quirk-y
– an individual peculiarity of character; mannerism or foible
also: far-out, kinky, offbeat, way-out
Your quirks are the qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.
Are you looking at me?
Does the thought of standing out from the crowd make you sweat a little? Have you spent most of your life just trying to fit in?
Then this is your wake-up call.
When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself. And if you can’t be with it, how the hell can anyone else be with it?
Truth: What you can’t be with owns you.
The flip side, when you embrace those parts of yourself, not only do you stand out, but you make room for others.
All those people you compare yourself to? They’ve got their quirks too.
And all those qualities you wish were different about you? Someone out there is looking for just those qualities and you might fit the bill brilliantly!
So just how do you embrace your quirky bits?
What have people said about you your whole life?
What’s the common denominator (either +/-)?
For as long as I can remember I was told (first by family and then later by friends, and even men I dated!) that I was too intense. When I do something I go for it fully, and over the years I learned it wasn’t ok with a lot of people. They said things like, “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?”
So I suppressed it so that others would feel comfortable, and that suppression had a cost greater than I imagined. Suppression always has a cost, usually an impact on health and well-being.
Now imagine taking that quirk and unleashing it. . .
You can you know. . .let that quirk show up as the fullest expression of you. Think of the time and energy you’ll be freeing up as you fly your quirk flag!
When I did, I’m sure it felt like a tsunami of intensity to some people. And maybe they unfriended me, or perhaps unsubscribed (and yes, I’ve been told my writing is often too intense) because they couldn’t handle it. Guess what? That’s their issue. It’s not my job to make them feel comfortable!
But something else happened too. . .
Other people were blown away, attracted to my intensity and kept coming back for more.
Clients come to me because they want someone who’s not afraid to get in their face and tell the truth. They want someone who’s not willing to tolerate their someday thinking.
Friends, colleagues and opportunities come to me because I own this quirk completely. I’m reliable for it and it makes a difference for them.
I’d even say that my husband was attracted to me because of my intensity. Sure, it can be challenging to be with me, but the challenge causes us both to grow every time.
You don’t have to be all things to all people. You only have to be yourself and attract your perfect people.
When you embrace your quirks those people will show up, and everyone else will move on. There’s a flow and rightness to this that we just don’t talk about enough.
You could say it’s a bonus side effect of embracing your quirks – more energy and a lightness of being.
And who wouldn’t want that?
p.s.
“You have been created as one of a kind. On the planet, there has never been one like you. . .and there never will be again. Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else. The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.” ~ Andy Andrews (From The Butterfly Effect)
Over to you:
1. Make a list of your quirks.
2. Pick the one that you’ve tried for so long to suppress.
3. Go be that intentionally and blow people away.
Open the floodgates, unleash your quirkiness and watch your perfect people line up!
Bonus action: Share some of your silly quirks below, ie: I always eat the bottom of the muffin first and I’m addicted to murder mysteries!
This post is part of the May 2012 Word Carnival — a monthly group blogging event specifically for small business owners. (It’s the most fun you’ll have all month!) Check out the rest of the fabulous carney work here: Word Carnivals
I love this. Quirky bits? Me? Naww…I don’t have any. But I sure do love that you embrace yours. lol. Yah..I get the “why do you have to love so much?” often from people. It’s a little too much for them. I have no problem being with it though. I think I do a good job of flying my Quirk Flag…although always open to suggestions. Thanks for writing this Sandi. It’s awesome.
@LolaSpeaking Hehe, hoist the Quirk Flag! Similar but different from the Freak Flag 😉
But come on, you must have one or two quirks lying around!
Sandi! So, so, SO glad you didn’t take the advice to “tone down” your intensity. It’s just one of many of your traits that I find incredibly appealing.
To my mind…there is simply NOTHING more attractive and appealing than someone living and being fully, unapologetically, who they are.
Keep being your quirky fabulous self! ; )
xo
@LisaWilder Took me a long time, but I really do love my quirky bits now and couldn’t imagine myself without them!
What’s one of yours?
@Sandi Amorim Oops…forgot that part, didn’t I? Well…you experienced one of them over on your FB page earlier today.
