The Art (and Science) of Solution Focused Living

Posted on by Sandi Amorim 24 Conversations

 

Problems. We’ve all got them.

In all areas of life – business, relationships, finances, health, and so on.

No one is immune.

It’s common to focus on problems, which can lead you down a negative spiral faster than an army of ants at a picnic; the kind of ANTs that suddenly seem to hi-jack your brain.

But is it really useful to focus on the problems? We’re human beings not machines, which leaves me questioning this obsession with problems and fixing ourselves.

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” – Louise L. Hay

Question: What Is Problem-Solving?

Answer: Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

Yes, problem solving is a mental process. . .that keeps you in your head analyzing!

Over and over, same problem, multiple angles, round and round until it feels like you’re deeper than ever, mired in the problem.

Yes, the intention is to get to the solution, but think about it. . .

How often has it really worked vs. how often has it kept you stuck?

“Anxiety and fear produce energy. Where we focus that energy noticeably affects the quality of our lives: focus on the solution, not the problem.” – Walter Anderson

It’s much more uncommon (and useful) to view life through a solution focused lens.

Sometimes I startle clients when I tell them I don’t care about the problem. And it’s true, I don’t. . .I care about what they want, and as soon as I can get them back to thinking about that, the sooner they feel resourceful.

You might think it’s semantics, but it’s not. It’s an energetic shift. It just feels better to focus on what you want from a solution focused view of life.

So what do you want?

It takes practice to answer that question. It takes interrupting your focus on what you don’t want. And it takes a bit of digging, an excavation of your true desires.

You don’t hear that very often in conversation, do you?

And it’s not because you don’t know what your true desires are. It’s because you’ve not been encouraged to acknowledge, and then say what you want.

But your speaking creates your reality, so you can’t ignore this any longer. Start saying what you want in life.

It might be hard. People might not like it. You might be disappointed.

So what?

You don’t have what you want now, what have you got to lose? 

It’s a lifelong pattern of thinking and doing, but with practice and a commitment to going beyond your comfort zone, you can break the pattern and create a solution focused perspective on life.

Those negative thoughts and problem-solving obsession? That’s normal.

What’s not normal is pulling yourself away from the compulsion to fix what’s not really broken.

You have to learn to ask yourself the right kind of questions and then, ask them often. More on those questions in a future post, but for now just get the truth in this. . .

“What we pay attention to, and how we pay attention, determines the content and quality of life.” – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

 

Word Carnivals monthly blogging event

This post is part of the monthly Word Carnivals, a round-up of small-biz bloggers writing on a common theme. This month’s theme: The Art And Science of Solving Small Business Problems.

 

 

24 conversations started on “The Art (and Science) of Solution Focused Living”

  1. Ah, a classic Sandi Amorim down to brass tacks, get real, and do something blog post with a powerful question — what do you want?  My favorite kind of blog post!  Moving into and repapering the walls of the problem does nothing except keep the negative and fear-based energy going strong.  However, taking up residence in the solutions salon is a much better tactic.  Not only is it positive and proactive (as in take action), it also makes it easier for people to help you.  Commiseration might make you feel better, but it doesn’t solve a problem.I heard somewhere that worry is like praying for something bad to happen.  So true!  I also heard that the only way is through.  Also true.  It’s helpful to know what I’m going for on the other side of through. 

    1. Carol Hess People think they can help by sharing their own troubles – what I call trauma sharing! Only gets both parties in deeper, nary a solution in sight! It’s a compulsion to fix the problem; my guess is that it’s more prevalent in the western world. One of the best questions to ask when someone’s in problem mode is, “What could you do differently?” Immediately gets us thinking in another direction. 

  2. Hits the spot today! I’ve been trying to interrupt the problem-focused record with imagining how I want to FEEL. What do I want to feel like as I go through my daily tasks. Interestingly, those feelings all take on the same language as my values! You’ve gotten deep into my brain Mz. Amorim!

