Guest post from Rachael Acklin sharing the evolution of her story.
I’ve been making up stories about myself since I was a child.
I used to pretend that I lived in Middle Earth, and that the woods behind my house were full of elves.
I used to climb trees and pretend that I lived out there and could fall asleep on a branch and not fall down.
As I grew older, and had a boyfriend, I told myself that I was boring and not very pretty, because a sixteen-year-old boy found me rather bland.
When I was in my twenties, I told myself that romance wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and that a husband who came home every night was better than excitement.
Later when he left me, I told myself that I was used and damaged and nobody would ever want me.
But I also told myself that I was capable of taking care of my two little kids on my own, and that I didn’t need anyone else.
Then a year or so later I decided I did need someone else, and I pretended I was happy that way.
It’s taken me years of pain and heartache, along with beautifully sunny days full of smiles and laughter and the love of my children, to see that so many of the stories I’ve told myself are pure and utter bullshit.
And that I can leave them behind, not just to write a new story, but to see myself for who I really am.
I’m not plain or boring or incapable. I don’t need romance to function as a person, and my standard for relationships now is a lot different than it used to be. I will always love the woods, and I will always pretend I live in a mythical place, because it makes me feel more at ease in the world.
Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves are good for us; they help us cope, and help us love who and what we are.
Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves are terrible, twisted metaphors that damage us deeply, and draw people to us that aren’t good for us at all, because they reflect those twisted stories back at us.
The best thing I have ever understood is to realize that I alone can make me happy.
That I alone have the power to bring myself joy.
That I can tell myself a beautiful story about me that is true, and miraculous, and ever-changing.
Because that person is who I really am, and who would know that better than me?
Rachael Acklin lives in Middle Earth, which happens to be in the middle of Michigan. She designs websites and teaches entrepreneurs to tell compelling stories about their work at Brand Harmony Studio.
Coach’s note:
Since it’s all made up anyway. . .
- What’s something new you could say about your old story?
- How could that story evolve today?
Rachael,
In the past 24 hours I’ve reflected on my definition of who I am based on my relationship w/my dad who’s on his “last leg”. Turns out that even though he made me feel beautiful, special, and like I was his favorite (I think every child should be made to feel special and NEVER told that they are the favorite), those were just feelings and perceptions and interpretations in my mind. I talked to him via a hospital phone last night . I was distraught because I felt like he was lonely and missing me, the only one left to visit him. But all he could talk about was my sister who died a while back. can’t really explain the dynamics, but the outcome was so freeing. I realized I would continue to visit him and serve him (and had been for years) because that’s what I wanted to do. I was freed from the made up loneliness and who I am to him. I guess what I’m also saying is that even though I made so much of it up in my head, those things really are true for me. I am who I am not because he told me so. I think I’ve just always thought good things of myself! So that’s what showed up…?
Betsy, how beautiful. I got chills reading your response.
The thing is we’re always making things up! The more we become aware of it the more we can make up good stuff 🙂
So very profound. I often ask myself if my story is true (most recently it’s been exploring the adoption story) and then I ask if there’s a way an outsider would see the story. That turns my world upside down and gets me thinking in a whole new way. Not just about my work, but about my whole life! Thanks for inspiring others to explore their stories – Sandi and Rachael!
I wrote about the power of perspective shifts: http://www.devacoaching.com/2011/06/29/all-your-perspective/ and I wholeheartedly agree Peggie. Sometimes we need to turn our worlds upside down to jar the view or story we may be stuck with!
I’ve been in this position for most of my life. I decided to start telling a new story. A story of a woman who is vibrant, beautiful, and capable of achieving whatever she puts her mind to. Sometimes old habits sink through, and old tales feel real again. But then I remember things like this, that I don’t have to go by the old tales and I start to rebuild again..
Beautiful post. <3
Getty Lee said “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” Just saw this quote today and it’s the same with our stories, right?
Totally Agree:]
There is so much power when we realize we can create our own stories.
Reminds me of this quote:
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
-Maria Robinson
I love that quote Jesse. Thanks so much for sharing it. xoS
Love, love, love this discussion. Can I please convince every single one of you to move to the glorious state of Maine and be my friends?
As I lowered myself into the pool this morning (first day of aquatic physical therapy), I remembered the real story about me and water — how much I love it, me, the two of us together. And to think for the past 20 years I’ve told myself I was too fat to be seen in a bathing suit and thereby cheated myself out of the love story that is Carol and water. Time to fall back in love with me, with water, with life.
Think I’ve just figured out what my next blog post is going to be about! Thanks, Everybody.
What a glorious love story! Looking forward to the post 🙂
Rachael, Sandi and all the wonderful women who commented, this post is gorgeous. I could not relate more to what was told in this post. Thank all the divine gods and earth angels for strong women with the courage and chutzpah to rewrite their stories.
Quite a community of strong, courageous women. Lovin’ it!
I’m blown away by all of you. Even though I knew you were out there. So much love and beauty. 🙂