A Year with Myself

I Am NOT Sorry

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 61 Conversations

 

dancing child

Three years old and owning the dance floor!

I am NOT sorry for. . .

dancing by myself on the dance floor, at 3 or now

being intense and passionate and sometimes “too much”

being a girl/woman with strong opinions

hitting that boy in grade 3 when he called me stupid

having a voice and using it

unleashing my Lola and yours

upsetting an uncle by telling the truth when he asked my opinion

loving people as much as I do, even when they mess up

leaving a great opportunity when my boss was an asshole

 

I am NOT sorry for. . .

poo-poohing superficial communication

talking to strangers

being selfish instead of selfless – I am not a martyr

my wit and humour, and sometimes sarcasm

disobeying the rules

taking a stand for what I want

asking you to choose now over someday

NOT sorry for that at all.

 

I am also NOT sorry for. . .

crying easily and often

sharing and loving more than “acceptable”

writing what’s in my heart

calling bullshit when I hear it

disagreeing with the status quo

leading more than following

refusing to settle

I want what I want and sorry be damned!

 

Most of all, I am NOT sorry for. . .

being curious about you, life, and what makes us tick

asking questions when I don’t understand

discomfort – there’s no  magic in the comfort zone! 

growing and learning and wanting the best out of life

being bold and full of moxie

laughing loud, often and unabashedly

being a demand for love, intimacy and connection in my relationships

pursuing my dreams, even though some have not worked out

shining bright and asking you to do the same

loving so deeply I thought I would die when it ended

and having the courage to love again.

 

I am NOT sorry for turning 49 today.

Every single thing that’s happened in my life, whether I enjoyed it or not, has caused me to grow, transform and become more myself than I ever thought possible.

And I am so NOT sorry for that.

 

Where Your Heart Is, There You Will Find Your Treasure

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 9 Conversations

One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

 

Whether he meant them to be or not, when my father-in-law threw these items into the box at the back of his closet they took on new meaning. Did he ever think that one day I would go through the box and wonder?

For I did wonder at these treasures.

Why had he kept them? What meaning did they hold? What did they tell me about this man I loved and admired?

And so I examined Malcolm’s treasures.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” – Paulo Coelho

They spoke to me of a life of curiousity and passion, a life of many and varied interests. They spoke to me of values.

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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 22 Conversations

 

When you look in the mirror what do you see?

Some days it’s not easy.

You look at your reflection in the mirror and feel an onslaught of thoughts, many of them negative as the lizard brain sings its song of seduction.

Maybe you barely look, glancing just long enough to comb your hair, brush your teeth or apply make-up.

Or maybe you use one of those scary magnifying mirrors so that all you can see are your parts.

eyes. . .brows. . .nose. . .ears. . .lips. . .teeth. . .skin. . . limbs

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” – Rumi

And you are irritated by those parts; the ones you judge and assess, or compare against others.

 

Do you ever really see YOU?

Some days it’s not easy.

I know. I get it. But I have a different view.

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In Your Skin, On Fire from Within

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 27 Conversations

 

Once upon a time you were comfortable in your skin.

It may have been a long time ago, but you were.

You were born that way – fully, completely at home in your skin.

And then something happened.

Someone did something, someone said something. Self-consciousness was born and with it discomfort, as if your skin had become too tight.

What if you could go back to that time and remember the glorious feeling of “bien dans sa peau”?

Bien dans sa peau – literally translated means feeling well in your skin, at ease with yourself.

Well in your skin. 

I want that, don’t you?

“As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.” – Pablo Neruda

seated nude

Well in my skin. . .I’m not sure I know what it means.

My curiousity aroused, I want to find out.

“it ain’t no sin, to take off your skin and dance around in your bones” – Tom Waits

If you’ve resolved to become more fully yourself, this is an invitation to explore and rewrite the story of who you are in your skin. For what gets in the way is most definitely a story you’ve listened to and repeated far too long.

Now is the time for a new story to emerge – a story of wholeness and being in your skin exactly the way you are.

And exactly the way you’re not.

You.

Fully yourself.

In your skin, on fire from within.

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brene Brown

 

Over to you:

  • Feel how your old story shows up in your body.
  • Now imagine wellness in your skin.

Which do you want more of?

I want to hear from you.

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below. 

 

 

Prompted by A Year With Myself, a year-long adventure in empowerment.

 

 

Good News, Bad News

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 26 Conversations

 

The good news is

what you can be, you must be.

The bad news is

you can not change your roots.

 

An acorn must become an oak tree, 

and you must become you.

sunlight streaming through trees

Set aside your resolutions,

unleash your resolve and rest.

The space in between is patient,

the outcome is assured.

 

Then repeat after me. . .

“I resolve to become more fully myself.”

 

 

 

 

Prompted by A Year With Myself, a year-long adventure in empowerment.

 

 

 

The Space in Between

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 13 Conversations

 

Space. 

Vast and immeasurable, but not out there.

A space unlike any other.

A space not yet clear.

Not like the space that shows up reliably every January; a space that compels you to think of what you want for your life.

And not like the space of completion; an invitation to look back, reviewing and learning from what’s been.

This is the space in between – the unexamined field.

sitting on the beach in West VancouverAs often happens when I begin to explore an idea that’s been niggling at me, it seems to show up everywhere.

First, in my research on lightning, I learned there’s a word for the space between the moment you see lightning and when you hear the thunder -svaha – a word of mysterious origin, some say Native American, I say intriguing.

Then the space of anticipation, waiting for the first prompt of the year-long adventure A Year with Myself, and a question from Patti Digh that took me by surprise:

What spaces are you standing between?

When was the last time you thought about the space in between?

I let the question sink in until the hair on the back of my neck stood up, the magic of the prompt working its way through my consciousness.

The space in between.

Think of the times you’ve been uncertain or the moments of discomfort as you stretched way beyond what you know.

In between.

Did you rush to step into a more familiar, tried and true space or or pull back paralyzed by fear?

What is so terrifying about the space in between?

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