 4th grade teacher says “stop trying so hard, you’ll never be an artist” ==> You stop doing what you love to do (except in your most secret dreams) and do what’s expected.

See how this works?

They said X ==> You made up Y

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Say Something New

Posted on July 27, 2011March 19, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 19 Conversations

“The words you speak become the house you live in.” – Hafiz

I recently had the pleasure of exploring what Monique MacDonald calls your Sacred Gifts. Her work had been recommended to me by many people and that always gets my attention. Then my friend and colleague Coral Heron took the training and the opportunity arose.

After 15+ years of personal development work of all kinds I know myself pretty well. My strengths and weaknesses are familiar friends and I do my best to focus on the former. But as Coral lead me through the process another layer of the onion fell away.

Your gifts are not necessarily your skills or talents, or what you’re good at. Instead, think of them as qualities you were born with that allow you to do ordinary things in extraordinary ways. Chances are, that like me, you’ve probably taken them for granted.

“Gifts are planted in your being-ness, and must reach out beyond your stories and your human-ness.” – Monique MacDonald

I was intrigued to by the idea that your gifts are always for the benefit of others. As Coral and I discussed each of my gifts this became evident. They’ve shown up in the work I do, the way I live my life, even my interests.

My gifts include: Wisdom, Encouragement, Knowledge, Leadership, Writing, Extraordinary Trust and Teaching.

While many of them were not a surprise, a couple of them triggered some resistance. Some part of me didn’t really want to own them, especially if they were for the benefit of others. I’m pretty sure that’s where my next level of growth lies.

The surprise was realizing that this new awareness of my gifts felt like pieces of a puzzle – the puzzle that is me – falling into place.

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Where Do You Look?

Posted on July 13, 2011March 19, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 8 Conversations

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs.
When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” – Ansel Adams

When thoughts and words become unclear where do you focus?

Do you look inward for clarity and confidence?
Do you trust your own standards and ideals?

Do you look outward, searching for validation from others?
Do you question yourself and let others decide for you?

“Trust yourself, and you will know how to live.” – Goethe

Where do you focus and how does it serve you?

How to Defeat Your Paper Tigers

Posted on July 6, 2011March 19, 2014 by Sandi Amorim 2 Conversations

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” – Amelia Earhart

The decision to act IS usually the most difficult part of the coaching process. Paper tigers stop us regularly, even when it’s clear they’re made of paper.

Look at the photo. Due to the depth of field, or where the photographer focused, the bars don’t look solid or real. Our beliefs can be like that in reverse. It’s all in our focus or perspective.

The thing that totally jazzes me as a coach is that we really can do most anything we decide to do. The limits are more often in our minds than in reality.

A few examples:

After years of struggling, a client became crystal clear on what she wanted. Within a year, she bought a condo, changed careers, adopted a baby and began a new relationship.
A few months into coaching, another client announced she wanted to move to Europe for a year. That was three years ago! She successfully moved, working virtually for her organization in North America. She too, bought a home and had a baby in that time.
One year after knee surgery, I ran a half marathon, something I’d never imagined possible. Growing up I was the smart one, not the athletic one. The power of my decision to run the race was so empowering, it blew my paper tiger away in a puff of air!

In each example, two things played a major role:

1. Clarity

What do you really want and why?
How do you want to feel throughout the process?

2. Commitment

What do you need to put into place to get started?
What structures can help you stay focused?

Like the quote says, “the process is its own reward.”

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