The Art (and Science) of Solution Focused Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

Problems. We’ve all got them.

In all areas of life – business, relationships, finances, health, and so on.

No one is immune.

It’s common to focus on problems, which can lead you down a negative spiral faster than an army of ants at a picnic; the kind of ANTs that suddenly seem to hi-jack your brain.

But is it really useful to focus on the problems? We’re human beings not machines, which leaves me questioning this obsession with problems and fixing ourselves.

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” – Louise L. Hay

Question: What Is Problem-Solving?

Answer: Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

Yes, problem solving is a mental process. . .that keeps you in your head analyzing!

Over and over, same problem, multiple angles, round and round until it feels like you’re deeper than ever, mired in the problem.

Yes, the intention is to get to the solution, but think about it. . .

How often has it really worked vs. how often has it kept you stuck?

“Anxiety and fear produce energy. Where we focus that energy noticeably affects the quality of our lives: focus on the solution, not the problem.” – Walter Anderson

It’s much more uncommon (and useful) to view life through a solution focused lens.

Sometimes I startle clients when I tell them I don’t care about the problem. And it’s true, I don’t. . .I care about what they want, and as soon as I can get them back to thinking about that, the sooner they feel resourceful.

You might think it’s semantics, but it’s not. It’s an energetic shift. It just feels better to focus on what you want from a solution focused view of life.

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Where Are You From, Really?

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 2 Conversations

 

Brian Tracy said, “It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.”

Yes, and when you acknowledge where you’re from with love and respect, the impact on where you’re going is profound.

 

Where am I from?

I am from a home where love and laughter reigned, a place of simple joys and comfort. giant heart stone found at Davis Bay, near Sechelt, BC

A home that prepared me for a life of connection, contribution and love; living each day fully, someday nowhere to be found.

I am from a woman, compassionate and loving, who chose a man strong and proud.

From my grandmother’s knee, oven-baked bread and rosy cheeks in the crisp wintry air.

A land, where immigrants gathered to start anew, courage and spirit to brave the elements.

A land that prepared me for western shores; where mountains and ocean collide.

 

Where am I from?

From the school of possibility; the spirit’s edge, my church the mountains and the waves below.

A place of coeur-age where risk and exploration connect.

childhood books on the shelf, photo by Sandi Amorim

Birthed in the stories of Jo March, Elizabeth Bennett, and a red-haired girl named Anne.

Where girls have heart, and spirit in abundance.

 

It’s easy to tell the stories that keep you small.

But right here as you read this, what’s the story that warms your heart?

That’s the one you should be telling.

 

From Someday to One Day (how shifting your focus brings a dream alive)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 25 Conversations

 

Someday you will die.

And that’s really the only someday thought you can count on.

The rest of your someday thoughts are like the numbered balls in an old school bingo basket. . .bouncing around, one idea on top of the other. Your dreams tumbling about willy nilly.

Bingo Balls: photo credit - bridges&balloons

And therein lies the problem.

You don’t think of your dreams as possible, and you don’t give them the attention they deserve.

You mostly think of them wistfully, with a tender ‘someday, maybe’ longing.

Someday I’ll travel the world.

Someday I’ll sing on stage.

Someday I’ll be my own boss.

Each one tossed about, spinning endlessly in the basket of your mind.

Whatever your someday desire is, it’s time to get real about the fact that right now – today – it’s neglected, cushioned by the unknown and surrounded by the thousands of negative thoughts you think every single day.

From the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff:

“Our minds—made up of our thoughts, beliefs, and self-talk—are always ‘on.’ According to scientists, we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. . . And what’s even more startling is that of those 60,000 thoughts, 95 percent are the same thoughts you had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Your mind is like a record player playing the same record over and over again.

Still, that wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the next statistic: for the average person, 80 percent of those habitual thoughts are negative. That means that every day most people have more than 45,000 negative thoughts. Dr. Daniel Amen, a world-renowned psychiatrist and brain imaging specialist, calls them automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs.”

Basically, your someday thoughts (aka the dreams and desires you’re neglecting) are being trashed by an army of ANTs.

So, how do you stop your dream from being sidetracked by this army of negative Nellies?

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How to Break Free of a Burnout

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 16 Conversations

 

Too many people are headed for burnout. Maybe you’re one of them.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker.” – Sam Keen

Because here’s the thing – no one is immune.

I’m pretty sure even the Dalai Lama has to manage this to some degree. It’s part of the human condition, and we all go through it from time to time.

Sometimes it’s because you don’t know how to say no.

Other times it’s due to overwhelm of the awesome kind. There are simply too many great things to do, attend or take part in.

Either way, burnout is imminent.

“Just like there’s always time for pain,
there’s always time for healing.” – Jennifer Brown

If you’re too far gone down the path, you may not be able to avoid it.

The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck there.

So grab a notebook and a pen. We’re doing this the old school way.

Ready?

 

MAKE TWO LISTS: 

List #1

Start with Danielle LaPorte’s infamous ‘stop doing’ list. 

Sit yourself down and get real.

I start with everything that’s currently on my plate – commitments, promises, projects, whatever.

