Ever notice how quickly you can shift from feeling inspired to feeling attached?
A sudden, intense drive to make things happen a particular way takes over and inspiration is nowhere to be found; gone like the breath you took 10 seconds ago.
You fixate on a goal and suffer when it’s taking longer than you wanted or expected.
Pretty funny if you can get back to the realization that you made it all up to begin with!
Maybe you. . .
- Obsess about your progress until you give yourself a headache
- Try forcing the outcome thereby pissing off everyone involved
- Refuse to quit, even though everything in you is saying “let it go”
- Exhibit a dog-with-a-bone-like determination. Grrrrr, get out of my way!
So what’s a results oriented, bottom-line human doing supposed to do when it’s not about the doing? Don’t get me wrong.
I love brainstorming, creating visions, feeling the warm and fuzzies of a satisfying dream.
But I’m also driven by a deep desire to produce results; that’s where the juice is and I know I’m not the only one to feel this way.
You’ve probably heard:
- Keep your eye on the prize
- Get clear on what you want
- Use SMART goal setting
- blah, blah, blah. . .
Newsflash: Those all have a potential down side – tunnel vision, which can lead to missing out on the small wins and satisfaction along the way.
This can in turn lead to a feeling of “Is that all there is?” even when you eventually reach your outcome.
I’ve experienced this (no one’s immune) and observed it in a whole lot of clients.
So, I came up with an alternative to the driven, gotta-produce-results-at-any-cost way of being!
It came out of a desire to help my clients acknowledge themselves.
It’s a process people sometimes resist at first, because how often in life are you invited, encouraged even, to appreciate yourself, to toot your own horn, to shine your light and say, “Hey, look at me!”
Very. Very. Rarely.
Instead, we ask ourselves,
“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson
We’re taught to focus on what’s not working so that we can toughen up, improve and set our sights higher.
Motivated yet?
One of my first mentors said to me, “Sandi, if you treated your friends the way you treat yourself, you’d have no friends.”
Ouch. I can still feel the sting (and the truth) of that statement 15 years later, and I was reminded of it yesterday during a conversation with a friend who speaks to me with such loving, supportive words it’s almost hard for me to take in.
I am hard on myself in the way of a football coach driven to win the championship game. It’s not pleasant, and it’s an ongoing challenge.
This might also explain my passion for ensuring that others, YOU, appreciate and love yourself for who you are, not just for what you do or don’t do.
When was the last time you celebrated who you are or cheered on the progress you’ve made on (insert your favourite goal, project, commitment) here?
When was the last time you really gave yourself encouragement to keep going? I’m thinking now’s the time.
We are ALL meant to shine. All of us.
This has become one of my favourite things to do with clients, because truthfully…it always freaks them out a little and I love that!
Exercise:
1. Think of something you’ve been working on in your life; something you’re committed to.
2. As if you were an objective observer, review what’s happened and debrief your progress.
3. Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what happened along the way.
No judgment. No make wrong. Just observation.
4. Now grab a piece of paper and complete the following statements with regard to this same area:
- I learned. . .
- I remembered. . .
- I discovered. . .
- I realized. . .
- I was surprised. . .
- I was pleased. . .
- I am excited. . .
- I enjoyed. . .
- I am most proud of. . .
Here’s what I got when I did the exercise myself, reviewing the past few months since launching this blog:
- I learned. . .a hell of a lot about WordPress, blogging, writing, and keeping my word to myself
- I remembered. . .I’ve always loved to write
- I discovered. . .the more I write, the more I want to write
- I realized. . .writing and blogging can become a part of my business model
- I was surprised. . .to get positive feedback early on (Thank you, thank you, thank you!)
- I was pleased. . .to connect with so many awesome people
- I am excited. . .to grow my blog and attend my first blogging and/or social media conference this year
- I enjoyed. . .connecting with so many cool, generous, supportive people on Twitter (thank you UnMarketing for reminding me it’s about relationships!)
What did you notice as you filled in the blanks?
I’ve noticed a pattern, over and over:
A hesitant start, then a shift to practicality and finally surrendering to the aliveness and satisfaction that comes from acknowledging yourself! My clients typically notice they’ve come a lot further than they thought, and they’ve almost always learned more than they bargained for – kind of a bonus that no one expects!
