Imagine this scene: You want to get fit and you have joined your local gym with a view to setting up a fitness regime toot suite.
You have all the best intentions and just know that this time you really will follow through with the promises you have made to yourself!
Just to make especially sure though, you have even entered all your intended gym visits for the following month into your planner so as to remove your usual excuse of not having time.
And there’s no messing around because the first time you have scheduled is tomorrow immediately after work.
The only problem is you have no way of knowing how you will feel tomorrow after a long days work. You may feel great and pumped at the thought of pumping iron. Or indeed you may not.
Then tomorrow comes and it’s an insanely hectic day with work. You have no time to even take lunch and your expected leaving time of 4:00pm becomes 5:30pm.
Not that that is a problem or reason to not go because you know your partner will happily start dinner in your absence. You have nothing to rush home for that can’t wait until you have had some much deserved ‘you time’.
What do you do?
If you’re like most people, here is the answer to that question.
Firstly, you probably start to notice every ache and pain in your own body. You start to dwell on how hard working out is and how much a work out could add to those aches and pains the following morning.
You tell yourself you’ll go but you really don’t want to because you’re tired, not in a great mood and ravenously hungry due to not having eaten a proper meal since breakfast.
By this point the decision has already been made though, even if you don’t know it at a conscious level yet.
You’re not going to the gym.
You may still take the gym route home from work, but it’s really not worth it because you’re fighting an uphill battle against your unconscious, a battle you’re unconscious isn’t in any mood to lose.
Without any effort on your behalf you now slip into self-justification mode and you’re brilliant at it. I know that because every human being on the planet is, it’s what we do best.
- The gym hurts and it’s boring, can’t I just go tomorrow?
- I’m hungry and working out on an empty stomach is not good for me.
- I need new running shoes because the ones I have are 5 years old and look a mess.
- Oh, and damn it! I forgot my headphones for my phone and I hate working out without music.
By this stage your mood is lifting as your conscious mind is starting to cotton on to the fact that rather than a hot, sweaty and painful workout, it really has a nice glass of wine, a pleasant meal and a relaxing evening to look forward to.
Wave the gym bye-bye as you pass by the entrance because tomorrow will do.
I don’t know whether that particular scenario has ever played out for you, but I’m fairly sure that something similar has that involves you committing to doing something you’d sooner not do, something that takes genuine effort.
Maybe it wasn’t the gym for you, but it could have been meditating, eating more healthily or even something as mundane as cleaning out the garage, it’s all the same really.
And there’s a great reason why so many people end up in situations like this and don’t understand why. They presume they’re weak-willed, lack discipline or are just downright lazy. For some people there may be an element of truth, but that’s not the real problem.
The real problem is focus.
In all of the above examples the person (who is not my wife – honest!) has allowed their focus to shift from what they are looking to achieve and all the massive upsides that getting fit will provide, toward short-term discomfort.
Think about all of those excuses.
They’re all designed to avoid the short-term pain of working out. Not once did our imaginary person decide to focus on the great feeling achieved after a workout with all those beta endorphins flooding the body.
Not once did they think about how great they will feel in 6 months when the results start to show.
And not once did they consider the way working out will increase stamina and lower their stress levels, thus helping them cope with the bad days like today much more easily.
And therein lies the key to staying on task.
It’s not sheer bloody mindedness or willpower, it’s where you place your focus.
Focus on the big picture, focus on your values and focus on what will give you long-term happiness if you want to stay on task and you will find it exponentially easier to follow through.
Tim Brownson is a Life Coach and the owner of A Daring Adventure and has been unsticking people since 2005. He also runs the A Daring Adventure blog where he isn’t afraid to inject some humor or smash some sacred cows every once in a while.
I love this! When I think of focus, I often think of concentrating on the task, but I do see how focusing on the outcome is a more effective way to be. I do it as a teacher, but I don’t do it in my life. Great strategy!
Ellen Berg So simple and so easy to forget! I’ve found what works best for me is to focus on how I want to feel. When I get that in my body it’s like rocket fuel 🙂
I love this! When I think of focus, I often think of concentrating on the task, but I do see how focusing on the outcome is a more effective way to be. I do it as a teacher, but I don’t do it in my life. Great strategy!
