Fear doesn’t stop you. YOU stop you.
I’ve wanted to write this post since my father-in-law’s sudden death, but the wanting was tinged with fear.
Fear that you would be put off, not get my point or worse, ignore me all together.
I’ve been headed in this direction for some time, but I’ve allowed fear to slow my steps.
Then death jolted me out of my comfort zone.
“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.” – Joan Baez
So it’s time to call bullshit…
You live like there’s someday.
You live like you have all the time in the world to pursue your dreams and follow your passions.
Plenty of time to shine… later.
I’ve listened to this for a long time as a coach. I’ve listened with love and compassion, used my training to the best of my ability, and at the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. The horse (you) has to want to drink. Badly, urgently, like your life depends on it.
Because it does.
There is no some day. There is only now.
NOW. And now. And now. Only now.
– That book you want to write.
– The weight you want to lose.
– The relationship you’ve been longing for.
– The dream of being an entrepreneur.
– Fill in the blank…
You have that burning desire.
I know you do because I’ve felt the heat of your passion along with the icy chill of your fear.
And if all that you get from this post is the following, I’ll be happy:
You have to stop waiting for someday.
You have to stop because it’s clearly not working.
You’re fearful, anxious, worried about the worst case scenarios going on in your head.
Good. That’s how I know you’re human; with a well-developed protective mechanism. This part of you, your lizard brain, shows up at just the right moment with just the right amount of fear.
But fear doesn’t stop you.
You can take action in spite of your lizard brain and its incessant chatter.
YOU stop you.
You’ve survived worse than an irritating conversation with a lizard in your head, haven’t you?
You’re still here, surviving.
BUT surviving is not all there is.
Surviving is not the same as living fully and thriving.
Surviving is not the same as shining with every cell of your being.
Not even close.
You can do it though.
You can feel the fear AND be, do and have what you’re here for.
I know this to be true, and it’s why I’m writing this.
I want you to shine in a way that will rock your world.
Fear doesn’t stop you.
Fear doesn’t stop me either, and yes, I am scared too. Often.
I’m scared because I have so much passion burning inside me that I might combust.
I’m scared if I let it out, you’ll run away from the intensity.
We’re all afraid to let our light shine. It’s not just you. It’s all of us.
“It’s hard to be a bright light in a dim world.” – Gary Starta
And yet?
Some of us take that first step and then the next, and suddenly we find ourselves shining in ways never imagined.
That’s how my father-in-law lived his life. Whatever he did, he gave it his all. There was no halfway commitment for him.
And he shone so bright.
Sometimes it was intimidating, but I don’t believe he meant it to be.
He really was, like Marianne Williamson’s inspiring quote, letting himself be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous and he absolutely refused to shrink so that others would feel comfortable.
He simply woke up each day pursuing his passions: cooking, travelling, sailing, wine-making. And he let his light shine in each and every thing he gave his attention to.
How he lived life was inspiring, and I know he’d agree with me here…
There is NO fucking someday.
There’s just today.
Just now.
Just YOU.
“…there was nothing under my skin but light. If you cut me I could shine.” – Billy Collins
You are meant to shine.
That’s why you’re here, but you have to trust that first cut.
And that’s why I’M here.
To help you do what it takes to shine like Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky.
That may mean loving you more than is comfortable or socially acceptable and kicking your ass when required.
I’m here to be a siren, leading you not to your death, but rather to the glorious starburst that is you living the fullest expression of you possible.
Wikipedia says a starburst must first accumulate a large supply of gas – let’s call that your passion. Then it has to have a collision with another galaxy – that’s my passion!
You and I are a collision, ready and waiting to happen.
If that statement scares you, I’m glad. I want you to be so scared you’ll take one of two possible actions:
1. You’ll run for cover, avoiding the collision at all costs; happy with the safety of your life as it is. And I’ll watch you run off wishing you much love.
OR
2. You’ll run towards me as fast as you can, eager for the collision! You’re ready to do the work, to crack open, letting your light shine unabashedly, brilliant and glowing the way you were intended.
Two options.
It’s time to choose.
Damn I love you. Hate you. No love, love, love you. Just hate- wait, I mean *love* it when you catch being small. Powerful stuff, my friend. Thanks for breaking such a passionate trail. Collision sequence commencing…
“Collision sequence commencing…”
Sounds like a Star Trek episode with Captain Picard about to say “Engage” 🙂
Tough to write, even tougher to catch myself playing small. Malcolm played fully in his life, and if I can take that away from his death then something good will have come of it.
It’s all about the engaging, isn’t it?
You’re wonderful, and it is the greatest delight of my heart to help you let your light out a bit more brightly.
If I continue with the starburst metaphor, I guess that means I brought the gas and you, the collision 😉 Like an ever revolving musical chairs of life!
Wahooooooo!
This is an awesome, awesome post! I had a similar reaction to the death of a stranger. A suicide. A jumper. Right in front of me on my lunch hour one day.
A short while later I quit my job and decided to start really living. I have no idea though how I will pay the bills. As of this moment I have no money coming and only a small amount in the bank.