Then I go through the list letting myself feel whatever energy comes up.

If my gut winces or my brow furrows, I get rid of it.

Do this with integrity.

If other people are involved, let them know where you’re at. Clean it up, repromise, change your mind – it’s all good when done in service of you being of greater service, to yourself and others.

If your gut flutters and you smile as you look at the item on the list, it’s a keeper.

It’s not rocket science. Trust your body. It never lies.

 

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The Cure for What Ails You

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

 

Ever notice how a good laugh shifts almost any mood?

Some days it is the ONLY thing that works.

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” – Robert Frost

Think about those moments when you really do feel crazy. Laughter releases the pressure and returns you to a more resourceful state.

A-mazing Laughter, sculpture by Yue Minjun in Vancouver's English Bay

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.” – Charles Dickens

Similar to yawning, it’s really hard to watch someone laughing and not feel the urge to join in.

It feels so damn good. Stop resisting!

Let yourself laugh, out loud and more often!

 

“Laughter is the language of the soul.” – Pablo Neruda

The first time I attended a silent retreat I caught myself laughing as I walked through the woods on my own. It bubbled up from within and echoed through the trees.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

 

“Life is really a great cosmic laughter.” – Osho

Listen, the joke is often on you, so why not laugh about it? It will more than likely be funny in a few years.

Why wait?

Laugh more now.

A-mazing Laughter, sculpture by Yue Minjun in Vancouver's English Bay

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

Life. IS. Funny.

Stop wasting your precious time worrying and stressing. Open yourself up to a big ol’ belly laugh.

Look for opportunities to laugh.

They’re everywhere when you pay attention.

 

 

Rise Up and Choose

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 6 Conversations

 

You have two options: 

1. The discomfort of taking action now

OR

2. The pain of your ‘someday’ thinking

 

Choose.

Anything else is avoidance.

Day 11 of Project 137

“Love what you want.” – Danielle LaPorte

 

You have everything you need to rise to the occasion.

For it is an occasion.

Dress up.

Open up.

Rise up,

and choose what you most want. 

Rise up and choose.

A Deva Tale (includes a damsel, a villain and a talisman)

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 27 Conversations

 

What do you do when you realize you’ve been resisting what you’re here for?

Maybe you hide out with busy work.

Or stop writing.

Or say yes to shiny new projects that are mostly distractions from…

what you’re here for.

I get it. I feel your pain. And enough is enough.

That’s what I said to myself recently!

I said, “Self, it’s time to stop resisting. It’s time to remember your intention. It’s time to get on with owning your awesome!” 

My Self quivered at this vociferous demand, challenged to find the words to share what’s been going on.

Because you know, I wanted to find the RIGHT words. Which is just another way of holding myself back and waiting for my own…wait for it…someday.

Yes, I know I’m on a mission to obliterate someday thinking from the face of the earth.

Gah. I hate outing myself.

But apparently Self needed a public bitch slap, which is why I’m about to tell this tale.

Let’s go back to the beginning, for sharing the details of how it’s been is always better than waiting for the perfect words someday.

 

Once upon a time there was a wildly enthusiastic woman with a passion for helping others. She did what she had to do to become skilful in her chosen profession, she launched her business with zeal, and she hustled.

She hustled because she loved her work. She fell in love with her perfect people; they lit her up with their enthusiasm and commitment to living life fully.

Then one day something changed, although she had no idea at first what it was.

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Living Fully with Project 137

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 10 Conversations

 

You never know where or when you’ll be struck by a wake up call; the kind of message that sneaks in and rattles your cage. And when you wake up to the knowing that there really is no someday you start to see these messages everywhere.

Because the reality is we all need reminders.

It’s easy to become complacent and comfortable with the day-to-day routine of life. And I’m not even saying that’s bad. It’s not.

It’s just not where we come fully alive.

“Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.”
– David Whyte

Fully alive is how I want to live, and I’m pretty sure that’s what you want too or you wouldn’t be here reading.

That’s what compelled me to take part in Patti Digh’s Project 137. 

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Step By Step

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 11 Conversations

 

 marble staircase at Westin Grande, Vancouver, BC

Step forward. . .into your vision.
Watch as the details come to life.

Step back. . .into your Self.
Surrender, and own who you really are.

Step up. . .into your calling.
Be the one you’ve been waiting for.

 

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step,
you know it’s not your path.
Your own path you make with every step you take.
That’s why it’s your path.”
~ Joseph Campbell

 

Come to the Dark Side: permission to own where you suck

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 50 Conversations

 

The past month has challenged me in all areas, mind, body and spirit.

I could blame it on Mercury retrograde, or my post conference funk, but whatever the reason, July took me out. You could say I’d been hit by a cosmic 2’x4′.

shadow image in black and white

Me and my shadow; welcome to the dark side.

Blocked and doubtful, Lizzie on full-blown loudspeaker about my work and what’s next, and then because that wasn’t enough, blindsided by an inflamed disc in my low back.

Really God? You thought that was a good idea?

And just like that, I fell down the slippery slope to the dark side.

The dark side ain’t pretty.

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