Homage: respect or reverence paid
Self-care: care for oneself
For a few months I’ve been shifting my focus to self-care due to some physical challenges. Nothing life threatening, but challenging none the less.
In my enthusiasm and passion for the work I love (coaching & writing), I’d been spending increasingly more time at my desk, focusing on my mind and forgetting the body and spirit part of the system.
Here’s what my body reminded me of. . .
It’s not about what you know, it’s about how you live and the choices you make each day.
Ouch. They say we teach what we most need to learn, and I’m getting the message loud and clear!
Brene Brown says that calm is the ability to manage your emotional reactivity.
Calm is a superpower.
Truth is, it’s pretty tough to manage your reactivity when you don’t feel resourceful or when you’re body’s in crisis.
The shift to focusing on myself, specifically my body has not been easy and it doesn’t come naturally to me.
My tendency is usually to focus on and be there for others, and I know I’m not alone in this.
Friends, family, clients – I hear it often – everyone is challenged by the daunting task of taking care of ourselves.
Why is that?
Why is it so easy to put everyone and everything else first?
Perhaps the deeper question might be. . .
Why are you not deserving of that same level of care?
Since I love doing things in community and I know accountability helps keep me on track, I’m devoting this month to self-care; creating an homage to this essential aspect of life.
That means for the next 31 days you and I will be paying respect to our Selves. Showing reverence for what makes us feel good, and what nourishes us body, mind and soul.
Because what is the point of all this work if you feel like a well gone dry?
I’ll be writing about the challenge both here at Deva as well as over at Jordan Consulting, where I wrote about The Power of Feeling Good.
At the end of the month, I’ll give away 3 coaching sessions to follow up on all the wonderful self-care practices you’ve begun to implement!
Here’s how it works:
Throughout the month I’ll be writing about various aspects of self-care:
- what gets in the way of your self-care
- limiting beliefs you may have about taking care of yourself
- practical tips and what I’ve been using myself
- and more
This is an opportunity to put yourself first and to have that be OK. Some of you may resist, calling this selfish, but consider it’s only selfish in the best sense of the word, about Self.
It’s also an opportunity to let people know you’re taking a stand for your well-being. As you treat yourself with respect and reverence, you’ll also teach people in your life how you want to be treated.
3 Ways To Play, Participate and Win:
- Become a fan of Deva Coaching => Say Hi once you’re there so I know to credit you!
- Follow me on Twitter (@SandiAmorim) and tweet this post including the hashtag #Homage, saying something like “I’m joining the self care challenge with @SandiAmorim & @CadiJordan – http://bit.ly/oDtDst #Homage “
- Leave a comment => see details below
At the end of the month, Monday, October 31st I’ll announce the winner of the coaching sessions.
The more you comment and share this Homage with others, the more chances you’ll rack up to win the coaching sessions as well as one or two surprises that Cadi Jordan and I have up our sleeves!
And here’s the best part . . .
Everyone feels better. Everyone wins.
Over to you:
1. Look at your life right now. What you’re committed to is whatever you spend your time and money on. From this perspective:
- How do you show your commitment to self care?
2. Leave a comment below telling me:
- What gets in the way of your self-care?
- What your first step might be.
Remember. . .the more you comment and share, the more chances you have of winning the various prizes!
The biggest thing that gets in the way of my self-care is a short-term view. I think about what feels best in the moment rather than in the long term.
There are two main areas where I fall down in my self-care: overeating and undersleeping. I’m really trying to improve in the sleep department, so my first step is to stay away from the computer after I put my son to bed (I tend to get hypnotized by it and keep saying, “One more thing…”)
To do that, I probably need to have a plan about what I’m going to do instead, like reading or writing in my journal. To change one habit, you have to replace it with another, right? So I need to decide what the new habit will be.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Sue. I think for many of us who work online, the computer is one of the issues we must begin managing! It’s what’s caused much of the back pain I’ve been dealing with.
So, what are some ways we could begin to manage this in a healthy way without a negative impact on our work? Now there’s something to ponder!