  3. Wowzers, Sandi. Truer words were never spoken. I usually don’t spend too much time wallowing (although it depends on the size of my “problem”), as I tend to want to figure things out and shift the energy away from that vortex of chaos. Only now, as I near 50, do I find myself checking in more often with my heart and asking what do I really want? I think that a balance of both heart and head is an unstoppable combination.

    1. tsilvestre Seems the heart is too often left out of those crucial moments when we have to make a decision, and a reliance on the head is not as useful as people think! And I love it when Albert Einstein agrees…“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it Intuition or what you will, the solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why.” – Albert Einstein

  4. ‘Your speaking creates your reality’ – that’s so true, Sandi. Focusing on how to achieve the end goal is definitely more productive than wallowing. So often making changes comes down to a shift in perspective – thanks for outlining this approach.

    1. SHurleyHall Wallowing…sounds like a pig in a trough which is kind of accurate isn’t it? Rolling around, getting dirtier and dirtier 😉 I tell clients to stop trauma sharing when they get to that point. Startles them, often into laughter, which shifts their energy and then their focus back to the solution. 

  5. I love the shift in perspective! Quite true – to solve a problem we always end up thinking about the problem. And down it goes. Here’s what drives me nuts: people who never know what they want. They only know what they DON’T want. Now that’s exhausting.It’s amazing the things you can change and the solutions you can find when you shift your perspective and attitude. These are encouraging words!

    1. CarolLynnRivera Oy, those folks who only focus on what they don’t want are more prevalent then we might imagine! And sometimes it takes 2-3 sessions to get them to finally get clear and say what they want. Those moments are always amazing because often it’s the first time they’ve ever had that kind of clarity. Gives me compassion for the struggling part. 

  6. ” But your speaking creates your reality, so you can’t ignore this any longer. Start saying what you want in life.”  I love that and everyday I try very hard to be careful because I AM a firm believer in what we speak comes to life…If we say we want anything positive or negative…we will surely receive it…We are more powerful that we know!  Great post!

  7. I love, love, love this statement, “Sometimes I startle clients when I tell them I don’t care about the problem. And it’s true, I don’t. . .I care about what they want, and as soon as I can get them back to thinking about that, the sooner they feel resourceful.”That’s me to a T.  The past is past.  Let’s dive in and make things positive happen right now!

  8. I LOVE that – focus not on the problem, but on what you WANT. That fits right into my productivity model of focusing on the vision first – a model I’m learning really applies at so many levels, micro to macro.

    1. AnnieSisk It’s a challenge in such a problem focused world! Mostly when I ask people what they want (and you can probably relate with your clients) they tell me what they DON”T want. Not the same at all. We’re not encouraged to focus on what we want, so it’s not surprising, but the shift when people get this is awesome 🙂

    2. AnnieSisk It’s a challenge in such a problem focused world! Mostly when I ask people what they want (and you can probably relate with your clients) they tell me what they DON”T want. Not the same at all. We’re not encouraged to focus on what we want, so it’s not surprising, but the shift when people get this is awesome 🙂

  9. Oh wow Sandi, another shift in thinking coming on here.   I wondered why recently when in a planning session with a friend and doing a SWOT anaylsis she WOULD not let me focus on weaknesses.   Now I know why.  Of course all you are doing if you do is feeding  Lizzie Brain.  Recently i have heard this saying so much it has become ingrained in my head “You get what you pitch for”.  As you say ” Start saying what you want in life”.  Thank you!    This stuff just keeps validating the journey I am on.

  10. Sandi – focusing on the solution rather than the problem is what Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Switch, called a Destination Postcard. Not only is it quite effective in terms of arriving at visible solutions, it often illuminates the path you must walk to get there.
    I also find that when developing a plan of action for a particular project or when faced with a seemingly insurmountable issue, focusing on the outcome can be an amazing tool for generating clarity of purpose.
    So if I can piece together the how, and I can feel the why, I’m only a decision away from solving the problem or executing my project.
    Great thoughts here!

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