I sometimes “think” in song lyrics. They pop up unbidden, seemingly out of nowhere, and as I did earlier today, I sometimes let them slip out in conversation. ; )
@LisaWilder My mom does this too. Except she sings them. We like to refer to her as “Patsy. The Musical.”
@LisaWilder Took me a long time, but I really do love my quirky bits now and couldn’t imagine myself without them!
What’s one of yours?
I’m not quirky like a left-hander but have my own foibles…….:).
I’m probably more of a blend-in kind of guy, but do not mind attention and know my uniqueness is something I’m totally comfortable with. Because of this, I attract people who want to be attracted to me and I seem to attract all walks of life.
I tried to think of something I’m quirky about but nothing stood out; my wife probably has a few about me but I’m such the go along, get along guy there really isn’t much that bothers me or something I can’t adapt too. I’ll let you know if I think of something….:)
@bdorman264 What’s your wife’s phone number? hehehe
@Sandi Amorim 3
@Sandi Amorim – How timely. I’ve got some intense energy going on, and I was tempted to tone it down and spoon feed my personality slowly when getting to know a new friend. That thought lasted for about an hour. Nope. Can’t do it.
@LindaEaves doing it only leads to suffering!
@LindaEaves doing it only leads to suffering!
@Sandi Amorim – How timely. I’ve got some intense energy going on, and I was tempted to tone it down and spoon feed my personality slowly when getting to know a new friend. That thought lasted for about an hour. Nope. Can’t do it.
Oh gosh, I’m not sure what my quirky bits are! Hmm, obviously I need to ponder this one – or ask!
@jackiewalker Hmm, another way I’ve thought of it is what do you resist about yourself?
Love this post! As a fellow “intense” person, I agree that I’ve had to learn some ways to balance it, and be more intuitive about how and when to share it. Doing my Reiki Master training helped with that quite a bit, as well as being open to the journey of learning about myself as I grow and change. And yes, learning the lesson that you don’t have to be all things to all people is a bit rough at first, but so so important!
@Creative Katrina It’s freeing to hear that I’m not the only “intense” person on the planet! Kidding aside, it is a tough lesson sometimes but it’s truly one journey that’s worth the effort.
@Creative Katrina It’s freeing to hear that I’m not the only “intense” person on the planet! Kidding aside, it is a tough lesson sometimes but it’s truly one journey that’s worth the effort.
Ha, you’d think with all the navel-gazing I’ve done over the years I’d be highly aware of all my quirks! The only substantial one I can think of that people have often said about me is “Oh, you’re so…honest!” (usually when I’ve said something that seems perfectly normal to me but scandalizes other people :))
And the silly ones? I absolutely cannot stand being cold and will shiver when it’s 70 degrees outside; I drive with my seat pulled way too far up so that me knees are nearly touching the steering wheel; and I have a secret fondness for Barry Manilow 🙂
@LynnHess One day you and I will sing Barry Manilow songs together at some crazy karaoke bar. I’m certain of this 😉
I love this Sandi! When I was an actor, this was a big problem for myself and most of my peers…we are trying so hard to be “what they want” that we lose so much of our SELVES in the process!
I am eternally grateful for the time I spent in the entertainment industry as it finally taught me to embrace my quirks and realize when someone doesn’t connect with it that they are simply “not my people.”
A silly quirk of mine – I LOVE an organized space so much so that my boyfriend will often put down his phone, ipod, or wallet, only to turn around and find that they’re not where he left them but rather in the other room where they belong ;).
@Sabrina at MyMiBoSo Your boyfriend must really love you!
I’m just so loving this conversation about quirks. I think it’s safe to say there’s usually a feeling of we’re either too much or not enough of something. And then that pattern turns into a quirk which is that odd thing we often try to hide about ourselves.
As my friend @LolaSpeaking said, it’s time to fly our Quirk Flag!
Does it count if all your bits are quirky bits? Seriously, spent too much of my life ashamed of myself because I didn’t fit in with the norm. Too loud, too irreverent, too challenging, too difficult–you get the idea. What I’ve realized is these are the parts I love best about myself. I LOVE that I don’t go along to get along–it means I’m honoring my truth and taking care of myself. I LOVE that I’m irreverent and question what’s in front of me. I love being a truth teller and a whole-body laugher.
