The past month has challenged me in all areas, mind, body and spirit.
I could blame it on Mercury retrograde, or my post conference funk, but whatever the reason, July took me out. You could say I’d been hit by a cosmic 2’x4′.
Me and my shadow; welcome to the dark side.
Blocked and doubtful, Lizzie on full-blown loudspeaker about my work and what’s next, and then because that wasn’t enough, blindsided by an inflamed disc in my low back.
Really God? You thought that was a good idea?
And just like that, I fell down the slippery slope to the dark side.
The dark side ain’t pretty.
It’s that dark and scary neighbourhood in your head; the dark alley your mother warned you about as a kid. Believe me, you do not want to go there alone.
But I did, and I quickly slid down that slope like a 6 year old on a water slide!
And then I did what I coach my clients not to do – I beat myself up about it! Yup, I so did.
Until this morning when I got smacked upside the head by this,
“Mostly, when you approve of your weaknesses, you give yourself permission to pursue your genius.” – Danielle LaPorte
My shadow quivered with a sudden understanding that the end was near.
Damn, I could be jinxing it by saying so as Mercury doesn’t shift for another week, but what the hell, I’m going all in as I answer Danielle LaPorte’s burning question,
What do you suck at?
In going to the dark side willingly, resistance and make-wrong disappeared and space, glorious space appeared like a long-lost lover.
So here goes:
I suck at being patient. I really do. Patience is a virtue I do not possess, and I’m no longer going to apologize for that. I was even born two months early, and as my mom likes to say, I’ve been impatient from the beginning!
I suck at letting go. I’ve done a lot of work on this one and I’m much better now (I sound like a recovering addict, don’t I?) But the truth is sometimes I let things fester. I hang on just a little bit longer than I know is good for me. I let my attachment get the best of me. Big time suckage for this one.
Bookkeeping and paperwork slay me. I suck at both. I fall behind, I come up with excuses that I’d shoot down in a second if I was coaching me and I often have to clean things up in this area. Thank God my bookkeeper is amazing and loves me!
I suck at following the rules. Don’t know what happened because I was the good girl, straight A student till university when all hell broke loose. Can I blame this on art school? Seriously, do not tell me what to do. It won’t go well.
I also suck at small talk. I don’t give a crap about the superficial. Give me your spirit, your fire, your passion. Otherwise, move away and talk to the schmuck on the other side of the room who wants to thrust his business card at you. I want connection and I refuse to settle for schmooze.
There is more suckage, but I’m going to stop because I want this to be an opening rather than a wallowing.
Danielle says, “When we put our weaknesses in plain language and clear view, we can see where we need to become more conscious, and how our so called “shortcomings” point to our true strengths.”
In the end, that’s what really matters.
Inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s Burning Question: What do you suck at?
I suck at details. I suck at getting in action after a period of procrastinating.
@Adventures in Alyssaland Oh yeah, that second one is a doozy! If it wasn’t for the cosmic 2’x4′ I’d still be procrastinating!
Sandi Amorim and @Adventures in Alyssaland I know all about NOT getting into action after procrastination. I suck at changing my mood when I get stressed (I think this is related to the first point too!)
…and I suck at letting go of feeling irritated by (a very few people online) I even go back to see what they are doing to add to my indignation! Mad or what?
KateBacon Haha, that’s awesome Kate! And quite mad, since you asked 😉
Sandi Amorim and @Adventures in Alyssaland I know all about NOT getting into action after procrastination. I suck at changing my mood when I get stressed (I think this is related to the first point too!)
I know all about hanging on. I hold onto some things for way too long.
TheJackB When I make it about right and wrong, I can hang on like the Energizer Bunny! That’s the key and the challenge; reframing until I shift to a perspective that’s not black and white.
My suck list is way too long for a comment section – and i admire you for getting all that ‘suckage’ dirty laundry out into the open air. May the bracing breezes of inspiration blow all that self doubt away! I mostly suck at telling people the truth when I know it will hurt. Even when I know it may ultimately be healing. I’m wrestling with this big time these days because my commitment is to be true to what I know to be, well, true. And it just sucks sometimes.So sorry you got whacked by that 2X4 this month Sandi! I can certainly relate. And I have a feeling your bouncing back even more fiery and powerful than before!
saraho There’s more suckage where that came from, trust me! Funny thing is that I started to feel better as soon as I acknowledged first, where I’ve been challenged this month and then, a few examples of where I suck in general. Instead of hiding out in it and feeling like crap, I opened the door and let the light in. Felt good so I knew I was on the right track!
Remember that song from Hair — Let the Sun Shine? Sounds like that’s what happened when you faced the stuff you suck at. Amazing, isn’t it?I suck at asking for help. I suck at moderation — I am just so not wired that way. I suck at putting my needs before other people’s. I suck at cleaning my oven. I suck at keeping the litterbox clean for the cats. I suck at going to bed at a decent hour. I suck at bookkeeping too, even though I used to do it for a living. Maybe that’s why. 🙂 I suck at letting go of grudges. I’m really, really working on this one. It’s stubborn. Oh yeah, I suck at not being stubborn.Hey! This is fun! Who knew? Liberating, isn’t it? I like giving myself permission to not be good at everything.
