authenticity

From Head to Heart (unleashing the courage within)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.”  – Debbie Ford

Courage is Contagious

You know that thing you do when you make a snide remark and then laugh it off with, “Just kidding”? What would happen if you actually were responsible for the fact that you’re not?

Because in that moment, as you say those words, you’re really not kidding, are you? You just don’t have the guts to say what you want to say, so you back pedal.

You don’t have the confidence to be who you are and say what you want to say. Not much a surprise as you probably weren’t brought up to express yourself in this way.

No. Instead you were told to be nice, get along, and for God’s sake, do not rock the boat.

It takes a helluva lot of courage to grow beyond this conditioning; to live without apology and without  excuses. But the alternative – wearing a mask – is unbearable.

Before you react, I’m not advocating turning into an asshole. I’m acknowledging that it’s not an either/or spectrum with nice on one end and jerk on the other.

We all have a dark side and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. However, you also don’t have to let it dominate your life, ie: becoming the jerk or suppressing it, ie: showing only the nice, often superficial mask.

This is an invitation to live without the pretense.

To take off the mask and be true to yourself.

To unleash your courage like a contagion gone viral! 

Since reviewing Debbie Ford’s book Courage, this has been on my mind, a lot.

Debbie writes to ignite your confidence and reclaim your courage, you’ve got to step into your highest vision of who you are. But mostly, you’re so used to living in the past and the stories of who you are, you can’t see the vision. It’s hidden from your view.

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How to Embrace Your Quirky Bits

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 49 Conversations

 

quirk-y

– an individual peculiarity of character; mannerism or foible

also: far-out, kinky, offbeat, way-out

Your quirks are the qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.

Are you looking at me?

 

Does the thought of standing out from the crowd make you sweat a little? Have you spent most of your life just trying to fit in?

Then this is your wake-up call.

When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself. And if you can’t be with it, how the hell can anyone else be with it?

Truth: What you can’t be with owns you.

The flip side, when you embrace those parts of yourself, not only do you stand out, but you make room for others.

All those people you compare yourself to? They’ve got their quirks too.

And all those qualities you wish were different about you? Someone out there is looking for just those qualities and you might fit the bill brilliantly!

 

So just how do you embrace your quirky bits?

 

What have people said about you your whole life?

What’s the common denominator (either +/-)?

For as long as I can remember I was told (first by family and then later by friends, and even men I dated!) that I was too intense. When I do something I go for it fully, and over the years I learned it wasn’t ok with a lot of people. They said things like, “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?”

So I suppressed it so that others would feel comfortable, and that suppression had a cost greater than I imagined. Suppression always has a cost, usually an impact on health and well-being.

Now imagine taking that quirk and unleashing it. . .

You can you know. . .let that quirk show up as the fullest expression of you. Think of the time and energy you’ll be freeing up as you fly your quirk flag!

When I did, I’m sure it felt like a tsunami of intensity to some people. And maybe they unfriended me, or perhaps unsubscribed (and yes, I’ve been told my writing is often too intense) because they couldn’t handle it. Guess what? That’s their issue. It’s not my job to make them feel comfortable!

But something else happened too. . .

Other people were blown away, attracted to my intensity and kept coming back for more.

Clients come to me because they want someone who’s not afraid to get in their face and tell the truth. They want someone who’s not willing to tolerate their someday thinking.

Friends, colleagues and opportunities come to me because I own this quirk completely. I’m reliable for it and it makes a difference for them.

I’d even say that my husband was attracted to me because of my intensity. Sure, it can be challenging to be with me, but the challenge causes us both to grow every time.

You don’t have to be all things to all people. You only have to be yourself and attract your perfect people.

When you embrace your quirks those people will show up, and everyone else will move on. There’s a flow and rightness to this that we just don’t talk about enough.

You could say it’s a bonus side effect of embracing your quirks – more energy and a lightness of being.

And who wouldn’t want that?

 

p.s.

“You have been created as one of a kind. On the planet, there has never been one like you. . .and there never will be again. Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else. The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.” ~ Andy Andrews (From The Butterfly Effect)

 

Over to you:

1.  Make a list of your quirks.

2.  Pick the one that you’ve tried for so long to suppress.

3.  Go be that intentionally and blow people away.

Open the floodgates, unleash your quirkiness and watch your perfect people line up!

Bonus action: Share some of your silly quirks below, ie: I always eat the bottom of the muffin first and I’m addicted to murder mysteries!

 

Word Carnivals monthly blogging event

 

This post is part of the May 2012 Word Carnival — a monthly group blogging event specifically for small business owners. (It’s the most fun you’ll have all month!) Check out the rest of the fabulous carney work here:  Word Carnivals  

 

A Prayer for Moving Forward

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 44 Conversations

Where have you tried unsuccessfully to do things on your own?

Where have you resisted support?

Amida Buddha, Lahaina, Maui

How has it stopped you from shining? 

 Right here, right now, it’s time to let go and move forward.

And this is the prayer to do so.

 

Are you there God? It’s me {insert your name}.

