The Art (and Science) of Solution Focused Living

 

Problems. We’ve all got them.

In all areas of life – business, relationships, finances, health, and so on.

No one is immune.

It’s common to focus on problems, which can lead you down a negative spiral faster than an army of ants at a picnic; the kind of ANTs that suddenly seem to hi-jack your brain.

But is it really useful to focus on the problems? We’re human beings not machines, which leaves me questioning this obsession with problems and fixing ourselves.

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” – Louise L. Hay

Question: What Is Problem-Solving?

Answer: Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

Yes, problem solving is a mental process. . .that keeps you in your head analyzing!

Over and over, same problem, multiple angles, round and round until it feels like you’re deeper than ever, mired in the problem.

Yes, the intention is to get to the solution, but think about it. . .

How often has it really worked vs. how often has it kept you stuck?

“Anxiety and fear produce energy. Where we focus that energy noticeably affects the quality of our lives: focus on the solution, not the problem.” – Walter Anderson

It’s much more uncommon (and useful) to view life through a solution focused lens.

Sometimes I startle clients when I tell them I don’t care about the problem. And it’s true, I don’t. . .I care about what they want, and as soon as I can get them back to thinking about that, the sooner they feel resourceful.

You might think it’s semantics, but it’s not. It’s an energetic shift. It just feels better to focus on what you want from a solution focused view of life.

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How to Embrace Your Quirky Bits

 

quirk-y

– an individual peculiarity of character; mannerism or foible

also: far-out, kinky, offbeat, way-out

Your quirks are the qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.

Are you looking at me?

 

Does the thought of standing out from the crowd make you sweat a little? Have you spent most of your life just trying to fit in?

Then this is your wake-up call.

When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself. And if you can’t be with it, how the hell can anyone else be with it?

Truth: What you can’t be with owns you.

The flip side, when you embrace those parts of yourself, not only do you stand out, but you make room for others.

All those people you compare yourself to? They’ve got their quirks too.

And all those qualities you wish were different about you? Someone out there is looking for just those qualities and you might fit the bill brilliantly!

 

So just how do you embrace your quirky bits?

 

What have people said about you your whole life?

What’s the common denominator (either +/-)?

For as long as I can remember I was told (first by family and then later by friends, and even men I dated!) that I was too intense. When I do something I go for it fully, and over the years I learned it wasn’t ok with a lot of people. They said things like, “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?”

So I suppressed it so that others would feel comfortable, and that suppression had a cost greater than I imagined. Suppression always has a cost, usually an impact on health and well-being.

Now imagine taking that quirk and unleashing it. . .

You can you know. . .let that quirk show up as the fullest expression of you. Think of the time and energy you’ll be freeing up as you fly your quirk flag!

When I did, I’m sure it felt like a tsunami of intensity to some people. And maybe they unfriended me, or perhaps unsubscribed (and yes, I’ve been told my writing is often too intense) because they couldn’t handle it. Guess what? That’s their issue. It’s not my job to make them feel comfortable!

But something else happened too. . .

Other people were blown away, attracted to my intensity and kept coming back for more.

Clients come to me because they want someone who’s not afraid to get in their face and tell the truth. They want someone who’s not willing to tolerate their someday thinking.

Friends, colleagues and opportunities come to me because I own this quirk completely. I’m reliable for it and it makes a difference for them.

I’d even say that my husband was attracted to me because of my intensity. Sure, it can be challenging to be with me, but the challenge causes us both to grow every time.

You don’t have to be all things to all people. You only have to be yourself and attract your perfect people.

When you embrace your quirks those people will show up, and everyone else will move on. There’s a flow and rightness to this that we just don’t talk about enough.

You could say it’s a bonus side effect of embracing your quirks – more energy and a lightness of being.

And who wouldn’t want that?

 

p.s.

“You have been created as one of a kind. On the planet, there has never been one like you. . .and there never will be again. Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else. The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.” ~ Andy Andrews (From The Butterfly Effect)

 

Over to you:

1.  Make a list of your quirks.

2.  Pick the one that you’ve tried for so long to suppress.

3.  Go be that intentionally and blow people away.

Open the floodgates, unleash your quirkiness and watch your perfect people line up!

Bonus action: Share some of your silly quirks below, ie: I always eat the bottom of the muffin first and I’m addicted to murder mysteries!

