If Happiness Is A Choice

36 conversations started on “If Happiness Is A Choice”

1. Sandi,
   I do believe happiness is a choice, but you ask a great question!  Why don’t we always choose happiness?
   I think that to be “happy” is a more temporary state — something like being “optimistic” or “positive,” sort of like a “set point” that a person is more positive or optimistic than not, leads to more moments of happiness.  It’s hard to be happy all the time, because happiness is fleeting — and when we are met with “fleeting” moments that frustrate us, then we lose that happiness (temporarily, hopefully).  I really enjoyed this discussion! 🙂

   1. speakervictor I agree, happiness is fleeting. I think of contentment, joy and meaningfulness rather then happiness.

   2. speakervictor Yes, I agree and it seems that we’ve been brainwashed to think we even can be happy all the time. It’s just not sustainable for anyone! I like the shift to positive, and it seems easier to choose to feel good vs. feeling happy.

      1. Sandi Amorim
         speakervictor
         I think the positive thinking/affirmations movement played into the “brainwashing” and myth that we’re supposed to be, or can be, happy all the time. 
         The problem with attempting to maintain a constant
         stream of positive thinking is that we’re intelligent enough to
         recognize when we’re bullshitting ourselves. ; )
         And I think it can be dangerous. Perpetually attempting to override whatever our true emotional state may be with “positive” thinking or affirmations leads to the suppression of those emotions, and bottling up our emotions rather than allowing ourselves to feel them creates depression and leads to living in a numbed-out state. 
         Do we have a hand in how happy we are? You bet we do. A simple shift in perspective (to seeing and focusing on all that we’re grateful for rather than focusing on all we wish were different, for example) is sometimes all it takes. 
         But the idea that we can or “should” be happy every minute of every day is unrealistic and the perpetuation of that idea, ironically, is at the heart of a lot more grief and struggle than happiness.

         1. LisaWilder Sandi Amorim speakervictor well said Lisa

2. Hi Sandi,
   Yes it is a choice to choose to be Happy….On the other hand, “Happiness” is what? Happiness is the mythological state…there is no particular ‘happiness’, it differs for each of us. So I say, choose your own kind of Happy… because it comes with benefits
   be good to yourself
   David

   1. David Stevens Exactly! Which is what the book talks about. I’m looking forward to writing more about it next week!
      Choose your own kind of Happy – love it!

3. Hello Sandi,
   I think “happy” requires a sustained energy level – think 6 month old lab – that is exhausting to maintain. (Perhaps that is only the perspective of a 50 yr old infj.)  
   Happy is a choice that requires a lot of effort.
   I choose content with dollops of happy and moments of contemplation.  Sometimes the contemplation might turn to a bit of sad, but the sad makes the happy sweeter.

   1. jesseblayne Had to laugh at the puppy image 😉
      And I agree, it does take a lot of effort. Mostly these days I focus on feeling good which leads to many more moments of happiness. Taking the emphasis off the pursuit of happiness is energizing!

4. Hey Sandy!
   I don’t believe that anyone is happy all the time. And in any event, I don’t think I’d want to live such a one-dimensional existence.
   Our human experience is so much richer, deeper, and more varied than that. One of the things that makes us human is our ability to feel and express such a wide range of emotion. 
   To me, living fully isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about being fully present in each moment with whatever is happening and with
   whatever you may be feeling, without resisting it, exaggerating it,
   telling stories about it, getting lost in the past, or projecting into
   the future. 
   It’s about embracing all that life has to offer and cherishing the
   experience…the joys, and the sorrows. 
   Thanks for once again, stirring the pot, Sandi, with a deliciously thought-provoking post. ; )
   xo
   Lisa

   1. LisaWilder Living fully vs being happy sounds like a really powerful shift. Even though I sometimes wish I could feel happier more consistently, I am much more inclined to agree with you about embracing all of it. 
      Thanks for your comment, my fellow pot-stirrer 😉

5. Gorgeous Sandi, what a great enquiry – and yes I believe happiness is a choice, but I’m going to rock the boat here a bit and pose that I don’t necessarily think our souls want to be happy all the time.
   In fact, I believe our souls have 2 main goals in this world…to create joy AND to grow. So to me it’s less important to “only choose happy” and more important to recognize where we can create meaning where joy isn’t an option.

   1. Sabrina at MyMiBoSo I like when you rock the boat! And a life of creating meaning is much more real and appealing than a life pursuing happiness. xoS

6. Happiness is definitely a choice. We all have our ups and downs, but we are the ones to decide if we will find our happiness again. 
   Love the quote by Sonja Lyubomirsky! Here is another one that resonates with me. “I know now that happiness “resides within” and that often our “problems” can be solved by simply changing how we think about them.” Great post Sandi. Looking forward to reading the review.

   1. Cathy Taughinbaugh Thanks for sharing that quote Cathy. I also think the obsession with pursuing happiness makes this a challenging discussion for those with mental illness or addictions. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.

7. Lisa Wilder, so absolutely right on here!
   I’ve tried life both ways. Maintaining some kind of false outward show of happiness all the time is draining and counterproductive. It also made me very depressed. (That’s been cured for many years now.)
   On the other hand, learning to accept what life brings me, to allow feelings to come and go when they do without resisting, burying them, or distracting myself from them has brought me a sense of peace and contentment that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
   Balance, yes. Experiencing all of life fully, heck yeah! One dimensional existence, nope. Not for me.
   Another great book on this is from the most popular class at Harvard University, “Being Happy: You Don’t Have To Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life”.