Other oddities? I love ABBA with my whole heart, prefer speaking to a stadium full of people than a few people at an intimate gathering and still believe that some creepy thing is waiting under the bed to grab me by the ankles once the light is off.
@Ellen Berg Every time you comment my girl crush gets stronger!!!
Yes to ABBA and whole body laughter and yes, yes, YES to all your glorious quirky bits!
“When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself.” This so resonated Sandi. Years of ‘professional behaviour’ later; (looking back I don’t know how we managed it), stilted, uptight, polite smiles type of behaviour. It was what was expected and we conformed. But it was so uncomfortable, so not who we were as people, or who our clients were for that matter. I’m so glad that era of doing business is long done and dusted. (Maybe you have to be on the right side of 60 to remember that!) Anyway, embracing the real us has been so invigorating, so perpetually exciting, it’s hard to imagine there was once a way in which to be quirky might have been professional suicide. I loved your wake up call. Tuning out to tune in is probably another lesson worth embracing. Thanks Sandi, great post.
“When you resist your quirky bits you’re saying there’s something you can’t be with about yourself.” This so resonated Sandi. Years of ‘professional behaviour’ later; (looking back I don’t know how we managed it), stilted, uptight, polite smiles type of behaviour. It was what was expected and we conformed. But it was so uncomfortable, so not who we were as people, or who our clients were for that matter. I’m so glad that era of doing business is long done and dusted. (Maybe you have to be on the right side of 60 to remember that!) Anyway, embracing the real us has been so invigorating, so perpetually exciting, it’s hard to imagine there was once a time in which to be quirky may have been professional suicide. I loved your wake up call. Tuning out to tune in is probably another lesson worth embracing. Thanks Sandi, great post.
Sandy, yes, so many lessons right there under our noses! Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience. Suppression is never healthy and it’s sad that so many business cultures still expect it in some way. Owning our quirks is a game changer and we’re on the cusp of something awesome!
Three cheers for the fabulous message you’ve relayed in this post, Sandi — spot on!
We’re not put on this planet to focus 100% on pleasing other people (Yeah, I know. You want to please your spouse or significant other. I get it and that’s okay.) nor are we here to work our hardest at “conforming” to the expectations of others.
Phooey on that!
The biggest takeaway here for me is that you’ll be the happiest, the most content, and the most at peace with yourself … if you’ll just BE yourself. 🙂
Melanie
Fellow Carney
@MelanieKissell I think there should be a revolution in our schools so that kids are encouraged to celebrate their quirky bits, and trust that being themselves is more than enough…and I know just the gal to start the revolution, right @Ellen Berg ?
Well said, Sandi! Authentically being yourself in marketing your biz and yourself is THE way to go. You have to be comfortable with all your quirky parts – and, too, you may find as I did that things you thought of as weaknesses turn out to be strengths in another light. (The reverse is also true.)
@Annie Sisk When I think back twelve years ago when I began my business and how afraid I was to speak my mind, I shudder. But that part of me was so strong, it’s become what I’m known for with clients. They come to me for that truth-telling, cage-rattling strength and I love them for it!
I can see the carneys are my kind of peeps! I felt so connected and inspired as I read all the quirky posts today. Really grateful that I connected with y’all!
Love it! It’s not our job to be everything to everyone. I would like to shout that from a mountaintop. I confess I still struggle with the “owning” part. I suppose my biggest personality quirk is that I tend to just speak – unfiltered. Sometimes I get in trouble for it because my husband (who is also my business partner and the one shaking his head when I open my mouth) will tell me 14 ways I “should” have said something. I’m not entirely diplomatic. But if you want it plain and truthful – not polished up for some business meeting with all the right words and all the pleasant niceties, then there it is! I’ll have to work on the owning part so thanks for the little kick in the pants 🙂
@CarolLynnRivera “plain and truthful”… See? When I commented on your quirky post I said we’d be friends and for me, this is a non-negotiable. I don’t want to be around people who beat around the bush, play it safe and aren’t willing to speak the truth. Can’t do it! So I won’t 😉
When I was younger, my intense listening skills would often manifest in very large, very round eyes. So much so, that the other kids would call me Bug-Eye. I think it kinda creeped people out, so I learned how to relax my eyes while listening to other people’s stories and conversations. Thankfully, it didn’t wreck me to do this. But there were other oddities that I had no choice but to embrace. SO, so glad you joined the Carnival, Sandi! Your quirky self makes our group that much more beeUtiful.
