Quieting the Voices

 

The Vagabondage Series:  Wherein Elana Baxter slams the door on her own personal kryptonite!

 

Over the last week, I’ve been engaged in a form of mental hand to hand combat.

With whom you might be asking. . .

Some of the sneakiest, most crippling villains shadowing the psyches of folks everywhere as we do our best to show up, don our superhero capes and fly out into the open air to rally for a sweet, satisfaction-filled life.

You and I know them well. They are the kryptonite of action, the Achilles heel of focused intention, and the chocolate espresso cheesecake slyly beckoning from a pastry case after a long, tough day.

Allow me to introduce my UnFab Five, a.k.a. the saboteurs of

• overwhelm
• judgement
• perfectionism
• impatience
• lack of integrity

I’ve met each of these bad boys and we know each other intimately. Recently, I had the chance to chat with all of them and here for your viewing pleasure are the outtakes:

Me: Not you again, seriously? I thought we’d been through this and I made it clear we weren’t going to see each other anymore.

Overwhelm: But you’re not doing enough! You had all these plans to conquer the world, like a month ago and you still haven’t done much. Where is your exciting, wonderful life? What about the new house, more money, being a perfect mother, and writing regularly, huh?

Plus, you need to arrange play dates and make sure you have fun plans for the little that remains of summer, lose 45 lbs and eliminate unnecessary spending to save for travel next year. I only come around to pester you because you’re not getting enough done.

Judgement: Wait a second! That’s my job Doc, step off the soapbox! If you’re not doing enough I’ll come down with the hammer every time. You can always count on me to harangue, nag, nitpick, criticize, demean and belittle every little effort you’re making. Never fear!

Me: Guys! I can’t hear myself think, could you tone it down a little. I’ve still got to finish this and then start doing the other four hundred and sixty-seven things on the to-do list for the week.

Impatience: She’s right, there isn’t much time left. You’re already practically a senior citizen woman! You need to start accomplishing more stuff in less time or it’ll all be over and you won’t have done anything worthwhile in your pathetic life!

Me: You’re right. I need to hurry, I’m running out of time. Soon I’ll be an aged pile of downy Sharpei jowls and a bucket of bad breath shuffling around in my fluffy slippers complaining of gout.

It’s all over! The sky is falling! This is why I ate those goddamn cookies yesterday, and the ice cream bar and cinnamon bun on the weekend, plus I haven’t gone for a run in two days!!!

Overwhelm, Judgement, Impatience, Lack of Integrity, Perfectionism {altogether and loud!} 

See! You have to start listening to us again. Taking breaks is not a good idea and all of this positivity crap is just smoke and mirrors.

Lack of integrity: You deserve to eat those yummy things. Who cares if you feel crappy afterward?  Being bad feels good doesn’t it?

Perfectionism: Sorry LoI, you’re wrong. If she’s going to do anything it’s gotta be done perfectly, otherwise what’s the point? Time to stick to your diet, exercise when you say you’re going to – every time! – and stop being such a pussy!

Me: S h u t  u p ! I’m not listening anymore.

None of you dickheads has done me any good in the past so why should I listen to you now? Go away and don’t come back! Next time you show up I’ll have an even bigger arsenal of positivity ‘crap’ to throw at you!

As you can see, the voices of villainy don’t disappear completely when you start taking action in your life.

It takes persistence, dedication and a lot of faith to have patience with the process.

The impatient, judging, perfectionist voices still have a bit of power in them, especially when I find I’m not making choices based on integrity (doing what I say I’m going to do) at times when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Despite that itty bitty little bit of power, I remember that I can always choose to listen to those voices or turn down the volume, slamming the door on the kryptonite.

{door slams shut}