 

Word Carnivals monthly blogging event

 

This post is part of the May 2012 Word Carnival — a monthly group blogging event specifically for small business owners. (It’s the most fun you’ll have all month!) Check out the rest of the fabulous carney work here:  Word Carnivals  

 

You Gotta Have Faith

 

Any endeavour, business or otherwise, calls for faith.

touchstone inscribed with the word faith next to healing hand coin

And it’s an odd thing for me to be talking about because faith and I, well, we’ve not had the best relationship.

faith

1. strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence
2. a specific system of religious beliefs
3. complete confidence or trust in a person, remedy, etc.
4. any set of firmly held principles or beliefs

Let’s start with the word unshakeable. I’m not sure I have unshakeable faith in anything. I blame the part of me that’s a longtime skeptic. It’s in my nature to question everything.

Then there’s definition #2. The impact of a confusing relationship with religion growing up lead me to decline anything remotely related to it ever since, including its jargon.

Moving on to #3. . .complete confidence or trust; whoa, kind of like unshakeable, this one awakens the skeptic!

Last but not least #4, with its firmly held set of principles or beliefs. Hmm, perhaps this one I can relate to.

So what’s got me riffing on faith anyway?

Today was the first day of Summer Camp, where we gathered ’round the virtual campfire and got right to the challenge of launching and growing a business. And not just any business. I’m talking world-changing business.

World. Changing. Business.

I don’t say those words lightly, especially in the online world of over promising and under delivering.

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Rebel with a Cause


Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

Sometimes I follow people on Twitter because they’ve piqued my curiousity.

That was definitely the case with today’s spotlight, Francisco Rosales, the guy behind Social Mouths.

Whether it’s getting more traffic, developing a marketing strategy or rocking on social media, he’s got something to help you out!

Let’s start with some quirky facts about Francisco:

  • He’s married to the Naked Elephant
  • He’s unteaching his kids everything they learn at school
  • He’s living life on his terms, while helping as many people as he can
  • He wants to help YOU be successful online!
And so, my curiousity was aroused.

Just this one link on his site kept me reading for some time.

You can also hear his voice over at another of my favourite resources BlogcastFM.

He and Srini cover a lot of ground in this 45 minute interview packed full of blogging and social media goodness!

Today though? Francisco is shining as we talk about what’s most important to him.

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Fuck the Lizard Brain

My lizard brain is saying:

Don’t do it! Don’t blow your momentum. . .

  • with a silly post
  • by swearing
  • lots of other crazy, lizardy chatter

Fuck the lizard brain.

Since launching this blog life has been intense. Taking on the 31 Day Build a Better Blog challenge added fuel to the fire already burning and it was getting HOT!

So my guy and I packed a picnic dinner and headed down to the beach with our books. Continue reading

Living in the Questions

 

When I started blogging I declared somewhat boldly that I had come up with a theme, a road map of where I was headed. It was all well and good to begin just to begin (thanks to guru Seth and his call to action), but I’d begun questioning my Why.

Why do it? Why put myself out there? Why take the risk?

As the doubts began to creep in, I decided to return to my tribe – who I love and trust much more than my lizard brain – and what they told me was this:

I’m relentlessly curious, a life-long learner and I’ve got more questions up my sleeve than Houdini!

It’s so damn easy to forget who I really am when LB starts whispering in my ear.

It blows my mind that somehow I stumbled upon the profession of coaching and had the biggest insight of my life:  this is what I’m supposed to be when I grow up!

What a relief to finally know and begin using my strengths rather than wondering why I had them! Up until then no J.O.B. had fit the bill and I constantly felt like a round peg in a square hole.

It’s been said when you know your Why, anything is possible.

My Why was so big (honouring my values of growth, learning and contribution) and so loud that it drowned out my lizard brain long enough that I could take the first steps, and then the next.

It took something to keep my word, writing and posting – shipping – every week. I began by really getting into the questions. I jotted down questions that worked with clients; questions I overheard; questions we usually don’t have the courage to ask ourselves.

Then I read How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci. In this very cool, yet practical guide Michael Gelb invites us to begin training our vast untapped resources to start thinking like Leonardo.

Is it really possible to think like a Renaissance genius?

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Quit Monkeying Around

 

Until recently, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I was on the right track with my business.  Was this powerful self-reflection on my part?

No.

It was just my ol’ friend Lizard Brain, lurking in that dark, scary part of my mind, doing its best to stop me from pursuing something it deemed risky or unsafe.

For months I’ve been seized by a lethargy created by having too many options – similar to standing in front of an all-you-can-eat buffet.  And like the aforementioned buffet, this may seem appealing at first. . .until heartburn sets in.

Is it possible to have too many options?

Absolutely!

Enter the monkey mind: Continue reading