Resistance

From Nothing to Something

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 23 Conversations

 

I got nothing.

These words take me by surprise. They lurk – in my awareness and energy.

I don’t like them and I don’t want them here.

Surprising because I’ve just come from a silent retreat that nourished my soul, and provided time to rest and room to breathe.

But no words show up to fill the space.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin

Blank Screen Blues - sitting in front of a blank monitor trying to think of something to write!

Until now.

It takes admitting what’s so. Saying the words you don’t want to say.

I got nothing.

You’ve got them too, don’t you? Those times that feel blank, lost, frustrating.

Who wants to admit being there?

Not me.

And yet, I shine the light on this dark, shadowy place; a place we do our best to avoid.

Because here’s the thing about ‘walking the talk’…

You can’t just do it when it looks good.

You can’t just do it when it looks like you’ve got it all handled.

Walking the talk is an ongoing proposition. It takes going deep into the ‘beingness’ of human being.

It’s in those moments when things don’t look or feel good; those moments that call you down to the depths, where all there is to do is. . .

Do. The. Work. 

Until you realize you do have something to share, something to offer and hopefully, make a difference for someone else.

That moment when you get from nothing to something. . .

and remember once again where real transformation lives.

 

 

Disarming the Critic

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 1 Conversation

 

The Vagabondage Series:  Elana Baxter on lizard busting.

 

I recently became aware of just how much and how often my inner critic pipes up to tell me how badly I am doing things. How much better, more productive, kinder, and more __________I need to be.

black and white image of hand holding cup with word critic on it

And when the critic isn’t telling me that, it’s attacking my body, eating habits, parenting, cooking and cleaning.

Be more!

Do more!

It’s a constant rant punctuated only briefly by sneaks of quiet.

I have come to the only sane conclusion that a woman experiencing this incessant haranguing can. . .

The inner critic must die or at the very least it must be sedated. Heavily.

I am tired of beating the shit out of myself. Every ounce of energy spent hating on myself, nitpicking, correcting, disallowing and crapping down my own throat!

I can’t get that energy back. And I can’t get the time back.

It’s gone. Forever.

Here’s what I do in order to allow some space and begin showing myself some love and compassion.

I disarm the voice.

You know the voice, right?

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Being With What Is

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 21 Conversations

 

Guest post by Rita Chand – Sharing the being part of human being.

 

I’d just hung up the phone with Sandi after calling her to help me deal with something. She had asked if I was up to writing something about this experience I was having, that it was something her readers could probably relate to. I love Sandi so saying no to her isn’t an option. Little did I know I’d be inspired to write something as soon as I hung up the phone. But she’s good like that.

[pullquote]“There is the risk you cannot afford to take and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take”. ~ Peter Drucker[/pullquote]

On Monday, I found out I didn’t get a job that I really really REALLY wanted. The process lasted a month, the job was exciting and amazing and it was everything I wanted. Everything I’d been talking about for quite some time. Happiness couldn’t be found sitting at my desk day after day anymore – I needed more, desired so much more. And this job offered it.

But, I didn’t get it. After all that, someone else did.

And it’s okay. . .ultimately it is.

It wasn’t meant to be.

There are bigger, BETTER things out there for me.

It’s her loss.

And all the other platitudes that people say to make us feel better. They want to help so they say what they know to say. I appreciate that. But we all know it doesn’t help. None of those things help. And I think we know that too. God bless people for being so awesome.

My friends are sad for me. . .well actually, most of them are just sad that I am sad. They didn’t want me to move away, so some have shared they are relieved.

So yes, it is okay. Ultimately.

Does it feel okay? No. Did I cry for 2 days after? Yes.

Even at the gym. I just cried. I’m disappointed. Heartachingly, gut wrenchingly disappointed.

sculpture in dejected pose

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do disappointment very well.

In fact (don’t tell anyone I said this) I think disappointment is one of the worst emotions to deal with. I’d rather be pissed off. Or better still, indifferent. I can do those really well.

But to sit in my own disappointment. . .forget it.

Disappointment is like the cooties of feelings. There’s nothing redeeming about disappointment. It just downright sucks.

