“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – e.e. cummings
Almost 11 years ago I found myself sitting on a plane en route to Amsterdam, wondering “How did I get here?” It was a surreal moment, and it all began with a question (by now, surely you know that I’m all about asking questions!).
I was at a weekend workshop (an amazing program called Wisdom Unlimited), confronted by life and my inability to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up! I was doing an exercise, beating around the bush, not quite answering when the person I was working with blurted out in frustration, “Sandi, what the hell do you want? Just say it!”
In that moment I responded without thinking, “I want to be a photographer and travel, and get paid for that.”
I said it quickly, mumbling under my breath, but I said the words out loud for the very first time. A new dream, spoken into existence.
Fast forward six months, and there I was on the plane heading to the Netherlands to apprentice with a professional photographer in his studio.
Lesson 1:
Say what you want. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just say it. Speak your dream out loud.
This tale however, did not have a happy-ever-after ending. It was real life and things got complicated.
- The photographer was a jerk of epic proportions and I quit after one month.
- I unwittingly destroyed 2 months worth of film by using the wrong chemical in the dark room (my Dutch was not that good).
- And my lizard brain went on loudspeaker, reminding me over and over how desperately it had tried to convince me to not get on the plane (how can you not love your lizard when it so badly wants to keep you safe?)
I could have returned home, feeling like a failure, disappointed by life…
But I was so NOT OK with that.
So instead?
I returned to the question, “Sandi, what the hell do you want?” And in that moment, in spite of what seemed like the derailment of my dream, I had the same answer, “I want to be a photographer, travel and get paid for that.”
Lesson 2:
Get straight about it. Are you really committed to what you want? If yes, take the next action. If no, review Lesson 1.
I chose to stay.
After a day of hiking & cycling on the island of Schiermonnikoog
For another three months, I traveled, took photos, had adventures, and made friends.
I created who I wanted to be each morning. I lived each day fully. It was one of the most defining times of my life.
It would have been easy to succumb to the negative thoughts and give up. I had to face those thoughts, let them go and choose new ones, each and every day.
Lesson 3:
Creating is active and ongoing. You don’t get to stop because you created an amazing possibility yesterday.
Yesterday is over; today is a new day. Cliche but true.
I also made memories.
Last night I read through my journal from that time. The angst, the drama, the endless questioning of life. Questions that took courage to answer. Questions that helped me grow up.
Lesson 4:
Stop looking for the answer. Ask a new question instead.
During those months in the Netherlands:
- I discovered there was one beer I did like (Hoegaarden)
- I kept saying what I wanted, even though I had no idea how to make it happen
- I met some amazing people, including my friend Hein who was just here in Vancouver for a visit
- I began to trust myself in a way I’d forgotten
- I chose, day after day to see opportunity and to look for it intently when it wasn’t obvious
Lesson 5:
Focus on what works. Look at your life as though you were looking through the lens of a camera. Where do you want to put your attention?
Would I have wanted the story to have a more predictable, happy ending? Maybe, but I wouldn’t have traded those four months for anything. Speaking that first dream out loud gave me the confidence to do it again and again, each time an opportunity to become still more of who I really am.
Over to you:
- What do you want?
- What one action would breathe life into your dream?
- GO. Do that now.
This post is part of the Life Lessons Series, an extraordinary collaboration hosted by fellow blogger Abubakar Jamil.
You are my hero! You live with such passion and courage. They say people are the average of the 5 people they spend the most time with. Thanks for helping me to average up and see new possibilities for myself.
XO Anne
The interesting thing is I didn’t feel courageous at the time; it was all I could do to keep it together and take a step forward. Hindsight is enlightening!
You are my hero! You live with such passion and courage. They say people are the average of the 5 people they spend the most time with. Thanks for helping me to average up and see new possibilities for myself.
XO Anne
The interesting thing is I didn’t feel courageous at the time; it was all I could do to keep it together and take a step forward. Hindsight is enlightening!
I love that you married a photographer. Love number 3 – yep – keep creating no matter what. Creation really only lives for as long as you keep creating it newly, in your speaking and conversations and sharing with others. Awesome post.
A book-lovin’ photographer – even better! Creating really does live in our speaking. I seem to be getting that at a whole new level; feels amazing.
I love that you married a photographer. Love number 3 – yep – keep creating no matter what. Creation really only lives for as long as you keep creating it newly, in your speaking and conversations and sharing with others. Awesome post.