I’ve had it, I’m done, I surrender.

I hereby give up my need to do it my way, and I’m asking for help.

Help me be clear, and of service.

Help me show up and share my gifts.

And please…

Help me get out of my own way.

I want to shine so bright that even you God, have got to wear shades.

I know what I’m here to do.

Help me do it.

 

I Am NOT Sorry

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 61 Conversations

 

dancing child

Three years old and owning the dance floor!

I am NOT sorry for. . .

dancing by myself on the dance floor, at 3 or now

being intense and passionate and sometimes “too much”

being a girl/woman with strong opinions

hitting that boy in grade 3 when he called me stupid

having a voice and using it

unleashing my Lola and yours

upsetting an uncle by telling the truth when he asked my opinion

loving people as much as I do, even when they mess up

leaving a great opportunity when my boss was an asshole

 

I am NOT sorry for. . .

poo-poohing superficial communication

talking to strangers

being selfish instead of selfless – I am not a martyr

my wit and humour, and sometimes sarcasm

disobeying the rules

taking a stand for what I want

asking you to choose now over someday

NOT sorry for that at all.

 

I am also NOT sorry for. . .

crying easily and often

sharing and loving more than “acceptable”

writing what’s in my heart

calling bullshit when I hear it

disagreeing with the status quo

leading more than following

refusing to settle

I want what I want and sorry be damned!

 

Most of all, I am NOT sorry for. . .

being curious about you, life, and what makes us tick

asking questions when I don’t understand

discomfort – there’s no  magic in the comfort zone! 

growing and learning and wanting the best out of life

being bold and full of moxie

laughing loud, often and unabashedly

being a demand for love, intimacy and connection in my relationships

pursuing my dreams, even though some have not worked out

shining bright and asking you to do the same

loving so deeply I thought I would die when it ended

and having the courage to love again.

 

I am NOT sorry for turning 49 today.

Every single thing that’s happened in my life, whether I enjoyed it or not, has caused me to grow, transform and become more myself than I ever thought possible.

And I am so NOT sorry for that.

 

Toot Your Horn, Loud & Proud

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 43 Conversations

What might happen if you acknowledged your gifts openly?

musical instruments

Would your lizard brain raise its head and demand silence or. . .would it allow you to shine the way you’re meant to?

Let’s put it to the test, shall we?

I’ll go first , then you let it rip in the comments.

 

Things I’m deeply proud of

1.  I completed an honours degree in Fine Arts with a dream of making my way in the world as an artist.

While I never made it to the New York art scene, my passion for art oozed into other areas of my life and creativity, one of my core values, was honoured.

2.  Less than a year after knee surgery I ran a half marathon.

After the surgery the doctor gave me a list of things I should no longer do (included running and dancing) – I was 33 and decided to to prove him wrong.

It may not have been the smartest thing to do, but according to Sally Hogshead’s 7 Triggers of Fascination my primary trigger is rebellion (not so surprising!) so what I did totally makes sense.

3.  I’ve been self-employed for almost 12 years, first as a photographer and then as a coach.

There are so many resources now to help you leave the corporate world, ditch your boring job, and design a life you love. Twelve years ago, not so much.

I didn’t come from a long line of entrepreneurs and looking back, I really had no clue how great the challenge. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, following a vision and correcting course as required.

 

Credentials (or proof-that-I’m-the-real-McCoy)

1.  I’m a Solution Focused Coach, on a mission to wake you up from your ‘someday thinking’.

I’ve got close to 7,500 hours of coaching under my belt (a Master Certified Coach credential requires 2,500 hours) and have worked with hundreds of amazing people over the years.

2.  I am certified in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

I love personal development, and one of my favourite areas of study has been NLP.  Google it and you’ll find over 57,600,000 results but the definition I like the best – finding ways to help people have better, fuller and richer lives. Says it all for me.

 

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Boy Meets Girl

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

boy meets girl

Boy meets girl. I was 16.

Boy & girl grow up together.

Boy gives girl ring. Promises future.

Boy leaves girl. No longer a girl. I was 30.

The facts don’t tell the whole truth.

They rarely do.

For how could these simple facts tell the story of first love, promise and heartbreak without being a cliché?

I once read that however long a relationship lasts is how long it will take to get over it when it ends.

That was true for me.

While there was no happily-ever-after, this story lead me down the path of personal development, which lead to the work I love.

And that?

Has made all the difference.

 

“…Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

– Robert Frost

 

 

The Who of You

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 48 Conversations

Who are you?

 

Who are you?

When someone asks this question, it’s easy to fall back on the obvious. . .

  • where you’re from
  • what you do for a living
  • if you’re married or single

You know, the usual suspects.

But you also know how utterly inadequate (and often boring) those answers are.

You do know that, right?

Some people say they’re the sum of all their experiences in the past. They have long, drawn out stories of why they are the way they are.

Others, thinking they’re clever, declare adamantly “No! I’m better than my past because I’ll never be like my mother/father/that/them!” but that just makes their future a reaction to the past.

Which leads us back to the beginning.

Who are you really? 

