Ahh, the stories you tell yourself. If I had a nickel for all the stories my clients have shared over the last 10 years I’d be rich.
Very. Very. Rich.
Stories you were told growing up.
Stories you made up about yourself.
Stories that held you back.
It’s enough to have Freud turn over in his grave.
Err, actually, he’d probably like all your stories because that would mean lots of time on the couch.
I was reminded of the power of stories by two things recently: a chat with the fabulous El Edwards of TruthPassionJoy and a song called The Story Ends by The Sundays.
The thing that most people forget about stories is this. . .
They’re all made up in the first place.
You create you. Then you forget.
A relative comments on your height/weight/hair colour ==> You make this mean you’ll have to compensate and work harder than everyone else to get ahead.
An ex-boyfriend says you’re too intense ==> You decide you’re too much for people to handle and start suppressing yourself.
A kid on the playground calls you a nerd ==> You give up on all things athletic because clearly, you are NOT a jock.
Your 4th grade teacher says “stop trying so hard, you’ll never be an artist” ==> You stop doing what you love to do (except in your most secret dreams) and do what’s expected.
See how this works?
They said X ==> You made up Y
Then you go on and live your life for the next 20, 30, 50 years living like that story is the truth about you.
It’s so not.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” – Carl Jung
Right here, right now, what if you put an end to your old stories?
Done. Finished. Kaput!
Never to be spoken again.
Right here, right now, what if you made up a new story?
A story that made your heart sing.
A story that made you smile with delight.
A story that satisfied you at the end of the day.
Tell me.
Tell me your new story.
It is longing to be expressed.
That was beautiful Sandi,
I’m just now learning about what’s real and what I’ve allowed myself to believe (I mean the stuff other people said about or to me). I catch myself ALL DAY LONG saying, “Don’t say that. Don’t do that, etc.” But I also am doing my best to shift the balance over to the positive; things that I’ve found hard to believe about myself when I’m told it by a friend or family member. All the good stuff.My new story is that I am my deepest thoughts and feelings whether or not anyone agrees with them or likes me. I’m Betsy, your new best friend amongst many others who love you just the way you are! I LOVE this site. I don’t know how you have the time for it, but I look forward to it every day!Thanks Sandi.Betsy
Betsy,
It takes courage to make up new stories and hold onto them in the face of disagreement from others. It’s a great exercise to actually sit and write out a new story, getting as detailed and juicy as you can.
I recently came across an old journal from 10 years ago when I started my business. To my surprise much of what I wrote back then has happened, even though when I wrote it, it really was made up! That’s the power of stories.
Thanks for your kind words on the site. It has been a labour of love in many ways, and one of my favourite things is connecting with people like you!
Amazing. Sandi. Thanks for writing this. It brought tears to my eyes at the point when you said “tell me your new story”. damn.
My new story, has me sharing my life with someone awesome doing what I love.
thank you. I will share more of my new story but for now, I am heading out for the day. You are my hero. That’s my story about you. xo
Dear, dear Rita,
It’s a mutual admiration society then because how you show up in the world inspires me. I’ll be here waiting to hear more of your new story. Thanks for always being so great and heart-ful!
This is a beautiful truth. I love it! I’ve been working on a new story for a few months now and the results are amazing.
Do tell! I’d love to hear more about your new story 🙂
very nice sandi. Well done.
Hey Brian! Thanks for the kind words. Good to see you here 🙂
Sandi, this post is by far one of the most powerful you’ve written. So much has been written about how our stories, true or not, can become a default program for living instead of actively choosing a here and now, newer, more authentic way of being and living. It certainly doesn’t happen overnight. To unlearn and forge ahead with new beliefs and renewed commitment to our true selves and our deepest intrinsic values takes massive strength and courage. Thanks for so eloquently touching on this — it is one of, if not THE, most important key to moving forward on a positive, healthy, and integrity-filled life path. Beautifully put. : ) <3
PS Love your suggestion to actually sit down and write out a new story. I am already planning a sit down to do so and feeling the power of the act itself.
Thanks so much Elana. Even when we KNOW we’re in a story it takes tremendous insight and often courage to interrupt it and say something new.
I once did a great course that said, “Say the say thing, have the same life. Say something new, have a new life.”
Simple, not always easy. But so worth the effort.
Fabulous post. I’m a lurker — Commenting today for the first time! What you say here is so true — We create our own stories. Thanks for the reminder!
Welcome lurker 🙂
Glad you’ve come out of the shadows. I really appreciate your comment.
There you go, Sister! Loving the beautiful space this puts me in. There is an opening for my gifts in this vast universe, and I am ready to fill it. My story begins with an intuitive and impressionable little girl, who notices small gifts everywhere. A grateful puppy. A scared kitten. Fog in the valley. Smiles on little children. I am thankful for her, and for you. Kudos!
“Small gifts everywhere” – what a great way to view the world! Thank you for sharing this lovely thought Karen!
Sandi, this is awesome!
My story has been a work in progress for a very long time….and it’s been quite the transformation. From the youngest child who had no voice – who was never heard – to the butterfly girl about to embark on a journey to Gratitude and bring all her friends and heroes (and she-roes) with her.
I hope you’ll join me on that journey. I can hardly wait to tell the new story.
Hugs and butterflies,~T~
How can I not want to join THAT story! Your excitement speaks volumes about the power of a new, created story! Looking forward to hearing more about it.
Love this, Sandi. It’s amazing how those stories can affect a person – and for how long. I’m still dealing with the story people put in my head nearly 60 years ago, that I’m lazy.