Damn it Carol, you just reminded me – I suck at asking for help too! Funny (not really) how I forgot that one! I also suck at letting go of grudges; much better than my 20’s but still a challenge. You want stubborn? I’ll give you stubborn! 😉
Carol Hess How could I forget the biggest suckage of all? Like you I suck at asking for help. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure what this back issue is all about! And yes! It is kind of fun and liberating once you get going. I’ve thought of quite a few more since reading the comments today 🙂
Carol Hess How could I forget the biggest suckage of all? Like you I suck at asking for help. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure what this back issue is all about! And yes! It is kind of fun and liberating once you get going. I’ve thought of quite a few more since reading the comments today 🙂
I appear to suck at many of the things you mentioned, particularly the paperwork and the small talk. Actually at many of them. I really needed to read this right now. Thanks.
fauxgypsy Yeah, as I said to Carol Hess it’s kind of fun once you get into it! I think I’ve doubled the list since I wrote the post! The best part? It lightens the mood of the things we think are such serious defaults. They’re not; we just need to let them be and focus on our strengths instead.
Sandi, Oh why not, here’s some truth: I suck at writing my offers and my marketing materials because I sink into worry about my stuff being good enough. I suck at fending off distractions and creating ample space for concentration. I suck at trust…Sigh. Now you know.
MagnoliasWest Yes, now I know. So glad I’m not alone 🙂
MagnoliasWest Yes, now I know. So glad I’m not alone 🙂
I suck at seeing black holes. You know how moths are attracted to a flame that kills them? I’m the master of denial that playing with darkness harms me. Did I say that right? I can see and feel someone’s negativity and steer clear, but I let those same people criticize and try to destroy my light. It’s so subtle.I absolutely suck at truly believing that there’s nobody who can be a better me than me, and by being me I will feel joy.
CrossBetsy How about feeling black holes instead? For me they usually feel like an instant energy drain, and when I pay attention I can nip them in the bud. Otherwise? It ain’t pretty!
Ha, yes, I think that plank of wood has been doing the rounds – I owned up to sucking at creating and marketing products – it’s so bad that when it comes to another thing I suck at – following the rules – I attempt to defy those in the know and wonder why my way doesn’t work! I also suck at owning my true strengths while I battle on doing everything, even if it’s badly – I guess that’s another one – I suck at asking for help!
jackiewalker Well, I’m so not surprised that we share a couple of points! But that plank of wood is relentless lately, so we’ve got to get it through our thick skulls!!!
Sandi Amorim oh trust me there are many more where those came from which I can own wholeheartedly – and from there it’ll be through my thick skull like greased lightening 🙂
So I too suck at being patient and letting go but what first jumped out to me when I read this post was how much I suck at believing in myself – I suck at giving myself praise or a pat on the back for a job well done. I have a lot that I’ve done well in my life. Why do I doubt myself …
elthorp The answer to the question ‘why’ is almost always a booby prize. Time to ask a new question. Like now that you’re clear what you suck at, what do you rock at? That’s what I like to know 🙂
So I too suck at being patient and letting go but what first jumped out to me when I read this post was how much I suck at believing in myself – I suck at giving myself praise or a pat on the back for a job well done. I have a lot that I’ve done well in my life. Why do I doubt myself …
We do suck at some similar things. I suck at taking orders, house cleaning, understanding humans, cooking (well all things ‘domestic’), compassion & patients for people I think are idiots, and a bunch of other stuff. I accept these things about myself. They are apart of who I am.
delisacarnegie Oh yeah, I suck at housecleaning too. Well, actually, I’m good at it, I just don’t want to spend my time doing it!
delisacarnegie Yup, housecleaning ain’t my suit either. I’ve told myself it’s because I’m spending my time living.
Awesome, after reading this, I added a few to my list. Umm…actually, I added your whole list to my list. Thanks for sharing.
Awesome, after reading this, I added a few to my list. Umm…actually, I added your whole list to my list. Thanks for sharing.
ravendelana Funny how the list just keeps getting longer 😉
ravendelana Funny how the list just keeps getting longer 😉
Hi Sandi. Coincidentally I’ve had quite a low July too, after about 2 years of consistently good mood. I’ve had some good days, but lots of not so good days. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable about your own experiences. I love life coaches who don’t pretend to be perfect. I love your idea of just accepting the less desirable parts of ourselves and I’ll be putting this into practice straight away. Thanks!
Hi Sandi. Coincidentally I’ve had quite a low July too, after about 2 years of consistently good mood. I’ve had some good days, but lots of not so good days. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable about your own experiences. I love life coaches who don’t pretend to be perfect. I love your idea of just accepting the less desirable parts of ourselves and I’ll be putting this into practice straight away. Thanks!
