Today is my mom’s birthday and sharing her with you is a gift. In knowing her – Pierina – you’ll know more about me.
I am her, and yet? I’m not. I’m me infused by her love and caring.
She’ll cry when she reads this; I’ve cried writing it. Perhaps you’ll cry too.
It’s all good because it had to be said, from me to my mom, who I call Mamalu, a letter of love on her birthday.
Let’s start with this photo, because really, who could resist that mischievous smile? I love that moment of joy and connection that shines through her eyes.
Can you see it?
I love this photo.
When I look at 
it, I am like the Grinch at the end of the story, caught in a moment of heart expanding surprise. It catches my breath every time, and delight oozes through me.
It shows a side of my mom that is always there, but restrained, sometimes covered up by the concerns of life.
I love to catch her off guard, by sharing in a way I know will make her laugh; not just any laugh though – it’s kind of a contagious-can’t-catch-your-breath kind of laugh that bursts out of her when I succeed in my goal.
- Like the time I announced I was joining a convent because I was sick of dating and needed a break. A dead silence followed before we both erupted in laughter at the image of ME in a convent!
- Or the time I wondered out loud if I could become gay because I was sick of dating and tired of looking for my one right guy. She assured me (before breaking into giggles) that gay couples had the same issues and that wasn’t the solution.
- Or the time I described a heated moment in the car on a road trip with Mark. A man, a woman, a car, directions needed…you KNOW that’s not going to end well, don’t you?
That last one, I wasn’t even trying to be funny, but somehow I touched a place in her that erupted in a moment of connection, laughter and love so strong I wished I could have reached through the phone to hug her.
My mom. I can say that even though my siblings claim ownership as well.
But here’s the thing they’ll never top…I had her first.
For four years I had her all to myself and sometimes I think I’ve been trying to get back to that time with her ever since.
Mostly I did that by showing how independant I was, that I didn’t need her (or anyone) and could survive pretty well on my own. Weird how I ever thought that would work. One year for my birthday she sent me a card and wrote that no matter how old I was, I would always be her first born, her baby. I laughed at the time, thinking “how sweet.”
Now? I get it , I really do; I will always be her baby.
And even though I’m independant and strong and 47 years old I will never stop needing her. Ever.
So, Happy Birthday Mamalu.
May this year provide more heart-expanding, breathtaking laughter between us than ever before.
xoS
I can see what this made you cry, just writing it. Your heart was bursting with appreciation and love. As a mother of three grown daughters, with whom I have a close relationship, it touched me it’s the little things like your mom’s laughter that you find most appealing and can connect to.
Thanks for sharing your letter. She sounds like an awesome lady! And, yes, no matter how old we are or how old our children get, the firstborn will always have a special place in our hearts as you do in your mothers.
Yvonne
Yvonne,
Thanks for sharing a mother’s perspective. I spoke to my mom shortly after publishing the post and yes, she really did cry. Love that about her 🙂
What a heart expanding post. And yes as predicted, tears rolling down my face as I witness the love and think of my own Mom.
I predict an avalanche of blogging love letters, as other bloggers use their sites to do loving shout outs. It was an awesome inspiration!
I must admit, I had tears rolling down my face while I wrote it, and even wondered if it was too much to share. I’m glad I trusted my intuition and posted it.
xoS
Awww that is so sweet Sandi. You’ve got me in tears too! I’m first born as well and I really miss my mom, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen her 🙁
We can all cry together 🙂
I am the youngest of 3 but the only girl. I am close with my mom and I feel such a deep appreciation for her in many many ways. I can just feel your love for your mom through this post.
My oldest is a girl. She will be 12 next month and I get choked up thinking about the deep relationship I feel we already have! This is a wonderful post ! Moms rock!
Thanks Barb; you’re right…moms do rock!
Well being the 2nd born in this beloved family, I now write my comment on this beautifully written blogpost. You did have her first and I thank you for working her in a bit for me, really and truly!! I don’t blame you one bit for wanting her to yourself, she is THAT special. But shall we just share as we’ve been taught?
This made me cry too and my reason is because I’m now a mom and I think about my first born as my baby and I’m positive I always will. Yep, you always were and are the independent one…..sigh…. my sister. : )
Love you! xo
Janet Amorim
So funny Jan. Don’t know if mom would appreciate your thought that I “worked her in a bit”, LOL!
Thank you Sandi! Yes, I cried as I read it, but they were tears of gratitude,appreciation and love for such a loving tribute. You and I kind of learned the ropes together, being such a young mom and you being the first. I’m sure I made lots of blunders, but always out of love and concern. My family as always been and always will be my number one priority, no matter how old my children get they will always be my babies each in their own unique way. I feel very lucky to have such a great family! TVBM Mamalu!
I’m glad you liked it Mamalu! You deserved something special on your birthday xoS
What a wonderful way to say Happy Birthday! The best gift that any mom receives is not something bought from the store, but something heartfelt and created by their child.
You had me crying…and I’m sure your mom too…and I bet this is printed out and tucked somewhere safe to read over and over again. 🙂
How did I miss this post Sandi? Belated happy birthday to your mom 🙂 x