When I began coaching almost 10 years ago, it was common for people to ask, “What sport?”
These days more people know about coaching but here’s what I’ve been hearing in conversations – they don’t necessarily know how to use it or apply it to what they’re up to in life.
It’s like when you buy a gadget (I’m sure I’m not the only one with a drawer full of kitchen gagdets, right?)
You think it’s awesome and you impulsively buy it. You get the awesome thing home and then…you forget about it. By the time you do pick it up again, you have completely forgotten what it’s for or how to use it.
Coaching is a bit like that. I’ve had clients hire me all excited to begin pursuing a dream, only to change their mind, succumb to their doubts and fears (hello lizard brain) and forget all about it.
Just like that gagdet in the drawer.
You didn’t really want to write that book, run that marathon, build that business did you?
YES, you did. And I think you still do so let’s pull your dream out of that drawer, shall we?
10 tips for getting the most out of coaching
1. Bring ALL of you to every session
Seriously, this one’s a no-brainer. You do not have to have it all figured out before the session.
That’s what the coaching is for!
I bet you know someone who tidies up their home before their cleaner comes over to do the work right? I am 100% positive you have better things to do, so just give it up.
Wherever you’re at, whatever’s going on, be yourself and show up. Sit for a few minutes, focus on your breathing and become present to what’s going on, what’s important.
Then, call your coach.
2. Be prepared
Acknowledge what’s been going on. Review your life between sessions. What’s been working? Not working? Where did you hold back? What habits or patterns did you notice? What do you NOW want?
The more you can see what’s gotten in the way, the more you can prepare for what’s next.
3. Provide feedback
News flash: Coaches are NOT psychic!
Tell your coach what’s working, what’s not working and what you want more of. Train us to be the best coach possible for you. Use your coach to practice asking for what you want. It’s a muscle that can be developed with use.
4. Power up your language
Practice using powerful words. Banish “should”, “have to”, “need” and for the love of God, please, please stop saying “try”. Have you ever “tried” to get up out of a chair? Yeah, my point exactly.
“Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda
Prepare yourself for positive results by using “could”, “want to”, and “will”. You are not a victim of your circumstances; you are the creator of your future.
5. Manage your lizard brain
As soon as you commit to something new (like coaching) you can bet you will trigger your lizard brain. You know that little voice in your head that wants to keep you safe?
“Don’t argue with your lizard brain; it knows you better than you know yourself.” – Sara Nelson
Stop wishing it away and instead, find out what it wants that’s positive. Then give it what it wants.
6. Stay in the game
At some point you’ll want to give up, hide out and ignore your coach. This is the time to stay in the game, lean into the coaching instead of pulling away.
Keep up with your coaching sessions, even if you feel overwhelmed, stressed out or discouraged (see #1). Your coach is there to help you get through the tough parts.
7. Balance insight with action
A-ha moments don’t actually make anything happen! They’re like little brain farts – they have initial impact, but disappear in a flash.
Look for ways to turn those insights into meaningful action. What’s one thing you could do to move yourself forward in that area that’s important to you?
Go do that and stop all the navel gazing.
8. Take note
No one can keep track of everything in their head ok? Stop trying – it never works.
Treat yourself to a new note book or journal. Write about your insights and promised actions for the week. Review them for inspiration and a solid reminder of why you’re doing the work.
9. Be 100% responsible
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Likewise, your coach can’t make you do the work.
Whose life is it? Be responsible for that and you’ll co-create an awesome experience. And, produce results!
10. Lighten up!
A little humor can help put things into perspective like nothing else. Life is going to keep offering up its challenges, it’ll never all be handled and it’s never as significant as you might think.
Whatever the circumstance, you’ll probably laugh about it in the future.
Why wait? Life is funny so go ahead and laugh now.
Over to you:
- What are some ways you could apply 1 or 2 of these tips to your life today?
Great points Sandi! I love how they apply to a coaching relationship as well as life in general. I’m still working on a few of them 🙂 Today I’m going to “stay in the game” even though it’s scary and things are moving FAST!
Woohoo!
What I’ve found with clients (and for myself) is that it’s the consistency over time that makes the difference, ie: staying in the game!
Great points Sandi! I love how they apply to a coaching relationship as well as life in general. I’m still working on a few of them 🙂 Today I’m going to “stay in the game” even though it’s scary and things are moving FAST!
Woohoo!
What I’ve found with clients (and for myself) is that it’s the consistency over time that makes the difference, ie: staying in the game!
I like No. 7. It’s easy to get that Aha moment and ride it out for a while. Reminds me of the RIta Mae Dove quote, “never hope more than you work.”
