Coaching

Where Do You Look?

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 8 Conversations

 

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs.
When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” – Ansel Adams

sculpture and sky shot in black and white

When thoughts and words become unclear where do you focus?

  • Do you look inward for clarity and confidence?
  • Do you trust your own standards and ideals?

OR

  • Do you look outward, searching for validation from others?
  • Do you question yourself and let others decide for you?

“Trust yourself, and you will know how to live.” – Goethe

Where do you focus and how does it serve you?

 

How to Defeat Your Paper Tigers

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 2 Conversations

 

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” – Amelia Earhart

Tiger behind bars

The decision to act IS usually the most difficult part of the coaching process. Paper tigers stop us regularly, even when it’s clear they’re made of paper.

Look at the photo. Due to the depth of field, or where the photographer focused, the bars don’t look solid or real. Our beliefs can be like that in reverse. It’s all in our focus or perspective.

The thing that totally jazzes me as a coach is that we really can do most anything we decide to do. The limits are more often in our minds than in reality.

A few examples:

  • After years of struggling, a client became crystal clear on what she wanted. Within a year, she bought a condo, changed careers, adopted a baby and began a new relationship.
  • A few months into coaching, another client announced she wanted to move to Europe for a year. That was three years ago! She successfully moved, working virtually for her organization in North America. She too, bought a home and had a baby in that time.
  • One year after knee surgery, I ran a half marathon, something I’d never imagined possible. Growing up I was the smart one, not the athletic one. The power of my decision to run the race was so empowering, it blew my paper tiger away in a puff of air!

In each example, two things played a major role:

1.  Clarity

  • What do you really want and why?
  • How do you want to feel throughout the process?

2.  Commitment

  • What do you need to put into place to get started?
  • What structures can help you stay focused?

Like the quote says, “the process is its own reward.”

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The Art of 3D Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 8 Conversations

 

3D usually refers to something having three dimensions, ie: width, length and depth.

I’m using 3D to refer to three aspects of life that aren’t usually thrown together. I found myself falling down the rabbit hole exploring them and how you can use them to have a more vibrant 3D experience of life.

3D Living = Death + Dreams + Delight

3D glasses

Death comes knocking when you least expect it, the mother of all wake up calls.

Dreams have a life of their own, sometimes existing in the least hospitable environments.

Delight can happen in any moment of any day, catching your breath, catching you off guard.

Do you live as though you have choice with these three seemingly unrelated bedfellows or do you more often than not find yourself living as a victim of life’s circumstances?

 

1D – Death

You act like you’ll live forever, avoiding the topic of death at all costs.

This looks like head in the sand, someday thinking which usually at some point turns into a litany of why you can’t have what you want.

  • Someday. . . I’m going to have my own business, and then I’ll have the money and freedom to live the way I really want BUT right now, I’m stuck at a job I hate with a boss I hate even more and I can’t quit because I’ve got a mortgage, kids, debt, etc.

OR

  • Someday…(this used to be one of my faves) when I meet the right person I’m going to have the most amazing relationship and I’ve done all this personal development work and I’ll be ready BUT not right now because I should probably lose some weight and buy a new wardrobe first.

You get the gist right? Someday… maybe…when the time is right, but not now.

It’s about all the amazing things you’ll do when. . . . . . . . . . {fill in the blank}.

The part you need to shake up is that part of you that’s not willing to be responsible for taking the actions required. Picture a child, fingers in their ears, singing “lalalalalalalalalalala” loudly to drown out reality.

Heads-up: Living in lala-land leads to a life of regrets.

Put on your 3D glasses and look at death from a different perspective.

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Because Deathbed Regrets Suck

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

Dear One,

I couldn’t sleep last night.

Someone I know died last week, a friend of the family. I didn’t know her all that well, but every time I saw her, every interaction I had with her left me feeling appreciated and acknowledged.

She was so very present, her face lighting up when she saw you. She smiled big, from deep within and seemed to squeeze the joy out of life.

I don’t even know what she accomplished in life. It’s how she lived and how she left people feeling that was extraordinary.

I thought of her last night, her death yet another wake up call.

It got me thinking about life, and how you stop yourself from really living.

I know you know what I’m talking about.

Surviving is not the same as living.

It’s actually quite easy to survive, to live with all the things you’re tolerating and all the ways you’ve suppressed yourself.

But your dreams and desires for this life?

Where do they exist amidst the toleration and survival?

Maybe you talk about them a lot, but because you rarely take action you sound like the boy who cried wolf.

Maybe you write about them…at night, in your journal, when no one’s looking.

You keep them safe and locked away.

And love. Sweet, sweet soul-nourishing love.

What about it? Do you share your love, expressing it freely?

Or do you save it for the ‘appropriate’ time.

What are you waiting for?

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It’s All In Your Perspective

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 4 Conversations

 

Ever wonder how to shift your perspective?

It’s not rocket science as you’re about to discover.

Look at this image.

Sky & clouds reflected in glass sculpture

What do you see?

How does it make you feel?