Over to you:
Go back and complete the exercise if you haven’t. I promise, it’s totally worth it.
And remember…
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
– Marianne Williamson
Just the words I needed to hear this morning! I tend to be my own worst critic and it’s wonderful to be reminded that it is ok to step into the light and not hide in the shadows. Thanks for shining and sharing, Sandi!
Andrea,
It still surprises me how hard I can be on myself. What if we loved and acknowledged ourselves in equal measure? Imagine how good it would feel to talk to ourselves the way we talk to our closest loved ones. The emotion wells up again as I write this. They say we teach what we most need to learn. I think “they” may be right.
xoS
Wow, Sandi, you have no idea how on the ball this was for me today!!!
I spent the first half of the day doing all four of the negative things you mentioned at the beginning of this post. I wanted to get a blog post published today but I had nothing ready and the words just weren’t coming. No matter how hard I tried! And worst of all, I kept pushing myself.
Finally, I asked myself, “Is the world going to collapse if I don’t publish anything today?”. I decided not to publish anything and just like that, my frustration was gone! Instead decided to write a single sentence on Facebook/Twitter:
“The authenticity of your intentions weighs far more than the frequency of your actions.”
It wasn’t until about thirty minutes later that I realized I had just given advice that I should’ve been listening to myself! (And thankfully, I finally did listen.) Had I forced a blog post, it wouldn’t have been authentic. I would’ve been trying to keep up with the frequency of my posts (twice a week) instead of thinking about the authenticity of what I was writing. 🙂
Anyway, before this comment becomes longer than your post, let me just say, thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!
Oh Raam…this comment is why I truly appreciate you. I saw your comment on Facebook and my response was, “Authenticity trumps everything.” It’s so damn easy to beat ourselves up and some days I can’t stand it. My mentor was right – I would never treat my friends that way, because it would simply hurt too much. Yet I think nothing of going to that dark, nasty place when it comes to myself.
When I wrote the post If I Could Say Anything, it was this kind of conversation I was thinking of. To have the courage to say that even though you and I are committed to making a difference in the world, we still face our own limiting beliefs. AND that doesn’t have to stop us. AND I can still make a difference for people every single day by showing up authentically.
xoS
Andrea,
It still surprises me how hard I can be on myself. What if we loved and acknowledged ourselves in equal measure? Imagine how good it would feel to talk to ourselves the way we talk to our closest loved ones. The emotion wells up again as I write this. They say we teach what we most need to learn. I think “they” may be right.
xoS
Oh Raam…this comment is why I truly appreciate you. I saw your comment on Facebook and my response was, “Authenticity trumps everything.” It’s so damn easy to beat ourselves up and some days I can’t stand it. My mentor was right – I would never treat my friends that way, because it would simply hurt too much. Yet I think nothing of going to that dark, nasty place when it comes to myself.
When I wrote the post If I Could Say Anything, it was this kind of conversation I was thinking of. To have the courage to say that even though you and I are committed to making a difference in the world, we still face our own limiting beliefs. AND that doesn’t have to stop us. AND I can still make a difference for people every single day by showing up authentically.
xoS
Hey Sandi,
Awesome post! I can always count on you to remind me to b mindful!
I can hardly wait to sit down and do the exercise. I’ve been running like a mad woman all summer getting ready for the launch of The Juicy Life Project, and this seems like the perfect time to sit, reflect and take stock of the juicy progress I’ve made.
This helped me to feel whole today!
xo Anne
That’s so good to hear Anne. Writing this post I was so aware of being as mindful with myself as I am with others. It’s just so damn easy to get caught up in rat race and what others are doing and what I should do and on and on. As I did the exercise myself, I realized how much I’ve accomplished since April and how much I’d be celebrating if it was someone else’s accomplishment. (Note to self: I need love and acknowledgment just as much as everyone else!)
Here’s to feeling loved, acknowledged and whole.
xoS
Hey Sandi,
Awesome post! I can always count on you to remind me to b mindful!
I can hardly wait to sit down and do the exercise. I’ve been running like a mad woman all summer getting ready for the launch of The Juicy Life Project, and this seems like the perfect time to sit, reflect and take stock of the juicy progress I’ve made.
