Even in paradise it’s possible to have a bad day because wherever you go there you are.
It’s easy to think if you’re on vacation in a beautiful setting you should be blissfully happy the entire time you’re there! Except. . .that would be a recipe for disappointment, as this recent adventure reminded me.
The day started off well. A picnic lunch was packed, the gas tank was full, and good spirits were in abundance as my husband, my mother-in-law and I began the infamous drive known as the Road to Hana; stunning in the way that only Maui can be. Everywhere I looked a photo-op awaited.
Sunshine, great company, and a gorgeous setting – a perfect day in paradise.
And then the first incident occurred to disrupt this ‘perfect’ day.
At one of the stops along the way we got out to take photos and stretch our legs. I spotted a cat stretched out in the sun and then another up further ahead, taking me by surprise as we had seen no cats anywhere in Maui. Distracted by these wild felines and the lush rainforest around me, I paid no attention to where I was stepping and in a split second I tumbled down a slippery wet slope of grass.
Not what I would have hoped for my first experience of a mud bath! I was however, quite proud of how I fell, ensuring that the hand holding my iPhone stayed well above the mud now covering every inch of my backside.
There was no point in pretending it hadn’t happened; did I mention this was a tourist destination? So off I waddled in my mud soaked shorts hoping I could wash most of it off in the restroom.
Insight #1: I realized had this happened a few years ago I would have felt humiliated and quite possibly it could have ruined my day. Instead I was able to joke and laugh with the women who’d seen me fall. There I was in a roadside restroom with no paper towels covered in mud with no spare clothes laughing at myself in that sheepish way we can all relate to at one time or another. Women brought me paper towels, asked if I needed anything, made jokes, called me a flasher (I’d taken off my shorts to rinse them out in the sink) and most of all offered support.
Washed off, ego bruised (but not as badly as my body!) wrapped in a make-shift sarong, I was back in the car ready to proceed.
The Road to Hana is lush and beautiful and twisty-turny in a nerve rattling kind of way. My husband was showing a tense, white-knuckled edge and my MIL was offering unsolicited, unhelpful advice from the backseat. I wisely kept my thoughts to myself, which must be noted because most of them were of an unrepeatable nature! Instead, I calmly passed my husband water, along with encouragement and appreciation for his formidable driving skills.
Insight #2: I’ve often joked about my lack of patience, ie: patience is a virtue I do not possess, but as we drove the second half of the road, nerves on edge, emotions ready to erupt like lava from Haleakala, I was the calm one in the car. Believe me when I say there were moments when that was a feat of unprecedented emotional control, the likes of which I’ve rarely experienced! Especially as my body was beginning to stiffen due to my tumble in the mud and now very bumpy road.
Our picnic lunch near the black sand beach at Hana made up for some of it. The waves rolling in soothed me like a meditation and eating lunch made with love by my husband was like a balm to my weary spirit.
Fast forward 3 hours and we’re back at the condo relaxed and enjoying a well deserved cold drink.
Out of the blue my MIL (whom I love dearly) blindsides me with a thoughtless comment that finally causes the emotions to erupt and I leave the table, feelings hurt, eyes stinging with tears.
I am done. My bruised mind-body-spirit sits on the bed oblivious to the surrounding paradise.
Insight #3: When I was a kid I could hold a grudge better than anyone! I know, not really something to be proud of, but it’s true and even as an adult it’s something I’ve had to work at. Call me sensitive, but when my feelings are hurt I’ve sometimes hung onto to the upset much longer than good for me. Just like you, I’ve got my challenges, and yesterday showed me how far I’d come.
Within minutes of the upset, my MIL apologized and in a heartbeat it was over. No resentment, no grudgy feelings, nothing but love restored between the two of us.
This morning we’re all feeling a bit vulnerable. I can see it in our faces, I hear it in the tone of voice; we’re holding each other a bit more tenderly.
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m sharing this and honestly, I’m not sure it’s the greatest idea I’ve ever had. But what I am sure of is this – even after all the training and personal development work I’ve done in the past 15 years, I’m still human with challenges and ongoing practices and I think it’s important to show that side of myself sometimes.
I don’t claim to be a guru, life will never be handled and just like the Road to Hana, my life has its moments of stunning beauty and white-knuckled challenge. That’s life and I’m grateful for all of it.
As I created my morning altar I felt an internal shift, my mind-body-spirit realigning itself.
And once again, the spirit of aloha is mine.
A – ala – watchful, alertness
L – lokah – working with unity
O – oia’i’o – truthful honesty
H – ha’aha’a – humility
A – ahonui – patient perseverance
Wherever I go, there I am.
With all my glorious, human gifts and challenges, here I am.