I will be honest, I think without focusing on the positive outcome I wouldn’t be able to do all the things I do everyday. because believe me yelling at your computer screen because something is not right will never ever fix it (and I tried many many times). 🙂
EnsoJourney Haha, I want a photo of you telling at your monitor! You are an IT ninja. Focus on how that feels instead 😉
EnsoJourney I’m comforted to know I’m not the only one screeching at my computer. Doesn’t work for me either. 🙂
Ellen Berg EnsoJourney One day, I hope it works, but for now I guess it’s focus on the epic feeling of getting it done. 🙂
EnsoJourney Ellen Berg Scream louder. And you know, just don’t give up 😉
martinstellar EnsoJourney Ellen Berg H! Maybe that’s our problem–we quit too early, LOL.
Ellen Berg EnsoJourney One day, I hope it works, but for now I guess it’s focus on the epic feeling of getting it done. 🙂
From The Big Chill:Michael: I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.Sam: Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?What a great thing to be conscious of–the fact that your rationalizations are encouraged by focusing on the discomfort rather than the benefits. Now I’m trying to think through how this works when, rather than not doing something you intended to do, you do something you had intended not to do, like how I just ate two slices of white-flour pizza when in theory I’m trying to eat healthier. It’s still an issue of focus, but it was a question of focusing on how good the pizza would taste and how easy it was, sitting right there in the fridge, versus how much time it would take to make something healthier when I was already hungry and had no plan. Any thoughts on how to shift your focus when you’re in an impulsive state like that?
Okay, so much for Livefyre’s ability to make paragaphs 😀
Sue_Mitchell Not sure if Tim will agree, but before shifting my focus I’d get the impact of doing what I did that I didn’t want to do (kind of a tongue twister!) That’s because I’m often motivated by moving away from the pain, at least in the initial stage of a new commitment.
Sue_Mitchell I am good at avoiding the foods that I’m allergic to, because I see them as poison which will make me miserable. It was harder when I was on Weight Watcchers, to decide between hot fudge sundae (instant gratification, comfort) versus NO sundae (feel better about myself in a few hours, look better given enough time). I think it is important for us to see both the now and the later when we decide. However, it’s clear we are wired for the now, much more often.
Sue_Mitchell I remember that conversation from The Big Chill. That is a GREAT movie. I completely identify with the immediate pizza gratification challenge. What sometimes (but only sometimes) works for me is to tell myself I can have the thing I want on impulse tomorrow, but just for today I’m not going to have it.
Carol Hess Oh yeah, that “just for today” declaration has saved my butt many times!
Carol Hess Oh yeah, that “just for today” declaration has saved my butt many times!
This could not have been more perfect. I got up and checked Twitter while sipping my first cup o’tea of the day. I was trying to talk myself out of going to yoga class. Thanks to your excellent logic, I decided to get dressed rather instantly, and WALK to yoga (I like walking, don’t love yoga… yet) then walked home. What a lovely choice to have available to me, yes? And yoga? I somehow ended up a solo student, so I got 1-1 attention. All good.Now I have a good mood, a bit of energy, and my back doesn’t hurt. My back loves yoga, even when my psyche doesn’t… yet. Thank you, both Tim and Sandi.
ColorJoy Wow, 1-1 attention is a pretty great reward for getting yourself to the class! A different kind of instant gratification!
Methinks Tim has been hiding out in the backseat of my car. Yes, focus is the key. Have a vision of life with regular exercise, make sure it’s full of compelling details like the cool outfit you’re going to wear when you are toned and fit, and load it up with lots and lots of feelings — how great you’re going to look in the cool outfit when you walk into the reunion. Another strategy I use when I’m aware of the debate going on in my head is to declare the argument over and done with. “We are going to the gym, and that’s that. There will be no more debate.” (Please don’t ask me to explain who “we” is. I’d rather not think about it!)
Carol Hess LOL I use this strategy too, although it doesn’t always work because sometimes the voice sounds like my mom 😉
Hey people thanks so much for the feedback and a massive apologies for me going MIA. I’m literally knee deep in boxes as we move home today and have to be out by 2.00pm. I’ll hopefully get back tomorrow if the promised Internet connection in our short term rental pans out!
Hey people thanks so much for the feedback and a massive apologies for me going MIA. I’m literally knee deep in boxes as we move home today and have to be out by 2.00pm. I’ll hopefully get back tomorrow if the promised Internet connection in our short term rental pans out!
It hasn’t panned out and my Internet is spottier than 101 Dalmatians :-(Why I am online though I just wanted to thank Sandi for having me over to interact with you good people!