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How to Transform Your Inner Critic

Posted on by Sandi Amorim

Some things can’t be explained, and a little mystery is a good thing.

That’s what I love about working with Jill Prescott.

Disclaimer: Jill is a good friend and I love her madly.

That’s not why I’m writing this.

I want you to know about Jill because working with her is life-changing. I’ve worked with many coaches, healers, and mentors over the years, and very few have had the impact I’ve experienced with this woman.

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” – Albert Schweitzer

I’m writing this because Jill is one such human being, and I know what awaits those who register for her new program, Embrace Your Humanity.

It’s about acknowledging and transforming your inner critic.

Yes, we all have at least one, and too often it can feel like it’s living your life instead of YOU living your life.

Self-help advice like ‘love yourself’ and ‘don’t listen to that voice in your head’ is useless when you’re caught up in the inner critic’s world of judgment and negativity.

That’s where Jill comes in, and if you let her, she’ll guide you from that place of judgment to a new reality called self-love.

Here’s her story.

You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. - Louise Hay

How to Transform Your Inner Critic (and embrace your humanity)

 I’m interested in people falling in love with themselves.

I’m convinced if that happened the world would change dramatically and instead of being surrounded by fear, self hate, anger and regret we would embody peace, love, grace and joy.

Sounds like utopia right?

Well what if you simply started with you?

By now, we all are aware that we must start with ourselves if we have any hope of transforming the world around us.

Through much personal growth, and downright determination I’ve come to realize that the very first step on that journey is to find out what’s really going on inside your own head.

You may be surprised if you slow down and just listen for a minute. When I did what I heard was “well that was dumb” and “idiot” and “DO NOT leave. This is as good as it’s gonna get for you”.

Turns out I was dealing with an Inner Critic. Several, actually. And as I began to dig deeper into this topic I realized it’s an epidemic.

You can find 2,419 books by typing Inner Critic into the search engine on Amazon alone! Two thousand, four hundred and nineteen books. Wow.

So I bought about half of them and started reading. (a slight exaggeration.)

Symptoms of the Inner Critic:

  1. Sleeplessness
  2. Can’t make decisions
  3. Afraid to leave a job/relationship/group of friends that you know isn’t working for you anymore
  4. Stress and anxiety

How many can you relate to?

There are a lot more, and I put a check mark beside about 90% of them.

I lost my shit for a while when I got the full impact of what was going on. It was scary as hell.

For those that don’t know me, I’m not quite 5 feet tall and under a C-note in weight. I don’t fall over too easily, and when I do, you can bet I won’t stay down for long.

I rallied and got to work. It started while I was in a program Sandi offered a few years ago, and while the inner critic conversation was a small part of the overall program, the impact it had on me was profound.

It had such a massive impact that I started teaching my clients how to work with it, turning it from inner critic to inner guide.

The shifts people experienced were nothing short of miraculous, and it started by being willing to listen to and face what I had been telling myself all those years. I had continued suffering long after the initial trauma as over.

Through this work, I took back my life.

I started saying “no” to the things and people who were not right for me.

I saw my value and stopped being dominated by the nonsense going on in my head.

Did it end the negative self talk completely?

No, but that’s normal, and a part of being human.

“A destructive thought process exists within all of us, and we are plagued to varying degrees by an internal dialogue that is harmful, restrictive, and at its ultimate extreme, self-destructive.” – Lisa Firestone

What’s unusual is how quickly I now catch it. I can look at where it came from, and decide if it’s something I can use to my benefit or simply let it go.

[Tweet “Embracing your humanity opens the door to freedom. “]

That’s what I want for you.

 

* Jill has generously offered a spot to one of my readers. To qualify, please visit this post on Facebook and tell us how you think this program would help you.

 

Living Fully with Project 137

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

 

You never know where or when you’ll be struck by a wake up call; the kind of message that sneaks in and rattles your cage. And when you wake up to the knowing that there really is no someday you start to see these messages everywhere.

Because the reality is we all need reminders.

It’s easy to become complacent and comfortable with the day-to-day routine of life. And I’m not even saying that’s bad. It’s not.

It’s just not where we come fully alive.

“Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.”
– David Whyte

Fully alive is how I want to live, and I’m pretty sure that’s what you want too or you wouldn’t be here reading.

That’s what compelled me to take part in Patti Digh’s Project 137. 

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Thank You, Thank you!

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 42 Conversations

 

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

 

My version. . .my first boyfriend asked me what my goal was in life. I said ‘to be happy’ to which he replied, ‘That’s not enough. Think bigger.” 

I think John Lennon and I got it right though.

What’s bigger than happiness?

And today I am feeling very happy because it’s the two-year anniversary of this blog.

thank you

Who knew when I shipped this baby thanks to Seth Godin’s Linchpin, that two years would go by so quickly?

Two years of dealing with my lizard brain, who would no doubt still have me dreaming of ‘someday’ becoming a writer.

Two years of learning things I thought beyond my scope of capability; so many late nights challenged by technology and resistance.

Two years of laughter and memories and love; connecting with the most amazing folks on the planet.

Because of you.