One way I break the computer addiction (at least that’s what it feels like to me — an addiction) and do something good for my body is to set a timer to go off every hour, and when it beeps at me, I get up and move around. I’ve got a rebounder in my office, and I bounce for two minutes. In the interest of complete disclosure, I have to admit I am less than consistent with this practice, but it works well when I do it. Now will someone please tell me the magic trick to being CONSISTENT in our self care?
Carol, I have thought of doing the exact same thing but never even started, so you are ahead of me there! Developing new habits takes time. I’ve found it works best for me if I acknowledge even small progress in the right direction. If you’re following your plan sometimes, then you’re on your way. It’s so easy to give up during that inconsistent phase, which can last quite a while.
The interesting thing for me is that our minds also need that break. Studies show that the brain needs a break every 60-90 minutes, so it’s not just about the body! For me, that upped the ante to really take this on with you and publicly!
Love that we’re in this together 🙂
I wonder, too, if it might be worthwhile to play around with 90 minutes rather than 60. I don’t know about you, but I’m sort of mid-flow at 60 minutes, and therefore much more resistant to stopping, but by 90, my body usually wants to get up anyway.
I think it’s smart to play around with it a bit. I’m like you Sue, 60 minutes would feel like an interruption! I’ve read articles that even suggest 30 minutes, but that feels like I’d never get anything done. I’ll be testing the 90 minute zone with you 🙂
I’m so here with you all month! Love the topic and feeling connected to it! Let the journey begin
Awesome! Love when great people focus on important issues together 🙂
I don’t assign time off. Then I do personal stuff and biz stuff all mixed up in the same timeframe, & feel guilty I don’t get everything done.
I also keep dates w/ others but not w/ myself.
I’m curious Lynn, what does it cost you to break those dates with yourself? I mean, what’s the impact on you?
Sandi, I love your questions. There are layers to the answer, of course.
On one level, I don’t get things done as quickly as I thought I’d do them. It may be that I was unrealistic, in which case letting go out loud would be better than letting it slide by. Then again I do have a real challenge with transitions. Starting something new, anything different than what I’m currently doing, can take far longer than for someone else.
On another level, there is the integrity-to-self issue. I’m thinking that when i do put things on my calendar for me, I am unrealistic about how much I can do in a bit of time. Then I am guaranteed to let things go from that plan.
I’m working on baking for 2 gluten free fairs tomorrow and just made muffins without sugar. Speaking of thinking I can do more than is reasonable! Time to run a few errands before I bake again.
Lynn
Great idea! I’m actually quite focused on self-care, but it took a body rebellion to get there. Now, I’m quite happy with what I do each day for my self. Yeah! It’s possible.
Your comment gives me hope Sandra! Looking forward to hearing more about your self care practice.
Self care — what I have been focusing on and struggling with for what seems forever. Sandi, I’m so glad you are making it the focus for the month of October. October also happens to be Breast Cancer Awareness month — I think there might be a connection there. I know I didn’t really get serious about self care until I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
What gets in the way of my self care? My perfectionism and trying to make too many changes at once. I think the two are very much related. Small, imperfect changes made in an imperfectly consistent way will still get the job done.
My first step to combat this saboteur? Getting quiet first thing every morning and asking for Divine help. My second step — keeping a running list of my self care successes, big and small. This keeps me positive and empowering myself instead of negative and criticizing myself.
That’s so great Carol! I write about keeping the actions small in my next post – are you psychic? Kidding aside, that’s what it takes to progress in this challenge. If we make it about the big picture or big breakthrough that is the first step in self sabotage. We have to chunk it right down to one of my favourite questions, “What’s the one thing I can do right now to…take care of myself, feel better, etc. The rest will follow. This challenge or homage is a way to build up that muscle and celebrate the small wins along the way!
P.S. I wanted to comment on how I’m showing my commitment to self care — a kind of public patting myself on the back that is another great way to combat my perfectionistic/critical tendencies. One commitment I make is working with two coaches (Sandi is one of them) every week. I can’t think of a better way to take care of myself on all levels than that.