But I feel alive.
Brooke,
And feeling alive is what is most important, no? Love it and appreciate you sharing. Malcolm’s death was a jolt that I needed too. Sometimes the comfort zone can lull you into a not-so-alive life!
Sandi what a post! and I am so there as you know! I wish people could see themselves as I do – absolutely F$#@king MAGNIFICENT!! “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world, we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us…”
Oh yeah Annie! I know YOU know what I’m talking about!!!
Here’s to 2011 being “absolutely F$#@king MAGNIFICENT!!”
Wow. You are the light that shines on my pathway to greatness. When wounds cut you deep, you bleed light.
You simply amaze me.
You made me cry in the best possible way. Thank you Kelly.
Fantastic post Sandi, thank you. In the Buddhist tradition I follow the second meditation in the cycle of 21 meditations is on death – realising we could die today is the ONLY way to wake up and starting being our best.
Brilliant…
Kate
Yes, it is the ONLY way. Thanks Kate.
Hey Sandi!
Wow this was really good to read. I needed to read this. I think a lot of people need to read this because it’s really inspiring. And you used the F-word at just the right moments haha.
When you think about it, there’s only one real certainty in life – we will all die. When? We don’t know. Yet, for some reason, many of us don’t seem to let that be motivation in our lives. “Yea I really want to start that business doing xyz, but I’m just too busy right now or this day and that day just isn’t good for me. I’ll get to it eventually.”
If we always say eventually, than we’ll never truly fuel the fire that is our passion.
For me personally, I’ve been trying as hard as I can to reach that glorious starburst. It’s been a little scary taking the first steps, and there are still some first steps I need to take in other areas, but I’m walking faster and stronger than I ever have before and I’m gaining that momentum!
Thanks for the post. It’s always great to read something that comes from the heart!
Lauren,
I’m so glad this post resonated. Sounds like you’re well on your way though, moving towards your starburst!
Wow, that is the BEST post I have seen since I started blogging a few months ago. Thank you!
Your post is intimidatingly brilliant and passionate. I ask myself if it’s even possible for me to bring that level of passion to my life every day without burning out. Perhaps not, but your vision of the BS free and intentional life, is oh so radiant, that even if I don’t live there every day, it’s a north star I want to follow whenever I start slipping back into my lazy little comfort zone.
What a beautiful tribute to Malcom. He’d be touched, to know how profoundly he touched you.
Coming from you Anne, that touches me deeply. Thank you my friend.
Wow . . . great post. I’m kind of at a loss for words. Love the Marianne Williamson quote.
how does 1 respond to raw passion? a collision course is definitely in my future thank you for your guts your honesty and your vulnerability. (try using a voice recognition software to say that word)
I look forward to reading about your journey and sharing some of mine
Jim,
Thank you so much for your comment. It was definitely a challenging post to write, but it had to be said!
Sounds like a Coaching Manifesto! I love it! What a powerful way to grow and demand growth of others and receive a blessing out of the loss of your father in law. In your coaching and writing, with this clearly articulated stand, you are continuing his legacy of living fully and revelling in NOW. Well done.
Thank you so much for this comment Caroline. I felt when I was writing it that it simply had to be said, but I was also afraid to say it. The feedback I’ve been getting, similar to yours, is giving me the courage to develop this further. I love how you called it a legacy. Thank you.
I don’t even know how it’s possible that this post moved me so much and I never even commented on it. Sheesh. Sandi you already know how much this post has impacted my life and reading it again today made me realize it’s time to take some more steps forward and kick some ass. I will share with you in an email but for now, just know that even though I’ve read this about 100+ times now, it continues to make a difference for me and for those in my life. And yes..this does sound like a manifesto. It’s about time you got that too. xo
The manifesto is on its way. Stay tuned.
This was the post that lit a fire under me, inspired me to contact you, and led to our working together. And that work together has changed my life. Fast forward many months. I’m about to embark on something new for me in the writing world, and I’m scared. So Lizzie is chattering in my ear. I knew what I had to do — come back to this post and rereceive the wisdom, challenge, and love in your words. Thank you, Sandi and Malcolm. I’m still scared, and that’s okay. But I’m not going to run away or live a someday life.
Carol, I wonder if you have any idea how much that means to me? You were the first person to contact me directly because of this post. The fear that I’d shared too much, been too intense or scared people off dissipated as I read your first email.
The someday life is over for you. And that is the best gift of all.
I Love this…this mirrors my thoughtline and the way you put down the words mirrors the way that I like to see it written. Thankyou
be good to yourself
David
Bless you, Sandi. You are such a bright light and making such a difference. I always enjoy coming over, reading and looking forward to coming back again to be inspired. Yes, there’s no fucking “some day!” Thank you. Love, Vidya
@Vidya Sury Much love to you also, my friend. xoS
@Vidya Sury Much love to you also, my friend. xoS
The WAY you share your message so powerfully is absolutely your GIFT Sandi…I wouldn’t have been so attracted to your light if it were any different :). Thank you for keeping that fire lit under my a$$!