RobCollins Thanks for the kinds words Rob. Since authenticity and transparency are two of my core values, I can’t seem to operate any other way without a high cost to my well being.
Oh yeah, I just remembered that apparently disliking smalltalk is a sign of intelligence. I’m the same! 🙂
RobCollins Awesome! We would probably get along well then 😉
RobCollins Awesome! We would probably get along well then 😉
I LOATHE small talk. It’s what I hate most about parties where I don’t know many people. Having the same damn conversation over and over…YUCK. Let’s be real, let’s talk about what matters, because we only have these few moments, and everything else is a barrier.I’m not so good and pretending I don’t see the elephant in the room. Sometimes I wish I was as I’d piss off a lot fewer people who’d prefer everyone go along to get along. But if it doesn’t make sense, I question things. I HATEHATEHATE to be told what to do, and I will be passive aggressive and show anyone who tries just how much I won’t do it. I’m not so good at following rules. If there’s buy in, if I agree with what the rules are, then fine. Otherwise I prefer to do what I want and apologize later. I have no problems with letting others think I’m a little ditzy.
Ellen Berg You turned up the suckage factor, and of course I love that about you!!! An old friend of mine used to say that networking and small talk were akin to poking needles in her eyes! I tend to agree 🙂
Straight up bringing it Sandi. This is so honest and so darn different than the tradional “5 ways to ________”. Not to say I don’t enjoy those types of posts as I thoroughly do. But once I got to your list I was like “dang, this is different! I like it :)”. What do I suck at? I suck at going with the flow. I always want to have a plan. When I have a crazy day where I do a ton of things I immediately trying to imagine how I can scale it into everyday. I am a planner by nature and this has it’s advantages but at the same time, I can shoot myself in the foot because I get to locked in on a plan. I then might miss out on golden opportunities because I am too zoned in on following my plan. I also super suck at being patient… I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW! I really enjoyed this post :).
Straight up bringing it Sandi. This is so honest and so darn different than the tradional “5 ways to ________”. Not to say I don’t enjoy those types of posts as I thoroughly do. But once I got to your list I was like “dang, this is different! I like it :)”. What do I suck at? I suck at going with the flow. I always want to have a plan. When I have a crazy day where I do a ton of things I immediately trying to imagine how I can scale it into everyday. I am a planner by nature and this has it’s advantages but at the same time, I can shoot myself in the foot because I get to locked in on a plan. I then might miss out on golden opportunities because I am too zoned in on following my plan. I also super suck at being patient… I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW! I really enjoyed this post :).
30YearOldninja Haha, impatience seems to be a challenge for many! I think with any weakness, there are times when it can serve you. The key is catching it before it turns into dominating you, as your example shows so clearly!
30YearOldninja Haha, impatience seems to be a challenge for many! I think with any weakness, there are times when it can serve you. The key is catching it before it turns into dominating you, as your example shows so clearly!
I love you so much.Seriously, every time I read one of your amazingly open and honest posts, my heart smiles. You put yourself out there and make us all feel so safe to do the same.Where do I suck? I’m not so hot at unplugging…but I’m getting better. I set up loving boundaries, and my latest is to only check email 3 times a day so that I can focus my time and energy on what’s more important to me – expressing my creative visions. Whew. That feels good…I accept that I’ll have off days when I’m in that inbox 10 times a day, but there will be days when I don’t suck. In fact, I’ll have days where I absolutely ROCK it. And that’s just fine with me :).
I agree with Sabrina that Sandi makes you feel safe to put yourself out there. I suck at paper work. Doing it and keeping it organized. In my mind I plan it all out, then just as I am about to start, I allow something that SEEMS more important interfere. Also, self-care. I suck at self-care. I easily spend time caring for others and set myself on the back burner. I speak a good line of self-care to others and ignore my own words. Not much for small talk either. Great post Sandi, and appreciate the shares.
In one of Harriet Goldhor Lerner’s books (Dance of Anger, Dance of Intimacy…) she illustrates how our strongest points are also our weakest points. I am fabulous at dropping everything for a friend who is in need. I’m awful at staying on task when a friend calls.I’m great at going with the flow. I’m crappy at planning ahead or knowing how long something will take.I’m great at trying a zillion ways to solve a problem, be it visual or limited-food recipe tweaking, or how to fit things in a small room. I’m terrible at stopping once I start, even though things like that can continue forever and must have an arbitrary stop at some point. (Seth Godin calls my weakness “thrashing” and I could get a gold medal at that.)I’m terrible at scheduling and other maintenance tasks. I’m great at being in the moment (I think I already said that… double whammy on the flexible vs. organized department).
Oh… my most shame-inducing one. I struggle deeply with how to be on time. I’m much better than I was, and I function for work-related appointments although they still stress me out. Pesonal appointments, I don’t have them down. It’s not because I don’t value my friends or their time. It’s related to that super-flexible, one-more-thing brain I’ve got. At 53, I’m better… and I’ve not stopped the effort yet.