Sure, I may have kept writing if you hadn’t been here but I’m not so sure I would have covered some of the issues that have come up. Nor would I have I begun dreaming bigger, more delicious dreams.

YOU kept showing up, inspiring ideas and fueling my passion, so that I ended up stretching way beyond what I first imagined.

So.  Freakin’.  Happy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And because I want to thank you with more than words, I’m inviting you to a 30 minute coaching session.

A gift from me to you. No strings, no agenda.

Just my deepest thanks for being here.

gift box, white with red ribbon: photo credit - Thomas Hawk

The Magic of Jenny Bones (or why I partnered with a witch)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 20 Conversations

 

When I think of Jenny Bones I think. . .

  • funny
  • whipsmartJenny Bones headshot
  • full hearted
  • wise, witchy woman

I am blessed to call her friend, colleague and partner in crime (of the s’mores variety!)

It was a few weeks ago that Jenny picked up the phone and began the conversation that has turned into our upcoming S’mores Summer Camp for Solopreneurs.

In those few weeks we’ve laughed, gotten shit done and created something of value without succumbing to the perfectionist lure of someday.

I love that she’s got the geniusy writing sass goin’ on right alongside the tarot card woo woo vibe. Doesn’t that make you want to find out more about her?

It’s extraordinary to work with someone who has both the creative ideas and the get-it-done energy. It takes huevos of a particular kind to throw your metaphorical hat over the wall and then go after it without a moment’s hesitation.

Jenny does that better than anyone I’ve ever worked with.

Jenny’s brand of shining is magical (not kidding about her being a witch!) and I’m thrilled that she’s here casting a spell. You’ve been warned 😉

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

1.  Why are you here?

I believe I’m here because I’ve been willing to jump off a few cliffs in my day. I’m not sure where I’d be if I hadn’t jumped. Probably in a cubicle, complaining about the calorie count of the high-fat double-mocha latte I was sipping whilst silently dreaming of what life would be like if I were a writer.

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Exploring the Source of Intention

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 2 Conversations

 

A guest post from Lenke Sifko. It has been a privilege to work with her and she generously agreed to share something she wrote after one of our conversations. 

It is no secret to me, I know that intention is clearly a big player in the attainment of my goals, and the creation of the life I want to lead. Intention is the foundation for which these visions, goals and dreams are built. Now well along this road, sometimes by years, sometimes by progress and sometimes by curious digression, I find myself once again engaging in a new connection with my personal, creative and vocational dreams.

This day begins with an electricity in the air of my inner landscape.

I feel as though I am standing in the path of a rare and enigmatic breeze.

I sit down on the side of the road.

I my thoughts drift to pondering “the how” of how I create my intentions. I find my awareness moving in a new direction, to a place that takes me back further, to thinking about what comes before intention —to the source from which I create my intentions.

Source — “a thing or place from which anything comes, arises, or is obtained.”

This opens up thoughts about creation, and the difference between creating FOR and creating FROM. I realize that I have so often created my intentions “for” something.

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Your Soul Song is Waiting

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 31 Conversations

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

I’ll never forget the day I read the first email I received from Carol Hess, today’s spotlight. She’d just read the post I wrote after my father-in-law died and her message said, “I just read your Starbursts post. You scare the shit out of me. And that means I need to work with you.”

I sat at my desk moved to tears. Sharing the experience of my father-in-law’s sudden death was terrifying. Had I gone too far, my passion too intense? And then Carol’s email arrived.

It was confirmation that this message which had been there all along in my work was my core message, and it was suddenly so clear I could no longer ignore it. Carol would call this my Soul Story.

And that is her brilliance – calling forth your Soul Story. 

The fascinating aspect of this story is that in reaching out and asking for what she needed, Carol made a difference for both of us.

Her work is empowering, but it’s not that she has power to give you. No. It’s more like she pulls back the veil so you can see your own power and claim it. Then she’s right there beside you, not just talking but walking the path.

Star Polisher Manifesto

When I think of Carol, words like authenticity, integrity and courage come to mind. And she’s funny! So damn funny, when we talk there is much laughter of the out loud and snorting kind!

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Post Cards from Someday

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 5 Conversations

 

postcards from Maui

If someday sent you a postcard, what would be on it?

 

When I first saw the title of Andrea Olson’s guest post I had my doubts. I thought, “Doesn’t she know how I feel about someday?” But then I read the post and realized she does know and she’s got a unique spin on it that she shares in today’s guest post. 

When I was a teenager, I read a work of fiction re-imagining Charles Darwin’s journey to the Galapagos Islands. I tumbled so deeply into the story that I felt I was there; observing the wildlife, feeling the sweat run down my back under the heat of the equatorial sun, making notes in a battered leather notebook.

Upon finishing the book, I said to my mom, “Someday, I’m going to go to the Galapagos Islands.” She merely nodded and continued folding the laundry.

Fast-forward some twenty years. I’m standing before a large cardboard box that holds the contents of my career as a lawyer. Random papers. Chewed up pencils. A plaque that describes my many wonderful attributes as the employee of the month. A half-eaten Snickers bar.