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Sticky Stories and the Lizard That Stops Us

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

 

The Vagabondage Series:  Elana Baxter on escaping the comfort zone.

 

We all have weaknesses and not just one or two.

Some of mine include English period films, glossy magazines, gossip sites and espresso. But there’s one weakness I’ve yet to divulge until today.

Worksheets.

I know, a bit anticlimactic and not even a bit risqué. But nevertheless, I have a soft spot for worksheets.

So when my coach told me she would be sending some along – not one, but some – I was ready to dive in and start neatly answering all of the questions, eager to ponder each one with focused consideration.

Then they came.

After the initial introduction discussing my favourite subjects – ideal work and living a life you love – I hurried to the next section to begin. That’s when the can of worms began to squirm uncomfortably.

List what you dreamed of as a child seemed a simple enough statement. I could do that. Plus, I’d been instructed to slap a roll of duct tape on the lizard brain in order to do the work and just write whatever felt right and true. I resolved to quietly ignore the squirming worms and move on.

Visions and memories of dancing, singing, writing, drawing, painting, playing music – they all came to the surface. I looked at my answers. All silent contemplation went up in flames. The worms started a full-fledged riot, apparently not happy in their can and my lizard brain had removed the duct tape muzzle (lizards are tricky little bastards).

I can’t dance now! I’m too old.

Singing? There’s no time for s i n g i n g!

Painting?!! Now you’re really talking a fine tune right out of your ass lady!

And so on.

Every joyous memory and hopeful vision, dismantled by the lizard and a chorus of obnoxious worms with a story to tell.

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Quieting the Voices

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

 

The Vagabondage Series:  Wherein Elana Baxter slams the door on her own personal kryptonite!

 

Over the last week, I’ve been engaged in a form of mental hand to hand combat.

With whom you might be asking. . .

Some of the sneakiest, most crippling villains shadowing the psyches of folks everywhere as we do our best to show up, don our superhero capes and fly out into the open air to rally for a sweet, satisfaction-filled life.

Bert and Ernie dolls

You and I know them well. They are the kryptonite of action, the Achilles heel of focused intention, and the chocolate espresso cheesecake slyly beckoning from a pastry case after a long, tough day.

Allow me to introduce my UnFab Five, a.k.a. the saboteurs of

  • overwhelm
  • judgement
  • perfectionism
  • impatience
  • lack of integrity

I’ve met each of these bad boys and we know each other intimately. Recently, I had the chance to chat with all of them and here for your viewing pleasure are the outtakes:

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What the Heck Is the Point?

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 43 Conversations

 

Why do you do what you do?

Love.

Money.

Purpose?

What compels you to take action when you’re paralyzed with fear?

When the lizard rears up in its loud, persistent glory?

It’s said that if you have a big enough why, anything is possible.

People like Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, and Gandhi (the usual suspects) all started with “why.”

It was their why that enabled them to do what they did, inspiring others and achieving remarkable things.

It might sound blasphemous, but I don’t think of them as extraordinary human beings.

They were just like you and me. Ordinary people with one major difference.

They had a very BIG why.

What’s yours?

And is it big enough?

[pullquote]“That which is within you and expressed will set you free, but that which is within you and not expressed will eat you from inside.” – Book of Thomas[/pullquote]

Your why is yearning to be expressed.

Why do you do what you do?

Without a clear answer to this question. . .

What the heck is the point?

 

 

3 Steps to Your One Percent

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 14 Conversations


So it happened again.

I admit it, Seth Godin (who you may remember inspired the start of this blog) did it again by writing about what might happen on the day everyone is pleased with their work.

It’s basically a “now what” scenario.

You spend so much time working towards that day only to feel…

  • let down
  • critical of the result
  • and disappointed in yourself

His post also relates to what I think of as magical, someday thinking.

I know, I know. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it because you’re still living like there is a someday.

But there isn’t. . .

And yet, every single day someone dreams of someday.

Each day those thoughts move you closer and closer to a state of complacency and toleration. Months, even years go by and the dream becomes vague, a wishful memory.

For the love of whatever you believe in, it is time to get over this.

Which brings me to the 1% solution.

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