And what if that answer was generative instead of related to the past?

gen·er·a·tive

:: capable of producing or creating

In the moment, you can create who you are.

That doesn’t mean you make it up or lie; just that you consciously choose who you say you are.

Your DNA gave you form.

Your words create your world. 

They create the WHO of you.

 

I am. . .

first-born * Aries * prairie girl * ocean lover * Mediterranean * creator * listener * lover * ass-kicker * Fire Starter * wife * daughter * sister * BFF * smart * playful * passionate * writer * coach * instigator * blogger * book lover * pescatarian * extrovert * a collision waiting to happen * spark to your flame * leader * photographer * muse * gypsy spirit * cage rattler

I am all that. . .and more.

Because even that juicy list of descriptors doesn’t cover the gift that is me.

It does tell you a helluva lot more than the facts though:

Born in Winnipeg, live in Vancouver, professional life coach, married to a great guy.

Nothing wrong with those facts. They’re just a little dry.

 

Mostly, you haven’t got a clue who you are.

You fall back on old, familiar stories from the past. It’s easy, you don’t have to think about it, everyone does it. I get it.

But imagine playing with it a bit.

And the next time someone asks, “Who are you?” you smile so big before responding. . .

I’m a gift, who are you?

* Cue dazed, wide-eyed look of bemusement.

Sounds ridiculous, but trust me, it engages people in ways the facts will never do.

My personal favourite is “I’m a collision waiting to happen” and then I have a blast explaining what that means to me.

I unwrap the gift and share my passion, my zest for life, my joy.

Because really, joy trumps fact every time.

 

 

 

Stop. Start. Burn.

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

BURNING QUESTION: 

What would you like to stop doing?

 

roman candle taking off in the night

Burn baby, burn!

STOP

Stop beating yourself up with your shoulda/woulda/couldas.

Stop backing off just as you gain momentum.

Stop playing that damn comparison game.

Stop waiting for permission to do what you want.

Stop holding back because you need more training, experience. . . . . . .fill in the blank.

Stop brushing off compliments.

Stop focusing on what others say is important.

Stop adding to the to-do list that’s never getting done.

And please, STOP waiting for someday.

 

START

Start celebrating each and every win.

Start fanning the flames of your desire.

Start loving. . .truly, madly, deeply.

Start owning your gorgeous, luscious self.

Start reaching out, stretching up and growing inwards.

Start breathing – big, deep, belly expanding breaths.

Start sharing your enthusiasm and watch it go viral.

Start saying what you want, often and with abandon!

 

BURN, BABY BURN

For that’s what you were born to do.

You know it. I know it.

Hell, we all know it.

And wouldn’t it be great if we all cut the crap and burned like a roman candle?

 

Inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s Burning Question.

 

Misadventures on the Road to Hana

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations
palm trees, Kihei, Maui

Even in paradise it’s possible to have a bad day because wherever you go there you are.

 

It’s easy to think if you’re on vacation in a beautiful setting you should be blissfully happy the entire time you’re there! Except. . .that would be a recipe for disappointment, as this recent adventure reminded me.

The day started off well. A picnic lunch was packed, the gas tank was full, and good spirits were in abundance as my husband, my mother-in-law and I began the infamous drive known as the Road to Hana; stunning in the way that only Maui can be. Everywhere I looked a photo-op awaited.

Sunshine, great company, and a gorgeous setting – a perfect day in paradise.

And then the first incident occurred to disrupt this ‘perfect’ day.

At one of the stops along the way we got out to take photos and stretch our legs. I spotted a cat stretched out in the sun and then another up further ahead, taking me by surprise as we had seen no cats anywhere in Maui. Distracted by these wild felines and the lush rainforest around me, I paid no attention to where I was stepping and in a split second I tumbled down a slippery wet slope of grass.

Not what I would have hoped for my first experience of a mud bath! I was however, quite proud of how I fell, ensuring that the hand holding my iPhone stayed well above the mud now covering every inch of my backside.

There was no point in pretending it hadn’t happened; did I mention this was a tourist destination? So off I waddled in my mud soaked shorts hoping I could wash most of it off in the restroom.

Insight #1: I realized had this happened a few years ago I would have felt humiliated and quite possibly it could have ruined my day. Instead I was able to joke and laugh with the women who’d seen me fall. There I was in a roadside restroom with no paper towels covered in mud with no spare clothes laughing at myself in that sheepish way we can all relate to at one time or another. Women brought me paper towels, asked if I needed anything, made jokes, called me a flasher (I’d taken off my shorts to rinse them out in the sink) and most of all offered support.

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Good News, Bad News

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 26 Conversations

 

The good news is

what you can be, you must be.

The bad news is

you can not change your roots.

 

An acorn must become an oak tree, 

and you must become you.

sunlight streaming through trees

Set aside your resolutions,

unleash your resolve and rest.

The space in between is patient,

the outcome is assured.

 

Then repeat after me. . .

“I resolve to become more fully myself.”

 

 

 

 

Prompted by A Year With Myself, a year-long adventure in empowerment.