A book-lovin’ photographer – even better! Creating really does live in our speaking. I seem to be getting that at a whole new level; feels amazing.
Awesome! When my mind quibbles, I’m going to say, “Damn it MJ, what do you want? Just say it!” Certainly dwelling in the question, “What DO you want?” has gotten me into wonderful trouble, heart changes, and a sweet sweet life. But you said it so well, “I don’t get to stop because I created an amazing possibility yesterday.”
Next huge “what I want” that we’re taking action on is finding a beautiful, affordable, artist-friendly home that really works for us. Which means (Big Time) not succumbing to the lizard mind’s fears–> “Are you crazy? you can’t find THAT with what you can afford! GET REAL.”
Love your lizard MJ! And then? Keep creating!
Awesome! When my mind quibbles, I’m going to say, “Damn it MJ, what do you want? Just say it!” Certainly dwelling in the question, “What DO you want?” has gotten me into wonderful trouble, heart changes, and a sweet sweet life. But you said it so well, “I don’t get to stop because I created an amazing possibility yesterday.”
Next huge “what I want” that we’re taking action on is finding a beautiful, affordable, artist-friendly home that really works for us. Which means (Big Time) not succumbing to the lizard mind’s fears–> “Are you crazy? you can’t find THAT with what you can afford! GET REAL.”
Love your lizard MJ! And then? Keep creating!
trouble is for me I run into the limitations of a heart conditon and 6 other medical conditions. These have taught me to be strong, creative and resourceful.
I am not tough, hard or bitter. I have great problem solving skills, but I cant just go to to Paris, tough I’d like to – I exhaust myself battling down my fears and limitations, I had a great Tuesday (see photos on my blog front page and Beautiful Brisbane) but have been home physically gounded for the 2 since.
I love to read of people who know they have wings and spread them wide and fly.
And those that share the view…
Ahh Jane,
Your conditions have many lessons for you as I’m sure you’ve realized, and you share them in your own authentic way on your blog. That’s what makes it all so special. We all have our own voice and way of expressing our lessons. It’s all good.
trouble is for me I run into the limitations of a heart conditon and 6 other medical conditions. These have taught me to be strong, creative and resourceful.
I am not tough, hard or bitter. I have great problem solving skills, but I cant just go to to Paris, tough I’d like to – I exhaust myself battling down my fears and limitations, I had a great Tuesday (see photos on my blog front page and Beautiful Brisbane) but have been home physically gounded for the 2 since.
I love to read of people who know they have wings and spread them wide and fly.
And those that share the view…
Ahh Jane,
Your conditions have many lessons for you as I’m sure you’ve realized, and you share them in your own authentic way on your blog. That’s what makes it all so special. We all have our own voice and way of expressing our lessons. It’s all good.
It’s funny, with some things, I am not at all afraid to jump in with both feet and usually, the outcome of that decision is something that has either made me a better person or filled my life with a joy that had not been there before. And there have been times that the outcome was not as expected, but that was ok because I at least tried it.
It is the decisions to push that lizard brain voice aside, to do the things you REALLY want that are scary. It leaves me in awe when someone just takes it and runs…as you did.
I can’t tell you how many times I have pictured myself staring out of a beach house window, typing away- creating something that others would want to read.
You inspire me to start the chase…
Kelly,
I think you’ve nailed it. When we really want something, is the time the lizard brain speaks the loudest. The dream of being a travel photographer was one of these times. The recent declaration that I am a writer? Well, that put little LB on loudspeaker!
We are definitely going to talk about your vision at the beach house. The start of the chase is always the first step.
It’s funny, with some things, I am not at all afraid to jump in with both feet and usually, the outcome of that decision is something that has either made me a better person or filled my life with a joy that had not been there before. And there have been times that the outcome was not as expected, but that was ok because I at least tried it.
It is the decisions to push that lizard brain voice aside, to do the things you REALLY want that are scary. It leaves me in awe when someone just takes it and runs…as you did.
I can’t tell you how many times I have pictured myself staring out of a beach house window, typing away- creating something that others would want to read.
You inspire me to start the chase…
Kelly,
I think you’ve nailed it. When we really want something, is the time the lizard brain speaks the loudest. The dream of being a travel photographer was one of these times. The recent declaration that I am a writer? Well, that put little LB on loudspeaker!
We are definitely going to talk about your vision at the beach house. The start of the chase is always the first step.
