authenticity

The Year of Living 50

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 30 Conversations

 

People keep asking me if I’m freaked out about turning 50 this year. I’m not really, although perhaps a wee bit surprised by some of the thoughts going through my mind.

I mean, turning 50 really is the mother of all wake-up calls!

And I’ve caught myself thinking about all the things I still want to be, do and have in my life.

All the things I want to create and share.

All the ways I want to open further, deeper, more fully.

All the hugs still to give, kisses to be savoured, and well. . .you get the point.

Those are the things I’m putting my attention on as I begin living my fiftieth year.

Not the 50 lessons I may or may not have learned.

Not 50 tips to look and feel good at 50 (although all this juicing and healthy living looks good on me!)

No tips, lessons, or strategies.

Instead, I’m choosing to open.

close up of rose unfurling, metaphor for turning 50

Because we do have a choice; to open or to close ourselves off.

One is energizing and risky. The other is tight, and oh so painfully safe.

I get to choose. And so do you.

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Tuning Into Wisdom

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 19 Conversations

 

I had a dream last night.

And in that dream a wise woman I’ve long admired was in my home, a sleep-over planned.

Pajamas, soul-satisfying conversations and laughter all present and accounted for.

It was the most perfect of nights, until that moment I asked the question closest to my heart.

She closed her eyes, deep in thought…then plumped up her pillow and pinned me with a look.

“You’ll figure it out. Trust yourself.”

And with that profound statement, she turned over and fell fast asleep.

I awoke with a start; the clock blinked 4:14 a.m.

On the fourteenth day of the fourth month 2013 I will turn 50 years old.

My wise woman is right.

I can trust myself.

And so can you.

 

Notice the Good

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

“I have noticed that people are dealing too much with the negative, with what is wrong… Why not try the other way, to see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?” – Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve put my attention on noticing the good.

This noticing gives me a different feeling than the practice of gratitude.

Like a shiver running up my spine. Or a tingle of delight.

Gratitude often feels forced, like something I should do.

Yes, I know it makes a difference.

Wait…does it make a difference if it feels like a should?

Not so much.

I want a practice that feels real.

One that feels human, and connective. Satisfying.

And simple.

Notice

I don’t need a list of instructions:

  • do it first thing in the morning
  • no wait, do it before bed
  • write it down
  • meditate on it
  • share it
  • no wait, keep it to yourself
  • savour it
  • be authentic
  • no wait, list 5 things every single day

I just want it to feel good.

I want to look around and notice the goodness of life, as if I were wearing good-coloured glasses.

Like a child playing “I spy with my little eye.”

I notice the good. . .

  • that first sip of coffee in the morning
  • a whiff of spring in the air
  • connecting with a stranger
  • a heartfelt thank you
  • the love bombs that come and go
  • that not-quite-asleep-am-I-meditating-or-dreaming state
  • closeness, connection, comfort

Noticing the good feels good.

It’s healing, and like a meditation practice simpler than you think.

When you notice what’s working, what’s inspiring, what’s enjoyable – your experience of it expands.

Noticing is an inside job. That makes a difference when you let it out.

So I’m noticing. And practicing, because sometimes the simple practices are the most challenging.

Keeping it simple, keeping it real.

Noticing the good.

 

 

Things Rich and Strange

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 22 Conversations

 

“There’s nothing to lose by writing your truth.” – Cynthia Morris

Your truth.

What’s true for you may be wildly untrue for someone else.

That’s what makes truth so very intriguing.

As I sit with today’s prompt Things rich and strange, snippets of my truth rise to the surface.

Rich

The deep green velvety moss I see on the trees. I run my fingers over it, surprised at the moisture, surprised by its determination to grow in sometimes challenging conditions.

green moss on tree, Kits Beach, Vancouver, BC

The silence I recall from my last retreat, so deep I can feel it in my bones like an ancient gong. I try to recreate it but the depth and richness can not be captured.