8. Hi Sandi,
   I do agree that happiness is a choice, but I have to say it’s not always easy to make that choice.As for how I’m trying to make that choice more consistently in my life, I do it with small pleasures – very small ones. They are all I can really manage at times. Keeping expectations fairly low, expectations of myself right now, is the way I’m managing my way through the fog of this grief.
   Lori

   1. Lori It’s not always an easy choice. Some time last year I began to shift my focus from feeling happy to feeling good and that eased the pressure quite a bit. When I think of feeling good, it’s much easier to choose. I often start my day asking, what do I need to do, be or have in order to feel good today.

      1. Sandi Amorim Lori Thanks Sandi – that does take the pressure off. The worst thing is when you try for Happy and miss. Going for feeling good is a wise course of action.

         1. Lori Sandi Amorim Hey Lori, you hit it right by saying – “keeping expectations fairly low”

      2. Sandi Amorim Lori Thanks Sandi – that does take the pressure off. The worst thing is when you try for Happy and miss. Going for feeling good is a wise course of action.

9. Hi Sandi,
   Looks like we’re on the same tour!  Sort of like sight-seeing together, you know? Coach away,
   therapydoc

10. I always choose happiness. Right now I have a very swollen right arm,  but am happy because I have no work deadlines and can catch up on my reading.  
    While it may not always look easy, the good news is it is not impossible. Oh, I have a very long list of things to feel happy about! Lovely post, Sandi.
    Just wondering what rooibos is. Let me check with Dr.Google.

    1. Vidya Sury Just read your post and happy to hear the arm is on the mend! 
       Rooibos is a lovely tea, from South Africa I think. My husband got us hooked on it a couple of years ago. Makes me happy 🙂

11. So wonderful to be in the inquiry…
    What is there for me is not to always choose to be happy, but simply to always choose. No matter what the emotional state. I’ve found power in choosing whatever is there, be it joy or pain. 
    There are many beautifully written nuggets of gold in so many responses here. It’s lovely to connect. Thank you Sandi, for being the catalyst for so many great conversations!

    1. Jill Prescott Choosing as a practice can only lead to a richer, fuller life 🙂

12. Great post Sandi, it’s interesting how people who have everything to make life easier can’t enjoy life as people who don’t have much.
    I have writen a post about the same topic, but I take a different angle to explain this message. If you have some free time, take a look – http://massagedreams.com/massage/head-massage-guilt-and-fighting-for-your-happiness

    1. Ion Doaga Good post Ion. It’s funny isn’t it, how we resist self-care but it contributes so much to feeling good in our bodies and happy in our spirits.

       1. Sandi Amorim Ion Doaga Yes Sandi. And the most interesting is that when you want to help them, you have to be patient and consistent break their resistence wall. 
          The funny thing is that many people understand that self-care feels good, but something stops them from taking action.

          1. Ion Doaga Do you think it’s about feeling worth or deserving?

          2. Sandi Amorim I think they understand that self-care it’s worth, but there more important things that deserves their attention first. 
             I don’t mean to be rude. But I think, they need a kick in the but to get them out of their comfort zone. It might be an “A-HA” moment for them.

          3. Sandi Amorim I think they understand that self-care it’s worth, but there more important things that deserves their attention first. 
             I don’t mean to be rude. But I think, they need a kick in the but to get them out of their comfort zone. It might be an “A-HA” moment for them.

13. In many ways, I think happiness is more of a practice than a choice. But it is a practice that we must choose to pursue (so in that way it is a choice). All that being said, I also think we get to choose how we define happiness. I used to define happiness as this almost giddy, pie-in-the-sky euphoria. I don’t think it would be possible or desirable to sustain that kind of happiness. So, instead, I choose to define happiness as a mix of gratitude, peace and acceptance. My writing practice helps support my happiness practice by bringing awareness and understanding and compassion to my life. I have to give this some more thought, but I’m so glad you got the conversation going with such a thought-provoking question!

    1. Erica Holthausen Yes! A practice of choosing happiness is much more appealing than the constant, relentless pursuit of happiness I often experience around me. A practice, like yoga or meditation, that just gets deeper with each experience. 
       Stay tuned, I”ll have the full review up on soon to reveal what the expert says on happiness 😉

14. I think a lot of people confuse happiness with short-term pleasure.
    One is a short-term rush of nice feelings (like the sweetness and yumminess from eating a chocolate brownie), which can often lead to feeling not-so-great about it later.
    The other is an underlying feeling that you’re doing something worthwhile with your life.
    Oh, and it’s okay to have occasional ups and downs! I think way too many people beat themselves up over not feeling happy ALL the time, which is a completely unrealistic expectation.

15. I think a lot of people confuse happiness with short-term pleasure.
    One is a short-term rush of nice feelings (like the sweetness and yumminess from eating a chocolate brownie), which can often lead to feeling not-so-great about it later.
    The other is an underlying feeling that you’re doing something worthwhile with your life.
    Oh, and it’s okay to have occasional ups and downs! I think way too many people beat themselves up over not feeling happy ALL the time, which is a completely unrealistic expectation.

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