“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.” – Debbie Ford
You know that thing you do when you make a snide remark and then laugh it off with, “Just kidding”? What would happen if you actually were responsible for the fact that you’re not?
Because in that moment, as you say those words, you’re really not kidding, are you? You just don’t have the guts to say what you want to say, so you back pedal.
You don’t have the confidence to be who you are and say what you want to say. Not much a surprise as you probably weren’t brought up to express yourself in this way.
No. Instead you were told to be nice, get along, and for God’s sake, do not rock the boat.
It takes a helluva lot of courage to grow beyond this conditioning; to live without apology and without excuses. But the alternative – wearing a mask – is unbearable.
Before you react, I’m not advocating turning into an asshole. I’m acknowledging that it’s not an either/or spectrum with nice on one end and jerk on the other.
We all have a dark side and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. However, you also don’t have to let it dominate your life, ie: becoming the jerk or suppressing it, ie: showing only the nice, often superficial mask.
This is an invitation to live without the pretense.
To take off the mask and be true to yourself.
To unleash your courage like a contagion gone viral!
Since reviewing Debbie Ford’s book Courage, this has been on my mind, a lot.
Debbie writes to ignite your confidence and reclaim your courage, you’ve got to step into your highest vision of who you are. But mostly, you’re so used to living in the past and the stories of who you are, you can’t see the vision. It’s hidden from your view.
It’s time to get back to that vision and see yourself clearly. The following exercises will kickstart the process, and begin to move you from your head to your heart.
That’s where your coeur-age has been all along!
3 Ways to Unleash Your Courage
Activate It!
Start keeping score!
You know you keep score on the crappy things you’ve done, so why not keep score on the awesome, ballsy, inspiring?
Every time you feel great about something you’ve done, every time you feel a spark of confidence and courage, write it down and celebrate it.
Notice that it happens more often than you thought.
Build Your Confidence
This one’s a bitch for most people. . .
Start a list of what you love about yourself. Skills, strengths, talents, your big brown eyes (oh hi, that one’s mine!), or things you appreciate about yourself. Write ’em all down and savour. Like dark chocolate melting in your mouth, appreciate the richness of YOU.
Add something to this list every day.
Every. Single. Day.
Connect to the Past
Think back to the many times in your life when you have been courageous. What were the circumstances that had you own your courage?
You had it then; you still have it now.
It’s time to connect and unleash!
Inspired by Debbie Ford and her new book, Courage: Over-coming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence.
I think I will activate! That’s a really good idea!
@mark_chambers1 Love it Mark! I’m a big fan of keeping track of all the great things I do or have happen in life! It’s so easy to focus on the other stuff that can bring us down and displace our confidence.
So what’s something you’ve done that you’re stoked about?
@Sandi Amorim I’m really stoked about taking my daughter to New Zealand next year for a vacation! Bring it on. 🙂
I choose Connect! we forget how powerful and capable we are! Funny timing with this one Sandi! Thanks!
Lori
@Lori You’re already such a great connector. Do you mean connect more specifically with your past Lori? I wonder what will show up 🙂
I’m so hard on myself, that I’m going to choose Activate as my coeur-age unleasher. I’ve got a journal entitled Shining Moments, and that’s where I’ll keep score. In fact, I’ve already got my first item from a conversation yesterday with a family member. Suffice it to say that the usually oh so polite, good little girl who tries to be enlightened and politically correct and step into the other guy’s shoes and see his viewpoint got PISSED. And I said exactly what I wanted to say. No, I wasn’t cruel because that’s not my nature. But I didn’t sugarcoat it either. I believe the sentence I started with was, “Okay, it’s time for you to shut the fuck up because you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m about to educate you.” He looked so startled, that I almost burst out laughing. New sheriff in town, Cuz. Get used to her. My goal is to not have to get pissed before I speak my truth. Great subject, Sandi.
@Carol Hess I love that you warned him 😉
And hallelujah for speaking the truth and unleashing your coeur-age!
I love the self-love list and will play with that more in my journaling today! I’ve got the big green eyes to match your gorgeous brown ones Ms. Sandi ;).
@Sabrina at MyMiBoSo Yes! The eyes have it!
What’s another you could add for the day? Me – I love that I’m a rebel 🙂
@Sandi Amorim I love that you’re a rebel too!
Here’s another for me: I’m so sensitive I cry during commercials…even the funny ones (they’re just so darn touching sometimes and remind me how much I love the human spirit!).
Usually when you say ‘just kidding’ you really aren’t. Own up to it, right?
@bdorman264 Own it and clean it up if you have to. It’s not rocket science!!! Which reminds me, one time in a course I was taking someone said that and an actual NASA scientist stood up and responded 😉
I choose “build”. I still have a tendency to occasionally minimize or dismiss my accomplishments and strengths. I’m starting now to build my list to remind myself of my strengths. Thanks for the nudge to get me going.
@Gladys Anderson Yay Gladys! Since you posted this over 2 hours ago, there must be something new you could add to your list by now! Gotta exercise that acknowledgement muscle 😉
@Sandi Amorim It’s been several hours now and my list is growing…and that’s just for today 🙂
I’ll start with “activate”, but what I really need to do is learn how to identify feelings in the moment so that I can react in the situation.
Awareness is always the first step, and I often have my clients spend a week noticing their reactions and what emotions come up. I ask them to just notice and jot down any insights. It always amazes me how much they get from this simple practice.
As I’ve done the exercises myself, I’ve noticed the areas where I don’t feel confident or courageous and of course, that’s where I’ll go to work next 🙂
Nice Sandy, ‘just kidding’ and ‘just teasing’, nope. I choose Activate It, I say never pass through personal achievement too quickly — need to take own advice sometimes 🙂 Dawn xx
@Dawn Barclay Yup, I just cringe when someone pulls a “just kidding” on me! I call BS every time 😉
It’s no easy to choose, all three are useful. I think I will go with “build” for now. Thanks goodness we don’t have to turn into an asshole. You had me worried there for a moment!
It’s no easy to choose, all three are useful. I think I will go with “build” for now. Thanks goodness we don’t have to turn into an asshole. You had me worried there for a moment!
Hi Sandi,
I think the most powerful thing about being authentic it allows us to screw up and be okay with it. It is weird because as I have become more and more comfortable with myself I have also been more willing to admit my own screw ups.
When I was younger, it was as if I wanted to be perfect. I couldn’t just be myself. I had to be some perfect person who was always funny, cool, and liked by everyone.
But now, sometimes I say the wrong thing or mess up and I can comfortably say “Whoops! I screwed that one up.” and then learn from it and move forward.
I enjoyed this post a lot 🙂
Hi Sandi,
I think the most powerful thing about being authentic it allows us to screw up and be okay with it. It is weird because as I have become more and more comfortable with myself I have also been more willing to admit my own screw ups.
When I was younger, it was as if I wanted to be perfect. I couldn’t just be myself. I had to be some perfect person who was always funny, cool, and liked by everyone.
But now, sometimes I say the wrong thing or mess up and I can comfortably say “Whoops! I screwed that one up.” and then learn from it and move forward.
I enjoyed this post a lot 🙂
@30YearOldninja Thanks Izzy! It’s so freeing to admit to screwing up or not knowing, ya know? And freed up energy usually means an increase in creativity and enjoyment of life! Gotta love that 🙂
@30YearOldninja Thanks Izzy! It’s so freeing to admit to screwing up or not knowing, ya know? And freed up energy usually means an increase in creativity and enjoyment of life! Gotta love that 🙂