Hell yes, I’m lazy, and I deserve to enjoy it. Life is not only about work, it’s about beauty and joy and fun.That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Owning a story is powerful too LaVonne! As is giving it a new name. Are you really lazy or do you enjoy life too fully to be all about work? Am I stubborn or persistent about getting what I want in life? Some might say it’s looking through rose-coloured glasses, but I say “what’s wrong with that?” 🙂
Yay! I am now getting your posts automatically. I don’t have to worry about missing one wise word!
I’m a writer, so I love stories, as long as they are empowering ones. My 10th grade English teacher told me I had no talent as a writer. I believed that story for 30 plus years, and then I didn’t. Good thing since I make my living as a writer, right? LOL
My new story? Here’s the very beginning of it — a mini excerpt from the book I’m writing: “Today is the day I declare I am a star and start to shine. Today is the day I step out of the shadows and into the center of the room so you can see my light. Today is the day I turn the key in the lock, open the door, and walk out of my lifelong prison cell.”
I love your new story Carol! Can’t wait to hold your book in my excited little hands 🙂
Me too! 🙂
Hi Sandi, I adored this post. You’ve hit on such an empowering truth that I’m sure will resonate with everyone. I have a fridge magnet that says, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” You’re right, throughout our lives, we absorb what people say about us and form ideas about who we are based on their subjective responses to us. I’m shy when I first meet people because my parents’ friends used to say what a good, quiet little girl I was when I was young. I’m insecure about my appearance because none of the boys liked me in middle school. I was one of the last to develop physically. My friends teased me about my skinny stick legs. My parents were extremely strict as I was growing up, so I learned to people please and became passive aggressive instead of assertive and confident in my own thoughts and opinions.Luckily, you are right – we CAN break free from our stories. They are only stories, after all! The “New Nikki” is/will be confident in her appearance and demeanor. She will assert her thoughts and opinions and not bow to those of others out of a desire to please. She will inspire others to do the same.Thanks again, Sandi!~Nikki xo
Hey, Nikki! Sounds like we’ve got very similar storybooks. I especially identified with the “shy” story. I later found out that “intimidated” was more accurate because I too was raised very strictly. Isn’t it great that we get to shed the stories (and labels) that don’t serve us?
Hi Carol! I just read your earlier comment, too, about how you were told by a teacher you that you had no talent as a writer. Funny that, I remember I got a D on an art exam and lost all faith that I could paint. Before that, I’d been an avid little artist. Funny how people can knock us down like that, isn’t it? I love that you make your living as a writer now, I just think that’s unbelievably awesome 😉 Where can I read some of your stuff? I just actually started my own blog called “Resonate: live a significant life, write your own sweet path.” I love how writing gives you the ability to really capture your very best story and share it through your talents. 🙂
Hey there, Nikki! — I wonder why, even as children, we tend to focus more on the negative than the positive feedback? One thing I love about the coaching world is that there is such emphasis on empowering instead of criticizing. Makes all the difference in the world, doesn’t it?
I would be delighted to have you read my blog (and of course participate!) at http://www.starpolisher.com. Thanks for asking! I did a peek-a-boo on your blog yesterday but then had to hop off suddenly. I’ll definitely go back. Of course you got me where I live with the last part of your tagline, “…write your own sweet path.”
I have met so many people who don’t like to write, and yet it is such a powerful healing and personal development tool. I’m thinking about offering a service where I help people come up with a vision for the life they want to live and then I put it in writing for them. I did that for a writing phobic friend of mine for her new business, and she said it was very helpful. What do you think?
I think that’s a fantastic idea.
I agree with you – I forgot how much I love to write and it has been so therapeutic. I’m excited to see where my blog will take me – already building up a fan base slowly but surely!
Oh, and I subscribed to your blog 🙂
I think that’s a fantastic idea.
I agree with you – I forgot how much I love to write and it has been so therapeutic. I’m excited to see where my blog will take me – already building up a fan base slowly but surely!
Oh, and I subscribed to your blog 🙂
Story upon story, they do get stacked one on top of the other as we grow up don’t they? But if I continue with the stacking metaphor, they can just as easily be knocked down 😉
Thanks for your awesome comment Nikki! I love your new story and hope to see and hear more about it!
Thanks, Sandi. I think I only just started following you recently on Twitter, but I’m so glad I stumbled across you, as I love how you write already! Keep up the great work.
~Nikki xo
Ahhhh Sandi. I needed to hear this… needed to read this and feel this. Sometimes the stories and conclusions we form in our head are born of past pains, past rejections, past fears. Things we have held onto and harboured for way too long. Stories that don’t quite sound right or lead to a happy ending. I’m so DONE with some of those old played out and whack stories. Mam…I may be late. But for me…this was RIGHT ON TIME.xx
Stories are powerful, especially those we’ve been hearing and telling for a long long time, always from the past. I’ve found my work is to keep getting complete with the past so the stories don’t have the same hold over me, and what is created is space for something new. xoS
So true Sandi !
Deepak Chopra says every morning a person wakes up and decides who they will be. What if each person realized how powerful they truly were ?
one thought, a new story spun…a new world. Each of us can do it, I’ve met a rare few who have… and it’s incredible!
Thanks to Nikki Groom for sharing your post with me, I shall check back often =)
Terry
Thanks Terry! It’s very much like the story you share on your site about the bracelet! It’s all made up so why not make up something good? 🙂