This helped me to feel whole today!
xo Anne
That’s so good to hear Anne. Writing this post I was so aware of being as mindful with myself as I am with others. It’s just so damn easy to get caught up in rat race and what others are doing and what I should do and on and on. As I did the exercise myself, I realized how much I’ve accomplished since April and how much I’d be celebrating if it was someone else’s accomplishment. (Note to self: I need love and acknowledgment just as much as everyone else!)
Here’s to feeling loved, acknowledged and whole.
xoS
Good read!.. have to do my questions later though brain feels overwhelmed and could come up with no answers LOL
Good read!.. have to do my questions later though brain feels overwhelmed and could come up with no answers LOL
Right on girl.. I like the way you write. The message is clear. I’ll do the exercise myself but in reading your own response to the exercise, I see myself. Time to get going. So much to do, so little time.
rw
Thanks Rod. I do recommend doing the exercise yourself; it’s amazing what comes out when you go through the process! And yes, we are often mirrors for each other in life.
Right on girl.. I like the way you write. The message is clear. I’ll do the exercise myself but in reading your own response to the exercise, I see myself. Time to get going. So much to do, so little time.
rw
Thanks Rod. I do recommend doing the exercise yourself; it’s amazing what comes out when you go through the process! And yes, we are often mirrors for each other in life.
Hey there Sandi
I just came across your blog on A List Blogging which I alsorecently joined. I’m very new to blogging and loving it. I have worked as a journalist and short story writer but blogging is much more fun and more satisfying from a creative point of view. Love your post which reminds me that I’ve got to continue to battle hard against that darned inner critic who is the bane of my life. Like you I have always been told that I give wonderfully positive encouragement and support to friends and family while totally beating myself up with every step I take. So I’m now deternmined to make my blog a success and thus encouraged,will go on to complete my novel! (lifelong dream!) Great to meet you…and your positive energy here Sandi
Best of luck in your blogging!
Rosemary
P.S. I have that poem by Marianne Williamson on my kitchen wall. I think Nelson Mandela read it at his inauguration!
Rosemary,
So glad to meet a new A-Lister and from what I’ve already read on your blog, a kindred spirit! Your thoughts on the inner critic (who I call LB – for lizard brain) are familiar. I think it’s one of the driving factors to me becoming a coach. Since there’s no getting rid of said critic, what do you do? I’m fascinated by this topic and have already written quite a bit about it, although I’m sure there are many more posts to come! Feels like a lifelong love affair with LB in the making 😉
Hey there Sandi
I just came across your blog on A List Blogging which I alsorecently joined. I’m very new to blogging and loving it. I have worked as a journalist and short story writer but blogging is much more fun and more satisfying from a creative point of view. Love your post which reminds me that I’ve got to continue to battle hard against that darned inner critic who is the bane of my life. Like you I have always been told that I give wonderfully positive encouragement and support to friends and family while totally beating myself up with every step I take. So I’m now deternmined to make my blog a success and thus encouraged,will go on to complete my novel! (lifelong dream!) Great to meet you…and your positive energy here Sandi
Best of luck in your blogging!
Rosemary
P.S. I have that poem by Marianne Williamson on my kitchen wall. I think Nelson Mandela read it at his inauguration!
Rosemary,
So glad to meet a new A-Lister and from what I’ve already read on your blog, a kindred spirit! Your thoughts on the inner critic (who I call LB – for lizard brain) are familiar. I think it’s one of the driving factors to me becoming a coach. Since there’s no getting rid of said critic, what do you do? I’m fascinated by this topic and have already written quite a bit about it, although I’m sure there are many more posts to come! Feels like a lifelong love affair with LB in the making 😉
Dear Sandi,
The light’s all well and good unless I think it’s going to expose me or blind me, then I avoid it at all costs! 🙂
You’re reminding me of an article I was reading by an educator who was lamenting the fact that from our earliest school years, the focus is on our *weaknesses* being improved rather than our strengths being celebrated, and that time spent on the improvement means time we’re not able to devote to our strengths. He goes to say that this weakening of each of our individual strengths undermines us all.
I’m sure he would appreciate and applaud your point, the more light the better in here.
xoK