The second commitment I have just made is to 6 weeks, twice a week, of aquafit classes. They are expensive and half an hour away and come right in the middle of the afternoon, which is very inconvenient. And I’m doing them anyway. When they are over, I will join the local Y (only 5 minutes away, cheaper, more scheduling choice).
One thing I need to get honest with myself about is this. I am not yet at the stage where I can make exercise appts with myself and keep them. I need the structure, discipline, and accountability of a scheduled class for which I have to pay. And that’s okay for now. It takes what it takes.
Ha! You really are psychic because I wrote about structure too! Again, I think one of the ways we stop ourselves is by wanting things to be spontaneous, but structure is (IMHO) the foundation of getting what you want in life.
And major kudos for creating that for yourself with the swim classes! 🙂
Hi, San,
What “gets in the way” of my self-care is allowing myself to lose focus, getting distracted from the focus (of moi!). When I am well with myself, everyone around me gets to appreciate that… I am more effective and efficient at my jobs and roles. I am also more relaxed, less high-strung, and way more fun.
Now, this is a work in progress/process for me. I do often forget and get distracted.
When working, I “chunk” my work by task or time (i.e. finish this part, get up and take a break or about an hour). For myself, I am good for little after that and need a movement break. When on the computer, I also try to change poses – I will work at the table, then on the couch with a cushion, then sometimes even at my desk! This prevents total body breakdown. In the break times, I will foten also try to schedule in completely different tasks with a sensory component (go outside with the trash for fresh air and a walk, cook or bake, wash dishes, …).
TTFN
Lis
Lis,
That’s a pretty comprehensive way of managing your self care and I LOVE the idea of chunking things down into bite-size pieces. What gets in the way for me is two things, 1) not enough structure to get me moving and away from my desk and 2) I get so in the flow of my work that time flies. While that feeling of being in the zone is awesome, it doesn’t take care of my body very well.
Just read this quote by Rumi, “Every step I take is a blessing.” and I think I’ll be reminding myself of that this month.
Seeing your comment made my day.
xoS
Thanks @SandiAmorim to remind me to take time for myself, set boundaries, relax and unwind so I can be renewed and ready for what’s next.
Thanks for joining the challenge Mary Jane! I look forward to your contribution.
The computer is my big bugaboo in the self-care department too. I find myself getting sucked in and the only breaks I take are to go to the bathroom or get some food. I am much better at counseling others in self-care than in actually practicing it on myself!
I do manage to fit in a regular exercise routine, and I eat fairly well (but sometimes too much.) But there are so many other ways to care for myself that I neglect. I tell myself how valuable it would be to break away and get outside for a short time each day – but I rarely manage to take that break!
I think the problem goes really deep. There’s a part of me that doesn’t believe I deserve to be cared for. I know so many of the tips and techniques – but I still manage to ignore them most of the time.
Thanks for the timely post and reminder. I’m glad to be focused on self-care this month!
Sarah,
I can so relate to your comment. Even though I work with many clients on the issue of self-care, it’s still my greatest challenge. It’s an area where knowing makes no difference, as you so rightly said. It helped me to consider the three aspects – mind, body, spirit – and rate myself so I could begin to focus on the part of the system most in need of attention. I look forward to what this month will open up for us!
I don’t think humans are really wired to put themselves first, particularly women. We would have become extinct long ago if we did. 🙂 That’s why it’s so critical to get Support when you’re working on self-care. We won’t do it very long for ourselves, but if it serves others, we’re much more likely to follow through. Thanks, Sandi, for issuing this challenge so that we can all support each other!
That’s exactly right Sue! I can say that most of my women clients struggle with this issue of self care. It’s one area that takes constant minding and finetuning. I think this became a greater problem as more women began working outside the home and the idea of a superwoman who could do it all was born. It’s an impossible ideal with a negative longterm impact!
Edward Stanley, the earl of Derby, wrote in 1873: “Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”
I’ve been on a renewed ‘love myself; love my body’ mindset for a few months now and I can’t even begin to express the calm, peaceful centeredness that has been gifted in return!