Dear Sandi-
Maybe Mark & MIL should spring for a beachside massage for your bruised body. First thing in the morning as you drowsily watch for whales. I’m sorry this happened, sweetheart. I can relate–Jeremiah & I drove up hairpin turns to Mesa Verde National Park….and 10 mph was waaaay too fast. More telling though, was the lack of control and the fear that I would die from a single misstep.
I never knew what Aloha meant before, thank you for this. 🙂 I’m sending you some Georgia chill to calm down the excess Hawai’i heat.
Love,
Jeanie
Dearest Jeanie,
In a weird way, I’m so glad you have your version of this misadventure! Makes me feel less alone and vulnerable in sharing these emotions.
I also really love that definition of aloha. Will probably write more about it before our time is up here.
This evening will find us on a dinner cruise where hopefully the whales will make an appearance which of course will make my heart sing.
xoS
Sandi, this is touching – your vulnerability here & the way you shared how you went through the day differently than you would’ve years before – all so touching!
Beautiful lessons here, thank you!
Thanks so much Karen. As you can imagine, I did feel vulnerable and questioned whether or not I should hit publish…but it’s all part of the journey, right?
xoS
I’m so glad you shared this experience and your vulnerability. Actually, reading your post, I was easily able to see the two Sandis in the post: the one who experienced the gradually tensing day until the volcano erupted, and the one who observed and deciphered it in total serenity. You are a wise woman who is a powerful storyteller. And this was another fantastic mini lightning session you gave us as a gift. Thank you.
Well, I did feel a little schizophrenic 😉
You know what they say about hindsight! Looking back on it with yet another day’s perspective it’s quite funny!
Would that hindsight be related to the part of your anatomy that took the biggest bruising? Once I fell off my chair in the middle of a restaurant in Copenhagen and ended up spread-eagled in the worst sort of way on the floor, sitting on my hinie. I was laughing so hard (mainly out of embarrassment) that I could NOT get up, No, I wasn’t drunk, but I sure wished I was!
Perfectly said, CA.
Sandi! Sorry about your crap day! Yeoman’s duty holding it together though! Brava! It’s all the frickin Road to Hana’s fault! I can’t tell you how many people have shared misadventures that happened there! Must be cursed!
Thing is, I’m not sorry we made the drive – it was gorgeous! It was just that after a week of fairly stress-free vacation yesterday’s cumulative effect caught me off guard! I bear no grudge toward Hana 🙂
Lovely post Sandi. Thanks for offering up vulnerability with honesty. I’m sorry you had a tough day, but, as ever, it sounds like you’re leaning into the experience and allowing it to help you grow. I am touched. Much aloha to you. <3
Thanks Alexandra. As sometimes happens, I felt a bit vulnerable hitting publish, but at the same time felt compelled to share!
What’s so amazing about this story is your level of acceptance and your ability to bounce back amidst it all. We could say s**t happens, but in this case we can be happy it was mud instead. None of us are enlightened yet, but you are certainly showing grace under fire. It’s so inspiring to see.
Well Sandra, I don’t know about grace, but I do feel I’ve come a long way! Thanks for your kind words.
Congrats on the not only the experience of letting it go but being brave enough to admit your weaknesses and the courage to share them.
Sharing it was actually the hardest part Craig! Wasn’t sure if it was a wise move, but I’m tired of reading solely about positive success stories. May sound weird but there’s so much more learning in the so-called ‘bad days’.
Sarong? Did I hear you say sarong? (You know why I’m laughing right now.) Ah, Sandi, you also moved me to tears with your vulnerability and humanness (is that a word? –it is now) and your honesty and courage in allowing us to see them.
Thanks Carol! It was actually a make-shift sarong (a shawl that just barely covered my butt when tied) that tried to flap open every time I got out of the car to stretch or take photos! My MIL said I looked like a native which I took as a compliment 😉
Oh dear..all I can feel as I read this is how my entire being wishes to be in Maui and on the road to Hana (to live, not to visit, and it is in my realm of possibility). So, your bummer of a day sounds like a blessing to me:)
I understand bruised bodies and muddy clothes and comments that sting, and I’m glad that you chose to share this story because so often we share what is “perfect” versus what makes us vulnerable and real. When you share from this space, it allows us each to recall similar moments which then allows us to appreciate this moment that we are in. We’ve all been there –maybe not the “road to Hana”, but a similar road. Thank you for connecting us in such a way!
Bummer…blessing…it all works out in the end 🙂
Thanks for your kind words Joy; so greatly appreciated.
Ah, Sandy. Thank you so much for sharing this. “Where every you go, there you are” is a refrain that has followed me around the world – sometimes bringing smiles and sometimes tears. My Hawaii trip has brought its share of struggles this time – including getting knocked down by a nasty flu. But my final day brought some Aloha spirit! I’d never seen it explained as an acronym before – way cool!
I’m glad your not-so-fun tumble brought you some interesting insights! Wishing you safe travels homeward!
“Wherever you go, there you are” is what I call the good news/bad news!