What sounds come to mind, if any?

What’s the story you’re already making up about the image?

Truth is, it’s a photo my husband took of a sculpture in downtown Vancouver recently. I’m pretty sure I’ve walked by it numerous times and yet . . .

When I saw the image I had no idea where it was or even what it was.

The perspective was so shockingly different that it had my mind go blank.

Now think about your life.

How often does this happen, affecting your,

  • behaviour
  • relationships
  • communication?

How often do you find yourself creating a drama worthy of the afternoon soaps?

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The Humanity of Needs

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

Mural & graffiti wall Portland Oregon

According to Anthony Robbins, human beings have six basic human needs:

Certainty – to be comfortable and avoid pain

Variety – to have stimulus, change and surprise in your life

Significance – to feel special and worthy of attention

Connection & Love – to feel connected and loving, of yourself and others

Growth – to feel fully alive and continually growing

Contribution – to contribute beyond yourself, creating meaning and serving the greater good

We all have these same needs, we just get them met in different ways, both positive and negative.

For example:

You can meet your need for certainty by deciding to believe in yourself OR deciding to never leave your house again. Yes, both those decisions meet the need.

This happens all the time and explains why we so often begin things only to sabotage and lead ourselves to failure. I think that’s also when your lizard brain makes itself known!

Anything you find difficult but love to do, you can bet it’s because some of these needs are being met.

And when you have a sense that taking an action will meet many of your needs, you’re more likely to follow through.

On the flip side, if there’s something you put off, ignore or avoid doing, it’s because how you currently think of it causes a feeling of lack, that it won’t fulfill any of your needs.

Here’s the interesting thing about these needs –

Anything you do can meet ALL of these needs if you change your perception (what you notice and/or believe) or your strategy (how you get it done). More on that in a future post.

It all starts with awareness.

You’ve got to become aware of not just what you’re doing, but why you’re doing it. This awareness can then lead to a new strategy to fulfill on what you want in life.

What if for one week you simply noticed how your needs show up?

Nothing to do, nothing to fix.

Just notice.

 

Over to you:

  • Which of the six needs do you focus on most?
  • What do you do to meet that need?
  • What do you make it mean that you focus on that need?
  • And what if it didn’t mean that at all?

 

 

Your Words Are Heard

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the World Domination Summit. 

It would be a gross understatement to say it rocked me to the core, in ways both expected and surprising.

Surprising in that I noticed where I still hold back.

That there’s another layer. Opening deeper, embracing more, living in the now.

It’s a practice.

Ongoing till my last breath.

“Spiritual practice is like eating for the heart.” – Mark Silver

Opening as a practice.

Opening and expressing.

Why I’m here.

Purpose.  Mission.  Path.

Call it what you will.

I call it my heart’s desire.

I’m here to create a supernova-like collision that cracks open your brilliance so it becomes impossible not to take action on what’s important in your life.
I’m here to kick your ass and love you more than socially acceptable, because you were born to shine.

Now. Not someday.

Today.

Because there’s no time like the present and deathbed regrets suck.

Your words are heard.

So right now, in this moment what would you say about your heart’s desire?

Say it now in the comments below.

 

 

A Summit of Dreams

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

I had a dream recently.

It felt like both a vague memory and something yet to be realized.

Maybe that’s what dreams are – reminders of what’s possible – but possible coming from the truth of who you are.

The truth of who you are.

The dream you are here for.

It triggers that small part of your brain, on the alert, protecting you from:

  • failure
  • rejection
  • disappointment

That part of you, your lizard brain, so totally committed to keeping you safe. Even from your dreams.

And safe you remain.

Thinking of someday . . .

A day, far off in the distant future.

A day when the planets align and the moon is blue.

A day when you finally get your ducks in a row.

But (this is where your dream becomes a nightmare) someday N E V E R comes.

Unless . . .

  • A loved one dies suddenly
  • You get the diagnosis you never want to hear
  • Mother Nature wreaks havoc and destroys life as you know it

We’ve all heard stories of this type of wake up call.

Stories of that inspiring person who wakes the fuck up and refuses to succumb to the diagnosis, embracing their dreams instead.

What if you didn’t have to wait for that kind of wake up call?

What if instead, you found yourself in a room with 500 of the most awake human beings you’ve ever encountered?

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3 Steps to Your One Percent

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 14 Conversations


So it happened again.

I admit it, Seth Godin (who you may remember inspired the start of this blog) did it again by writing about what might happen on the day everyone is pleased with their work.

It’s basically a “now what” scenario.

You spend so much time working towards that day only to feel…

  • let down
  • critical of the result
  • and disappointed in yourself

His post also relates to what I think of as magical, someday thinking.

I know, I know. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it because you’re still living like there is a someday.

But there isn’t. . .

And yet, every single day someone dreams of someday.

Each day those thoughts move you closer and closer to a state of complacency and toleration. Months, even years go by and the dream becomes vague, a wishful memory.

For the love of whatever you believe in, it is time to get over this.

Which brings me to the 1% solution.

Continue reading →