The satisfaction of holding a secret close to my heart. It makes me smile at unexpected times, causing the people around me to question my state of mind.

The love I have for people no longer in my life. Their presence lingers like the smell of coffee in the morning, long after the cup has been drained.

 

Strange

The way the crows follow their internal knowing, every day like clockwork. They leave their western playground to return to their dark eastern home. Like one mind, they set off and leave inky tracks across the sky.

branches against a grey sky, Kits Beach, Vancouver, BC

The connection I feel to people I have not met in person. It is wondrous this web that stretches across the world linking thoughts, feelings, ideas and human beings. Wondrous and strange.

The resistance I feel to life some days, when life has been so generous. Understanding doesn’t seem possible, so I let it be, trusting it will ebb like the tide.

The thought that I am more often being breathed than breathing.

 

 

* Inspired by Cynthia Morris’ Free Write Fling.

 

A Few Truths on Fear Busting

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

You think fear sounds like truth, and then you take action that comes from a lie.

But when you pay attention to how things feels in your body, you start to realize that truth lives in vulnerability and fear is a lie.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” – Brené Brown

The fear that spins round and round in your brain is not truth, but you live like it is.

Then you keep telling that worn out story because it’s more comfortable than the unknown.

There’s shame in admitting that, so you pretend that you’re fine, that you’re not really paralysed by fear, and you live, metaphorically speaking, in a dark and scary neighbourhood.

That’s what your head is – a dark and scary part of town, that no one in their right mind would choose willingly.

fun and terror with shadows

Years go by, youur dreams fall by the wayside, and you settle for what’s known and secure and you decide that dreams are for other people.

Until one day someone asks, “What dreams did you have for your life?” and a wistful look appears, your voice softens and you speak long suppressed words.

I once dreamed of…

  • writing a book
  • becoming a singer
  • owning a restaurant
  • travelling the world

You give your head a shake, and laugh at your youthful desires.

What the fuck happened to those dreams?

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What You Can Be, You Must Be

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 35 Conversations

 

“What one can be, one must be.” – Abraham Maslow

What one can be, one must be. - Abraham Maslow

Imagine your life growing from a seed; one seed uniquely, divinely you, growing roots as an expression of you.

In a world driven by goals and results, it’s much too easy to forget that what there is to do is BE yourself.

What if that is your life’s purpose? Wouldn’t it be a relief to stop trying so hard?

What you can be, you must be. You cannot change your roots.

An acorn must become an oak tree, and you must become you.

When you resist, you kick the door open to suffering.

What if the only resolution you ever need to make ever in life is this. . .

“I resolve to become more fully myself.”

Say it out loud.

Write it on your bathroom mirror.

Your roots, like the roots of any tree, need care and nourishment to grow and bear fruit, and now is the best time to begin.

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Weep and Set Yourself Free

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

What is it you want to change?
Your hair, your face, your body?
Why?

For God is in love with all those things
and he might weep when they are gone.

~ St. Catherine of Sienna

Dr. Sun Yat Sen garden, Vancouver, BC

Weep…

for what you’ve judged
and  made so very wrong.

Weep…

for all that you’ve lost,
that can never be regained.

Weep…

let go, and
release what’s been held.

Allow what is,
and accept what is not.

Weep…

forgive,
and set yourself free.

 

 

A Mala of Mindfulness (108 insights from 2012)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 41 Conversations

 

A mala is used in many religious traditions to count the repetitions of prayers or devotions, and often consists of 108 beads. Choosing one is a very personal experience, and not always easy – at least it wasn’t for me, as I didn’t find the mala that ‘fit’ me until the third try.

It’s worth the search though because when you do find the right one, it becomes a physical reminder of the power of awareness.

stone and mala beads from www.malaimports.com

Every year at this time I review my journals, I complete the year and make space for what’s next. This year, 2012, has been a year of challenge, opportunity and deepening; more than I thought possible.