Santina (I prefer Santina,your real name if you will)
Excellent post and the best part for me, was reading the following lines:
“Focus on what works. Look at your life as though you were looking through the lens of a camera. Where do you want to put your attention?”
And thank you for your willingness to participate in the Life Lessons Series. My pleasure to have you in there.
Those lines were also my favourite. While I’m no longer a working photographer, I still tend to see the world through that filter and it seemed especially appropriate for this post.
I look forward to participating in the Life Lessons Series!
Santina (I prefer Santina,your real name if you will)
Excellent post and the best part for me, was reading the following lines:
“Focus on what works. Look at your life as though you were looking through the lens of a camera. Where do you want to put your attention?”
And thank you for your willingness to participate in the Life Lessons Series. My pleasure to have you in there.
Those lines were also my favourite. While I’m no longer a working photographer, I still tend to see the world through that filter and it seemed especially appropriate for this post.
I look forward to participating in the Life Lessons Series!
Love this post. Some same things rang true for me. I sometimes forget what I am doing or what drives me. I was talking with a friend a couple of weeks ago and the talk was deep and painful, he broke down and revealed truths to himself. It was amazing to see the dawning of awareness. I forget how much that moves me to live what I want to do. I want to help people live lives of clarity and amazement. (And own a bake shop) YAY!! The want, the drive is there. Its the steps that are foggy, and my lizard brain is loud. “You need blah blah blah to do this, you aren’t qualified..blah blah blah. So, I suppose what I am saying is, when you have a moment of time to have a coffee and eat a freshly baked cookie, let me know!
Brandy
You? Have a gift and it’s time to start sharing it. Yes, YOU. You don’t have to know all the steps; you just have to take the first one. AND bake me some cookies!
xoS
Love this post. Some same things rang true for me. I sometimes forget what I am doing or what drives me. I was talking with a friend a couple of weeks ago and the talk was deep and painful, he broke down and revealed truths to himself. It was amazing to see the dawning of awareness. I forget how much that moves me to live what I want to do. I want to help people live lives of clarity and amazement. (And own a bake shop) YAY!! The want, the drive is there. Its the steps that are foggy, and my lizard brain is loud. “You need blah blah blah to do this, you aren’t qualified..blah blah blah. So, I suppose what I am saying is, when you have a moment of time to have a coffee and eat a freshly baked cookie, let me know!
Brandy
You? Have a gift and it’s time to start sharing it. Yes, YOU. You don’t have to know all the steps; you just have to take the first one. AND bake me some cookies!
xoS
As usual your posts are so thought-provoking. I now have to think long and hard about this.
Gayle,
I love provoking your thoughts 😉
As usual your posts are so thought-provoking. I now have to think long and hard about this.
Gayle,
I love provoking your thoughts 😉
I so appreciate the gift you shared here Sandi. You are such an inspiration. I love your last question, “Where do you want to put your attention?” I find that question an attitude creator. When I stop and think of that question, the answers that come are the nuggets that serve as the nutrients to keep what I want healthy and alive.
Thanks for this juicy breakfast this morning.
Every day should start with a juicy breakfast and an attitude creator!
I so appreciate the gift you shared here Sandi. You are such an inspiration. I love your last question, “Where do you want to put your attention?” I find that question an attitude creator. When I stop and think of that question, the answers that come are the nuggets that serve as the nutrients to keep what I want healthy and alive.
Thanks for this juicy breakfast this morning.
Every day should start with a juicy breakfast and an attitude creator!
I remember my year in Africa in much the same way. After six weeks my university was shut down because of civil unrest and demonstrations. But I stayed for nine more months. It was a life changing adventure.
Now with three kids under five, life is a whole new adventure. And blogging is my way of sharing it.
And that’s the flow of life, moving from one adventure to the next. Blogging is my newest adventure too and it’s got all the same elements: fear, excitement, creativity, risk. Everything that I felt during that time in Europe. Amazing.
I remember my year in Africa in much the same way. After six weeks my university was shut down because of civil unrest and demonstrations. But I stayed for nine more months. It was a life changing adventure.
Now with three kids under five, life is a whole new adventure. And blogging is my way of sharing it.
And that’s the flow of life, moving from one adventure to the next. Blogging is my newest adventure too and it’s got all the same elements: fear, excitement, creativity, risk. Everything that I felt during that time in Europe. Amazing.
you know what my problem about it all is??? i as the question and still there is no answer, so, I’m stuck….