I have just quit my job. After many fits and starts, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I do not want to practice law. I simply don’t like it and I’m not doing it again. Nope. Never.

Despite my resolve never to practice law again, I have no idea what I’m going to do next. Even more frightening, I have no idea what I want to do next. None what-so-ever.

That is when someday sweeps in to save me.

An oversized post card arrives in the mail describing a trip to the Galapagos Islands, leaving in two weeks.

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The Power of Focus (or How Happiness is Like Mountain Biking)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

mountain bike on red dirt road

Melissa Dinwiddie shares an excerpt from her e-book Creating Happiness: 9 Essential Secrets for Creative People (and Everybody Else). Melissa is one of the most creative people I know and I’m delighted to have her here while I’m on vacation. Aloha!

A trek up a mountain on a borrowed bike taught me a lot about how shifting focus, even just a fraction of an inch, can radically alter your ride through life.

A few years ago, I went mountain biking on Mount Tamalpais, a mountain east of the famous San Francisco Bay.

As it was my first time actually biking on anything other than pavement, I was fortunate to have a companion for the day who worked as a volunteer coach for a high school mountain bike team. He gave me a lot of tips on how to get up the mountain while staying vertical, and perhaps more importantly, how to get back down.

To any veteran mountain biker, our trail was such a novice one that it would be utterly boring. To me, who was a novice biker at the time, it seemed impossibly rocky. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, then, that the tip I remember most from that day was how to avoid those throw-you-off-your-bike stones that invariably seem to appear right where your wheel is aimed.

The secret?

Don’t look at the rock; look at the clear spot next to it.

How many times, I wondered, had I been toodling around the neighborhood on my bike, and ridden right over the thing—stone, pine cone, crack in the pavement—I was most wanting to avoid?

As my mountain bike coach explained, your wheel will automatically go where you look, so if you look at the rocks while riding, that’s exactly where you’ll go. If you shift your gaze an inch over to look at the clearing, however, you’ll “magically” avoid those nasty bike-tumbling rocks.

It’s not really magic, of course. And it’s an idea that you can apply to more than mountain biking.

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How Uncertainty Became My CEO

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 5 Conversations

 

The Aloha Guest Posts: While I’m away on vacation a few of my extraordinary friends will be keeping the fire stoked, sharing their wisdom and enthusiasm for living out loud. First up is Padma Maxwell of Get Your Thrive On who’s walking her talk, following her own dreams wherever they take her and as you’ll see she’s not always sure where that is!

 

Uncertainty consistently showed up at my door unexpected and uninvited. Yet, when I’d open the door, she didn’t say anything, she just stared at me. She was by far the most unsocial and unfriendly neighbor I had. I was always intimidated when I’d see her and unsure how to even hold a conversation with her.

She’d sit on her front porch watching the neighborhood go about their routines with a glare of “I told you so” in her eyes.

One afternoon, I was struggling with some heavy machinery in my garden and no one offered to help, except for Uncertainty. She came to my aid and devised an alternate solution to tilling my flowerbed. She was silent but offered her full attention and effort.

I had no idea how hard Uncertainty was willing to work to help out a stranger.

So, I invited her over for a home-cooked meal.  After a bottle of Cab Sauvignon, I shared with her my secret idea for a documentary project.

woman made of puzzle piecesI was a little embarrassed because it was after all, just an idea; a crazy one at that.

I knew nothing about films, cameras or managing a project.

She didn’t laugh or tell me how unrealistic it was going to be to pull it off.

Quite shockingly, her response were four words that changed my life. . .

“Let’s do this together.”

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The Art & Science of Stellar Copywriting

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

When I first met the quirky fellow in today’s spotlight, I wasn’t sure what to think. After all, in his own words he is the following:

Writer. Marketer. Practitioner of sales magic. Singer. Ex-monk.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

And I’ll add he’s also a brilliant copywriter and one of the most supportive people I’ve met online. But what I love most about Martin Stellar is his commitment to being of service. It really is what he’s all about and that inspires me.

That’s the Art.

People talk about service, but fall short more often than not. Why?

[pullquote]”The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi[/pullquote]

Because what I’m talking about is being of service, not doing service and in my experience, it’s a rare breed that can pull that off.

Martin does so with heart.

Now for the Science.

Lest you think he’s just a smiling, helpful guy let’s cut to the chase. . .

Within a few days of working his magic on my Coaching page it generated over $2000 from new clients. Not too shabby for an ex-monk living in a small town in Spain!

He is a wordsmith, skilled in the art of sales copy and marketing. Because really, what else would you learn at a monastery? 😉

You tell him where you want to go and he’ll navigate the way to your success.

His genius is not simply good copywriting but his ability to get to the heart of the matter and work with you in a way that’s part coach/part consultant/part sherpa.

He has become both sounding board and valued friend and I’m delighted to share him with you in today’s spotlight. Enjoy!

Portrait Martin Stellar1.  Why are you here?

To help, serve, and make money in the process

2.  What is your future self calling for?

For me to do more now, so my future self can take a day off. Or two.

To be more in the moment, more focused, and fix the things in my life that need fixin. (Earn more, study more, create a bigger network.)

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