@tsilvestre Yay for carneys and quirks! I think we all have at least one quirk that can be creepy to some!
Just thought of another one…when I’m really excited I say quite loudly, “OH MY GOD! and startle people 🙂
Love this, Sandi. One of the things I’ve learned as I’ve got older is to accept even the weirdest bits of me as OK for me (and at the same time accept that they are not OK for everyone and that’s fine).
@SHurleyHall It’s like that early self-help book, “I’m OK, You’re OK” 🙂
This is rare for me, but I am at a loss for words. This is so absolutely spot on and your story about suppressing yourself to make others feel comfortable really resonates with me. I have always been a bit of a bull in a china shop. I’m opinionated, irreverent and usually a bit over-caffeinated. I have never had much use for titles or hierarchies. In my last job, my boss often told me that I did not show the proper deference for his position — that I didn’t speak to him as a subordinate speaks to her boss but as if I was an equal (it never occurred to me that I wasn’t his equal). At different times, I have squished all of these traits down into little boxes, making them as small as possible. But these days, I’ve found a middle ground. I am conscious of my quirks, but I don’t suppress my quirks. Instead, I try to make sure that I can honor other people’s quirks and create space for other opinions, ideas and ways of engaging. I still worry that I am a bit too much of a bulldozer or that I might unknowingly offend someone when they ask for feedback, but that worry is more of an awareness and less of an impediment. I muck it up sometimes, but that’s part of being human. Wow! I guess I wasn’t at a loss for words after all!
@Erica Holthausen “opinionated, irreverent and usually a bit over-caffeinated”…sounds like we could be friends 🙂
And yeah, I hear you. I still do sometimes wonder if I should tone it down a bit. I don’t usually, but I think about it 😉
Welcome to Word Carnival, Sandi!! FINE, from now on I’ll wear a cape and always jump down the last 5 steps. Happy?! 🙂 Wait, maybe that’s not what you meant…
It does occur to me that people always react viscerally (okay, play-viscerally) when I share that I love living near and seeing the ocean, but don’t actually care to experience the beach or ocean AT ALL. That’s a quirk I can use, I’m sure.
I totally get that quirk Evan! We recently spent two weeks in Maui and I loved seeing the ocean from our patio, but didn’t go swimming or hang out on the beach much at all! We’re so weird 😉
Welcome to the carnival Sandi! I too often heard , “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?” Heck in middle school I staged a protest. Luckily since I did it peacefully and within the rules my parents actually backed me (and no they are not protestor type people). There are days I still struggle, I worry my laugh is too loud. Then I shrug and say to heck with it.
Welcome to the carnival Sandi! I too often heard , “Tone it down, why do you have to rock the boat all the time?” Heck in middle school I staged a protest. Luckily since I did it peacefully and within the rules my parents actually backed me (and no they are not protestor type people). There are days I still struggle, I worry my laugh is too loud. Then I shrug and say to heck with it.
@NicoleFende I can relate! I didn’t get a job once because I was told I laughed too much! Probably goaded me towards self-employment 🙂
Good afternoon Sandi!
Just had to check over my shoulder to make sure it wasn’t me you were talking about. I’m guilty as charged about being too intense and especially of getting to emotionally involved with things, people, problems etc.
Another quirk is loudness – ‘here comes mega mouth’ and ‘mouth almighty’ is at it again are frequent comments from family and friends…. who needs enemies!
Ooops! Should have said – I’m quite a shy and retiring sort of person really….
Sandi – I feel like we’re kindred spirits.
I’m constantly told that my level of antics won’t be tolerated by the business community. When I encounter clients who dislike my business name (WTF Marketing) I’m pretty confident that there’s another paying client around the corner – enough so that I’m willing to give up about 25% of my business to the fact that it just sometimes doesn’t mesh with people’s view of reality.
I look forward to reading what you have to write in the future! 😀
@ImNickArmstrong I feel the same Nick after reading a few of your Carnie posts 🙂
Those people who’d be put off by the name or by my occasional swearing here, they aren’t our perfect people so I send them on their way with gratitude for the clarity! They are perfect for someone else 🙂