As I reviewed, it occurred to me as a mala, 108 insights or  moments of mindfulness that have had a profound impact on my life.

I share it with the hope that some of these thoughts also make a difference for you.

1.   Silence is the best antidote to the busyness of life. New thoughts emerge effortlessly in this sacred space.

2.   Imagine living as if wherever you are is holy ground.

3.   When the muse wakes you up at 3am, pay attention.

4.   Feeling hunger is a good thing. It reminds us that we’re alive.

5.   Freedom from responsibility is not the solution. Choosing your responsibilities mindfully is.

6.   It’s ok to want what you want. Stop making your wants wrong.

7.   Get clear on your non-negotiables. It’s highly likely they’re related to your values.

8.   Question everything. Believe only that which feels good.

9.   You have a gift that is uniquely yours. How are you offering it?

10.  That slow burn in your belly will not fade away. Nurture it.

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From Nothing to Something

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations

 

I got nothing.

These words take me by surprise. They lurk – in my awareness and energy.

I don’t like them and I don’t want them here.

Surprising because I’ve just come from a silent retreat that nourished my soul, and provided time to rest and room to breathe.

But no words show up to fill the space.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin

Blank Screen Blues - sitting in front of a blank monitor trying to think of something to write!

Until now.

It takes admitting what’s so. Saying the words you don’t want to say.

I got nothing.

You’ve got them too, don’t you? Those times that feel blank, lost, frustrating.

Who wants to admit being there?

Not me.

And yet, I shine the light on this dark, shadowy place; a place we do our best to avoid.

Because here’s the thing about ‘walking the talk’…

You can’t just do it when it looks good.

You can’t just do it when it looks like you’ve got it all handled.

Walking the talk is an ongoing proposition. It takes going deep into the ‘beingness’ of human being.

It’s in those moments when things don’t look or feel good; those moments that call you down to the depths, where all there is to do is. . .

Do. The. Work. 

Until you realize you do have something to share, something to offer and hopefully, make a difference for someone else.

That moment when you get from nothing to something. . .

and remember once again where real transformation lives.

 

 

The Truth About One-Size-Fits-All

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 100 Conversations

 

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Many of today’s experts and gurus forget this.

It doesn’t matter how much they know. . .if you feel uncomfortable after watching their video.

It doesn’t matter what credentials follow their names. . .if they leave you feeling less than or lacking in any way.

And it absolutely doesn’t matter how many testimonials, followers, and subscribers they have if their offer just doesn’t feel good.

The promises and guarantees make no difference unless YOU know – and feel in your gut – that making a difference for YOU was their primary goal.

“There is no point in going into a business unless you can make a radical difference in other people’s lives.” – Richard Branson

It’s easy to look to the Internet gurus and marketers, but while they are definitely guilty of this practice they’re most assuredly not the only ones doing it.

I’m talking about those long-winded emails that start by scaring the crap out of you. Then, they wrap up with a save-the-day, “let me tell you how it’s done” solution and pressure to buy their new shiny product.

I hate this as much as one-size-fits-all pantyhose! 

Because the truth is. . .

One size? NEVER, EVER fits all.

EVER.

And one solution never applies to life and business (doesn’t matter if we’re talking stockings, marketing or business building!)

There’s never just one solution, and the experts who try to convince you that there is have themselves and their self interests front and centre. Not yours.

RUN away from them as fast as you can, but only after you’ve gone back to their site to unsubscribe!

Truth is they don’t have the solution, nor do they have your interests in mind.

How do I know? They wouldn’t still be using these fear based, angst ridden tactics.

They are out to sell, which in and of itself is not the problem.

It’s that they don’t mind stretching the truth to do so.

Tell Truth: image credit - Ari Moore

 

Coaches do this too. I cringe every time I see it and it makes me wonder. . .

Does anyone tell the truth anymore?

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