I think no. 10 is key for me right now. THANKS!
#10 is my favourite; no surprise cosmic twin 😉
I like No. 7. It’s easy to get that Aha moment and ride it out for a while. Reminds me of the RIta Mae Dove quote, “never hope more than you work.”
I think no. 10 is key for me right now. THANKS!
#10 is my favourite; no surprise cosmic twin 😉
I think #4 makes all the difference. You should, might, could… what about just DO?
I need to DO more. My real career goal is out there, I need to stay focus, and work hard, take the steps I need to take. Take some risks.
It’s like the 31DBBB challenge, reading the book is great. But if you don’t act to make your blog better, it’s worthless; you might as well have spent your time on something else.
That’s totally it Maryline! It’s sometimes easy to get caught up in thinking and planning, waiting to get things “right” when taking one action would make the difference. A question I use often is this,
“What’s one thing I could do today that would move my goal forward?”
It brings it back down to a manageable task versus the overwhelm of the big picture. Like going for a 30 minute run instead of worrying about the 10k race!
I think #4 makes all the difference. You should, might, could… what about just DO?
I need to DO more. My real career goal is out there, I need to stay focus, and work hard, take the steps I need to take. Take some risks.
It’s like the 31DBBB challenge, reading the book is great. But if you don’t act to make your blog better, it’s worthless; you might as well have spent your time on something else.
That’s totally it Maryline! It’s sometimes easy to get caught up in thinking and planning, waiting to get things “right” when taking one action would make the difference. A question I use often is this,
“What’s one thing I could do today that would move my goal forward?”
It brings it back down to a manageable task versus the overwhelm of the big picture. Like going for a 30 minute run instead of worrying about the 10k race!
Great post! Love the line: you are the creator of your future. So true. I think people need to keep that in the front of their mind. They CREATE their future – for better or worse. They can passively create it, or proactively.
Mostly, we don’t realize the power of our speaking. We DO create our future every time we open our mouths; believing anything else is disempowering!
Great post! Love the line: you are the creator of your future. So true. I think people need to keep that in the front of their mind. They CREATE their future – for better or worse. They can passively create it, or proactively.
Mostly, we don’t realize the power of our speaking. We DO create our future every time we open our mouths; believing anything else is disempowering!
love it all but especially Yoda’s advice. I have always loved that line and I do my best to live life just that way. I may not always succeed but I – well you know…
I know! That has got to be one of my all time favourite quotes 🙂
love it all but especially Yoda’s advice. I have always loved that line and I do my best to live life just that way. I may not always succeed but I – well you know…
I know! That has got to be one of my all time favourite quotes 🙂
Great post, my friend. I like #4 of course!!! And 7. Man oh man, you weren’t kidding about them being tips for life. Thanks!
Interesting that #4 and 7 seem to be the most compelling!
Great post, my friend. I like #4 of course!!! And 7. Man oh man, you weren’t kidding about them being tips for life. Thanks!
Interesting that #4 and 7 seem to be the most compelling!
#6 – Staying in the Game is tough sometimes. Marriage counselling is a lot like coaching. I find the sessions overwhelming at times and I’d rather have needles stuck in my eyes than work on another ‘homework assignment’. I’ve bounced this off the counsellor and she’s supportive. We work through the issues together. Though discouraged at times, giving up is not an option for me.
Having just celebrated one year of marriage, I’m surprised by how tough staying in the game is sometimes. What gets me through is asking myself, “What am I committed to?”
Somehow, this always shifts my focus and energy in a positive way so that I can keep moving forward.
Thanks for your words Kathryn.
#6 – Staying in the Game is tough sometimes. Marriage counselling is a lot like coaching. I find the sessions overwhelming at times and I’d rather have needles stuck in my eyes than work on another ‘homework assignment’. I’ve bounced this off the counsellor and she’s supportive. We work through the issues together. Though discouraged at times, giving up is not an option for me.
Having just celebrated one year of marriage, I’m surprised by how tough staying in the game is sometimes. What gets me through is asking myself, “What am I committed to?”
Somehow, this always shifts my focus and energy in a positive way so that I can keep moving forward.
Thanks for your words Kathryn.
“…how you do anything is how you do everything.”
I will be thinking about that phrase for days…I LOVE it!
You had me at hello. I’m glad I found you.
Thanks
It’s one of those “stop me in my tracks” phrases and it’s true! Cracks me up every time I notice it 😉
“…how you do anything is how you do everything.”
I will be thinking about that phrase for days…I LOVE it!
You had me at hello. I’m glad I found you.
Thanks
It’s one of those “stop me in my tracks” phrases and it’s true! Cracks me up every time I notice it 😉