Day 17 – Saying No
“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” – Dr. Lissa Rankin
You’re so good at. . .
You should be a. . .
No one else can do it like you. . .
We need you to do it. . .
Nothing new here, you’ve heard it all before.
You have things you can do, things you’re good at, maybe even things you’re better at than anyone else. But unless you feel good about doing them it’s time to start saying NO.
True story:
Before I became a coach, I did many different jobs and I was good at pretty much anything I tried.
There was the year I worked for a publishing representative. I love reading and writing and I had a lifelong love affair with books. What more could I ask for? Nope, not for me.
Then there was the year I did research and development for a post-secondary institution. Loved the challenge of finding the right material, enjoyed supporting the instructors in creating their courses and was pretty brilliant at it, if I do say so myself. But did it light me up and make my soul sing? Nope, not a peep.
Two years of freelance photography and being my own boss. . .this was it, right? Nope, not even this, although it came closer than anything else I’d tried.
Each time I was lured by the challenge, seduced by the feedback that I was doing a great job and lulled by security.
But here’s the thing I knew in my gut and ignored. . .
None of that work came close to touching my soul or using my own particular genius.
I was just good at it.
Being good at something truly doesn’t mean you should be doing it.
“Lean in. Listen up. Closely.
It’s your soul speaking and she says,
Get UP! I need you. I want you. I am you. Choose me.
Lean in. Listen up. Closely.” – Danielle LaPorte
Are you willing to listen that closely?
Right here, right now, listen up.
L I S T E N.
Your soul’s been speaking for a very long time. It might sound like a whisper, butterflies stirring, or a long slow breath.
Take a good, long look in the mirror.
Is that the expression of someone who is lit up and inspired by life?
If your answer is yes, celebrate! It takes courage to shine that brightly.
If your answer is no, consider it’s time to start saying no so that you can say YES to the genius burning inside you.
You are ready.
Over to you:
In 2012. . .
- What’s on your “stop doing just because you’re good at it” list?
- What’s on your “hell yeah, that sets my soul on fire” list?
#reverb11 is a prompt driven writing project during the month of December. Its purpose is to inspire reflection and create intention for the coming year.
I’m stopping doing small coding projects, yes they are fun, sometimes pay the bills but they don’t make me sing every morning.
I do love to admin websites and see them grow, which is now the focus of my designer/developer career. This I will continue to do, it makes me truly happy.
Also writing, I have found it as a beautiful practice that helps me grow, has given me great friends like you Sandi and keeps me pushing forwards in my personal development efforts.
So far I think the next year (that is almost upon us) is going to be totally amazing! 🙂
Alex,
I can only imagine what 2012 will be like for you as you honour more of what makes you happy! Can’t wait to see 🙂
So true! Just because you are good at something, doesn’t mean that it is what you have to do! It does take time though to realize this. Great blog!
It does take time Ruth! I’m not sorry I did all those jobs before I discovered this, but imagine getting this at a younger age? A bit mind-blowing 😉
I feel this one was written just for me. I need to find the thing that is going to put that light in my eyes and pay the bills too. (fingers crossed)
Well my friend, the first thing to do is make a list of all the things you’re going to stop doing. It always starts there because you’ve got to make room for more of what you want in your life. My 2 cents 🙂
Ugh. Rough question. I, too, am good at many things. Sometimes people I love depend on me to do things I do well and they can’t do (like fix their computers on short notice). It’s more complicated because of the people I love.
Tried to quit dancing in my troupe. They are putting out strong effort on why I need to not quit.
I go through this about every 6 months. Overwhelm, then letting go. Not sure how this phase will play out. Open mind here, anyway.
I get the challenge, I really do, but it boils down to the question “Whose life are you living?”
Oh Sandi, what a perfect question…thank you! xx
Funny I was thinking that this post was written just for me. 🙂
And I wrote it to remind myself 😉
Sandi, I always thought that the reason I’d had so many wonderful employment opportunities over the past 30 years was because I LIKED change. I changed careers 4 times and travelled to find new opportunities for growth and development. I had many “reasons” for this – there were no jobs in my area, I liked to travel, etc, etc – and finally, when I had thought I’d found my dream job, I got injured there and was forced to stay at home…and do what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a teenager (besides dance)…write. And, yes, I get up each morning and look at a lit up and inspired smile in the mirror! As you said, however, I do not regret all of those opportunities that I travelled through. So much was gained from them and I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything, no matter how much of a struggle they seemed at the time. The light that they all shined on my life shows up in my smile each day. Thanks for this wonderful blog! Shine on!
Appreciate your comment Katherine! I think the important thing is as you said, that we get the learning and/or gifts of each of those times in our lives (or jobs). There’s always something to be gained if we look!
This post and its questions are so yummy I could eat them with a spoon. Honestly! But what stopped me in my tracks was your question to ColorJoy — Whose life are you living? It helped me realize I am living my life and no one else’s, but I also spend a lot of time seeking approval of and input about that life from other people — even people whose way of life I don’t particularly admire or want for myself. WTF? How screwed up is that?
I can’t think of anything for the “stop doing it just because I’m good at it” list. I think I pretty much eliminated the items on that list when I became adamant about not working for someone else. The soul fire starter list is easy — just not sure what role some of the items are meant to play in my life. I suspect I should just do them cuz I love them and stop worrying about how it all fits together. Who said all the pieces of our puzzle have to fit together, right?
It usually boils down to someone said or did something when we were young that had an impact. And in that moment we decided something, “I’m not good enough, I can’t have what I want, Life’s not fair…” etc.
And then we forget that it was a decision made by a child and begin living like it’s the TRUTH {insert significant music here}. Oy, the heaviness of that decision and its repercussions!
So, so true. I can’t tell you the number of times people have said to me “You’re really good at this, you should do it for a living.” And, actually a few times I’ve followed their advice and tried. Disaster. Nothing has ever fulfilled me like writing but it took me a few false starts to figure that out.
How great that you not only realized that, but also followed the call Charlotte!
I have felt the same way, I have often been swayed by my family on what to do with my life (especially school) because I was good at it. But in a weird way I felt like I was cheating myself because I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do, what I felt is so true to who I am now. I gave up business, and now I am pursuing my PhD in Cultural Anthropology. I wouldn’t have made it 3 years in business.
I have felt the same way, I have often been swayed by my family on what to do with my life (especially school) because I was good at it. But in a weird way I felt like I was cheating myself because I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do, what I felt is so true to who I am now. I gave up business, and now I am pursuing my PhD in Cultural Anthropology. I wouldn’t have made it 3 years in business.