If you had a simple tool to change your state with ease would you use it?
Imagine a spectrum with your negative feelings about life or a current circumstance on one end, and way over on the opposite end, how you most want to feel.
Neither good nor bad. Just neutral.
Where do you typically find yourself on this spectrum?
If you’re human, you’ll have days when it’s a fast and slippery slope to the negative, a.k.a. the dark side.
The problem isn’t that you go there, it’s that you stay.
Sometimes for a brief visit, and sometimes for an extended period that sucks the life right out of you.
And maybe you think there’s not much you can do about it. You react, get caught up in the emotions and in the blink of an eye a week’s gone by and you’ve barely left the house or your jammies.
It doesn’t have to go this way.
Becoming aware of where you are on the spectrum restores your power and ability to choose.
Imagine standing right in the middle, in neutral.
Look to the left – all the dark, negative feelings await like a creature from the black lagoon. Familiar, dark, heavy.
Look to the right – where your most inspired and positive emotions live. Engaged, exciting, light.
And breathe.
Be here in the middle and notice both ends.
“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more.” – Alexandre Dumas
It’s easy to sabotage yourself when you want to change the state you’re in. You try to jump from feeling like crap all the way over to joyful and inspired, but it’s too great a gap and instead, you feel stuck, frustrated and resigned.
However, if you start to view your state from the perspective of a spectrum – a stateline – there’s suddenly room to move in either direction.
You really don’t have to stay stuck.
“Getting stuck is reactive, getting unstuck is proactive.” – Sherene McHenry
And if you do? There’s something powerful in realizing you have a choice.
That you’re not a victim of the circumstances. And you’re not at the mercy of your emotions.
Even if you only move to neutral, there’s a world of difference from where you began in your negative state. Taking that one step towards how you want to feel moves you in the direction of feeling better.
You now have a tool to explore the full range of whatever emotional spectrum you feel stuck in.
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” – Anais Nin
The Process:
Step 1: Notice what negative state you’re in. What’s the emotion you’re feeling? Name it.
Step 2: What’s the opposite, positive and desired feeling? Name it.
Step 3: Notice where you are on the spectrum. Are you really at the furthest point on the negative side? Or are you closer to the middle, neutral ground?
Step 4: What one action would move you towards your positive, desired feeling?
Step 5: Go take that action.
When you learn how to pay attention to your states you empower yourself to choose, and feeling stuck can become a fleeting state of mind rather than a pity party over on the dark side.
The problem with being at either end of this spectrum is that there is a tendency to go still and take no action. I think it’s more true when we are on the dark side, but it’s also something to watch out for on the blinding bright side too. I picture a seesaw. If I’m down so low with my butt on the ground or if I’m dangling high in the air, in order to move (shift the energy), I have to really work hard at it. Whereas if I’m not at either one extreme or the other, a slight effort on my part gets the energy moving so I’m not stuck.
Carol Hess Yes, the problem with extremes is that it takes so much more effort to make a move. I’m intrigued by what you said about the positive side as well. Care to say more about that?
Carol Hess Yes, the problem with extremes is that it takes so much more effort to make a move. I’m intrigued by what you said about the positive side as well. Care to say more about that?
Sandi Amorim Carol Hess Some call the extreme positive living on a pink cloud. Others call it La La Land. It’s a fine place to visit, but not such a great place to move into because complacency and magical thinking move in with us and have a tendency to keep us stuck in non-action.
Carol Hess Oh yes, La La Land…I’ve used that term many times but in a different context. It feels different to me in terms of the stateline, but now that you’ve got me thinking about this there might be another post coming!
Every little action I take toward neutral, or even better, toward the light side, is a miracle and a gift. It’s so amazing how each instance of choosing to step away from the darkness and toward the light makes the next opportunity just a tiny bit easier.
For someone like me, so well trained and habituated to the darkness, I celebrate every moment of self-compassion, generosity and gratitude, which gives me what I need to groove a new and much more useful way of being.
Love!Sue
Every little action I take toward neutral, or even better, toward the light side, is a miracle and a gift. It’s so amazing how each instance of choosing to step away from the darkness and toward the light makes the next opportunity just a tiny bit easier.
For someone like me, so well trained and habituated to the darkness, I celebrate every moment of self-compassion, generosity and gratitude, which gives me what I need to groove a new and much more useful way of being.
Love!Sue
MagnoliasWest It’s the steps and small actions that count and make the greatest difference for sure Sue! We all have areas of life where we have a well worn pattern, where it takes more effort to take the action. But any pattern can be changed…step by step. Thanks for being here.
I find this very helpful. And I like what Carol said about the energy required to make a shift when we are on the extreme ends, takes more effort to more.Less when closer to center. these are great observations.
JoanBullock Yes! I keep picturing the seesaw and realize there must be some scientific explanation as well as what we’re talking about here which relates to energy! Curiouser and curiouser 😉
Sandi Amorim JoanBullock I think it has something to do with fulcrum and leverage and physics — NOT my strong suit.
The most effective tool I have found is to find a way to take charge of some aspect of life and to run with that.
Any time I have felt stuck and used this method it has proven to be a very useful method of making my mood change. That is what works best for me.
thejoshuawilner Yes, absolutely. It’s that we can get bogged down and/or overwhelmed so keeping the actions small and consistent is more essential.
thejoshuawilner Yes, absolutely. It’s that we can get bogged down and/or overwhelmed so keeping the actions small and consistent is more essential.
Brilliant Sandi! This reminds me of the Emotional Guidance Scale that Abraham Hicks shares and is such a powerful tool not only in my clients’ lives but ESPECIALLY in my life. I love how you share it with such clarity and simplicity!
Sabrina at MyMiBoSo When I use this with clients I actually have them walk the stateline, imagining a line on the floor. It’s amazing how our bodies give us so much information that we miss out on when we’re in our heads!
Sandi Amorim Oh I love that Sandi – lessons in life become more powerful when we learn them with our mind AND body!
Sabrina at MyMiBoSo Oh yeah, ritual space work is the most powerful because it gets folks into their bodies and the present moment. Love, love, love it! 🙂
Great post that I’m definitely identifying with right now, I feel like I’m stuck in a state of worry + anxiety at the moment. Which I suppose could also just be fear of making a wrong move so I’m making no moves which isn’t working either…
KellyValentine Oh yes, that’s what usually happens Kelly. We become paralyzed and then do nothing. So, what for you, is the opposite of worry? That’s the first step in getting unstuck!
Sandi Amorim KellyValentine Hmm I think the opposite of worry is faith or maybe trust?