So happy to join your voice in placing focus on our sacred shells which house our souls so that we can be walking congruently and sitting tall and breathing deeply the richness of life from the inside all the way to our outsides! A sweet life!
Rita,
I find myself envious of the path you’ve walked in loving your body these past few months. Would love, love LOVE to hear more. Perhaps a guest post is in order???
Sandi, I didn’t see your response above until just now. (note to self: must tic box to get followup emails!) And an idea for a post bopped me in the head as quickly as the smile that crept across my face. I will send you something by the end of the week and the self care gods can decide its appropriate landing place.
🙂
I think fatigue gets in the way of self care, even though self care combats fatigue. When my energy is low it’s really easy to do “self care” by playing a computer game (which doesn’t really help) instead of getting up to do a workout or even stretch.
My first step is recognizing when I’m in that mind set and forcing myself to get up – even if it’s just to walk to the end of the hall and back – I always feel better once I get a little active and switch gears for a little while.
That’s great Diana! Often it is the little things like walking down the hall and getting a little active that make the difference. It’s a pitfall to think it always has to be a workout or organized activity. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I looked at your question (1) the opposite way around and considered how I spend my time and money to see what I am committed to – and it shocked me! I spend my money on ‘stuff’ and food (both from the supermarket and eating out) to make me feel better and I spend a great deal of my time surfing the net to try and find who/what I am and how I can discover this person. Basically I hide behind things, food and my lap-top because I don’t like who I am and don’t believe that I deserve self care. Experience as a child taught me that looking after my diet and being active was an act of punishment rather than self love, yet I try to be careful about how I feed my husband and daughter – but not myself. So in answer to part 2 of question 2, I guess I can start by looking at my diet and where I might make changes – but also looking at how I change my belief that a good diet and activity is a negative thing. Thank you for stimulating this thought!
Karen,
What a thoughtful response. So often it is those early childhood moments that are the source of unresourceful patterns later in life. Go easy on yourself as you begin to look at this with fresh eyes and remember, even our negative behaviours have a positive intention.
Self-care is really up for me right now. I seem to focus more on how others are practicing self-care than how I do.
What gets in the way of my self-care is saying ‘yes’ before I think about what’s being asked of me. Whether it’s doing something for my elderly mother, babysitting for my grandson, or any of the other requests that come my way, I often fall back to that habitual pattern of thinking that I have to be there for everyone else, no matter what. Then I find myself stressed out or playing catch up on my to-do’s. Self-care quickly falls to the wayside.What if I learned to say, ‘let me check my schedule and see if I can do that,’ or ‘I can’t do that today, but I have some time on Thursday’? That could be a good starting place.
A very good starting place! For me it boils down to this…Every time I say yes to someone or something, what am I saying no to? There’s always a corresponding no which most often is to myself and over time that has too great a cost.
Having followed your Self Care series for the last few weeks, I had an experience recently which gave me reason to reconsider an aspect of self care. It feels like self care ought to be something that feels good, but from my earlier comment – healthy eating and activity are not always perceived as good – even though they are good for me. I have also realised today that a similar situation exists in my relationship with money. I delay keeping my accounts up to date out of fear that I’ll find that I’ve messed up and won’t have enough left in the bank. Facing that fear (which is not pleasant!) and keeping track of my account means that I ensure that I know where I stand financially and saves me anxiety in the long term. So in this context, fighting through my fear is a form of self care. This is a new perspective for me – I was quite enjoying the idea that I should spend more time taking bubble baths and listening to lovely music!!! Thank you for this series – following it and exploring the issues raised has, in it’s own way been a form of self care for me!
Karen,
I agree that having the many perspectives on self-care has been eye-opening. From the obvious actions like bubble baths, to the less obvious like meditation or acknowledging our positive intentions – it’s all self-care. Isn’t it great to realize there’s no one right form of self-care?
Yes it is, but it also seems like taking care of one’s self could be hard work! I guess that’s where practice comes in!
For me, anything worthwhile has been hard work in the beginning. But once I’ve pushed through the initial resistance effort decreases and results skyrocket 🙂